Wwyd? - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: WWYD?
Show up at the hospital late in labor/pushing 121 47.64%
find an underground midwife 41 16.14%
have a UC 3 1.18%
have a c/s 40 15.75%
look into adoption/surro 2 0.79%
not have any more children 6 2.36%
drink heavily until the problem solved itself 3 1.18%
other (please explain!) 38 14.96%
Voters: 254. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 02:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've always wanted more than one child. My only is just 2.5 mo right now, so this is a question pertaining to the future.

If you really wanted more than one child, and really did NOT want a hospital birth, wwyd in this situation? My first daughter was stillborn. Her birth was a UC and her cord got compressed between my pelvis and her shoulder (severe shoulder dystocia). I transferred post partum (had paramedics deliver her) and ended up hemorrhaging severely and needing several units of blood.
My son's birth was a MW assisted homebirth that went smoothly up until the last minute, he also had shoulder dystocia, and my midwife had a difficult time turning him (you can read here account of the birth here: http://thebabycatcher.blogspot.com/2...ow-pelvis.html). I also lost a lot of blood in that birth and can no longer legally have a MW attended homebirth in my state.

What would you do given my situation?

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#2 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 03:13 PM
 
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With that history, if I wanted another child, being in a hospital where I could get medical help instantly if I needed it would outweigh my desire for a homebirth.
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#3 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 03:16 PM
 
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I'm not sure how to vote in your poll, other I guess.

I'm with zinemama, if I really wanted another child I'd have a hospital birth. I'd try to find a natural minded OB or CNM, and just realize that it's what I had to do to have a healthy baby. Personally, I would not UC, nor hire an underground midwife in that situation.

Oh, and I'd get a doula too.

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#4 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 03:18 PM
 
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I would get counseling to help me figure out whats right for me.
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#5 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 03:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, and I'd get a doula too.
Yeah, my mw will be my doula if I do decide to have more while we're living here.

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#6 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 04:46 PM
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Given that history, I would have a hospital birth.
I would do research, and try to find the hospital I felt most comfortable with that is most supportive of natural birth, and see if it was possible to have a mw-assisted birth in a hospital, and probably hire a doula, but I would not do UC or have an underground mw.
I picked "other," though I suppose I could have done the first one - show up at the hospital late and pushing. I just don't think you want to put the pressure on yourself to show up THAT late, since you don't want to have the baby in the car, and transition/pushing on the way to the hospital would not be particularly fun if you can avoid it. Laboring as long as you can at home is a great idea, though, and I'd definitely suggest waiting to get to the hospital until your labor is more advanced.

For the record, a good hospital birth IS possible - no reason you have to be terrified of it. I'm having a home birth this time, but with my first baby, we had a hospital birth. I did a ton of research, found a great, small mw practice that I was really comfortable with, and that practiced at a hospital that was much farther away than many, but that seemed by far the most likely to give me the birth experience I wanted. I had a long, protracted labor, a posterior position, and my water broke well over 24 hours before the baby actually arrived, but I had zero pressure to hurry things along from anyone, was never offered pain medication, was able to labor in the tub as long as I wanted (and they could do the required couple minutes of fetal monitoring every hour while i was in the tub), didn't have to have an IV, could drink water, was often left alone if I wanted to be, and walked around outside for a while when I just wanted to be moving. We had a great, healthy natural birth, and no one pushed any procedures on my baby that I didn't want done. The only reason I'm having a home birth this time is because it still wasn't *home* - and I want that more intimate, relaxed setting, and the chance to have our toddler around for the birth.

I realize I was lucky and that it can be hard to have a hospital experience like that - I just wanted to assure you that it is possible, and you don't need to be terrified of having a baby in the hospital if that's the avenue you need to take. Sometimes I think it's just as easy to have an overblown fear of hospitals as it is for so much of society to have an overblown fear of home births.
Good luck making your decision! I'm sorry you can't have the midwife-assisted home birth that you would like to have.
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#7 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 05:31 PM
 
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What about a birth center? Close to a hospital.

