Be careful about ICAN and other such groups - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 08:25 PM
 
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um.  I'm not a genius or anything.  Anyone can look back and see the title of your post that says "39 w-1day pregnant have to find a new OB" and then OB abandonment at 40w 2days...  That equals 8 days.  And I only know what you have told me or what you have posted yourself.  For the record, I did just see this post.  Sorry to dissapoint, but I'm not here every day. 

As you can see on my profile, I have been a member here far before your baby was born.  I am a VBAC advocate and a VBA3C mama myself and I know how his practice works.  You have to actually go to the hospital for him to be called. 

 

Like I said, I've stayed out of it.  I've kept quiet because I haven't wanted to upset you.  I've not attacked you in anyway.  You are calling me names and insulting me.  I have only ever tried to help you by validating your feelings and giving you support and solutions to work out your problems.

 

Are you saying that he was not at the hospital the day you delivered? 

This whole situation has made me sick to my stomach from day one...for many reasons.  Mostly because I know how sad and upset you are and you feel that you were abandoned and mistreated...and no one deserves to feel that way ever, especially when it's a laboring mama.  To be honest, I have been keeping tabs on you because I was hoping that you would heal and let go of a little bit of the bitterness and resentment (for your sake).  I have been worried about you.

 

 


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#32 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 08:28 PM
 
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I am not neveraim. We are 2 totally different people. 

 

I am super busy, but I will allocate time to things I find important and things I have compassion for. I found it important to search through the yahoo group to make sure I didn't miss something and then post here with my thoughts/experience. I am not bullying you, I am just providing my side of the story. Our opinions not agreeing does not mean I am bullying you. 

 

The ICAN Chapter you are referring to has been an invaluable resource to many women. It will continue to be an invaluable source to many more. I really hope any woman who reads that desires a VBAC or c/s support will seek out an ICAN chapter.

 

What you experienced was not a result of ICAN. Rather it was a result of the way things played out and of the choices you made for your baby, yourself and your family. Blaming ICAN is not going to change what happened.

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#33 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 09:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I already can see that you are Abbey, and you are neveraim...same person. And it does not take a genius to see that both of you live near me, used the same doctor, both have had vba3c, and both of you seem to be posting at the same times. I did call the local police department about local cyber stalking laws and turns out, we do have laws against cyberstalking and cyberbullying. You clearly have an agenda and clearly qualify for criminal charges. If you continue to stalk me, I will file a report against you with all your posts and all your emails.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by EElady View Post

I am not neveraim. We are 2 totally different people. 

 

I am super busy, but I will allocate time to things I find important and things I have compassion for. I found it important to search through the yahoo group to make sure I didn't miss something and then post here with my thoughts/experience. I am not bullying you, I am just providing my side of the story. Our opinions not agreeing does not mean I am bullying you. 

 

The ICAN Chapter you are referring to has been an invaluable resource to many women. It will continue to be an invaluable source to many more. I really hope any woman who reads that desires a VBAC or c/s support will seek out an ICAN chapter.

 

What you experienced was not a result of ICAN. Rather it was a result of the way things played out and of the choices you made for your baby, yourself and your family. Blaming ICAN is not going to change what happened.



 

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#34 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 09:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am calling you names? Let's see..I said eelady was a cyberbully and a zealot bully...and you say you are the one I am calling names. Are you confusing which name you are posting under now? You should pay better attention when you sign in and out under your different names.
 

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Originally Posted by neveraim View Post

um.  I'm not a genius or anything.  Anyone can look back and see the title of your post that says "39 w-1day pregnant have to find a new OB" and then OB abandonment at 40w 2days...  That equals 8 days.  And I only know what you have told me or what you have posted yourself.  For the record, I did just see this post.  Sorry to dissapoint, but I'm not here every day. 

As you can see on my profile, I have been a member here far before your baby was born.  I am a VBAC advocate and a VBA3C mama myself and I know how his practice works.  You have to actually go to the hospital for him to be called. 

 

Like I said, I've stayed out of it.  I've kept quiet because I haven't wanted to upset you.  I've not attacked you in anyway.  You are calling me names and insulting me.  I have only ever tried to help you by validating your feelings and giving you support and solutions to work out your problems.

 

Are you saying that he was not at the hospital the day you delivered? 

This whole situation has made me sick to my stomach from day one...for many reasons.  Mostly because I know how sad and upset you are and you feel that you were abandoned and mistreated...and no one deserves to feel that way ever, especially when it's a laboring mama.  To be honest, I have been keeping tabs on you because I was hoping that you would heal and let go of a little bit of the bitterness and resentment (for your sake).  I have been worried about you.

 

 



 

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#35 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 09:46 PM
 
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I am not here under false pretenses.  I have not hidden who I am.  This is a public forum.  Anyone can read everything you've ever posted.  I will gladly supply the emails and posts we have exchanged.  I have never been anything but kind to you.  The only person who has been threatening is you towards me.
 


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#36 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 09:58 PM
 
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I've been a member of this community since 2006. 


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#37 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 09:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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http://www.haltabuse.org/resources/laws/texas.shtml

 

If you want to make up emails, and put all my personal info out there, and put out false emails under my name...then you will can answer to the police because I will file charges against you. I have never threatened you, but you have threatened me. And you are clearly stalking me.

