how did your SO handle your plans? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 06-19-2010, 01:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just as the title says.. how did your significant other handle your plans of having a vbac, home birth, exc?

Ashley, mom to Elliott (5) & Ethan (4) & FinalE due 1-25-11
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#2 of 14 Old 06-19-2010, 02:28 AM
 
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I was extremely, extremely lucky...my DH is the one that got ME interested in a VBAC. Before he mentioned it, I just thought I'd be having a repeat c-section. He came with me to my first OB appointment and asked my OB what the deal with VBAC was. Also luckily, I had just switched to a VBAC friendly provider. So, the cards really played to my advantage.

However, I wanted a hospital birth, so there was no home birth vs hospital birth conversation at my house.

Me (30), DH (31), DS (3.5 yrs - 5/07), DD (1.5 yr - 2/09) via VBAC!!! DS (newborn - 11/10) via natural VBAC! 2 angel babies - 06/06 & 04/08
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#3 of 14 Old 06-20-2010, 01:59 AM
 
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He didn't like the idea at first. I really needed him on my 'side' so I inundated him with birthstories to read, results of studies, movies to watch, Youtube videos of waterbirths, etc. He finally came to see my point of view. It took a while though, but in the end was my number one supporter.

Mama of 2 sweet boys, Miles (Jan 3/07) and Avery (Nov 28/09) My fast and furious HBAC
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#4 of 14 Old 06-22-2010, 11:30 PM
 
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DH is pretty supportive, but I think he would be either way. He wasn't overly comfortable with a HBAC with no previous vaginal birth experience. I think he just doesn't want me dying on him and since he's never watched a women give birth he really doesn't know whats normal and what isn't - so hospital it is this time around. If/when we have a 3rd I'll see if I can get in with a provider in town that will consider HBAC's.
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#5 of 14 Old 06-23-2010, 05:23 PM
 
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my husband is super supportive of anything i choose. however, i think he would try to convince me to go for a vbac if i DIDN'T want one. he's well-informed about pregnancy and birth and he believes that VBAC is the best option for all involved. i heart him .

hoping for a !
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#6 of 14 Old 06-23-2010, 06:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by c'est moi View Post
my husband is super supportive of anything i choose. however, i think he would try to convince me to go for a vbac if i DIDN'T want one. he's well-informed about pregnancy and birth and he believes that VBAC is the best option for all involved. i heart him .
This is pretty similiar to what's going on at our house as well. Last pregnancy I wanted a homebirth and DH wasn't comfortable with it. We've been talking about having a VBAC/homebirth for about two years now. I'm very blessed that he is onboard and ready for a homebirth this time around.

He also has been supplied with information and believes that a VBAC will be safer for me and baby then a repeat c-section will be.

wife of 8 years to DH geek.gif, mama to DD blahblah.gif (2006) & DS jog.gif (2011) angel1.gif (Dec. 2012) rainbow1284.gif due Nov. 2013 

 vbac.gifh20homebirth.gif cd.gif homeschool.gif

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#7 of 14 Old 06-23-2010, 11:41 PM
 
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He was totally on board! Last time was horrible for him too! We both wanted a homebirth, too but thought we couldn't afford since our insurance won't cover it. He was actually the one who figured out that we could afford it! Hooray for DH!

Becky- Wife to DH, Mama to "Nani" (July '08) "Coco" (July '10) and expecting one very wiggly baby boy in May 2013!

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#8 of 14 Old 06-24-2010, 10:53 AM
 
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My husband's attitude is, "your body, your choice." I don't think he knows anything about the risks of RCS vs VBAC and he wouldn't discuss it with anyone.

He's nervous I'll get sick again and that I'll be disappointed but there's nothing either of us can do about that.

DD 01/2007, DS 09/2011

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#9 of 14 Old 06-24-2010, 12:33 PM
 
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He was FANTASTIC. When we first started talking about having #2 I told him that I really wanted to find a midwife and have a homebirth (the only way I felt I would get a VBAC in this town). I figured I would have to do a LOT of convincing, so I had all my research and info together so we could hash it out, but he was on board from the start! He was a little worried and really grilled our midwife, and we had lots of safety discussions, but as we got closer to Colleen being born the more excited he got! Everything was perfect and he is so glad we were at home where he could really be a part of everything going on. He was amazing through everything!

