Anyone regret their homebirth? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 121 Old 02-11-2008, 08:24 AM
 
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Originally Posted by meowee View Post
My homebirth was brutally and traumatically painful, but since I didn't feel much pain until 8-10 cm (when I stalled and was stuck there for hours), I wouldn't have been allowed to have an epidural at that point anyway. Most hospitals won't put in an epidural after 8 cm.
They will if your labor stalls like that (obviously not 100%, but it's common to be able to get one if you're stalled). Sometimes the relaxation afforded by the epidural can help dilation progress. Most OBs are really focused on the positives of epidurals and are aware of this one.
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#62 of 121 Old 02-11-2008, 08:56 AM
 
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My first birth was a planned hb, ended up transferring for a very prolonged second stage and maternal exhaustion (which I think could easily have been avoided, but hindsight is a wonderful thing) but having my IM there in hospy with me advocating for my wishes was great, we refused to do a fair few things they wanted, which in my mind may have compromised the labour. Ended up fine, vaginal birth.

Second birth was a very straightfoward one at home, no regrets except if I ever have a bub again, I want to have a waterbirth, and I want LOTS of photos!!

Totally comitted HB'er here
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#63 of 121 Old 02-11-2008, 09:58 AM
 
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Originally Posted by meowee View Post
I regret my homebirth. My MW did not stitch me when I needed it, she blew me off for post natal care and I got terribly sick, and she refused to prescribe me antibiotics when I really needed them. Also, because I'd been "out of the loop" for my whole pregnancy and delivery, I had trouble finding a dr to take me on post natally to help me.

My homebirth was brutally and traumatically painful, but since I didn't feel much pain until 8-10 cm (when I stalled and was stuck there for hours), I wouldn't have been allowed to have an epidural at that point anyway. Most hospitals won't put in an epidural after 8 cm.
I am so sorry.

And many hospitals will, it depends on how fast you go from 8-10 -- and then how long you are pushing. I showed up at a hospital at 8.5 cm and they were going to do a epidural -- I didn't want one and I couldn't lie down so that ruled it out.
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#64 of 121 Old 02-11-2008, 10:05 AM
 
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It often hurts quite a bit, but not always.
: There was such a difference between my two labors I was honestly shocked when the pain was so bad with dd. With my first labor it was long and drawn out and tiring but the pain was very manageable at home. My second was fast and furious and 100 times more intense but also much, much shorter (3 cm to birth in less than 2 hours with less than 1 minute of pushing). Every labor is different!

mommy to ds 11/05, dd1 01/08, and dd2 01/10!
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#65 of 121 Old 02-11-2008, 10:10 AM
 
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I too know the trauma of a short intense birth, it took me time to overcome it. I had my baby 11/05 and I see you just had yours 1/08. You will overcome it and you will see the positiveness in it. If your labor was that short (mine was too), you likely would not have gotten any pain relief at the hospital. The only way to have relieved your pain (and mine) would be for us to be in England and we could have had some gas or for us to have been induced with an epidural. Fast furious labors can be good b/c they are over, but boy they can be intense and scary. Mama, you will work through it.
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#66 of 121 Old 02-11-2008, 05:55 PM
 
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I have a question for those that regret their homebirths. I truly understand that traumatic births lead to PTSD. I had a horrifying hospital birth that haunts me still 2 1/2 years later.

I am wondering if intensive therapy/meditation and relaxation techniques were learned or utilized during your pregnancies in preparation for your births?

I have spoken with many women who have birthed in many different situations/ circumstances. It seems to me that women who were most satisfied with their births (both hospital and home) were the women who used serious meditation/visualization and relaxation techniques to quell some of the pain and intensity.

Where some of the women I have spoken with who went into their births thinking "this is natural, normal event.... women have done it forever, I will be fine....." kind of lost it when the pain got bad.

I went into my first birth believing in it as a natural process, but then allowed myself to be induced, went 18 hours of high pitocin, horrible, mind-bendingly painful contractions, then agreed to an epidural 18-19 hours later that "ran out" just as I started to push.... then pushed for 2 1/2 hours...... I feel that I betrayed my body three times, by tricking it with pitocin, by allowing it to be pain free as my labor progressed, then by throwing it full force into pain and pushing.

I am hoping to gain insight as my own homebirth approaches quickly, I hope that no one takes any offense or feels that I am in any way suggesting that any trauma experienced was self induced, etc.

I wanted to share that I understand bad birthing, but wanted to know whether the bad situations could have been better prepared for, or if it was awful in spite of preparation.


Now I am rambling!


