I'm Scared. - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 45 Old 07-19-2009, 03:43 AM
 
mommac2006's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: VA
Posts: 104
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SLPmama View Post
That's a good idea to have him watch it, I did w/ a group of girlfriends (and cried pretty much the whole dang movie b/c I was so upset about my birth to begin w/ and that brought it all back 10fold) but I guess I could make myself watch it again. My friend got it from netflix....how else can you get it? I don't have netflix.
I know what you mean about it triggering the emotions of a traumatic birth experience. Its healthy to cry and I did a little of that myself while watching it.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Business-o.../dp/B001IIHAGK

If you don't want to pay, maybe you could do a trial for Netflix? Not sure if the privileges are the same as paying monthly on it. Its worth a shot, though.

If your computer would permit, I'd just watch it online.
mommac2006 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#32 of 45 Old 07-19-2009, 01:54 PM
 
*ami*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 109
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Don't give up even if you can't find a 100% supportive care provider.

My OB was definitely not supportive of my decision to VBA2C leading up to the delivery. He quoted very inflated rupture statistics for VBAMC and tried to discourage me from making that decision. However, he was very supportive during the delivery itself. He basically left me alone to let nature take its course, and it did. Frankly, knowing that he is a great surgeon gave me a lot of confidence in case anything did go wrong.

I had a successful, drug-free, hospital VBAC despite a reticent OB. It can be done. My nurses were awesome and very encouraging, which helped a lot.

Mom to energy.gif (2/01 ribboncesarean.gif), guitar.gif (11/06 ribboncesarean.gif), and love.gif (5/09 vbac.gif)
familybed1.gif  delayedvax.gif  selectivevax.gif  caffix.gifnak.gif
*ami* is offline  
#33 of 45 Old 07-19-2009, 08:45 PM
 
snowmom5's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 756
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SLPmama View Post
I think my biggest fear is UR and what that can lead to. Maybe going to the hospital earlier would make me feel better. Everyone I've talked to says that I should wait as long as possible to have the best chances of having a vaginal birth and when they say that I can almost feel myself getting more anxious.
Then I think you need to weigh very carefully this fear of UR, and whether being monitored sooner would make you feel better in that regard, against any fear of unwarranted interventions that you would be afraid of encountering if you did go in sooner rather than later. I think feeling comfortable and safe is important in terms of being able to relax during your labor.

For me the choice was easy - I like to go to the hospital as soon as I decide I'm in active labor (the monitoring makes me feel safer, and I basically have little to no fear of having issues with interventions; plus the last couple of labors have been quite quick).
snowmom5 is offline  
#34 of 45 Old 07-19-2009, 11:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
SLPmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 45
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by cathicog View Post
Red Flag here-- He's either supportive, or he isn't. Doesn't sound like he is supportive. Your best bet at a VBAC is a homebirth. Hands down. I think he's playing you out like a fish on a trout line... Doesn't look to me like he is...I would look for another provider. Docs and some midwives are taught to be master manipulators in med/nursing school. It's how they get "patient compliance"....
Low water is normal just before you go into labor, and one docs low water is another's "within normal limits". It's all subjective(depends on doc's opinions). And at least you know what caused the c/s to begin with. Might be time to find another provider... That was rather rude of him, but not unusual Stripping membranes does this- causes a long, drawn out labor. I would find another provider, preferably homebirth midwife, ASAP...you deserved better treatment than this, and the only way you will probably get the VBAC you want(and deserve!) is to birth at home. It isn't as risky as the docs would have you believe. Do the research. You are running a greater risk with a possible induction(assuming they do what they did last time) trying for VBAC in a hospital. Have a homebirth- you will be surprised at the difference!

I do have a new provider since my prior birth. I went to the only provider mentioned in the Find your tribe section of mothering. He was also rec by a local AP parenting group as the closest thing to a VBAC supportive doctor in the area.
I don't feel comfortable having baby at home and my husband really doesn't. If this birth goes well we would consider it for the next one but for right now I feel like I want a doctor and hospital involved.
SLPmama is offline  
#35 of 45 Old 07-19-2009, 11:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
SLPmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 45
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by snowmom5 View Post
Then I think you need to weigh very carefully this fear of UR, and whether being monitored sooner would make you feel better in that regard, against any fear of unwarranted interventions that you would be afraid of encountering if you did go in sooner rather than later. I think feeling comfortable and safe is important in terms of being able to relax during your labor.

