should I lie about the due date?? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 26 Old 07-30-2010, 03:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I had CBAC only 8 months ago...the only place in the whole wide area that I am living that would let you VBAC would only let you go till 41 weeks...well it happened to me that I had hypertension and of course went to 41 weeks so I got a RCS ...

Well I am pregnant again as some of you already know and I want to take some of this immense pressure off of me...its not like its a expireation date and I would love to have a few extra days, maybe my bp will stay lower too if I am not under so much time pressure??

My last menstrual period was on 6/15 I am wondering if I can push it back to the 18/06 or 19/06 to gain a few more days?? My cyscle is about 27 days exactly but I am breastfeeding and not sure if I ovulated a bit early this time//

What do you guys think? I am still wondering what if I they would have let me go a few more days with some NSTs and bp drugs?? I might have had him vaginally

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#2 of 26 Old 07-30-2010, 03:07 PM
 
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never lie to your doc or MW
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#3 of 26 Old 07-30-2010, 04:11 PM
 
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I had really short cycles when I conceived with dd (like 24 days), so my due date was technically off by 4 days. LMP is such a silly way to determine dd's, especially considering the risks associated with induction and RCS. Personally, I don't see this as being a big deal.

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#4 of 26 Old 07-30-2010, 05:31 PM
 
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My first 2 VBAC's happened at 42 weeks and 41 weeks. The next pregnancy I padded my date a bit (a week or two) because I didn't think the pressure of the clock was benefiting me or the baby. Noone noticed and I fessed up a week or two before birth and the midwife was very okay with it. I didn't pad this time, perhaps I feel more in control of the situation. I understand the importance of speaking the truth to health care providers and if a situation had come up during the pregnancy I would have confessed earlier, but I felt that I needed to do what I needed to do to avoid harmful interventions at the end of pregnancy.

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#5 of 26 Old 07-30-2010, 06:03 PM
 
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Maybe you could instead of changing your cycle date just say you have odd cycles since you are still nursing and the last one was very weird and you aren't sure it was a real cycle? Then you aren't lying but having them use more then one thing for dating. They will mostlikely go off an early u/s which could put you at or even before your edd would be off lmp which could hurt or help your timing.

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#6 of 26 Old 07-30-2010, 07:12 PM
 
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I TOTALLY get where you're coming from. I was 18 days "late" with #1, 10 days with #2, and I also had a "failed" VBAC with #2 (for different reasons than you did, though).

I tried to fudge last time, but my early u/s date was the date my doc used despite my protestation.

No real advice, you just have to do what you feel like you need to do, but I just wanted to post to say I totally understand how you feel about it.

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#7 of 26 Old 07-30-2010, 07:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 2ID_Wife View Post
Maybe you could instead of changing your cycle date just say you have odd cycles since you are still nursing and the last one was very weird and you aren't sure it was a real cycle? Then you aren't lying but having them use more then one thing for dating. They will mostlikely go off an early u/s which could put you at or even before your edd would be off lmp which could hurt or help your timing.
I would not get an early U/S in your situation. What's the point? I probably wouldn't even get the 20 wk to be honest. If you don't get these things, they have nothing go by but the dates you give them. I, personally, don't think that fudging your due dates by 2 or 3 days is that big a deal. We're not talking weeks here...

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#8 of 26 Old 07-30-2010, 07:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well with my ds I ovulated on day 17 which means I was not even 41 when they had me in for a RCS I was 40 w 3d I really think if they can give my baby an expiration date when its time or suppossed to be done...than I have the right to go in and give my baby a few more days too...the way they messure is not even correct either and yes I want to go in and tell them a date and be confident about it before they choose to go of the U/s which may screw me over again

it was an accident and not planned at all if I calculate right I my mens started on the 15th and the accident happened 10 days later meaning that I must have ovulated around the 14 th day cause the sperm do not live forever 5 days max ...so my plan ist to tell them my last mens happened on the 18th which just gives an extra 3 days the 3 days they stole from me the last pregnancy

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#9 of 26 Old 07-30-2010, 07:55 PM
 
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My first pregnancy, my ultrasound at 12 weeks put my due date six days earlier than what I actually was. I was charting at the time and sure of my dates and knew my cycles were always about 35-39 days. Well, through the whole end of my pregnancy they kept hassling me because I was measuring big! I told my care providers four or five times that their ultrasound was wrong but they never listened. I'm just saying that I think early ultrasounds are junk and get you hassled one way or the other!

Glad to see you're doing what you want
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#10 of 26 Old 07-31-2010, 01:09 PM
 
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Personally, I'd just be truthful about LMP and then refuse induction.
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#11 of 26 Old 07-31-2010, 01:22 PM
 
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I'd lie about dates (by up to 10 days) and refuse ultrasounds.