With all respect,

jen

~jen~ )O( mama to k 07/05 o 5/08 and c 12/09
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#67 of 121 Old 02-11-2008, 06:00 PM
 
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Jen, I am very intersted in responses to your post. I have heard that cranial sac therapy is helpful also....
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#68 of 121 Old 02-11-2008, 06:14 PM
 
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The flip side to hb for me was being stuck in my bed for a whole week feeling bored, tired, depressed and exhausted. I guess it wouldn't have been that different after coming home from the hospital though.
I also had a very quick birth (3 hours total) and felt like I had been hit by a train. my mw didn't stitch me at all and I really feel I should have been.
However, I don't regret it at all!
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#69 of 121 Old 02-11-2008, 06:22 PM
 
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I regret using a doula I didn't screen carefully enough (and who was scared of homebirth and generally interfered with the flow of labor) and using the midwife I did and not writing a very strongly-worded birth plan and making her listen better or finding a DEM (she's the least interventionist of the local CNMs or doing UC). But compared to a hospital birth? No, I don't regret being at home; I'm very happy that I was home!
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#70 of 121 Old 02-11-2008, 07:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by inchijen View Post
I have a question for those that regret their homebirths. I truly understand that traumatic births lead to PTSD. I had a horrifying hospital birth that haunts me still 2 1/2 years later.

I am wondering if intensive therapy/meditation and relaxation techniques were learned or utilized during your pregnancies in preparation for your births?
I will answer although I don't actually regret my homebirth (or my attempted homebirth that resulted in a transfer) and I don't have PTSD. I'm glad I homebirth (for my babies), but feel betrayed at the intensity of my labor with #2. Immediately following her birth I did have serious doubts about homebirthing in the future but I am working through that day by day.

I didn't study or utilize any formal or "structured" meditation or relaxation for either of my labors, (Hypnobirthing, etc.) but in my honest opinion, it would not have made a difference. After experiencing such a short, intense labor with dd, I don't think there is anything in the world that could have helped me prepare.

As I mentioned before, the pain of my labor with ds was very manageable at home. Dh and I did a lot of low vocalization together, a lot of laying still in the dark and welcoming the contractions, showers and baths, positioning, etc. It was painful, but in a hard-work kind of way. I made it all the way to pushing before I transferred (heartrate issues & cervical swelling amongst other complications) and received any type of pain medication so I am pretty confident I felt the full spectrum of contractions.

Labor with dd was like a whole different world. I fully expected to be able to do the same kind of pain management techniques as I did the first time. No way. There was no room for loose lips or humming together or welcoming anything. The bath didn't help and there was no way I could have stood up in the shower. All I could really do was surrender to the fact that my body was expelling this baby as fast as humanly possible and there was nothing I could do about it.

Pushing with ds was like my body was "throwing down" and I was able to concentrate my energy and "throw down" with it, with all my might. Pushing with dd (she was on my chest in less than 1 minute from the time I said "I NEED TO PUSH!") was like a freight train rushing through me and all I could do was check out mentally and let my body do all the work on its own. I gave pushing a try (for about 2 seconds, literally) but the experience was so intense that I was unable to be a part of it.

In short, it has really opened my eyes to see how much labor can vary in intensity and that there really is no way that one can really know what will happen. I prepared the same for both births, yet one was a sway-and-hum kind of labor, and the other was a puke, scream and shake kind of labor. You could end up with a rock-and-sing-and-drum kind of birth, or a get-me-outta-here kind of birth. And I really, really don't think that it comes down to something as simple as meditation or relaxation.

mommy to ds 11/05, dd1 01/08, and dd2 01/10!
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#71 of 121 Old 02-11-2008, 08:07 PM
 
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You know in my 2.5 hour labor I used self-hypnosis and I was fine until I walked through the hospital doors -- that was also when transition hit and my daughter was born 30 minutes (or so) later. I do see value in hypnosis, b/c I was able to remain calm and painless while I was in the car on the way to the hospital - the Hypnobabies cds just took me away.

However, I thought Jen was asking about meditation and release after the birth -- to release the negative feelings associated with the birth?
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#72 of 121 Old 02-11-2008, 08:47 PM
 
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You know in my 2.5 hour labor I used self-hypnosis and I was fine until I walked through the hospital doors -- that was also when transition hit and my daughter was born 30 minutes (or so) later. I do see value in hypnosis, b/c I was able to remain calm and painless while I was in the car on the way to the hospital - the Hypnobabies cds just took me away.
I think that totally shows how every labor is so different because for me as long as I tried to visualize and relax and focus it was so much worse. It just added too much to an already intense experience, kwim? It wasn't until my mom took me aside and said, basically, "Enough with this already" that things started to get better for me. Worse in that the pain was incredible but better in that I just gave up and let it happen which ended the struggle.

