The big question...unassisted or assisted. - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-16-2003, 01:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi!
Barely pregnant with number three. Hospital birth for the first, homebirth with a midwife with the second.
My second birth was very satisfying. I loved my midwife. She was great. But despite how laid back and un pushy she was I still think her presence slowed my progress down and generally made the experience a little less than it could have been.
I don't know much about this so I need personal stories, opinions, links on unassisted. I have a big decision to make.
Thanks all.
Beth
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Old 05-16-2003, 01:28 PM
 
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www.lauriemorgan.com

www.freebirth.com/stories.htm

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Old 05-16-2003, 01:49 PM
 
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Hi there

I'm also pregnant with my third (due sometime @ the end of summer) and will be having an unassisted HBAC.

On to the links

http://www.gentlebirth.org/archives/...tml#Unassisted

http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/ucart.htm

http://www.unhinderedliving.com/childbirth.html
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Old 05-16-2003, 02:10 PM
 
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Click on my BIRTH link below.

If you haven't already, do a search for "unassisted" at MDC. There have been some good discussions on it here.

Also... if you subscribe to birthlove.com, there is a plethora of birth stories and support for unassisted birth there. My UC story is there in the "free" section: http://www.birthlove.com/free/linda.html
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Old 05-16-2003, 05:04 PM
 
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Old 05-16-2003, 05:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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"I believe in any woman's ability to give birth safely on her own, but the woman has to believe it too, if that makes sense. "

This is exactly what I feel. I want to feel confident to have an UC. I will only commit to it if I truly feel deep within that I can do it. I think if I don't believe in myself, then I will be my own enemy in the process.
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Old 05-16-2003, 07:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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WOw. Thanks for all this info guys. I am really enjoying sifting through it all.
I can tell I am pregnant for sure. My emotions are in high gear. lol Just reading about these beautiful births keeps bringing me to tears.
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Old 05-16-2003, 08:28 PM
 
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I am pregnant with my 5th child. I had my first in the hospital, the rest have been unassisted - I could never, ever go assisted again!

Wishing you a blessed birth,
Anne-Marie
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Old 05-16-2003, 09:20 PM
 
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I once asked a midwife, "If I don't need a doctor during labor, why would I need a midwife?" She said that it was a personal choice and that her role was to be as involved or uninvolved as I wanted her to be.

That's the kind of midwife I would want - someone who believes I could do it without her.

I think it depends on a lot of things - some people really prefer to give birth alone, and others want someone there for comfort and support.
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Old 05-16-2003, 10:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My midwife for the last birth (and the only midwife within 2 hours) was great. She stayed in the other room the entire time I was laboring. She came in for transition and pushing. I don't remember if I called her or not but she really was very hands off.
I have been thinking about it and talking with dh today. I am really just such a private person. I am super shy and just like to keep to myself. Even with my midwife who I loved and trusted i could not let go like I needed to. I am perfect candadite for uc IMO. I have had two normal healthy pregnancies and deliveries. I am a very personal person and I think birth is one of the most intimate experiences in life. I need to do alot more research of course, and I have 8 months. BUt so far it really attracts me alot.
Thanks again for all your links and stories.
Beth
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Old 05-17-2003, 06:21 PM
 
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It sounds like you want to have an unassisted birth. That's great! You sound a lot like me. I have noticed that anyone outside of dh really slows me down. I feel like an old momma cat who crawls up into a dark closet to have her kittens. I just want to be alone. I have had two homebirths so far.

With my first hb, I just didn't call the midwfie until it was almost too late. It worked perfectly that way. She arrived just in time to catch.

With my 2nd HB I had a talk with my midwife about going unassisted...with her in the other room in case I wanted her. I called her to come over when I was about in transition. She showed up and set up her stuff and left the room. She hung out with my kids until we called her into ther room...which was right after the baby was born. Dh and I caught our baby all by ourselves. The midwife came in and handled the placenta, clean-up, and the well baby check. It was perfect for me. I got the privacy that I wanted, and the satisfaction of doing things just how I wanted to. Dh didn't have to clean anything up or worry too much. And we both had piece of mind that the mw was an earshot away if we decided we needed her or if things didn't feel right.

I am doing things the same way this time..I call it semi-unassisted! We are having a home water birth this time...in about 6 weeks. Our mw will be sitting on her hands and doing nothing until we decide we are ready for her. She even cut me a deal....only $1300 instead of $2000.