For me the choice was easy - I like to go to the hospital as soon as I decide I'm in active labor (the monitoring makes me feel safer, and I basically have little to no fear of having issues with interventions; plus the last couple of labors have been quite quick).
I feel like it will be hard for me to known when I'm in "active labor", unless things are different this time than last time. Last time I was in labor for 12 hours and had contractions 2-3 minutes apart when I was admitted and was only at 1.5 cm. According to the docs they didn't know why my contractions weren't productive and I wasn't dialating. So I guess I don't know how to judge active labor in myself.
SLPmama is offline  
#36 of 45 Old 07-20-2009, 01:12 AM
 
snowmom5's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 756
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SLPmama View Post
I feel like it will be hard for me to known when I'm in "active labor", unless things are different this time than last time. Last time I was in labor for 12 hours and had contractions 2-3 minutes apart when I was admitted and was only at 1.5 cm. According to the docs they didn't know why my contractions weren't productive and I wasn't dialating. So I guess I don't know how to judge active labor in myself.
If it makes you feel any better, this last one was my fourth labor and I still didn't know whether I was in active labor and had to call the nurse (it was daytime) and have a long conversation, after which we concluded that we still couldn't figure it out . The first three times it was obvious (vbac #1, p-prom followed by spontaneous labor; the other two times I had a day or two of significant menstrual-like crampy pain before the big bad contractions started in the middle of the night. There was no mistaking it.). This time, however, I wasn't expecting to labor during the day, for one thing, and for another, I thought it would be like my prior labors, where the onset of the really super painful contractions was sort of sudden. But that's not how it happened - I had a pretty painful contraction in the wee hours, then another an hour or two later. I woke up with the menstrual-crampy pain that preceded my other labors, so I was assuming I'd be in active labor that night or the following night. I had a contraction or two every hour that was painful enough to breathe through, but still managed to take the kids to swimming lessons that morning. It wasn't until the afternoon that I started to clue in that this baby was on her way. And even then I had to chat with the nurse - and only a half hour after that I called her back to say I was coming in anyway . I had a very painful contraction on standing up from the toilet and I had to lean against the wall with all my might. At that moment I decided I'd rather arrive at the hospital too early than too late (to get an epidural, which I had decided I wanted, after being so exhausted all week, etc., and considering the birth prior to this one, which was unmedicated, and seemed rather violent - not peaceful). Fortunately I had skipped my heparin shot that morning so I was able to get the epi (it was heavenly, the best I felt in months). Anyway, my sitter couldn't get there for a while so I had DH and our other five kids drop me off at the front door of the hospital and I walked in by myself . The car ride had been pretty rough, but surprisingly, without regular contractions (that I *knew* of; I was only counting the really big ones I guess, because I had so much pain in between and when moving around), when I got to my L&D room I was at 5 cm. If I had waited any longer at home I would have been thoroughly in transition before heading to the hospital. Baby was born by dinnertime, less than 3 hours after getting there.

I tell you this story so you can see that (1) sometimes, your next labor indeed can be very different, and (2) even a person who's done this several times before can be confused about when they're in active labor.

Looking back at your prior labor, what would you have done differently - somehow avoid the sweep? I don't have much against sweeps generally (I had one with vbac #2 and it worked like a charm), and this is a wild guess, but might the sweep have caused an infection, which led to your baby's distress? Other than that, I can't see what you could have done differently. Was the baby in a less-than-optimal position? I honestly don't know why contractions would not be productive unless they either weren't true labor or there wasn't enough pressure from the baby on the cervix (though this last time, I was sure I'd have such a difficulty because my baby was posterior and wasn't giving me much pressure, except that it didn't seem to matter. I think that was weird. From what the doc said, the position/pressure only matters for cervical dilation "sometimes").

good luck - I hope for your sake that labor is obvious this time and that it's swift and easy
snowmom5 is offline  
#37 of 45 Old 07-20-2009, 02:23 AM
 
pampered_mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somewhere short of crazy
Posts: 4,507
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by SLPmama View Post
But he does keep doing the scare tactics w/ me. Today he said "you are choosing a faster recovery time and your safety over a slightly increased risk to the baby". Which I hated that he said. I wish he was gung ho about it and all supportive.
Have you tried talking to your CP about that? Ask him to provide evidence of his statements - if he can't then ask him not to bring up unsubstantiated claims like that again unless he can provide it. It might also be wise to keep looking for another CP...keep looking, one person's supportive CP is another person's nightmare.

