We are 21 weeks along. 21 weeks ago, DH and I started out thinking that a OB/hospital birth was best for us. After all, everyone we knew birthed in hospitals, and all of my friends and family were full of "helpful" referrals to their favorite OB.
We started seeing an OB who was very cordial with us, but VERY firmly told us that he REQUIRED IV fluids, REQUIRED constant fetal monitoring, STRONGLY ENCOURAGED epidurals, and "only gave episomities to women who needed them, and first time moms always need them". He told me this on my first visit, right after they had me sign all of these forms that stated that I knew that cesarian section, forcepts delivery, and episomities were "routine" procedures that "may" be needed during the birth. I had only done a little bit of research at the time, so I was very timid with my questions.
After bursting into tears after this first visit, I hit the books and started reading. After about a month of research, I started sharing all of my newfound information with my DH, who thought I was absolutely crazy for even considering going outside a hospital. He even said something like, "if you do a home birth, and something happens to your or the baby, I don't know how I would feel towards you". I responded by saying, "If you make me do a hospital birth and they take my baby away and cut me open and rob me of a good experience, I will never forgive you". Believe me, these are very strong sentiments from two people who really, really love each other.
Two days later we met with two midwives who run a birth center, and it is an experience I will never, ever forget. Dh said it was like being on an episode of The View. They were clearly in charge, and my husband really admired that about them. They bomarded him with studies and books, showed him around the birth center, showed their their suite of drugs, emergency equipment, etc., and talked about their transfer rates and transfer procedures. They throughly explained his role, their role, my role, and then quietly left us and some other expectant parents to eat dinner in a room full of beautiful birth photos and framed thank you notes from their clients. They were like fairy godmothers, and they were the best saleswomen I have ever seen. After our two-hour meeting, my husband looked at me and said, "I'm still not 100% on board, but I can see why you want to do it, and I completely support whatever decision you make, and I think this would be a good choice." It was amazing!!
As much as I loved the birth center, two months ago we decided not to use their services becuase they were 45 miles away (a 2 hour drive in so. california rush hour traffic), and their fee was $6,000.00. So, I started looking for a local center, and was very, very dissapointed with what was available.
So then I started researching homebirth, something that 21 weeks ago I would never have considered in a zillion years!! We have found a lovely midwife who I am very comfortable with. I am covered under two insurance companies, but becuase both plans are HMOs, NEITHER will cover homebirth/midwife services. So, the plan is that I will continue to see horrible OB for tests and for registering at the hospital (just in case), but all of my "real" care will come fromthe midwife. Her fee isn't cheap ($2800.00), but if we scrape a bit, we can afford it (just barely).
BellaLuv, what I'm trying to say is the same thing that others are telling you: money isn't the most important thing, and giving birth where you feel most comfortable is something you deserve. Let the midwives talk to your husband, and although you can't expect him to do all of the research you're doing, try sharing little bits of information here and there with him. The midwife will have wonderful answers to his questions. I honestly still can't believe how much my DH changed after talking to the midwives! Please let me know if your DH would like to talk to my DH as I'm sure my DH would have some very honest and candid insight to share.
Good luck to you, and I truly hope everything turns out well.
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer"