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#1 of 25 Old 11-12-2006, 11:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Not to use a negative word, but there is a particular family member who's really started to get on my nerves.

"We've decided to go with homebirth."

"::snark:: Is that SAFE?"

She is currently 4 weeks "behind" me and planning a hospital birth.

Any ideas, without pointing her to books or links, to SAY to that?

Sorry to keep harping on this, but it is doing BAD things to my stress level, to the point of almost not talking to her at all. This, by the way, is no distant family member. Immediate family.


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#2 of 25 Old 11-12-2006, 11:56 PM
 
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Could you get the numbers for c-section rates at the hospital she's planning on using and then you could say something like "With a c-section rate of ??% I feel much safer to stay at home." Or have some other fancy facts to throw at her.
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#3 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 12:03 AM
 
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How about, "Of course!"
Like with your own snark.

Or, "Safer than the hospital!" And then insert horror story of your choosing, like the woman who ended up a para(or quadra? I can't remember)palegic when she got a flesh-eating bacteria after her c-section. I may be messing up the details, but, you know, it's more for effect with someone like that.

But really, why not stop talking to her until after your birth? If it causes you so much stress, screen your call and say you're napping a lot. You don't need that crap.
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#4 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 12:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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BAH!!!
I know, I know... but with the holidays coming up?? That's going to be so HARD!

Least I have DP on my side. Oh how I do love my darling.


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#5 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 12:15 AM
 
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I'd find it hard not to just laugh. Turn it around on her. Ask her what makes her think HER choice is safe.

~Marie: Mom to DS(17), DS(16), DD(14), DD(10), DD(8) & someone new on the way.
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#6 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 12:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh my... she's so sensitive. But I suppose I should. And now that you mention it, maybe I AM looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner!!


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#7 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 12:53 AM
 
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I think the snark-back tends to be the worst choice for me, it just makes people think I'm defensive.

"Yes, it is safe." If she goes on offer to provide her documentation via e-mail at a later date and change the subject. If she pushes ask her if she HONESTLY thinks you would willing put your child and yourself at risk?
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#8 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 12:56 AM
 
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"It is not only physically safe, but emotionally and spiritually safe as well. I'm glad to be attended in a manner that respects my personhood."

Or, alternatively:

"Bite me. Are you really interested in my safety or are you just trying to get an early start on the mommy wars?"
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#9 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 02:06 AM
 
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First, Congratulations on choosing a homebirth! I wish you a safe and gentle birth. as for your relative, she sounds like so many others who have no education on the subject. try empoweredbirh.com. patience will probably be the only thing to get you through, doesn't sound like she is like minded.
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#10 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 02:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I hate to always sound so negative about her. But she and I just do NOT GET ALONG.

I like the "bite me" remark, btw.

And "Do you honestly think..." is awesome!!! I'd never thought of that!


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#11 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 07:39 AM
 
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"Mary birthed Jesus completley unassisted in a barn, with animals, manuer, and flies....I think we will be just fine. *grins*"

I have posted this remark elsewhere before, but as my prior two births were hospital births and i USED to be along the midset of your relative...this was one of those "ah ha" realizations for me that changed my thinking lol...not that it will be for her, she sounds very uneducated and judgemental (much like i used to be lol)...but thought i'd throw it out there...

oh yeah, the mommy wars remark really made me laugh too!

..."if God intended for adam and eve to birth in a hospital, He would have created one." ...then add if you want "we're simply trusting His design", but since that may come out insulting (depending upon your tone used) you could wait ont hat "zinger" until another time, or say it very very matter-of-factly. especially if she is very sensitive as you said, so she doesnt take it as "and we're not?!" kwim?

you could always look her right in the eye, seriously and unwaivering throw out famous people born at home: "if it was good enough for: Abe lincoln, George washington...." you get the idea and could get pretty creative with what/who you find out about.
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#12 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 12:34 PM
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Is getting a huge needle in your spine SAFE???

Is having you and your newborn exposed to a miriad of Super antibiotic resistant bacteria SAFE??? ECT
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#13 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 12:43 PM
 
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I never thought I would feel LUCKY to have had a horrible hospital acquired superbug infection that nearly killed me three years ago, but mentioning that to people does tend to hush them up about my upcoming home birth!
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#14 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 12:54 PM
 
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If you want to, you could go all scientific on your family member. Show her that you don't blindly follow society and have done your own research. There is an article in the British Medical Journal: http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/330/7505/1416 The conclusions of the article state:
Quote:
Planned home birth for low risk women in North America using certified professional midwives was associated with lower rates of medical intervention but similar intrapartum and neonatal mortality to that of low risk hospital births in the United States.
Basically, as we already know, homebirth results in less c-sections, epesiotomies, forceps, etc. and has essentially the same rate of live, healthy births. This information is from a well respected scientific journal (I had to use it w/my dh, b/c he wouldn't have accepted any info from a website devoted to homebirth). The article is specifically related to midwife-attended homebirths.