 

 

http://www.mothering.com/community/a/terms-of-service

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#38 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 10:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neveraim View Post

I've been a member of this community since 2006. 



Then why did you make up a second name to post under? Since you have no problem with sending me personal emails....and I have not been posting identifying information here, why did you feel the need to make a second name to post under and start attacking me? You are the exact example of how a group can go bad. When you first started to attack me, I should have left the ican group. But I stayed because I was vulnerable. That was where my mistake was. I stayed in a group where people of your sort are..people who stalk someone to attack and bully them...like you have been doing to me for some time. You have made the point I was posting about. About how someone can do something like this and to be careful.

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#39 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 10:06 PM
 
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ok.  I scanned through those and have broken none of them. How, exactly, have I threatened you?  And how am I stalking you? I think that you'd have to provide evidence of something more than reading a few posts on Mothering.com to qualify for 'stalking'.   I simply disagree with you. 

 


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#40 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 10:13 PM
 
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You tell me why I would make up a second name to post under.  It doesn't make any sense to me either.  That's because I didn't.  Sheesh, Lisa...If I'd wanted to go incognito, I wouldn't have a picture of my baby as my avatar or post my REAL name in my siggy!

YOU emailed me tonight!  making some kind of a threat!  I did not, and will not respond to you.  You take EVERYTHING anyone says or does and make yourself a victim to it!  I tried to reach out to you months ago.  I have sincerely worried about you!  If anyone here goes back and reads your past posts, it's evident that you have been struggling heavily with depression.  I haven't made anything up (and why would I?) 


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#41 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 10:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neveraim View Post

You tell me why I would make up a second name to post under.  It doesn't make any sense to me either.  That's because I didn't.  Sheesh, Lisa...If I'd wanted to go incognito, I wouldn't have a picture of my baby as my avatar or post my REAL name in my siggy!

YOU emailed me tonight!  making some kind of a threat!  I did not, and will not respond to you.  You take EVERYTHING anyone says or does and make yourself a victim to it!  I tried to reach out to you months ago.  I have sincerely worried about you!  If anyone here goes back and reads your past posts, it's evident that you have been struggling heavily with depression.  I haven't made anything up (and why would I?) 

Yeah, you did not have a pic of your baby under your other name...EElady. and you stopped posting under that name once you slipped up and posted under this name. Of course, are you now going to suddenly switch back to EElady sign on name?
 

 

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#42 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 10:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You know..I am such a nicer person than you. I am sitting here reading your blog and thinking how I have your number, your full name, your blog, and I am being trashed on by you publically, when if you really just wanted to talk to me or help, you could have emailed me. Yet, I could never ever bring myself to treat someone the way you have been treating me. I don't care if you believe Dr C did what he did. I do care that you try to call me out as a liar. I love how on your blog you tell people to seek out support for a traumatic birth and that it is not your fault..yet..then you tell me how I got what I deserve because I could have gone in to the hospital anyway, after being told not to by the OB and being told I would be turned away.  I have nurses from the hospital as witnesses to what happened and have filed complaint with the state. While I don't have any faith in the state doing anything about it, the case is still open and still being investigated so I am hopeful. I am glad your birth went so perfect and as planned. But I was abandoned and treated horribly. And you are part of the problem in that you are one of the ican members who sent me nasty emails. I could never be like you. I could never be the sort of person who follows someone around to trash on them and make up extra user names to trash on them...or anything else like that. I would be the one to hug someone and be supportive when they are clearly having a hard time. Instead, you are the type who bullies and stalks and hides under fake names to do it too.

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#43 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 10:28 PM
 
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Except...I don't have two names.  I don't know who EElady is.  I'm assuming she is a member of our ICAN group...since she said she was.   I have no reason to post under another name.  Why?  What would that do for any of us?  I saw her post and decided to chime in.  Why is that so unfathomable? 
 

 


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#44 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 10:41 PM
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Thread closed for review. 


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#45 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 11:08 PM
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Lisa1970, while I can appreciate that you have a grievance with the ICAN Yahoo Group of your area I do think it is inappropriate to post about it here at Mothering. Such posts invite a myriad of issues between people when they are personally involved or affiliated with a group you publicly name and negatively criticize.  

 

I think the initial posts from some members did try to address the shortcomings of the yahoo group and explain options and make suggestions. I can see how the specific post that checked your posting history to the ICAN group made you feel defensive. But your accusations were strong and you made inappropriate accusations. I think when you post something like this story you should expect some sort of strong response. In this case the response was very pointed but also stated very politely. We, as moderators and bystanding community members, have no way of knowing what the full story is and what is completely accurate and not leaving out details that would cast a different light on the issue. So we get stuck in the middle of it all. This is why, historically, we have not permitted members to post about other groups.

 

One of our members flagged this thread for that reason. I was saw the flag last night and started a discussion with the moderation team to decide how to handle it, considering our new moderation approach we took earlier this year. I should have closed the thread for review until we decided. I'm sorry things got out of hand but let's take this as a lesson. Report your issues to those who can do something about it - which would be your regional ICAN office. Hopefully they can investigate and take some direct and positive action.For us, we'll not permit such threads that publicly name a group. We have a Reviews section that can better host personal reviews of organizations and service providers, following the reviews guidelines of course.


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