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However, I thought Jen was asking about meditation and release after the birth -- to release the negative feelings associated with the birth?
I re-read and because of the quotes below (bolding mine) I interpret it as preparing for labor and birth with meditation and relaxation?

Quote:
Originally Posted by inchijen View Post
I am wondering if intensive therapy/meditation and relaxation techniques were learned or utilized during your pregnancies in preparation for your births?

I have spoken with many women who have birthed in many different situations/ circumstances. It seems to me that women who were most satisfied with their births (both hospital and home) were the women who used serious meditation/visualization and relaxation techniques to quell some of the pain and intensity.

Where some of the women I have spoken with who went into their births thinking "this is natural, normal event.... women have done it forever, I will be fine....." kind of lost it when the pain got bad.

mommy to ds 11/05, dd1 01/08, and dd2 01/10!
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#73 of 121 Old 02-11-2008, 10:09 PM
 
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I don't regret my homebirth one bit! I am soooo glad I did it that way.

I will add that my labor was short....2cm to having my baby in 2 hours 50 minutes. It was VERY intense. I was terrified and was not handling the pain well. I feel very scared of birth now. I do remember reading different birth stories and people thinking about how much they loved giving birth and wanting to do it all again right after the baby came out and I was holding my son saying "never again!" lol Actually, I think I said that for a good 2 or 3 months, but now that 5 months has passed, I feel like it was doable and I could do it again.

I don't regret my birth but I without a doubt need time to process it and I think a future pregnancy will need some guidance from my midwife to get over the fear of a quick labor.

I don't mean to scare you but just telling the truth....fast labors are really hard.

And to answer Jen's question. I did Bradley classes and did relaxation exercises and breathing every day for about 5 months. It all went out the window as soon as the contractions started.
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#74 of 121 Old 02-11-2008, 10:54 PM
 
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The only thing I regret is having 3 hospital births before my homebirth.

Wife to Jesse, Mom to Ayden 12/01, Kailey 07/03, Ashlyn 6/05, Dylan 9/07, & Riley 12/09

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#75 of 121 Old 02-12-2008, 10:08 AM
 
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Zero regrets. It was perfect.
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#76 of 121 Old 02-12-2008, 10:14 AM
 
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I don't regret my homebirth one bit! I am soooo glad I did it that way.

I will add that my labor was short....2cm to having my baby in 2 hours 50 minutes. It was VERY intense. I was terrified and was not handling the pain well. I feel very scared of birth now. I do remember reading different birth stories and people thinking about how much they loved giving birth and wanting to do it all again right after the baby came out and I was holding my son saying "never again!" lol Actually, I think I said that for a good 2 or 3 months, but now that 5 months has passed, I feel like it was doable and I could do it again.

I don't regret my birth but I without a doubt need time to process it and I think a future pregnancy will need some guidance from my midwife to get over the fear of a quick labor.

I don't mean to scare you but just telling the truth....fast labors are really hard.

And to answer Jen's question. I did Bradley classes and did relaxation exercises and breathing every day for about 5 months. It all went out the window as soon as the contractions started.
I had a 3.5 hour labor with my first and a 2.5 hour labor with my second, and it is very intense. Although, since I had no frame of reference, I figured that's how it was supposed to be and it was only when my midwife said something later about fast labors being more intense that I really gave it thought. I had a very heavy duty yoga practice going and I think that helped me much more than the classes I took (which were based on Birthing from Within). I had trained myself so well to focus on relaxing through discomfort (physical and mental) and that's really what labor is.

All in all, I figure it was way better than my friends and family members who had epidurals which caused their labor to grind to a halt and ended up with a c-section after 20 or 30 hours. Ugh. To me that sounds so much more awful.
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#77 of 121 Old 02-12-2008, 11:13 AM
 
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That is true. I don’t really have anything to reference because I have only had one birth. I guess over the years I watched so many birth videos and read so many stories that I was just not expecting the intense 90 second contraction from the start KWIM? I always heard of the 8-12 hour labors that were “easily managed until transition” and I think of my short labor and I was out of control lol. But I agree 100% that home birth is awesome and I would never trade it for a hospital birth full of augmentation and a 1 in 3 risk of c-section.
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#78 of 121 Old 02-12-2008, 11:22 AM
 
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My very crunchy friend had baby #2 in hospital after homebirth of #1 b/c of major complications. She said she didn't really "regret" her homebirth, but it was traumatizing to her, and she chose to have #2 in hospital b/c of this.
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#79 of 121 Old 02-12-2008, 11:42 AM
 
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You know, I did "prep" work before all of my births (childbirth prep classes, tons of reading, etc.), but the one thing that stands out each time was that no matter how much I prepared before hand, when I was in the middle of labor, something cropped up that I need to deal with, mentally/emotionally. I have found that my mental/emotional state drastically affects my labor.

