How to get past fear of the unknown? :( - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 14 Old 02-27-2011, 08:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have been mentally and physically preparing myself for April, I have been trying to read lots of positive stories of VBA2C etc. but I have also encountered a few horror stories...of UR and babies dying. Thats my biggest fear. It seems like a constant battle with me to focus and stay positive but I cant help but think what if something goes wrong? What if my baby dies? All because I wanted a VBAC...ofcourse a 3rd c-section scares me as well, I dont want another surgery, and I know risks increase with the more cesareans you have as well, My midwife is %100 supportive and being that I am giving birth ina birthing center, not a hospital without interventions I know is much better but I also feel that if I end up needing an emergency c-section will I get to the hospital quick enough? The hospital is about 10 minutes max driving. How did you all not let fear get to you? I just dont want to feel like Im playing with my daughters life. I wish someone could tell me everything will be ok without a doubt, but I know nothing in life is that way.....eyesroll.gif


Rebecca (26) DH Damian (29) DS1 (9 yrs old) DS2 (3yrs old) due April with our first baby girl, going for a VBA2C! vbac.gif
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#2 of 14 Old 02-28-2011, 04:42 AM
 
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Honestly, I read the stats and acknowledged that there was a risk and filed that in the back of my mind so I could focus on a positive pregnancy.  The risk of a repeat c/s for me was much higher too.  I knew that the risk of a catastrophic u/r was so, so small.  I was birthing in a very conservative hospital (too conservative, IMO) so I knew that at the slightest hint of UR they would c/s me and have the ability to do so fast.  When I was in labor, the furthest thing from my mind was UR.  Seriously, it never once crossed my mind.  I was monitored intermittently, so I knew that I was fine and the baby was fine.  I ended up with another c/s, but we had time so that it wasn't a panicked rush like my first. I had an emergency c/s with my first (HELLP syndrome that went downhill FAST) and if you think about it, if there is an emergency you call the hospital and let them know you are coming.  They can prep the OR so that they are ready to go when you arrive.  It's only a call you can make, though.  Even though things ended up the opposite of what I wanted for both births, I know without a doubt I will chose VBA2C for my third. Best of luck!


A supportive military wife and mama to my busy boy and sweet girl.
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#3 of 14 Old 02-28-2011, 06:49 AM
 
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When I was preparing for my VBAC, I accepted that there was about a 1 in 3500 chance that my baby would die in UR (1 in 200 VBAC attempts ending in UR, and 6% of those being fatal to the baby) because that is even less of a risk than other things that I never worried about with any delivery, like placenta abruptio. I birthed with a provider who I felt could manage an emergency like that, and from talking to a few women who had ruptured, I felt I would know if something was going wrong. Of course, it was in the back of my mind, but I was 95% excited for the VBAC and only 5% nervous. I truly felt I was making the right decision and that my body could do it. If I had signed up for a RCS, I would have been 100% nervous. After all, awful things happen in RCS as well.

 

I was more nervous earlier in my pregnancy. By the end, I felt things were right in the universe and that I was not making a mistake. Your fears are very normal. Just go with your gut feeling about which way you want to deliver and then embrace it.


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#4 of 14 Old 02-28-2011, 07:15 AM
 
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I am also planning a VBA2C. So far for me, VBA2C has been a very emotional, freighted experience. Hugs, mama.


coolshine.gif Mama to DS ('06), DD ('08), and DD (9.18.11).

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#5 of 14 Old 02-28-2011, 07:54 AM
 
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It's hard to let go of the fear of the unknown.

 

I am a L&D nurse at a hospital that allows VBACs. UR is rare, and when it does happen is rarely "all of a sudden". There are signs your midwife will know to look for ahead of time. (I've actually only seen it when providers got antsy and starting using pitocin or other methods to speed labor along.) 

 

Also, UR is not like what most people imagine. Most of the time, its a thinned out portion of your uterus slowly opening. A reason for a C/S, sure. But not a "lets get the baby out in 5 minutes" kind of thing. There should be ample time for a transfer, and like a previous poster said, we would be getting everything ready for the surgery while you were on your way. (Also, it takes time to get ready for a C-section. If the birth center is within 10 minutes to the hospital, it probably wouldn't take any more time to prepare while you were being transferred than if you were already at the hospital.)


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#6 of 14 Old 02-28-2011, 09:04 AM
 
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I am in the same boat with you :) HUgs....VBA2C in less than 4 weeks !!

