Hi Mad Ethyl,
Just thought I'd let you know how we've resolved it--although with six weeks to go, I'm going to take Lucinda's advice and pray, because a change of dh's heart would be great for all of us.
Dh was terrified of homebirth--mostly because he's afraid that I will die or the baby will be born retarded for lack of medical back-up. He didn't want to read anything I had to offer because it was all, in his opinion, biased and didn't want to talk to any fathers we know who'd attended home births. Our conversations started out with him getting really defensive and irrational, and I would talk for a little while then wait a few days and talk with him some more.
I took him with me to interview a midwife, and he was very quiet during the interview while I spent two hours asking her questions. Afterwards, he said he hadn't changed his mind, but if I had to have a homebirth, he thought she was a competent midwife. We were still sitting on the decision when I had my last doctor's appointment and questioned him about his definition of natural childbirth. The Dr. who had given lipservice to supporting my natural birth choices throughout my pregnancy, said that he would expect IV from admission to the hospital, no food or drink, rupture membranes at 4 cm and use internal fetal monitor and uterine catheter (to monitor contractions)and his episiotomy rate for first time mothers is 70-80%! Anyway, I left that appointment feeling that I really couldn't work with my doctor because even if I convinced him to do what I wanted he might be too dependent on electronic monotoring to be effective at a natural birth.
I told dh about this and he asked if I could find another doctor. I told him it was possible but would be hard and told him that what I really wanted was to have the midwife come to our house. He got really upset and said he disapproved but would support me if that's what I felt like I had to do. I asked if there was any way to make him feel better about it, and he said no. I'm still hoping, but have made the decision to have this baby at home. I feel really, really good about it except that I would like dh to be more comfortable and confident.
One thing that seemed to help a little was my response when he said he thought he'd always been more careful than I am. I explained that it wasn't a matter of my being less careful, it was a matter of me honestly believing--based on both reading and intuition--that it is safer for both mother and baby to birth at home. I explained to him that I would love to believe that hospital birth is safer because it is the easier path, and that if I thought hospital birth was as safe as homebirth, I'd be happy to have the baby there even if the experience of giving birth was not as good. It didn't change his mind, but I think it helped him to be reminded that I am trying to make the healthiest choice even though we don't agree on that choice.
I'll pray and welcome any other ideas! Good luck with your dh. (At least you've got more time to bring him around!)