Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Twin Cities in Minnesota
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Hey ladies. I am planning my HBAC for this July and just hit some family drama that has affected me more than I want. I attempted a home birth last time, but ds flipped breech during labor and my midwife couldn't get hold of any back up experienced folks and I ended up with a c/s. I did most of labor last time down to pushing ds far enough out that they saw it was his butt and it was a wonderful experience followed by a traumatic hospital experience. Regardless my MIL who takes care of ds 3 days a week just had a conversation with her good friend who is a Dr. and he told her his opinion on VBAC. She is now totally freaked out. She sent us over there for dinner so we could hear from her friend, but after a conversation with them, they were fine not talking about it because we didn't really want to hear it or get scolded. I spoke with my midwives (the team that my midwife called for backup last time) and MIL will come to our appt next month to meet our team (sorry, this is turning long). I thought that was the end of it for now. Yesterday my dh forwarded me a string of e-mails starting with his Mom writing dh's brother and wondering why I wouldn't listen to her friend and why I would make a medically risky choice in order to try to have some kind of "spiritual" experience. BIL wrote her back a wonderfully grounded response saying all the right and very adult things, but the whole thing bugs me way more than I want. I know this is just her being freaked. I know we're making the right choice and dh is 100% on board with me. I feel like I was pretty confident and unconcerned about this being an HBAC and for some reason knowing that she is upset is making me terribly hurt and offended when I should just ignore it and keep trying to be gentle with her while limiting our interaction around this. I know I'm choosing the safest thing AND the most spiritual thing for me. How could she ever ever think I would put any experience before my safety and the safety of my child? Especially after the last birth. I definitely didn't get what I wanted. I did what I thought was the best at the time. I just can't let this go. I feel so sad and angry and fundamentally misunderstood. It doesn't help that this pregnancy had felt very hard emotionally and I've been busting my butt trying to stay healthy and do the best gestating I can (exercising, good diet, even hired a house cleaner).
Any sympathy, cheering, reassurance and/or bolstering would be much appreciated. Thanks. Oh and I told my dh not to forward along any more drama. I'm just not up for it.