 

Eventhough, I have decided to go for a very natural birth friendly hospital and OB to feel saver, and to make my dh feel better as well..I know the very rare UR can happen when you are outside of any hospital facility too. For instance you stay home long enough till you progress more and it happens then or whenever...what I am trying to say, it may not be a reason not to give birth at the birth center in that case. Maybe you can go with your instincts..if you feel in any way more scared in the birthcenter during labor or change your mind, you can say it and move over to the hospital and birth there...its your free decision!


Claudia wife to Joe since (05/04) Mom to DD (09/05) and mom to DS (11/09) :
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#7 of 14 Old 02-28-2011, 09:07 AM
 
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I understand your fear. I had a very successful VBAC in January. I too just filed the fear into the back of my mind. I think the very best thing to do is surround yourself with supportive people. It sounds like you have a great midwife and that is a perfect start. When I had my VBAC I wanted everyone to stay positive and supportive. I knew that interventions would not be helpful and they would raise the risk of rupture and my birth team listened to those requests. It sounds like you not being in a hospital is helpful even though you have the fear of possibly needing a transfer. 

 

Put your trust in your midwife. She knows there is a slight possibility of rupture and she knows how far the hospital is from the birthing center. If she was not confident in your ability to birth and in her ability to help you given your history I don't think she would have accepted you as a client. 

 

With me even though I did have the fear in the very back of my mind I just tried to stay positive. Throughout my entire labor my focus was a vaginal birth. Every time I started to doubt myself or labor got hard I kept a mental image of delivering Hannah vaginally and them putting her on my chest. I played that image over and over again in my head. 

 

You will be amazing. :)

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#8 of 14 Old 02-28-2011, 09:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all so much, some days are worse than others when it comes to doubting myself. I have had such confidence since finding my midwife and realizing my dream of a VBAC could finally come true. I just started services with her at 30 weeks, I'm 33 weeks this Wednesday. I'm still seeing my doctor, since my insurance covers that and I'm paying my midwife out of pocket. I have decided that when he schedules my c-section I wont show up. The problem with me laboring at a hospital is in this area, there is only one hospital ok with a vaginal birth after 2 c-sections. There are 2-3 that have a ban, and couple more that allow it after 1 cesarean, also in my state it is illegal for a midwife to attend a VBAC at home if she has had more than 1 cesarean, so I'm birthing at the birth center in Texas (I'm in NM) I don't believe she would have taken me if she felt that I wouldn't succeed at a VBAC. She has been doing this for over 20 years, and many VBAC's as well. I'm terrified of a 3rd c-section as well, that is the main reason I decided to look again around 30 weeks for anyone willing to let me birth vaginally. I was having nightmares of surgery, I was hyperventilating during my c-section with my second son, and that was a scheduled repeat. I felt like I had to physically and emotionally put myself somewhere else just to get through it which caused pretty bad PPD afterwards. I feel God has truly been on my side in finding a midwife and presenting this opportunity to me when I searched since the beginning of my pregnancy with no luck, I know I have to stay positive and realize that even UR is possible it is very rare, and there are far more successful VBAC's than unsuccessful.


Rebecca (26) DH Damian (29) DS1 (9 yrs old) DS2 (3yrs old) due April with our first baby girl, going for a VBA2C! vbac.gif
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#9 of 14 Old 02-28-2011, 01:21 PM
 
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Hey mommyrebecca, I had a few extra minutes and I wanted to come back to your thread and elaborate a bit.

 

Off topic a bit, let me say I admire your vigorous search for a provider who will give you the care you want, and your willingness to travel for it.

 

Back on topic: I am not scared of rupture for many of the reasons PPs stated -- it is a very, very slim chance statistically, and it is detectable under most circumstances. I hope that hearing this perspective from many posters can help you frame the issue differently. 

 

HOWEVER -- I have a theory about VBA2C, which is an ambient anxiety theory. I think that folks who have our birthing history and are facing VBA2C are just sort of in an inherently sticky situation. The risk of rupture is greater for us, albeit slightly. But the risks of repeat section are greater for us, too. It is just very different from being a plain-vanilla VBAC, and I know because I had a plain-vanilla "failed" VBAC. During my first VBAC attempt, people did not think I was crazy, I had no trouble finding a good provider, etc. Now it's really tangibly different. VBA2C has some really sucky aspects for me so far. That is my experience.

 

Ok, so my theory is that there is this ambient anxiety and it will settle somewhere. For me, it is surrounding finding the providers I need to make my birth plans work. For you, it is rupture. I think it may be helpful to just acknowledge that VBA2C may be an inherently stressful endeavor for some women. (I am sure some zen master VBA2C birther will pop in here to tell me how wrong I am, and I should just trust my body, yadda yadda eyesroll.gif).