Don't get me wrong though. I support UC! I can definately understand why some women choose to go that route. I imagine that If I didn't have such a supportive mw, then I would most likely have a complete UC as well. My labors can be so disfunctional if people are bothering me....shoot, my first had to be drug out with forceps in the hospital. I can't even poop in a public bathroom!!!
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Old 05-17-2003, 06:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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party of five- WOW! You sound exactly like me. Dh and I have been discussing it over the past couple of day s and we came up with a solution just like what you did. That's just so neat that you told me your experiences.That is almost exactly what I want. I think I want to get some prenatal care from the midwife. She only charged us $700 for or last birth so she is very affordable. We are thinking that since she lives an hour and a half away we might call her when labor is moving and just get her a hotel room here in our town if it is night and call her when I need her. It was amazing reading your experiences because that is exactly what I picture us doing. Dh and me catching baby and the midwife coming in after to clean up, handle the placenta and check over baby. WOw. Thanks so much. I feel so encouraged now. I really think this is the solution for us. I agree with you that UC is wonderful. I just dont have enough faith in me to do it. I feel like the what ifs would just make it harder for me. I want to do the birth myself with dh but I want an advocate and a helper. Someone to help me think of everything and be there just in case...in that very small percentage...somthing goes wrong.
Wow...did I say that already. Thanks so much, party. Tell me more about your births. Pm me if you want.
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Old 05-18-2003, 02:03 AM
 
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And remember, you are very early in your PG to make a final decision... I didn't have the faith in myself to plan a UC at 4 weeks either... But I knew it was something I wanted to consider... So I read, read, read, meditated, dreamed, and read some more and now I know exactly what is right for me. If you think there is a chance that the mw would be a hotel while y'all catch the baby, you'll still want to learn a lot. I have a copy of Unassisted Childbirth (recently packed but I think I can find it) that I'll loan you. Prenatal Yoga and Natural Childbirth is also a good one (and it's unpacked) and I know you and DH will want to read Unassisted Homebirth...It focuses on how UC with a couple and can deepen your relationship and strengthen your marriage and spritual bond. Lots of good birth stories, too. I'm still reading it now, so you'll have to wait a bit.

I also just got a package in the mail containing my (cheap) chux pads in varying sizes, several large waterproof sheets, fetal stethescope, and mesh undies... As anti-disposable as I usually am, it has really lessened the stressful thoughts of cleaning up to know I will be able to throw away everything... (And I'll loan/sell you the stethescope after my babe arrives). And I'm actually looking forward to "dealing with" the placenta. It bothers me that I've had virtually no contact with this amazing organ that has connected me to my babies and nourished them for so many months. I am eager to greet "her" and thank her for doing such a wonderful job...burying her with honor in the garden or under the tree so her lifelong purpose of nourishing can continue...

Sorry to ramble... I'm really tired. I know you will make the right decision for you, just don't feel you have to make it all at once and right away.
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Old 05-18-2003, 02:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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You're right Whit. I have a long time to plan.

Every book you listed I have on a list of my own to get in an interlibrary loan. But I would love to borrow them from you. That would be easier. Thanks!
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Old 05-18-2003, 02:59 AM
 
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I actually did not decide until well until labor. I had two midwife friends who would come whenever I wanted them (assuming that were able.) And there just never came a time that I wanted them... so UC it was.
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Old 05-18-2003, 03:08 AM
 
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I very much agree w/the whole "it's too early to tell". It was our plan as well when we got pregnant but I was by NO MEANS feeling completly confident! Far from it. But I believe that once you commit to something (and this was a long process for us and very gradual) that the universe responds and you find the courage, etc. to do it. BUT I did know I would be disappointed in myself if I didn't do it since I knew I wanted it. And I felt called to do it, so I proceeded--one step at a time. The faith came gradually and during.

I would also recommend JEannine Parvati Baker's site: www.freestone.org as well as her books. I found her helpful and highly inspiring. I also like Hygieia Halfmoon's books: Primal mothering in a modern world" and " I can do this" (which is her journal from her pregnancy w/her ds--who she freebirthed w/only her two other kids present. It really helped me realize that even someone I considered to be "different" from me, meaning more confident, etc was also riddled w/doubts.

This is just MHO, but I believe there is a significant if subtle difference having someone in the next room and not having a paid professional there. I am not trying to be a purist, or exclusionary, I think it is a very valid option, if that is what seems right for you and yours, but really feel *personally* that a UC is really TOTALLY taking on that responsibility for yourself. FOr me, I knew it would make a huge difference if someone was there, or even if someone was on call for me, KWIM? But this is also due to what *I* wanted to get out of my birth. Your goals or "things" you need to work through w/this birth might be different. (Again, I am not trying to be a birth snob, but feel that it is hard to sit on the fence w/this one. ) I felt very strongly that I had to do this w/just dh and me (and dd).

As someone else mentioned, listen carefully to that little tiny voice, be it your intuition, your baby, your spirit.....and keep listening. THat is one of the greatest gifts of freebirth, IMO. An wonderful opportunity to listen to yourself more completely and learn to trust yourself. Oh, yes! and your dreams. Mine revealed SO much to me, esp. in pregnancy.
good luck.
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