If I was in your situation and wanted another child, I would really consider a hospital or birth center birth with more than one CNM on staff.

I would aslo maybe think about waiting to TTC though. Allow your body a chance to heal. s

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#8 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 05:45 PM
 
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Honestly if it was me I might look into adoption. But if I really wanted to birth another child I would have a hospital birth. I would try not to show up pushing though, especially given that history. Right before transition starts would be a great time (for me, but it depends on how long your transition usually is. Mine was super-short.)

Good luck and

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#9 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by acp View Post
Given that history, I would have a hospital birth.
I would do research, and try to find the hospital I felt most comfortable with that is most supportive of natural birth, and see if it was possible to have a mw-assisted birth in a hospital, and probably hire a doula, but I would not do UC or have an underground mw.
My insurance covers only the one local hospital here (I paid out of pocket for my HB) which I'm not sure whether they are all that NCB friendly or not, but I don't think they have midwives there.

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What about a birth center? Close to a hospital
The closest on is an hour and a half away. My last birth was only about 3 hours from the onset of active labor to holding baby.



I am going in soon to get a well-woman check up and talk about birth control. Maybe I'll ask to talk to one of the OBs there and get a feel for their attitude toward natural birth.

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#10 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I would get counseling to help me figure out whats right for me.
I thought about it, but with the attitude toward birth in this country I think I'd be hard-pressed to find a counselor that would understand my desire for a homebirth. It seems more likely that they'd consider this desire something to be "fixed" like OCD or something.

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#11 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:09 PM
 
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OP, I am all about homebirths and think they are great, but given your situation it seems a hospital may be best IMO.

Can I ask why you are so opposed?
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#12 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:11 PM
 
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Do you know why the bleeding happened? Was it something likely to happen again? I voted 'underground midwife', because I would be more comfortable with an experienced woman around, but probably wouldn't plan a hospital birth.

BC Mum of four ('05, '07, '11 and 06/14!)     
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#13 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:15 PM
 
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No offence, but why would you even consider anything BUT a hospital birth? Isn't a healthy baby the goal???? I tried for a homebirth myself, so I am not against them, but in your situation....well, there are medical interventions for a reason and sometimes they are necessary.

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#14 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:18 PM
 
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A history of shoulder dystocia and a postpartum bleed?

Hospital.

Those are both things that have an increased risk of recurrence. People get risked out for dumb reasons, but this is not one of them. These are reasonable things to plan a hospital birth for.

Have a doula, have a clear birth plan, ask for a NCB-friendly labor nurse (who will have much more of an impact on your labor and birth than your doc will) and have a good birth.

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#15 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:19 PM
 
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Did you have pressure on the umbilical cord both times? You had PPH both times? DO you know why that happened...IOW can you be prepared to stop the PPH?

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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#16 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:23 PM
 
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If I had your background, I would definately go with the hospital birth. I think that sometimes with all the focus we put on having our desired births for our children, it can be easy to lose sight that a healthy baby and mama are all that matters no matter how baby gets here. KWIM? I wish you all the best and hope that when the time is right for you to have another baby, you can find the right kind of medical support you desire.
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#17 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OP, I am all about homebirths and think they are great, but given your situation it seems a hospital may be best IMO.

Can I ask why you are so opposed?
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Originally Posted by weliveintheforest View Post
Do you know why the bleeding happened? Was it something likely to happen again? I voted 'underground midwife', because I would be more comfortable with an experienced woman around, but probably wouldn't plan a hospital birth.
The only reason I was "approved" for a homebirth after my hemorrhage last time was because there was a "reason" for it: after I transferred with my UC I still had not birthed the placenta, so the doc decided to reach his hand INTO my uterus to remove the placenta. I hemorrhaged very badly (BP would not register, after 3 units BP was only 60/30, Iron was about a 5 at 6 weeks post-partum). When the doc gave me the transfusion he told me "This is man blood, so don't be surprised if you start feeling a bit smarter." :

This time I did have a low-lying placenta which is known to cause some bleeding (takes longer for blood vessels to constrict at the bottom of the uterus) but apparently there is a legal limit to the amount you can bleed after birth and still have a homebirth, and I surpassed that. The bleeding was controlled with IV, herbs, and pitocin that time, but it was still more than it should have been and the first few days post-partum were pretty difficult, my iron is still a bit low, but I'm working on it.

