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#1 of 45 Old 11-17-2011, 03:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was on the ICAN yahoo group for my local area. They were over the top in to one particular doctor. Members of the group would convince women that they needed to drive hours for this OB even for a vba1c. If anyone suggested going to a different doctor, the women would jump all over them about needing to be with this one particular doctor. They would say he was the only one that could be trusted for hours away. And if you dare shared something negative, no matter what it was, a person would be jumped. And sent private messages and even threats of lawsuits for sharing. I was personally put on moderate for telling about my bad experience. I said nothing more on that group than I said here. 

 

I was attacked openly on the group. I was told that the problems I had with the doctor were my fault. I was sent private messages attacking me. Fortunately, I was also defended on the group a little bit and received a fair number of private messages supporting me. 

 

The point I am getting at is, on a group like that, where everyone is hyper focused on one doctor to the point where the group is about that doctor and not about vbacs so much, a person can end up in a bad situation. I would have left that doctor sooner except if I went for help or guidance from that "support group" I was chastised and everything was explained away. I was left to feel like a defect for seeing those red flags along the way. (red flags like the OB appointments being 6-8 weeks apart, the doctor was caught going out of town 2 times during my pregnancy by me leaving no one on call...one time I had a fever with contractions and the other time I had a UTI, both had to be treated by a doctor from a different practice because the OB left no one on call, and his refusal to do the glucose tolerance test...I ended up likely having undiagnosed gestational diabetes, etc). In the end, when I went in to labor and did not progress, the OB refused to see me, admit it, examine me, or anything. After more than 40 hrs of labor, in such extreme pain that I could not function or cope anymore, I ended up being admitted to the hospital by a doctor from a different practice who did an emergency csect on me. She said after the section that I was rupturing and the baby and I would not have lived. The OB told me he would see me on Monday, but refused to see me on that Saturday. I posted the story in more detail here on another post. The OB always hid behind other people for his mistakes. But in this case, the case of the birth, he admitted to telling the on-call OB to turn me away. He admitted to knowing of my calls and what was going on. Thing is, once things were clearly not going well, he turned me away. He abandoned me as a patient. Reality is, the signs were there all along that he was going to do this. The signs were there all along that he was not a competent doctor. I looked back over people's birth stories who delivered with him and were happy. They all were completely intervention free and did not need it. They did not even have pain killers. I am happy for them that they wanted a natural birth and all went fine and they got what they wanted. But they might as well have had an unassisted childbirth. Because with that OB, he could not or would not recognize the signs of complications. He was not willing, or not capable, of checking me out when things went wrong. Because of this, he would be a horrible choice for a VBAC OB, or really, any OB. 

 

Being told it was my fault that things went how they did caused me a lot of grief and emotional distress. To add to it, I stayed with that bad OB because I was pushed and bullied by people at the group. I noticed at the end of my pregnancy that the group was not at all about vbacs or csects, but rather just about that one OB. I had been in a vbac support group years ago. In that group, we talked about how to have a successful vbac and what things increased your chances of a csect and so on. I learned so much from the vbac group I was in years ago. THAT should be the focus of any vbac support group.  I have heard from a few women now who have been on ICAN groups elsewhere (not the one I was on) where the focus is on a specific provider and not on vbacs or csects. 

 

I wanted to put this warning out there because I do not want any other woman to go through what I went through. Having a vbac is a wonderful thing. I have had 3 successful vbacs myself. I definitely feel vbacs are safer than csects for both mom and baby. But my baby almost died and so did I because I gave in to the pressures of that group to stay with that bad doctor. So, if you are on a support group and they seem to spend all their time worshipping one or two providers like this, and spend very little time actually educating on how to have a vbac or anything vbac/csect related, you may want to leave the group. There are places to get excellent information and support for a vbac without the pressure and bullying that happens in some groups. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself and leave the group if that happens.

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#2 of 45 Old 11-25-2011, 06:05 PM
 
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Lisa1970, thanks for sharing your story and experience.  I can't imagine how painful and frightening your birth must have been--not the treatment you deserved from any HCP.

 

I definitely don't want to bash ICAN, or any natural-birth-friendly group, but there are definitely different personalities among them.  There are several groups around, and what works for some doesn't always work for others.  For me, one group I contacted gave me the feeling that if I chose to birth at any but one specific hospital (90 minute drive, 2 bridges, 1 tunnel, and tolls) I was essentially choosing a c-section. Well, I disagree.  And that's not the attitude I'm going to surround myself with going in to my VBAC.  So I'm exploring other groups, and fortunately there are a few in this area.

 

So I just wanted to say, in a nutshell, that I hear ya.  hug.gif  And also to put it out there that its true, not all birth support groups are created equal, so if anyone is feeling put off by one, try to find another.


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#3 of 45 Old 11-25-2011, 09:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That is exactly how it was. If you do not go to this one doctor, you were not going to have a vbac. He is the only one anyone can trust and so on. They would say negative things about other doctors and midwives, but if you dared even express a concern, they jumped all over you. I even got emails that I was risking getting sued by saying anything about that one doctor.

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#4 of 45 Old 11-25-2011, 11:26 PM
 
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Have you considered going above the chapter leader to the regional coordinator, or even someone from the board of directors, and sharing your experience? They should know that your local chapter is behaving this way.


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#5 of 45 Old 11-25-2011, 11:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I went to the ican website and could not find any sort of contact information.

