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#91 of 105 Old 05-15-2008, 04:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BonnieNova View Post
maybe you are right - 3 cuties. I guess its so late in the game right now (36 weeks), that Im afraid to change my mind. I dont want my CNM getting upset at me.
I am a pleaser too, I hate when people are mad at me, hate it. It feels so uncomfortable, but this is bigger than that -- so while I understand that sentiment, you need to just accept that she might be mad and address it. People switch HCPs at all sorts of dates, you can do it now too.
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#92 of 105 Old 05-15-2008, 04:50 PM
 
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Not only that, but I dont want to let go of my dream of a home birth. I feel I will have some grieving to do if I decide to go to the hospital - Yes, I do feel it will be MORE stressful to just arrive at a hospital and expect a DR to deliver my baby. I just have a feeling that as time goes on, I will feel better about homebirthing, but I've waited this long (its been a month that Ive felt uncomfortable about giving birth at home) and my mind keeps changing. I guess Im just not home birth material.

This is your first right? You can have your next at home, you aren't giving up a dream. You need to have a HCP lined up and pre-register at a hospital. So I would start looking now -- get references from the Tribe section for midwives. Ask your CNM about her hospital.
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#93 of 105 Old 05-15-2008, 04:52 PM
 
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Not only that, but I dont want to let go of my dream of a home birth. I feel I will have some grieving to do if I decide to go to the hospital.
BonnieNova, it does not sound to me like you're prepared to deal with the consequences if your baby were to have complications if born at home. That's very important. You've done all the research, you've heard all the pros here and you've read the scaremongering. You know that something bad could happen. Maybe it could be prevented by going to the hospital, maybe it could happen because you go to the hospital. It is important that home birth families are at peace with this. You aren't.
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#94 of 105 Old 05-15-2008, 05:21 PM
 
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I will be honest with you....with my first UC homebirth, I could have gotten really nervous as well(and did sometimes)....but I kept kicking the fears out. If I would have kept thinking about all the bad that could happen and listening to all of the people bringing up the what ifs, then I probably would not have been able to go through with it. But at some point I just had to make my decision and stick with it....no matter what. EVERYTHING has pros and cons....you win a little here, you lose a little there. So just find what makes you the most happy and go with that and stick with it. And just keep kicking out the fears that come along with that decision (either decision you are going to have some concerns). In my eyes (now of course this is coming from a bias homebirth...hehe) I would say just stick with home birth....you have midwife that should be skilled enough to combat most problems that were to occur (IF any occur) and if she can not...then didn't you say the nearest hospital was only 15 minutes away? That is not that far. I would say your homebirth experience would be just fine. But if you really do feel more comfy with the hospital idea, then go with it and stick with it. It could be a pleasant experience as well............it is just not my thing.
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#95 of 105 Old 05-15-2008, 05:23 PM
 
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I will be honest with you....with my first UC homebirth, I could have gotten really nervous as well(and did sometimes)....but I kept kicking the fears out. If I would have kept thinking about all the bad that could happen and listening to all of the people bringing up the what ifs, then I probably would not have been able to go through with it. But at some point I just had to make my decision and stick with it....no matter what. EVERYTHING has pros and cons....you win a little here, you lose a little there. So just find what makes you the most happy and go with that and stick with it. And just keep kicking out the fears that come along with that decision (either decision you are going to have some concerns). In my eyes (now of course this is coming from a bias homebirth...hehe) I would say just stick with home birth....you have midwife that should be skilled enough to combat most problems that were to occur (IF any occur) and if she can not...then didn't you say the nearest hospital was only 15 minutes away? That is not that far. I would say your homebirth experience would be just fine. But if you really do feel more comfy with the hospital idea, then go with it and stick with it. It could be a pleasant experience as well............it is just not my thing.
and to be even more honest........I was even nervous with my hospital birth....and my birthing center birth......nervousness just tends to accompany most people in the birth process. I do not know of that many people that were not nervous giving birth......no matter where.
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#96 of 105 Old 05-15-2008, 05:53 PM
 
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BonnieNova, it does not sound to me like you're prepared to deal with the consequences if your baby were to have complications if born at home. That's very important. You've done all the research, you've heard all the pros here and you've read the scaremongering. You know that something bad could happen. Maybe it could be prevented by going to the hospital, maybe it could happen because you go to the hospital. It is important that home birth families are at peace with this. You aren't.

:

It's okay to decide homebirth isn't right for you.
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#97 of 105 Old 05-15-2008, 07:21 PM
 
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:

It's okay to decide homebirth isn't right for you.