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#18 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:25 PM
 
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If I really wanted more children, I would not let a hospital birth stand in my way. I'd labor at home as long as possible and go in when I felt ready to. I would interview providers and ask for recommendations until I found a doctor and hospital I was comfortable with.

I think it boils down to why you are so opposed to hospital birth, whether it is the right decision for you. I didn't want a hospital birth under any circumstances but I ended up transferring and my experience was very positive. I came in late in my labor and had my baby and checked out the next morning. No one hassled me about circ or vaccines or eye goop. I pushed in different positions. They didn't take my baby from me, cut me, bulldoze me or do anything disrespectful. They supported breastfeeding. While I won't deny it was more comfortable to labor at home (dd was a successful homebirth) my hospital birth was definitely not so terrible that I would want to stop having children in order to avoid going through it again.

I hope you come to the decision that is right for you and your family.

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#19 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:37 PM
 
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It's interesting to me that the only option in your poll for a hospital birth as to show up late during the pushing stage. Since your problems developed during the pushing stage, IMO that is too late to be trying to get to the hospital, not to mention that seems incredibly uncomfortable and disruptive to the process. Personally, I don't think I would even be capable of trying to go anywhere at that time. During DD's homebirth I was unable to crawl 20 feet from the tub to my bed while pushing. She was born about three feet from the tub, on the floor. But that's just my experience.

So, based on your poll options, it seems like birthing in a hospital is not something you are really willing to do, so in that case I would recommend adoption. For me, the desire to have a biological child would far outweigh my dislike of hospital births, but for you that may not be true. I would definitely not attempt to have another homebirth under the circumstances you describe.
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#20 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:38 PM
 
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Personally I'd make peace with a hospital birth if I had your history. I'd do that before I'd go for adoption or surrogacy. If you want another biological child, it sounds like you can definitely have one, you just need some help. And there's nothing wrong with accepting help.
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#21 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:39 PM
 
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If pregnancy & birth is really something I'd really want to experience again, then I'd look into finding the safest most mother/baby friendly hospital possible, with a doula that you really click with, who fully understands your concerns.

Given your history - and I say this with the deepest & most sincere sadness for your loss - your body isn't suited for unassisted childbirth.

There are good reasons for hospitals during birth: one of those being as assistance for those of us who want to birth our own children, but who cannot have healthy babies without professional help & emergency life saving equipment available. I honestly can't believe, given the experiences you've shared, that the majority of folks who have taken this poll recommend you show up late at the hospital pushing! But because you didn't have an in-between that & c-section, I voted other.

Having a safe, satisfying, healing birth in a hospital IS possible. It really truly is. There was a great article in mothering that I read while pregnant with my son... I believe it was called "Homebirth at the Hospital" - I don't remember what date. But its a really inspiring story.

If you cannot get beyond your fears or concerns about a hospital birth though, then I'd strongly consider adoption.

I am truly sorry for the loss of your child, and hope you can find peace in your future decisions!