As far about the concerns I saw mentioned in this thread about UR, wanting to have FHTs checked, and being uncertain about laboring for as long as possible at home...why not consider hiring a montrice? Someone who can listen to FHTs while you labor at home and help you decide when it's right *for you* to head to the hospital. Some homebirth midwives are willing to do this so that's certainly one place to check. Other labor support persons specifically advertise themselves as a montrice.

I can't say that I was ever scared really - I had spent a lot of time processing my c/s and weighing the decision to VBAC before I even got pregnant with dd. I *knew* it was the right decision for me to VBAC just like I knew it was the right decision for me to do it at home. I find very little comfort in technology - most especially the EFM. But that's *me* - the key I think is to find what works for *you*. What will make you most comfortable? What will give you the most confidence?

Since I never went into labor with DS (a primary "elective" cesarean), I was apprehensive about labor, but that was just because it was so completely unknown. I had no idea what to expect. In the end, because I sought the situation I felt I would be most comfortable in, things went better than I expected. Having gone through labor and had a VBAC with dd helped me to learn a lot about myself as a laboring woman. It makes the decision this time around that much easier.
pampered_mom is offline  
#38 of 45 Old 07-21-2009, 07:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
SLPmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 45
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by snowmom5 View Post
If it makes you feel any better, this last one was my fourth labor and I still didn't know whether I was in active labor and had to call the nurse (it was daytime) and have a long conversation, after which we concluded that we still couldn't figure it out . The first three times it was obvious (vbac #1, p-prom followed by spontaneous labor; the other two times I had a day or two of significant menstrual-like crampy pain before the big bad contractions started in the middle of the night. There was no mistaking it.). This time, however, I wasn't expecting to labor during the day, for one thing, and for another, I thought it would be like my prior labors, where the onset of the really super painful contractions was sort of sudden. But that's not how it happened - I had a pretty painful contraction in the wee hours, then another an hour or two later. I woke up with the menstrual-crampy pain that preceded my other labors, so I was assuming I'd be in active labor that night or the following night. I had a contraction or two every hour that was painful enough to breathe through, but still managed to take the kids to swimming lessons that morning. It wasn't until the afternoon that I started to clue in that this baby was on her way. And even then I had to chat with the nurse - and only a half hour after that I called her back to say I was coming in anyway . I had a very painful contraction on standing up from the toilet and I had to lean against the wall with all my might. At that moment I decided I'd rather arrive at the hospital too early than too late (to get an epidural, which I had decided I wanted, after being so exhausted all week, etc., and considering the birth prior to this one, which was unmedicated, and seemed rather violent - not peaceful). Fortunately I had skipped my heparin shot that morning so I was able to get the epi (it was heavenly, the best I felt in months). Anyway, my sitter couldn't get there for a while so I had DH and our other five kids drop me off at the front door of the hospital and I walked in by myself . The car ride had been pretty rough, but surprisingly, without regular contractions (that I *knew* of; I was only counting the really big ones I guess, because I had so much pain in between and when moving around), when I got to my L&D room I was at 5 cm. If I had waited any longer at home I would have been thoroughly in transition before heading to the hospital. Baby was born by dinnertime, less than 3 hours after getting there.

I tell you this story so you can see that (1) sometimes, your next labor indeed can be very different, and (2) even a person who's done this several times before can be confused about when they're in active labor.

Looking back at your prior labor, what would you have done differently - somehow avoid the sweep? I don't have much against sweeps generally (I had one with vbac #2 and it worked like a charm), and this is a wild guess, but might the sweep have caused an infection, which led to your baby's distress? Other than that, I can't see what you could have done differently. Was the baby in a less-than-optimal position? I honestly don't know why contractions would not be productive unless they either weren't true labor or there wasn't enough pressure from the baby on the cervix (though this last time, I was sure I'd have such a difficulty because my baby was posterior and wasn't giving me much pressure, except that it didn't seem to matter. I think that was weird. From what the doc said, the position/pressure only matters for cervical dilation "sometimes").

good luck - I hope for your sake that labor is obvious this time and that it's swift and easy
They said he was not in the best position which resulted in not dialating quickly. The doctor said his head was going towards my cervix sideways, instead of head on and according to her even if he wasn't in distress he wouldn't have needed to come out c-sec b/c of his positioning. (so silly for her to say that but that is exactly what she said!).
SLPmama is offline  
#39 of 45 Old 07-23-2009, 06:10 PM
 
ericswifey27's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: San Diego
Posts: 2,601
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Some more thoughts-
I too was scared about how my body would be able to labor after being cut short with a csection the first time. My (homebirth) VBAC labor was loooong. There were some positioning issues and I think I was still working through some old emotional trauma. Now my twin sister had similar positioning issues with her (homebirth) VBAC baby too, but with out the emotional trauma issues, and her labor was much, much faster- 7 hours from start to finish. Our labors were like night and day in length, yet neither one of us would change our birth stories, I don't think.