It is completley okay. Please just find a HCP for the hospital, do not just walk in! Choice is what is important - -fully examining all choices available, I just wish more women fully examined all the choices available to them. Good luck and let us know how your search goes.
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#98 of 105 Old 05-15-2008, 07:37 PM
 
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Got a tough decision where technically either choice will be fine? Flip a coin. Your feelings about the results will tell you a lot about how you actually want to choose. For example, "heads! oh well, I'll try a homebirth next time" verses "heads again! oh, well... um, best 7 out of 10?"
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#99 of 105 Old 05-15-2008, 07:52 PM
 
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BonnieNova, it does not sound to me like you're prepared to deal with the consequences if your baby were to have complications if born at home. That's very important. You've done all the research, you've heard all the pros here and you've read the scaremongering. You know that something bad could happen. Maybe it could be prevented by going to the hospital, maybe it could happen because you go to the hospital. It is important that home birth families are at peace with this. You aren't.
:
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#100 of 105 Old 05-15-2008, 08:55 PM
 
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I am afraid she will be upset with me for making her come all the way to my house (1 hour away), and then telling her I "might not" go through with it. I guess that's my MAIN concern about changing my mind.

Regardless of what you decide, do be sure to pay this midwife for her good care of you up until now. I have seen too many last minute-back-out-of-homebirth types stiff my dear midwife friend.

There are two hospitals I have made appointments to visit this coming saturday and next saturday. These hospitals have great websites and seem "natural birth" friendly. They both have 24 hour rooming in, and labor and delivery suites. I can have 2 people in the room with me and in one of the hospitals, I dont have to have an IV and can eat as I want. It seems that I can get the birth experience that I want at these two places. The only thing I'm not sure if they have is the birthing tub.... but a hot shower will give me the same pain relief wont it?

A shower will not give the same pain relief as a tub. Yes, it can be helpful, but not nearly to the degree of full emersion (I have done two births with only access to showers - in hosp. and two homebirths with Aquadoula tubs and there was NO comparison between the two for pain relief for me) does.

Of course, my midwife does not have privileges at these hospitals - so I am at a loss as to how to approach the subject with my midwife. I dont want her getting upset at me for being so darn fickle and wasting her time. The hospital she DOES have privileges at is a HORRIBLE hospital... It looks like a psych ward so I am NOT going there.

No offense, but what does the decor have to do with anything? I would think that if you have a relationship with this midwife and really like her that you would be better off in her hands in any hospital than in a pretty one with a stranger (since you are not making decisions until the last minute).

Do you think I should tell my midwife?[/QUOTE]

Yes, I do believe that you should respect her enough to tell her what you are considering.
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#101 of 105 Old 05-16-2008, 04:06 PM
 
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I am planning to wait until the last minute to decide. ...I figure I will leave it up to my last minute intuition to make the decision for me.
This has clearly been a difficult decision process for you, and I think it is great that you have taken time to really explore all the options.

If you wait until the last minute to make a decision, and find that you are still struggling with the merits of home versus hospital between contractions, you may not be in the best frame of mind for decision-making. Labor is immensely distracting; once I reached active labor, I lost all sense of time, and was so inwardly-focused that I couldn't have carried on a conversation or made a decision to save my life. If birthing at home feels safe and comfortable to you, then commit to staying home...if a hospital helps you to feel secure and cared-for, then plan to find a doctor NOW and go to the hospital. (Don't, I repeat don't just plan to walk in during labor - you'll be assigned a doctor at random who has no interest in adhering to your birth plan, and you'll be much more likely to have interventions done that you don't want.)

Labor will unfold more easily for you if you are confident and relaxed, rather than anxious and stressed. Make your decision now, commit yourself to it, and move forward without second-guessing yourself. You can trust your instincts NOW, you don't have to wait for labor to begin.

Cindy, part-time family doc, full-time Mommy to Jared (2/04) and Connor (2/08) :
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#102 of 105 Old 05-18-2008, 11:39 PM
 
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This has clearly been a difficult decision process for you, and I think it is great that you have taken time to really explore all the options.

If you wait until the last minute to make a decision, and find that you are still struggling with the merits of home versus hospital between contractions, you may not be in the best frame of mind for decision-making. Labor is immensely distracting; once I reached active labor, I lost all sense of time, and was so inwardly-focused that I couldn't have carried on a conversation or made a decision to save my life. If birthing at home feels safe and comfortable to you, then commit to staying home...if a hospital helps you to feel secure and cared-for, then plan to find a doctor NOW and go to the hospital. (Don't, I repeat don't just plan to walk in during labor - you'll be assigned a doctor at random who has no interest in adhering to your birth plan, and you'll be much more likely to have interventions done that you don't want.)