So there you go. I don't know if this makes you feel better or not. lol.gif But just know you have a big hug from me and all my good birthing vibes are headed your way.


coolshine.gif Mama to DS ('06), DD ('08), and DD (9.18.11).

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#10 of 14 Old 02-28-2011, 07:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much Mrs. B Sprout. I couldn't agree more! I feel like either choice I make can be risky, I am terrified of a 3rd c-section..almost as much as uterine rupture but at the same time I feel confident in my body and I know many women have done it. I find encouragement from reading VBAmC stories, I just hate that in the back of my mind I think " I could be that %.1" I guess it doesn't help that I'm a worry wort IRL...I don't take a lot risks, I tend to always go the safe route, but it seems in this case I have hard time telling myself one is more safe than the other. I do feel a lot better connecting with other VBAC mama, who are  feeling the same way or are just as passionate about this as I am. In the end we all just want what is best for us and our babies.


Rebecca (26) DH Damian (29) DS1 (9 yrs old) DS2 (3yrs old) due April with our first baby girl, going for a VBA2C! vbac.gif
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#11 of 14 Old 02-28-2011, 09:17 PM
 
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I can't get quotes to work right now. You wrote:

 

 

in this case I have hard time telling myself one is more safe than the other.

 

I call this the VBAC hamster wheel. No matter how many times you think it through, your mind just keeps on spinning!! lol.gif It's crazy-making. I try to acknowledge my ambivalence and anxiety and just let it be -- tell myself that it is ok to feel this way.


coolshine.gif Mama to DS ('06), DD ('08), and DD (9.18.11).

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#12 of 14 Old 03-01-2011, 08:51 AM
 
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I feel like this a lot of the time too.  I guess all we can do is plan for the best but be prepared for the worst.  Sorry, I know that's not perhaps the most encouraging thing I could possibly say right now . . . Just wanted you to know I'm in a VERY similar place ATM.  Hugs!

Quote:

Originally Posted by mommyrebecca919 View Post

Thank you so much Mrs. B Sprout. I couldn't agree more! I feel like either choice I make can be risky, I am terrified of a 3rd c-section..almost as much as uterine rupture but at the same time I feel confident in my body and I know many women have done it. I find encouragement from reading VBAmC stories, I just hate that in the back of my mind I think " I could be that %.1"


Kimberly, mom & wife - blogging.jpg about pregnancy and birth
DD 2004; 3 angel1.gif babies 2007-08; rainbow1284.gif twin DDs 2009; DD 7/12/11 hospital uhoh3.gif VBAC bouncy.gifafter 2 cesareans!

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#13 of 14 Old 03-14-2011, 10:53 PM
 
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#14 of 14 Old 03-15-2011, 06:47 AM
 
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Krista, I am so impressed with your approach to all this. The bolded part of your post below is my ultimate goal -- I want off the VBAC worry hamster wheel!!!

 

I am rooting for you and sending you all my good birthing thoughts! orngbiggrin.gif Thanks for your post!
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MommyKrista View Post

Wow, I'm really relating to the other mamas here dealing with the head games VBA2C play! I especially like what Ms. B. Sprout has said. I'm planning a HBA2C for May and for me, personally, I find it reassuring that I won't be in the hospital. I feel like the personalized one on one attention of my midwife and being in my own environment without pain meds masking things, will all make recognizing UR easier. Hospital interventions (like the induction I got for my VBAC attempt) all INCREASE the risk of UR. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm making the best choice I can given my situation. NEITHER choice is optimal but RCS isn't without risk either and I'd like to not have my reproductive choices limited due to possibly unnecessary surgery. It's a struggle though because I believe in mother's intuition and it seems like I've spent a lot of this pregnancy rexamining my feelings about whether my nervousness is normal or an indication of something I need to pay attention to and address. I pride myself in not burying my head in the sand when I make choices and I really look at both sides of an argument when making an important decision like this. Like you I've read all the horror stories, research, etc and have accepted that either route has risk. Getting pregnant in the first place has risk for all women it's just about managing the risks and planning the best you can so benefits outweigh the risks, right? I've decided at this point in my pregnancy that thinking about or researching complications and risks isn't going to change the way I handle this pregnancy and birth so I'm done reading and focusing on the negative, it doesn't deserve the space in my brain or my energy anymore, and it's time for me to get excited about how AWESOME the birth of this child will be! Good luck mama!

 


 


coolshine.gif Mama to DS ('06), DD ('08), and DD (9.18.11).

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