Since you are certain you want to go for a hospital birth, the suggestion of a pp to get a monotrice is an awesome idea- you can stay at home as long as you need- and that fear of rupturing and not knowing how far you are in labor can be put at ease, because unlike a doula, the monotrice has medical training- she can check your dilation, she can check the positioning of the baby, if there were signs of any medical problem like rupture you can go straight to the hospital. If you don't feel like you are close enough to a hospital, you might consider laboring in a hotel nearby- before I felt comfortable just staying home completely I thought laboring as long as possible at hotel near the hospital was a good compromise.

I think once you've made your decision where, don't psych yourself out about 'statisics of successful VBACs in a hospital setting ' for example because you want to go in there with 100% committment and 110% faith in having that VBAC. If you do as much as possible to ensure a VBAC and your mindset is right, like you CAN and WILL do this, that is so important. My friend had a succesful VBAC in hospital but it definitely wasn't by chance, she worked hard for it and you will need to also.by setting yourself up for success.

At the very minimum you must have a doula and a kick- a@@ attitude. Even better or in addition to the doula would be a monotrice - that is a very, very smart idea IMO as you could stay home (improves chances of successful VBAC- less interventions!) BUT you still get that medical care you need to feel safe. And if you don't feel safe at home, having a homebirth is pointless. Maybe I'll get blasted for that from some fellow homebirth advocates but you need to feel safe for birth to proceed.

Also, I know this is redundant, but really, don't be afraid to ask the homebirth midwives in your community which doctor would be a good match for you to support you in getting your VBAC. I would just be upfront in saying that you don't feel comfortable staying at home, but you thought they would be able to guide you to the right OB/doula/monotrice to get you that VBAC. I bet they will be able to help!

Congrats mama, you can do it!

Mama to my spirited J, and L, my homebirth: baby especially DTaP, MMR (family vax injuries)
ericswifey27 is offline  
#40 of 45 Old 07-23-2009, 08:59 PM
 
merebella's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: SE MI
Posts: 281
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Mama, just want to send you s. Everyone is right, your doctor is really not telling the whole story accurately. Here's another vote for reading The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pregnancy and Birth by Henci Goer. It has a good section on VBAC.

Sounds like you might benefit from speaking with a birth counselor. I had an unplanned cs 6 months ago and had a lot of "stuff" to work through emotionally (feeling like my body didn't work, wondering how I can believe in birth again, etc.) She helped tremendously. I know I'll see her again when I prepare for my next birth (not pregnant yet) to work out any residual stuff and get geared up for a vbac. I found her through my lactation consultant. I wonder if doulas or lc or la leche or ican in your area could point you to someone who sees people with birth issues.

Remember, your OB is trained in fixing what goes wrong, not facilitating things to go right. This choice isn't just about your recovery, it *is* better for your baby to be born vaginally in all except a handful of situation (placenta previa, etc.) Maybe a mw or at least a doula could help you believe in your body's ability to do it. You *can* do it!

Married to my best friend for 9 years. Loving being at home with my busy boy. Praying for a vbac.gif next time around!
merebella is offline  
#41 of 45 Old 07-28-2009, 03:20 AM
 
lisa_nc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: VA
Posts: 1,565
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think when we fear rupture in a lot of ways we are able to be so focused because we have named our fear. There are other risks in pregnancy that are, statistically speaking, just as (un)likely to happen as a catastrophic rupture (or more likely) but we focus on rupture because that has been handed to us as what we should fear. Do thoughts of cord prolapse or any of the other dangers of labor and birth keep you up at night? Or do you hear "rupture, rupture, rupture" and let this become your reality?

If doctors told you to fear infection from cesarean or breathing problems in your baby from cesarean...if they made you sign a consent form that said you knew that if you had a cesarean your baby was more likely to spend time in a NICU, what would the focus of your fears be?

