I had an AWESOME UHBA3C (I wasn't planning it to be a UC, but that's how it worked) a couple of weeks ago. Please don't get me wrong...I love my 3 older boys, but I feel differently about my UBAC baby. I just feel so much more protective of this baby, I feel so much more bonded to him. I'm trying to decide if it's because he's still so new (I remember kind of feeling this way about the others but it seems like it took much longer) or if it's because he was a HBAC baby.
Does anyone know if there is research about bonding and mother/child (or even parent/child or parent/parent) relationships with VBAC vs C/S births?
Wife to a wonderful husband, mom to 5 amazing boys, 2 m/c and Knox Cornelius our 5th son born at 15weeks 12/3/2011, Lillian Faith our 1st daughter, born at 14 weeks May 19, 2012 (Turner Syndrome).
The other thing that I wonder if when I was a first time mom, I knew I'd love my baby to pieces and I did...but, it was a love that I had never felt before, so it grew daily. Started huge, but also grew daily. So, I think with my VBAC baby, I already knew what it felt like to love a child so I think the love started greater because I had experience that love and knew the pure joy of being a mother and I knew what I was going to get to experience again.
Since I didn't have a c/s baby that was not my first baby, I can't say that I can REALLY tell the difference of c/s and first baby vs VBAC and second baby. But, I do think I bonded faster with my second/vbac baby.
Then maybe it changed to being equal when she became a "difficult" baby! LOL!
Canadian mom of Myron born in Japan, March 2007. Our second son born at home, wonderful HBAC in July 2010. I am a jeweller, I love creating things!
1***5****10****15****20****25****30****35***40****45, Due June 10th, 2014
I don’t remember feeling this happy at 4 ½ months with my son. His c-section was emotionally devastating and I was very down for many months. We also had quite the struggle with nusing at the beginning. On top of all that we moved when he was 6 weeks old, so I was in a strange town, with no friends or family and my hubby was working a LOT. So, unfortunately, the first 6 months of DS’s life were pretty dark for me. I clung to him and needed him, and loved him, but I just don’t remember the JOY I feel when I look at my daughter. I feel sad about that, but he’s healthy and happy and doesn’t remember!
Wife to DH 8/2003; Momma to DS 5/2007 ; DD 5/1/2010 !
Sarah Buckley's book Gentle Birth Gentle Mothering goes into this some.
Mom, Wife, Doula, CBE
Nine kids and four , living and learning all the time
I had the protective instinct immediately both times, but felt I needed to get to know them. I thought it would be different with my VBAC baby, but it wasn't. I had a very easy VBAC, but I didn't cry and feel overwhelmingly bonded right away. I felt good and positive both times, but not like some people talk about. Over the next few weeks after birth, I had post-partum elation. Breastfeeding was much easier with my VBAC baby, but the emotions and bonding were the same except for VBAC happiness and breastfeeding ease. Neither effected my feelings towards the baby either time, though.
I do still think about her birth a lot and that is special. My c/s baby was my first and that is special.
I do know that the c/s does often mess with the hormonal/euphoric bond that new moms get with their babies. I very possibly haven't felt that initial surge, but I very fortunately had no issues bonding with DS, and my sadness over my c/s, well, I was able to keep that separate from him. He was also a pretty easy baby, which probably helped!
Mommy to Oliver (06/06) and Pearl (09/10)
In fact, my ONLY Homebirth was with a surrogate baby! It was my UBAC and the single most incredible moment of my life. I will cherish it always. But that baby, while still 1/2 my flesh and blood is not any more meaningful to me.
Interesting that many of the csec mamas here who say it was never any different, are also mamas who felt their csections were needed (or at least, appreciated under the circumstances of that birth--bringing baby to their arms at last), and/or had time to integrate the idea of a csec and prepare for it ahead of time.
Also, as some have said, it's not just about hormones toward bonding--its also that sense of empowerment, being more alive and whole after natural birth compared to csection. Our hormones can give us that, too--not just bonding with babies--another benefit of normal birth for sure. And one that is needed, IMO, because it helps boost us emotionally/spiritually into parenting (or our next stage of parenting)...which requires emotional strength, and confidence in ourselves to be up to the hard work of parenting.
Of course, most csec mamas accomplish bonding, joy, empowerment in all kinds of ways in their lives. Not saying that these hormones of birth are the 'only way' toward these important things....but I am saying, those hormones and all else involved with normal birth are needed, very helpful parts of birth's design. Not just to 'get babies out'--but to get mamas ready for the baby in many ways.
I thought if I had a VBAC I would bond after the birth, and feel all those warm an fuzzy feelings...
No. I had my 2nd child at home, and still took a few months to feel that bond.
With my VBAC baby, I was able to just love him not feel so scared for him. I was able to enjoy his babyhood more.
I wouldn't say I bonded more or that it was quicker, but the experiences were different.
I do. I am much more bonded to my VBAC baby. I love my son and we are very bonded but it took time. he was also very colicky and cranky and I really didn't enjoy the first few months very much. I also had some PPD and a rough recovery from my c/s. That said, with my daughter, the bond was immediate. I only had to hold her to have afterpains because of all the natural oxytocin flowing. It seems like our bond is so much more intense and it happened very quickly. At first I felt really bad that my son missed out on all of hat and I still do but I also realize that it is what it is and he and I have our very special own thing going on so I make sure that he gets enough so he never feels like he's missing out.
My experience exactly!
Nine kids and four , living and learning all the time
My first section I didn't realize at the time how unnecessary it was and bonded well with ds. The second section was much harder because it was a failed vbac that was again unnecessary that I was bullied into. So there was a lot of anger and disapointment. I did bond with dd, but it took longer because of the emotional devastation. I still feel sad about that.
Now almost a year after my vba2c baby, I can't say that I love any one of them more than the other.
my vbac was an amazing, AMAZING birth experience & i felt empowered by it...but connection to dd2 was the same. again, i felt empowered & was really proud etc. and as a pp mentioned, it made me appreciate all i had gone through having a c section with dd1. but i bonded right away with both babes.
off topic-the one thing i couldn't get over & talked about a great deal was the difference in how my body felt the week or 2 after. i probably should have rested more but compared to a c section recovery, this felt like no recovery at all...not having the incision to deal with was unbelievable. i said many times that "it changed the whole ball game".