Heck, if you felt like it, the next time she gave you a hard time, you could just hand her the article and tell her that you would talk once she educated herself.
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#15 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 01:00 PM
 
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Maybe after you give her Sabo's article you could tell her you have an e-mail full of Homebirth safety studies and books to give her (sticky up top) and then you'll listen to what she has to say. If you want to have a horror story in your back pocket, here's one: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9818616/ . It is very sad so you may not want to read it at all.

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
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#16 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 01:08 PM
 
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When *I* encountered negetive reactions to my own homebirth decision (some comments from my own husband, initially!) I reminded them that I was having a baby, a normal bodily function, not a medical procedure...would I have a home appendectomy? Not likely, but a birth? Of course!

The whole birth process flows much more easily, when not put under pressure to perform to text-book standards or time tables, THAT'S when most interventions occur, ie; "failure to progress" is usually caused by, a) woman lying on back, b) being "watched", c)medications or d) stress...Yet doctors will typically blame it on baby being too large, and/or mother's body not functioning properly...imagine mom's surprise when after a section for a "too large baby" he/she is weighed in at under 7 pounds! Just watch any episode of "BirthDay" or the like, to see an example of that!
I could go on, but I'm NAK, and he's fiesty, today!
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#17 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 01:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tie-dyed View Post
Or, alternatively:

"Bite me. Are you really interested in my safety or are you just trying to get an early start on the mommy wars?"
I love your sense of humor tie-dyed!

I wouldn't be able to help but being sarcastic. I'd say something like "I have a deathwish and that is why I'm birthing at home". It sounds like no matter what you say this person is not going to believe you.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#18 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 03:04 PM
 
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okay, a bit off topic...but as i was reading that epidural article to my dh he became increasingly curious about documented case of infections running from homebirths. i ran across the typical "you are exposed to yor own bugs, they arent like antibiotic resistent bactieria found in hospitals...etc" and he is still playing devils advocate. (keep in mind, dh is 100% for our homebirth and has been my biggest supporter since the beginning) but he just doesn't like tryijng to weight one study from one side without a similiar study done on the "other" side to compare and contrast with...so ladies? have any links or anything?
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#19 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 03:09 PM
 
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That would be a Quad-amputee. And the hospital refused to release any information on it...just an "oops, we're sorry...hope you enjoy your baby and the rest of your life."

Congratulations...I just had my first homebirth also. It was so very different (and nice to be in my own bed afterwards with my husband AND children in the house and to be able to choose my meals!)

Orthodox Mama
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#20 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 03:11 PM
 
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Kristy- I'd make that a great way to convince dh he needs to do more house cleaning Sorry, no links here.

Laura, Mama to Mya 7/02, Ian 6/07 and Anna 8/09
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#21 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 03:23 PM
 
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"I think I'm capable of bringing my baby into the world in the way I feel is safest and most appropriate for my personal situation. Thanks for the concern, though."
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#22 of 25 Old 11-13-2006, 07:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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HA!!

So after I talked with her last night, she called my mother. My MOTHER proceeded to advocate for me like crazy!!! I was so PROUD of her!!! Mommy has recently decided to begin studying to become a doula, and has all the quotes and stats fresh in her mind... I was so so so so proud.


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#23 of 25 Old 11-14-2006, 12:54 AM
 
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I don't know numbers for homebirth infections but...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9818616/
from that mainstream article
— Infections contracted in hospitals are the fourth largest killer in the United States, causing as many deaths as AIDS, breast cancer and auto accidents combined.
— One out of every 20 hospital patients gets an infection. That's 2 million Americans a year, and an estimated 103,000 of them die.
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#24 of 25 Old 11-14-2006, 02:12 AM
 
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My response would be, and has been:

"Hey, I just bought 15 pounds of apples. Do you have a good apple pie recipe? I just LOVE apple pie, and I had an awesome pie at this little resutrant one time, but I haven't been able to re-do it myself. Aunt Judy makes a good apple pie........." You get the idea.

This is not just a change the subject thing. This is totally ignoring the question. The reason I would ignore her is because you can't convince her, and sometimes it is just easier on your spirit and emotions to make it clear that you are not going to engage in an argument.
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#25 of 25 Old 11-14-2006, 11:19 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora114 View Post
Is getting a huge needle in your spine SAFE???

Is having you and your newborn exposed to a miriad of Super antibiotic resistant bacteria SAFE??? ECT


Just yesterday I received a prayer request for the friend of a close friend of mine . This lady is in hospital for the last two weeks fighting antibiotic resistant staph infection she got when there delivering her baby.
So she has a brand new baby and is literally struggling for her life for weeks now, getting fevers, not getting better.


When I read it I said a prayer for her and thanked God that he led us to the decision of homebirthing. Just one more reason to be happy with our choice!!
Erica
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