Hoping For a VBAC - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 08-16-2010, 06:23 PM - Thread Starter
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Hey ladies. I'm writing here because I'm looking for a bit of encouragement and maybe even some advice.

My daughter was born in March of 2009 via c-section after 33 hours of labor and 4 hours of pushing. My OB and midwife (both of whom are extremely supportive natural birth) both agreed that it was time for a c-section. I'm sad that it happened, but I don't feel like I was robbed of a good birthing experience - I was just whalloped by the combination of sheer exhaustion (no sleep for 3 days) and a 9lb 13oz baby.

I am currently 33 weeks pregnant with baby #2, due 18 months after my daughter's birth.

I have already discussed VBAC with my OB, and he is 100% on board as long as I don't have another 10lb baby. He has been doing VBACs for decades, and I completely trust him. This baby is already looking to be a bit on the big side (76th percentile as of last Friday), but I spoke with my OB today and he said that on that growth curve, it'll still be fine.

Anyway, here's my problem: My husband is very opposed to me having a VBAC. Why? Well, after my c/s with my daughter, he spoke with a friend a couple days later who told him "Don't let her have one of those VBACs! My doctor talked me into one and I split wide open! I nearly bled to death!"

So, after that, he's convinced that I'm going to die if I attempt a VBAC. What he DOESN'T fully grasp is that her situation was far different from mine. She was induced, and more or less forced into the VBAC by a doctor who wanted to try it for the first time.

My situation is very different, in that I will be doing it with an OB who is highly trained and experienced.

Still, my husband is really holding his breath for another 10 lb baby. When I told him today that the baby's current size does not in any way disqualify me from having a safe VBAC, I could tell that he was unhappy.

I've made a point to show DH all the info I can get my hands on regarding why VBACs are safe, but he thinks that I'm just desperately clinging to crazy info from the internet (even if it's from ACOG's on site!) just because I'm obsessed with this.

Has anyone ever dealt with this? Has anyone here been able to calm their hubby's fears about VBAC?
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#2 of 7 Old 08-16-2010, 08:30 PM
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I would say to acknowledge his fears, because truly, that's something that really could (rarely) happen. Then hit him with the facts about how likely it is, given that you're (I'm assuming) not going to be induced and also whatever measures you've agreed to in order to ensure your baby's safety. Talk about the risks of a cesarean, because we're not talking about "dangerous vbac" vs. "completely safe c-section". There are risks with either decision that you make. Ask him what he information he would need (short of a crystal ball) to start to feel more comfortable with your decision. If he maintains his freak-out about this one particular friend's story, in the face of all the evidence, he may not want to be convinced and there's probably not a lot you can do.

On somewhat of a side note, just be aware that ultrasound measurements at term have a margin of error of 1-2# in either direction and that fetal size is not correlated with an increased risk of rupture. I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable making a decision to have a rcs based on an ultrasound estimate of weight alone.

Fledgling midwife on hiatus, Wife to B, mama to C (c/s ribboncesarean.gif 12/04) and S hbac.gif (12/07), angel3.gif m/c (3/12) and expecting another bean 6/13 stork-suprise.gif.

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#3 of 7 Old 08-17-2010, 05:11 AM
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If it were me and I had a truly VBAC-friendly provider, my DH would be in my provider's office discussing his fears.

A supportive military wife and mama to my busy boy and sweet girl.
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#4 of 7 Old 08-17-2010, 12:53 PM
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Does your husband go to your appointments. Has he been involved with the discussions with the OB and Midwife. If not, is that possible. My husband took info from the actual medical providers a little more seriously. Sometimes information on the internet can be perceived as propaganda if someone is worried or skeptical because there is so much bias on each side..

I am due in October and planning a VBAC myself. My midwife alleviated pretty much all of my husband's fears about the VBAC itself. He is still nervous/concerned in general, but not the freaking out kind of nervous anymore.
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#5 of 7 Old 08-17-2010, 04:30 PM
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I love the advice from previous posters, but I wanted to add to that...pushing has been my "issue" too. Have you discussed that with your OB? This time I am doing yoga, I've spent a lot of time on the spinningbabies.com website, and I will start some chiropractic visits in my 7th or 8th month to make sure that my body is aligned. Both of my babies were long pushers and I personally felt (and my newest OB said while he can't say for sure, he thought it made sense) that I have some pelvis misalignments that make the pushing phase last longer than most. So, with the help of the chiropractor, my hope is to go into labor and be aligned, thus making the birthing canal ideal for my baby!

Just wanted to throw that out there as an option!

But I especially agree with discussing the fact that c-sections have risk with your husband as well. I feel like all too often women who do elective c-sections just feel like c-section is guarenteed perfect. And while c-sections are sometimes the safest and best way to go when the situation calls for it, elective c-sections just don't seem to be worth the risks!

Good luck!

Me (30), DH (31), DS (3.5 yrs - 5/07), DD (1.5 yr - 2/09) via VBAC!!! DS (newborn - 11/10) via natural VBAC! 2 angel babies - 06/06 & 04/08
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#6 of 7 Old 08-17-2010, 05:14 PM
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How lucky you are to have found a doc who supports VBAC! Even though I HBAC'd, I would have loved to have found a doc to turn to incase things didn't work out.

I agree with the PPs about taking your DH to appt's with you. You might even want to give you doc a heads up that your husband has worries and is skeptical of the safety. Hopefully that solves the problem and you have a smooth VBAC.

Also, if your baby suddenly jumps a growth curve and turns into a moose (like both mine ) don't give up on VBAC. I really believe positioning is more important than size- DS (9lb 2 oz) came in 5-6 pushes, squatting on my knees leaning forward, in a birthing pool.

Momma to DD (12/04) hearts.gif and DS (11/09) hbac.gif.
I survived 16 mos! Ask me about breastfeeding a baby with posterior tongue tie, high palate, and weak oral motor skills- whew!

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#7 of 7 Old 08-17-2010, 09:39 PM
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+1 on having him come talk to your doctor. That definitely helped allay my DH's fears.

I would also agree with pp's comments about this not being 'dangerous vbac' vs. 'safe csection.' A mother's risk of dying from c-section is greater than her risk of dying from vaginal birth, even if it's a vbac. In general when you're looking at the stats - c-sections pose greater risks to mom, while VBACs pose (very slightly) greater risks to the baby. That was actually one of my reasons for choosing a vbac. I figured if I had to choose between my life and my unborn child's, I was going to choose my own life, because I already have a child I am responsible for and don't want to deprive her of life with a mother just so she can have a sibling. At her age she needs a mommy more than a sister. Obviously everything worked out and we are now a happy family of four. And fortunately cases of vbac or csection that result in maternal or fetal death are both extremely rare. But ALL births carry risks. There's just no way around it. Your DH should be aware that a VBAC involves less risk for YOU, no matter what your 'friend' has to say about it.
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