Normal term pregnancy is 37-42 weeks. I find it ridiculous that providers are determined to get babies out before that time is done. The literature shows that one of the reasons for increases in neonatal complications is prematurity - that can be caused by forcing babies to be born before they are ready.

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#12 of 26 Old 07-31-2010, 10:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yeah I am up for a bigh battle and not even sure how strong I am able to be...I fell pregnant not even 7 months pp and after having had my 2nd c-section which would have been preventable if they just admit me and monitor me. My blood pressue was up high otherwise I would have refused to go to the hospital but I did not feel comfortable anymore I live almost 2hr away from the hospital.

I guess I want to take at least the pressure with this stupit expiration date of me

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#13 of 26 Old 07-31-2010, 11:13 PM
 
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Hugs to you! Frankly, I would lie, because it's the only way to avoid early induction. And you have to refuse the early ultrasound as it is for dating purposes. If you do it, they can somewhat exactly tell how old the baby is. However the 20 week scan is unreliable in measuring baby's size, it's not accurate to guess gestational age. You can still refuse it though...
And I find the lying justified in a system that will otherwise abuse you... Sometimes there is no other way around it. See I lied about when my water broke to avoid antibiotics and induction and did so successfully.
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#14 of 26 Old 07-31-2010, 11:18 PM
 
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A few days difference? I totally would.

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#15 of 26 Old 08-01-2010, 12:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I thought about telling them the 18th instead of the 15th not much just a few days extra...we always get that 11-13 weeks scan of the nuchals/neck..I hope that not a problem but I think the few days will not be a problem

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#16 of 26 Old 08-02-2010, 04:11 PM
 
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I definitely wouldn't "lie", but I would argue about it every time edd was mentioned. I would just muddy the waters.

"Well, it is and estimated due date...I'm really not sure...."
"Gosh, that doesn't seem right. I think it must be more like ____."
"DD/DS measured large/small, too..."

And then buy yourself 2-3 days if necessary by coming down with a cold/having a stomach ache/whatever. Set an EDD that you're comfortable with, in your mind, and go by that. "Forget" your induction appointment. Oops! You'll have to reschedule.

ETA: I just re-read my post and realized that I'm advocating one type of lying and condemning another. Really three days...eh. If it makes you more comfortable, I guess go for it. I wouldn't, but you know, I would lie about being sick to miss my scheduled induction. So it's all about your comfort level. Do what you think is right!

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#17 of 26 Old 08-02-2010, 04:36 PM
 
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honestly I'm generally against lieing but for the safety of you and the baby I would. The difference of 1 week will not effect your care. I wouldn't lie more than 7 days because that 'could' possibly effect care. With DS I was measuring 3-4 days ahead of early ultrasound by 9 and 11 weeks (clomid baby closely watched in beginning.

I haven't seen my MW since the dating ultrasound on this baby (we had ZERO idea about how far along...other than no more than 12? weeks...I ended up being approx. 8 weeks when I had tested) I am going to ask her to move my due date from the 12th to the 15 just based on prior pregnancy progression.

So YES please do fudge your numbers.

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#18 of 26 Old 08-02-2010, 07:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yeah 3 days I am gonna go with the 18th I think instead of the 15th so not too much of a big deal...I am still upset that I had a RCS at 41 weeks and I ovulated later that month....I gave in cause bp was up, but if they had changed the due date I would have had 3 more days and who knows VBAC.

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#19 of 26 Old 08-04-2010, 10:26 AM
 
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I have considered doing exactly the same thing, whenever I fall pregnant again. My cycles are 30=35 days ish, so LMP will not be accurate for me. (unfortunately, the 12 week scan measured exactly with LMP, even though I was charting and using a fertility monitor so I KNOW when DS was conceived, so the date was moved by 4-5 days) IF we had gone by my original date, I might have had DS vaginally (I was induced at 41+6, ended up being a c/s for failure to progress, fetal heart decels)

So, yes, next time I will fudge by as much as a week, if necessary, to buy me and baby extra time. I don't see the harm in it for you, so long as *if* you need that extra time, they will continue to monitor you and the babe. (which they will anyway. in my 41st week, I think I went in 2 x for BPP and NST's)

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#20 of 26 Old 08-04-2010, 03:29 PM
 
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Please look into getting a high quality diet, lots of vit c, protein, and green leafies. When I say protein, I DO mean 80 g at a minimum, as you are still healing and recovering from your last pregnancy. I would also do a lot of research on Hawthorne and how it is used to help keep healthy blood pressure. It is safe for pregnancy. Tinctures are most effective, but pills help, too.