And to me, that was the benefit of homebirth- my own space in which to deal with whatever I need to deal with. There was no added stress of an unfamiliar environment, and someone else's agenda to complicate what I was going through. I've had really slow labors, and relatively quick/hard labors, in hospital settings, and at home. My labors at home, while not my utopian ideal of birth, were FAR superior to my hospital births.

I have never had a UC, but honestly, I spent a lot of time reading about UC, and it was incredibly helpful. I learned to look inside of myself, to try to gage what was going on, and figure out for myself what I needed at that moment. It also taught me to look for birth support people, when needed, that could help me get to the root of going on, instead of just dealing with the symptoms. I found that my labor slows when I am stressed about something, and all of the pitocin in the world doesn't fix that, it just fights my body, and my instincts. And when I've had hard, fast labors, that is for a reason too, and I have been known to fight, unconsciously. All of the drugs in the world didn't really take the edge off. Recognizing that I needed to surrender, and allow my body to do its work, and not get in the way, was WAY more helpful.

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#80 of 121 Old 02-12-2008, 01:29 PM
 
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I'm sure it's hard to be the dissenting opinion when everyone else is talking about how blissful their own HB experiences were.
Oh, my UC was far from blissful, lol! Both times I've had back labor -- my babes like to jam their heads right above my tailbone during labor, just the way I'm built I guess. It's just the differences being at home provided were so worth it, like my own bed, no disturbances every few hours, etc.

My first (hospital) birth was 23 hrs and I ended up getting an epidural at 8cm [got to the hosp at 7cm] after my CNM did AROM and the previously manageable contrax became horribly painful. I just could not get back on top of them. The epidural actually let me take a deep breath again, get 45 minutes of rest, and then I pushed ds out in 15 minutes. That was blissful at the time, compared to the pain I was in right up until that epidural kicked in. After we came home, however, I had nagging doubts as to what went astray (I won't say "wrong" because I feel I did the best I could at the time) and I really dove in to researching hospital procedures and SOC and such and realized home was where I wanted to be the next time around.

My second (UC) birth was back labor again. Only this time it was consistant, 4 or 5 minute-apart contrax from about 11pm to 6am for 3 nights before dd was born. The third night they stuck around after sunrise and dd was born after about 7 or 8 minutes of pushing. But I was making some pretty loud, primal sounds from about 2am on and I still don't consider the whole experience blissful. It was just as painful but somehow being in the familiarity of home made a huge difference and helped me get through it.

Sorry for the long-winded post, but I didn't want the OP to think that just because I don't regret my home birth means it was a blissed-out, pain-free event. Now I know that some people do have pain-free births, I just haven't been one of them, yet. Maybe next time!

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#81 of 121 Old 02-12-2008, 01:31 PM
 
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Sorry for the long-winded post, but I didn't want the OP to think that just because I don't regret my home birth means it was a blissed-out, pain-free event. Now I know that some people do have pain-free births, I just haven't been one of them, yet. Maybe next time!
Exactly.

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#82 of 121 Old 02-12-2008, 02:04 PM
 
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I didn't want the OP to think that just because I don't regret my home birth means it was a blissed-out, pain-free event. Now I know that some people do have pain-free births, I just haven't been one of them, yet. Maybe next time!

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#83 of 121 Old 02-12-2008, 04:11 PM
 
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I am not 100% sure than any preparation can necessarily change how you come to see or deal w/ labour.
PTSD is a serious disorder, and I think that many times it is about the support you have after for processing it that makes the difference. If you think about what PTSD is, it's a reaction to trauma. If your techniques work, you'll likely be less traumatized by the type of birth had vs what you thought you'd have.

With my two vastly different births (both at home) I had vastly different reactions. DS1 was relatively quick for a first time OP babe, but still not what I expected. Our techniques from prenatal class did not work at all. That is, what I found comforting in pregnancy and thought I would love in labour were worlds apart. I thought I'd have a "Hum and drum" labour, but instead I discovered I'm a "loud coper." W/ DS2, was long prodromal, and 3 hour 2nd stage to baby born. I felt like my pelvis and perineum had been hit by a mack truck, and DS2's forehead had the bruise to prove it. I felt more traumatized by this birth than the first, though I had prepared differently and talked about everything I could think of w/ the MWs prior.