Labor will unfold more easily for you if you are confident and relaxed, rather than anxious and stressed. Make your decision now, commit yourself to it, and move forward without second-guessing yourself. You can trust your instincts NOW, you don't have to wait for labor to begin.


Oh I sooooo agree! It would be much harder (is much harder, BTDT) to get over a botched birth experience that you have regrets about than to plan for the birth you want and get over anxieties about something new and different.
And it is really only scary for all the reasons enumerated on this thread - the medical community does not want us to trust that birth is safe because then we don't need them. So they use fear. Kinda like a certain lame duck president, but that's another thread...
Get quiet and go inward. Ask the baby, ask your spirit, listen to your intuition. If you are a praying woman, do that. Meditate. Do whatever you need to do to get yourself comfortable with knowing what to do.

And what's that Mark Twain quote? "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."

Do the rocking chair test - you're 90 and sitting in your rocker. Think about your birth at the hospital, how do you feel? Think about it having been at home. How do you feel?
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#103 of 105 Old 05-19-2008, 01:21 PM
 
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Without looking back into the thread to remind myself of how far a long you are, I do not know off the top of my head. But if you are going to go to the hospital then you do need to get a dr now because many drs will not take patients that are far a long. Also you need to establish a relationship with him/her because that is one of the most vital parts of birth....having a trusting relationship with the person that is helping bring YOUR child into the world safely. I would not just want some random "jo smo" delivering my child. I actually had to deal with that partly with my hospital birth. My dr twisted his ankle while playing basketball the night before and they did not know if he would be able to deliver. So they brought in this other dr which I did not know. He was not overly nice and I believe the exact words in regards to him taking me was..... "Just fit you in". I was not in active labor at that point. I had dialated mostly but was not feeling the urge to push or anything. I knew I could wait a couple of hours for my dr to come in. But since that dr was just fitting me in, he decided to break my water.....without my consent. My dd was born 18 minutes after my dr got on ....so he was only there for that little bit. I really think my birth would have been better if I was not in that situation and had MY dr the whole time.......not that my dr and I had the greatest of relationships, but atleast I knew him and I could tell him my feelings easier. Not that it matters, but my dr was ticked at the other dr for what he did.
If you go in last minute, you are going to be thrown with whoever is on call and I really do not think that is good.
I agree, you should make your decision now and stick with it. Atleast that is what I would do...Just like I said before both birth experiences have their pros and cons.....just figure out which one you like more. I know it is easier said, than done. But we all are just trying to help you before you end up in bad situation.
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#104 of 105 Old 05-19-2008, 07:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Blessed one, you are right. I need to make a decision and stick by it. Funny, but my husband told me the same thing yesterday. He said "you did all your research and you already made a decision. Stick to the decision you made and confront the fears that come along with that decision". So that is what I plan on doing. There are pros and cons to both situations, and I can work myself up into a worry about each, so the real issue here is dealing with my fears - NOT where I give birth. I have made my decision to home birth and I will stick to it. I think I should mention that my personality type is VERY indecisive - so Blessed One you gave great advice. PS - I am 36 weeks..

familybed2.gif Wife to dh_malesling.GIF -  Mama to kid.gif DS 6/08 and DS babyboy.gif 9/11  homebirth.jpg

A tad socially awkward redface.gif

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#105 of 105 Old 05-19-2008, 08:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BonnieNova View Post
Blessed one, you are right. I need to make a decision and stick by it. Funny, but my husband told me the same thing yesterday. He said "you did all your research and you already made a decision. Stick to the decision you made and confront the fears that come along with that decision". So that is what I plan on doing. There are pros and cons to both situations, and I can work myself up into a worry about each, so the real issue here is dealing with my fears - NOT where I give birth. I have made my decision to home birth and I will stick to it. I think I should mention that my personality type is VERY indecisive - so Blessed One you gave great advice. PS - I am 36 weeks..
Thank you and I am so happy for you that you finally came to a decision!!! Just keep kicking out those fears and stick with your decision! I believe you have made the right one........but of course I am bias to homebirthing...lol.
Congrats again!
Wishing you peace and happiness for the remainder of your pregnancy and a joyful homebirth experience!
*hug*
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