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#22 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:40 PM
 
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When the doc gave me the transfusion he told me "This is man blood, so don't be surprised if you start feeling a bit smarter." :
There are no words to describe how much that pisses me off. What a UAV. I'm so sorry you had to listen to that crap.
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#23 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:46 PM
 
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I would do everything in my power to find a mom/baby friendly hospital to birth in, and be proactive about it. Learn about the hospital, get to know the L&D floor and policies, and do what I can to make the best of it. Lots of women have wonderful births in hospital, it doesn't have to be all bad. And you know how to prep for a home birth you read a zillion beautiful homebirth stories? Well, read some beautiful hospital birth stories. They are out there. That is what I would do, anyways.
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#24 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:46 PM
 
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Personally, I would probably opt for a hospital birth, merely because of the legal issues, but would still try and have a midwife attend me. I am not so sure about the assumption by some PPs that a hospital/doctors would be the obvious solution to your problems. Hospitals are not necessarily better at managing things like shoulder distocia and heavy bleeding. They would be more likely to push for Pitocin or a C/S, given your history.
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#25 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:52 PM
 
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I agree with the above comments. My midwife knows which hospitals, and specifically which doctors, are friendly towards natural birth. The back up doctor she uses was trained by midwives! You CAN find someone (even if it is some distance away) who you can work with and trust. You CAN develop a plan and find a support team who will help you birth in the hospital. Like others said, read lots of positive hospital birthing stories (I'm doing the same to get ready for home birth).

Enjoy your sweet little one, relax, and take care of yourself. Blessings!

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#26 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:57 PM
 
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I would have a hospital birth with your history. You can always labor in a hotel room or at home or whatever until you feel the time is getting close.

I just reread your post and noticed you have fast labors. I would have a hospital birth and show up once things were regular and you were sure it was labor, in your situation.
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#27 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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also wanted to add: the hospital covered by insurance is literally 5 minutes from my house. As for walking during labour, with my first I HAD to be up and walking, even managed to make it upstairs during pushing (LONG pushing phase!) with my second, ctrx were not really painful until I was in or near transition but at that time I did find it difficult to walk. The two labours were so different it's hard to put my finger on "how I labor" to tell whether I'd be okay showing up late.

I also had a m/c between the two pregnancies, at 10 weeks. I went to my first prenatal at the hospital by my mom's house (I was visiting when I found out I was pregnant) and the first thing they asked when they looked at my history was "You're due around X... when would you like us to schedule your c-section?"

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#28 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 06:59 PM
 
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What aspect of a hospital is supposed to be safer for a dystocia?

The homebirth midwife knew how to deal with the dystocia situation. What's the likelihood that anyone in a hospital knows how and won't just panic and start chopping? I think that dystocia is one complication that is safer dealt with at home, or at least by a good midwife. At the very least I would make sure that whoever I interviewed for the hospital birth would be trained and experienced in the gaskin maneuver and would be guaranteed to have that person at my birth.

But I'm not sure about the hemorrhage. I think that even if you know for sure you're going to have PPH, it's probably more pleasant to birth at home and then transfer, avoid the baby becoming a patient, etc. And of course you don't know that for sure.
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#29 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 07:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What aspect of a hospital is supposed to be safer for a dystocia?

The homebirth midwife knew how to deal with the dystocia situation. What's the likelihood that anyone in a hospital knows how and won't just panic and start chopping? I think that dystocia is one complication that is safer dealt with at home, or at least by a good midwife. At the very least I would make sure that whoever I interviewed for the hospital birth would be trained and experienced in the gaskin maneuver and would be guaranteed to have that person at my birth.

But I'm not sure about the hemorrhage. I think that even if you know for sure you're going to have PPH, it's probably more pleasant to birth at home and then transfer, avoid the baby becoming a patient, etc. And of course you don't know that for sure.
That's kind of what I was thinking, but then there is that teensy tiny little legal issue to deal with... Even if I could find an underground midwife, I doubt they'd want to take on a mom who they knew would most likely have to transfer.

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#30 of 137 Old 11-14-2008, 07:17 PM
 
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If I were in your situation I would accept that a hospital birth is probably the only safe choice, throw a brief pity party for the happy hippie birth of my dreams and then get to work finding an OB practice that would support me in making as many of my preferred birth choices possible in a hospital environment.

And wow, can I object to the characterization that people in hospitals routinely "panic and start chopping"?
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