~Becca
Wife to DH 8/2003; Momma to DS 5/2007ribboncesarean.gif ; DD 5/1/2010 hbac.gifwaterbirth.jpg !
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#10 of 14 Old 06-24-2010, 01:04 PM
 
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My dh was totally on board for a VBAC, but the homebirth part made him nervous. And not even from a safety perspective, he was worried about cleaning up the mess!

He watched the Business of Being Born and saw how midwives worked in a home capacity and he was ok with it.

I toyed with the idea of going to the hospital for a VBAC this time (purely for financial reasons) and he HATED the idea. He actually pushed me to do it at home this time.

Wife to an amazing man love.gif, mommy to 3 wild dudes: ds1 (5/23/05 @ 30 weeks), ds2 (3/5/09) hbac.gif, and ds3 (9/26/10) hbac.gif. Part time librarianread.gif, full time mommysupermod.gif, occasional chef and maid.

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#11 of 14 Old 06-25-2010, 12:48 AM
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My DH wanted me to schedule a repeat c/s. He was convinced that the baby & I would die if I attempted a natural birth (he was still traumatized by my emergency c/s). I wanted a homebirth, but he refused even to consider it. The hospital was just 5 min from our house. I hired a doula w/personal & professional VBAC experience, I prepared myself for birth hypnosis. Once it became obvious that my labor was real and the baby was coming, DH was on board w/natural birth. I stayed at home as long as possible during my labor, but my labor was 68+ hours long, so I finally decided to go to the hospital to make sure my baby was OK. DH is now a big advocate for VBACs.

Interestingly, my DH had his wisdom teeth out today...his first experience w/surgery & anesthesia. He had no idea what it would be like. It was a shock for him, even though I tried to explain what's it's like. I guess it's easy to recommend surgery when it's not your body being cut!

"Isn't life a series of images that change as they repeat themselves?" - Andy Warhol
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#12 of 14 Old 06-25-2010, 05:10 PM
 
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i wish my husband was just as understanding as most of you. he is similar to Fay's husband and concerned about the health of safety of me and the baby....so he sees homebirth and even possibly a vbac as jeopardizing that. he's now convinced that it's okay for us to try to a vbac, but he's stressed that if at any time something points that we should go to an emergency c/s, we can't question that.

of course i wouldn't want to jeopardize my baby's health/safety either, but from all the research i've done, a natural homebirth is just as safe. our friend's baby had breathing problems at birth and he brings that up all the time as a what if.

problem is i'm freaked out by the clinicalness of the hospital and all the machines. while i'm confident in the midwife's ability and conviction to deliver my vbac, i'm not happy with the hospital's policy.

for one, hospitals make me tense right off the bat. today i found out that i'd have to have:

-IV, at least a hep-lock

-only clear fluids, no food

-continuous fetal monitoring and they don't have the telepathy versions, so you're virtual immobile

I'm not cool with any of these. my midwife doesn't necessarily advocate all of these either, but has to follow the hospital policy so she recommends i stay at home as long as possible. problem is my hubby is freaked out about staying home too long.

i do intend to stay home as long as possible, but afraid i'll totally stress and stall once i get to the hospital.

did any of you have to convince your hubby and if so, how did you do it?
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#13 of 14 Old 06-28-2010, 12:51 PM
 
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Oops! posted twice. don't know how to delete!
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#14 of 14 Old 06-28-2010, 12:54 PM
 
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My DH was TOTALLY against a VBAC, but then it seemed like he might be willing to try one at a hospital...although I knew that an HBAC is really the best way to go if I am to be successful.

But then last time we "talked" about it, he said that I need to just accept that I can't birth a baby vaginally. I just wasn't built for it, he says it like he knows it for a fact. Talk about heart-breaking! Talk about just plain mean! And totally ignorant!

In the end DH has bought into all the crap that my OB spouted about my "tight pelvic girdle." I now see that he has fantasy bonded with the OB and bought into all the crap about my "tight pelvic girdle."

I have decided to let time pass before I bring up VBAC again, to let the fantasy bond where off. I am still hopeful, though, that I can convince him when the time comes. I think that his resistance is based on fear, resentment, and some regrets about what led up to the c/s. I also think that he might think c/s are just easier. He hasn't been around a successful homebirth. All the ones we know about led to hospital transfers.

In the end, he doesn't know what a powerful and positive birthing experience can be like for me, for him, and for our marriage.

I posted about my struggles with DH here:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...php?p=15321926

There are lots of helpful replies from others who have been in the same situation.
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