Nettles are also REALLY helpful in both healing and preparing a healthy space for this baby...protects your kidneys and liver, so that you maybe won't have to worry so much about your blood pressure going up this time. I have a hard time answering your question about changing your dates...my biggest concern would be what if your baby comes earlier than you expect, and because of that earlier date you gave them, they decided to keep the baby in special care for observation because they're a "premie" when really they're not? My son missed this intervention by ONE DAY, and I didn't change my dates. If I had, I would have had a fight on my hands. And he didn't need observation, and they knew it, but protocols stated that fewer than 37 weeks was "premature" and needed observation. *rolls eyes*

Otherwise, if it helps you to sleep and maybe gives your baby a few extra days to choose their own date, I might do the same thing...I haven't had to choose, though, so I can't say for sure!

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#21 of 26 Old 08-10-2010, 08:09 AM
 
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I added one week to my LMP at my first appointment...I have NO intention of being pressured into an induction or even just being stressed out by mean remarks or snarky comments as I pass my due date (I have a strong feeling that I will). Good luck with your VBAC! I'm not a VBAC mom (first baby), but VBAC mammas have a special place in my heart and I often lurk here. <hugs> to you all!!!

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#22 of 26 Old 08-10-2010, 09:58 AM
 
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I don't see any problems with lying about dates to protect yourself and the baby. I would lie too, up to 5-7 days, if I didn't have full faith in my mw having full faith in me!

Just remember if other random issues come up later, they will think the baby is younger than it is, so you might have to 'fess up. But that is unlikely, and you can deal with that if or when necessary. (This seems less likely than them trying to scare you into early induction, for sure!!)
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#23 of 26 Old 08-13-2010, 11:56 PM
 
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I would fudge the dates, certainly. They're taking away your options and risking the health of you and your baby based on ideas not even based in science or evidence, so fudging a few days for the safety of you and your child is not bad at all, IMO (and if I were you I would fudge by at least a week simply knowing that babies in my family come at 41w at the very earliest and DS was 41w4d). In fact, my MW got a different date from me for this pregnancy (by 4 days - and she just used her little wheel thing from my LMP, so I probably just counted a little off since I was counting forward 40 weeks ) and she said why argue? It's a good thing - a bit more of a cushion!

Two things, though. For the high blood pressure there are things you can do. What worked for me was major increase in protein intake (80+ grams a day - but watch out for sugar in protein bars and stuff - it's very counterproductive!), more exercise, scullcap or hopps tincture (I took scullcap) and garlic. More importantly, they CANNOT FORCE YOU to have a repeat cesarean. You can keep rescheduling the date or simply refuse, and then just go in while you're in labour and refuse a cesarean. Easier said than done, but you do NOT have to consent to another RCS!

Good luck, mama!!!

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#24 of 26 Old 09-08-2010, 02:07 AM
 
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I pushed my LMP date back approx one week (even family thinks I'm due a week later), and I didn't do an early ultrasound to "date" the pregnancy. That's with my OB...my midwife (doing shadow care) knows my actual dates, but is not one to pressure or worry about going over at all.

I went 41w6d with DD and I'm positive I'll go over with this one as well. Going "over" last time was so incredibly stressful...I truly believe my experience would have been quite different had I not felt pressured to "deliver" in a specific time frame. I'm being proactive and attempting every way I can to relieve as much pressure in those final days as possible.

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#25 of 26 Old 09-15-2010, 12:13 PM
 
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I have irregular cycles. I told the truth about my dates and it has been nothing but trouble since day 1. It would have been so much easier if I would have lied. Telling the truth has brought on soooooo much extra stress.
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#26 of 26 Old 09-16-2010, 04:57 PM
 
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Okay so I have no idea about your backround, but...I just learned of a study done back in the laste 70's I think that showed Caucasian women gestate about a week longer than previously estimated. They took this to ACOG and inspite of the overwhelming scientific research they would not change the standards because it only showed a difference in white women. Blacks and hispanics did not gestate longer. With that said it was easier for them to just keep everyone the same.

On a personal note. I knew the day our son was conceived (I chart) and they still wanted to short me 6 days. A week makes a huge difference. They wanted ot induce or Auto-csection on their EDD, but I said no and went into labor on my own 2 days later. I may have ended up with a cesarean but they had to fight me for it and my son picked when he was ready. I say do what is going to put you at ease the most towards the end of your pregnancy. Worrying about what kind of pressure you are going to get from your care providers is not the way to spend those last few precious weeks.

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