All of this is compounded in that you've had the ability to believe in yourself and your body taken away as well. Instead of nurturing you and helping you come back strong and confident, we have a system that uses the dent in your confidence to further fuel your fears. It's okay to be scared, but you can let your fears own you or you can own your fears. It's a fine line between listening to yourself and listening to all those seeds of doubt.

Minions...I've got minions. Sheepish.gifblahblah.gifangel2.gifkid.gif  And dogs.  
lisa_nc is offline  
#42 of 45 Old 08-03-2009, 02:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
SLPmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 45
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks ladies!!!! Your support is helping me SOOOO much! It is amazing what typed words can do
SLPmama is offline  
#43 of 45 Old 08-03-2009, 02:45 PM
 
meganmarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Bergen county, NJ
Posts: 662
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
SLP mama, if you do the netflix 2-week free trial you can watch Business of Being Born "instantly" (online) as part of the trial.

Or, it appears that for $6.99 you can do a 24-hour online rental directly from the movie's website. Seems like a good deal, haven't tried it myself (I've already seen it 4 times!)

https://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/store_stream.php

Highly recommend having DH watch it...it made a huge difference for my DH, turned him from mildly tolerant of my wacky birth ideas to actively advocating them.
meganmarie is offline  
#44 of 45 Old 08-03-2009, 05:26 PM
 
rebeccajm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 394
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by meganmarie View Post
SLP mama, if you do the netflix 2-week free trial you can watch Business of Being Born "instantly" (online) as part of the trial.

Or, it appears that for $6.99 you can do a 24-hour online rental directly from the movie's website. Seems like a good deal, haven't tried it myself (I've already seen it 4 times!)

https://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/store_stream.php

Highly recommend having DH watch it...it made a huge difference for my DH, turned him from mildly tolerant of my wacky birth ideas to actively advocating them.
My husband and I watched that last week. Like your husband, he got a lot out of it! He even said he would love for me to have a home birth one day! We will have this one at the hospital (planned VBAC) so I am praying it goes well. A couple of days later, he asked me, if I got an epidural, would I still release the oxytocin to bond with the baby. So I can tell he has been thinking more about it.

SLPMama: I have the same fears as you. The more days that go by, the less worries I have, which says a lot. Just have the confidence in yourself that you can give it your best shot. There is no such thing as failure if you have done your best!

P.S. I had the meconium, too. Pitocin (WHY????), doc broke water, internal monitor b/c of the heart rate drops, etc. I only got to 4 cm. That's what makes me so mad. They didn't even try to get the baby happy before deciding on the section. I had only been in the L&D room for about an hour or so. Of course, baby ended up in the NICU for 10 days with breathing problems and developed an infection. I developed a staph infection 3 months later.

step-mommy to babygirl.gif (11), mommy to babyboy.gif (5), babyboy.gif (3) vbac.gif babygirl.gif (0) vbac.gif

sweet little one in Heaven angel2.gif ~ about 7 weeks 3 days ~ 12-28-11

rebeccajm is offline  
#45 of 45 Old 08-03-2009, 05:57 PM
 
rebeccajm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 394
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisa_nc View Post
I think when we fear rupture in a lot of ways we are able to be so focused because we have named our fear. There are other risks in pregnancy that are, statistically speaking, just as (un)likely to happen as a catastrophic rupture (or more likely) but we focus on rupture because that has been handed to us as what we should fear. Do thoughts of cord prolapse or any of the other dangers of labor and birth keep you up at night? Or do you hear "rupture, rupture, rupture" and let this become your reality?

If doctors told you to fear infection from cesarean or breathing problems in your baby from cesarean...if they made you sign a consent form that said you knew that if you had a cesarean your baby was more likely to spend time in a NICU, what would the focus of your fears be?

All of this is compounded in that you've had the ability to believe in yourself and your body taken away as well. Instead of nurturing you and helping you come back strong and confident, we have a system that uses the dent in your confidence to further fuel your fears. It's okay to be scared, but you can let your fears own you or you can own your fears. It's a fine line between listening to yourself and listening to all those seeds of doubt.
Hi! I noticed you are 32 weeks, too. What is your due date, and what are you having?

step-mommy to babygirl.gif (11), mommy to babyboy.gif (5), babyboy.gif (3) vbac.gif babygirl.gif (0) vbac.gif

sweet little one in Heaven angel2.gif ~ about 7 weeks 3 days ~ 12-28-11

rebeccajm is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off