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|and I know women IRL who have been bullyed and threathed too -- sad but ture -- but no reason to throw th baby out with the bath water ]|
this is NOT what I am saying. I am saying the decision can not be one-sided, no matter what that ONE SIDE is. I am saying that bieth is a join adventure and BOTH sides need to be at ease for it to go well.
The father's stress or anxiety can effect a birthing situation as much as the mom's stress and anxiety. and conflict -- spoken r nt -- between the parents can de-rail a birth faster than any other stresser.
No I am not saying the father gets to call it -- but at the same time, i am saying the mom doesn't either. I am saying we have to respect our partner's feelings, worries, fears and thoughts ont he matter and not dictate to him as if he were another child in the house.
I would not say a hosptial birth got jlucky, any more than a home birth got lucky. ANy mom with a goof birth worked hard to accomplish it.
I am saying that a woman is responible for what happens to her -- at home or int eh hsoptial. I am saying a woman has to be educated and know what to expect, and know what she does and does not want -- home or hosptial. I am saying that in too many cases (not all, or course, generalizations at rarely true) the mom didn't know what was going to happne, then got there and didn't like it, well she wasn't prepared for it.
example -- a freind just had her baby last month,. hosptial birth. befoe she went to the hosptial to birth -- the last month before deliever -- I was telling her about Theo's birth and she kept sayig things like :"Oh I didn't know they'd do that" or "oh why did you ask them not to do X I didn't even realize they would"............good freind....happy with ehr own birth .... but had she been unhappy with teh level of SOP intervention, yes it would have been her fault for not finding out and not establishing her own plan (yes plans fail -- mine did -- but you gotta have one to start with). no different than a mom who has a home mid-wife and then is surprised not to be offered pain killers -- you gotta research your choice, know what to expect, know what you want and don't want.
So it is not the vistims fault when they are a victim (and I know women IRL who have been bullyed and threathed too -- sad but ture -- but no reason to throw th baby out with the bath water)....but not everyone who has a poor birth (home, hospital, birth center) is the victim and I think we be-little the true victims out there byu lumping a lot of people in with them that are not truely victimes. because that not only doesn't help the victimes -- it doesn't allow for the system to be corrected.
Emilie, I would have walked right into that nursery and took my baby!
My experience was overall good, but I was uneducated and didn't know the potential harm that was being done. I knew it was wrong for them to be rude and yell at me when I was pushing, but there was nothing I could do. They wouldn't let me sleep with him in my bed, which bothered me but... if they had taken him to the nursery and not even let me look at him, I would have been fuming.
When I saw the OP I was so excited - finally someone BRAVE enough to try a thread on the HOMEBIRTH forum that's actually talking passionately about the belief that homebirth is the best option for low risk births. Ha! Of course it turned into hurt feelings, apologies, word picking, etc. Where is the forum where we can discuss homebirth passionately w/o having to worry about hurting the feelings of women who choose hospital birth?
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