It was the debriefing, talking, talking, talking and processing after that helped me to understand what I was reacting to. You can believe that it is normal and natural for sure, but each and every one will be different, either radically or only slightly. I think that trying to convince yourself that you should cope fine, b/c it is natural and normal, in spite of the fact that it can be unpleasant or downright scary-painful is where you'll get tripped up. This is where a trusted team helps. Knowing there are people there who will help you out and give you new ways to cope if the ones you thought would work don't, can make all the difference to your perception.

That's a bit rambly, but I hope you understand my meaning.
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#84 of 121 Old 02-12-2008, 06:12 PM
 
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No regrets. I had both my girls at home and both births were wonderful experiences. I could not imagine a more loving, more empowering way to bring your children into the world.
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#85 of 121 Old 02-12-2008, 07:04 PM
 
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No regrets here. Any issues or "regrets" I had along the way would have been amplified in the hospital.

Mama to three small people; wife to one big person; pet-person to cats and dogs..."Be the change you want to see in the world"-- Gandhi
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#86 of 121 Old 02-12-2008, 07:35 PM
 
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I had one hospital birth and one home birth. Both were with CNMs and easy natural births. The hospital birth was really a bonding experience for my DH and I and was absolutely beautiful. It was about 3 hours at the hospital where I arrived at the beginning of transition and pushed for about 40 minutes. I decided to plan a home birth for the second one because of other circumstances. My husband didn't have time for the prenatal appointments the second time and never really connected with the new midwives. I was completely comfortable with them, but he was skeptical and thought they seemed incompetent. In my opinion I loved the home birth even though it was fast and intense because I felt totally safe and in tune with my body. My husband however felt only sheer terror at the speed and intensity and the fact that my daughter was born so fast, before the midwife had arrived. He was screaming on the phone to her partner while I was pushing our daughter out and saw my daughter born grey with the cord wrapped around her neck. My mother quickly unwrapped the cord and rubbed her vigorously and she pinked up and was fine, but it's an image and an experience that he will never come to terms with. It took him a very long time to bond with our daughter because of it. If I ever have another birth, I'll plan it at home, but work harder to make sure my husband also is on solid ground with the midwives we choose.
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#87 of 121 Old 02-12-2008, 07:40 PM
 
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My only regret is that I didn't learn about homebirth until my third baby. I wish my first two had been born at home as well. We are now planning our third homebirth for our fifth baby.
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#88 of 121 Old 02-12-2008, 07:47 PM
 
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I had a nasty home birth experience. It cost me and my son our breastfeeding relationship too

I would birth at home again, but it would be hard to trust having an attendant. My experience really opened my eyes to how medical and interventive even home birth midwives can be.

If I felt like I absolutely needed an attendant, for some reason, a hospital birth might be my first choice because at least I would know what I was getting.

On the other hand, I live in an area where home birth seems perverted and I come across home birth mamas who have had interventions like amniotomies "just because" all too frequently. I have a friend who asked if she could come to a birth healingway after her own home birth, but at the same time, highly recommends her midwife.

My guess is that overall satisfaction with a home birth is going to have lots to do with the birth climate of that area generally and whether women feel like they can process or voice their disatisfaction without being ostracized.



~CMM
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#89 of 121 Old 02-12-2008, 08:20 PM
 
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It's not exactly regret, because I think I would have regretted not having a homebirth. However, I do believe that my recovery would have been shorter and easier had I had a repeat c-section rather than a homebirth.
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#90 of 121 Old 02-12-2008, 08:40 PM
 
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No. BUT I have my first birth to compare it to. Sparing a long novel of a post we transferred with DD1 (for pain killer) and ended up with an overdose and horrible staff. I regret her birth so much mostly because from the time I decided to go in to the time she was born was a tad more than an hour. I regret it because I know I could have stuck it out.

DD2 was an unassisted birth and if we have anymore they will continue to be that (DD1 was an attempted one). I do regret little things with her birth but not the birth itself. We were part of a documentary so there were a lot of little things that bug me now and make me go "what was I thinking when I said yes to that!?". Most of my regrets lie int he fact that it was so built up since we were part of that. Then I had her, everyone came over (which I wish we had waited on), and then bam it was like yesterday's news. Dh left on a long trip one or two days later. I never got that snuggle in bed and relax and regroup thing. I was back in the saddle so to speak a day or so later. That's what I regret. Especially since she was so pleasant and not quite her feisty self yet. A day of peacefullness on that end would have been nice. :


ETA: I do not view my uc as empowering or anything like that. I don't have that spirtual feeling tied to it others seem to have. I did what was neccessary to save myself from the repeat of DD1's birth. I think my views on birth in that regard shape any possible regrets/feelings about birth in general.

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