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#6 of 45 Old 11-25-2011, 11:39 PM
 
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here http://ican-online.org/contact-us

 

From the board of directors, Lauren Cooper looks like your best bet. And include whichever regional coordinator is closest to you


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#7 of 45 Old 11-26-2011, 08:23 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Lisa1970 View Post

I even got emails that I was risking getting sued by saying anything about that one doctor.

 

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Originally Posted by LiLStar View Post

Have you considered going above the chapter leader to the regional coordinator, or even someone from the board of directors, and sharing your experience? They should know that your local chapter is behaving this way.


Wow, that's nuts.  It needs to be reported.  How are you doing otherwise, OP?  Babe doing alright?

 

 

 


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#8 of 45 Old 11-26-2011, 08:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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here http://ican-online.org/contact-us

 

From the board of directors, Lauren Cooper looks like your best bet. And include whichever regional coordinator is closest to you

Thanks!
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#9 of 45 Old 11-26-2011, 10:14 PM
 
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Have you considered going above the chapter leader to the regional coordinator, or even someone from the board of directors, and sharing your experience? They should know that your local chapter is behaving this way.



I am an ICAN Chapter leader and I agree.

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#10 of 45 Old 11-28-2011, 09:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I sent them an email. I know it is only noon, but no response yet.

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#11 of 45 Old 11-28-2011, 10:44 AM
 
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Hope you get a response.


Not to de-rail the thread but something similar happened to me in a pregnancy loss support group years ago in Atlanta. The women would carry on about one doctor being the savior. It irked me because my child's loss was an accident and I loved my midwives and saw no reason to change care. You would think from the outcry that I was trying to murder my new babe by not going to their beloved doc. So odd. Collective hysteria? Group think? Mob psychology? Who knows?
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#12 of 45 Old 11-28-2011, 10:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hope you get a response.
Not to de-rail the thread but something similar happened to me in a pregnancy loss support group years ago in Atlanta. The women would carry on about one doctor being the savior. It irked me because my child's loss was an accident and I loved my midwives and saw no reason to change care. You would think from the outcry that I was trying to murder my new babe by not going to their beloved doc. So odd. Collective hysteria? Group think? Mob psychology? Who knows?


I am very sorry it was like that for you. That is an exact description what it was like for me with that ICAN group. They never spoke about actual vbac things. They acted like I was a criminal if I suggested at all that things the doctor was doing was off or wrong. The entire group was just a support that doctor group instead of any sort of vbac support or information providing or anything.

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#13 of 45 Old 12-04-2011, 09:58 AM
 
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#14 of 45 Old 12-04-2011, 12:58 PM
 
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Lisa,

 

I'm very sorry. It's not ICAN's fault the group in your area is like this. I am a chapter leader of a newer group here in Alaska and I try very hard to ensure the meetings don't go this way, ever. 

I hope you get some answers from the ICAN Regional coordinator.

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#15 of 45 Old 12-05-2011, 07:10 PM
 
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I do not want to downplay the issue of Lisa's experience with the ICAN yahoo group.  However, I think that yahoo groups are often very different from actual in person support groups - ICAN or otherwise..  Unfortunately, at times they have a life of their own.  The comments posted are not always from the leaders nor do they necessarily reflect the opinion of the larger organization.  I think it is too common for people to not think about what they are posting in an online community or how it will affect other people.  The varied expereinces mean that each person who reads that message will be filtering it with a different perspective and experiences.  The beauty and the challenge of support groups online or in person is that it is made up of individuals coming from varied backgrounds coming from different places in their healing experience.  It is much easier to reconcile these differences in person than it is online.  I think that is why it is important for moms who seek healing to go beyond the on-line community.  The on-line community is a great place for support.  However, it doesn't take the place of person to person interaction or if needed counseling.

 

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#16 of 45 Old 12-06-2011, 05:53 PM
 
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To add to it, I stayed with that bad OB because I was pushed and bullied by people at the group.
I wanted to put this warning out there because I do not want any other woman to go through what I went through. Having a vbac is a wonderful thing. I have had 3 successful vbacs myself. I definitely feel vbacs are safer than csects for both mom and baby. But my baby almost died and so did I because I gave in to the pressures of that group to stay with that bad doctor. So, if you are on a support group and they seem to spend all their time worshipping one or two providers like this, and spend very little time actually educating on how to have a vbac or anything vbac/csect related, you may want to leave the group. There are places to get excellent information and support for a vbac without the pressure and bullying that happens in some groups. Don't be afraid to speak up for yourself and leave the group if that happens.


I am so sorry for such a terrible and traumatic experience you went through!!!  :( 

 

The ICAN group local to me has been wonderful women have used a variety of providers and a variety of hospitals.  I have found them to be very respectful.  I'm sorry that you didn't find yours to be the same way.

 

Was this the doctor you had 3 other successful VBACs with?  If not, what made you leave the doctor you had successful VBACs with?  Perhaps I missed part of your story?

 

I am so upset for you but I feel like i have to point out that no one could have made you stay with this OB that you found so terrible. Was there really no one else if you already had 3 VBACs?  Have you had more than 1 c-section?  I am wondering if you are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress.  I hate to blurt that out but I want you to get the help that you need.  Clearly you are in so much pain and no mother should be dealing with that on her own.

 

I'm sorry if I have chosen the wrong words here.  I do not wish to upset you; rather I would love to see you get to the root of your pain so that you might work through it.

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#17 of 45 Old 12-06-2011, 10:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The people in the group were very against my old doctor and made it clear I would not be able to have a vbac with anyone else but the one favored OB in the group. The OB I had been with agreed to a vba3c so...I thought I was fine. But, within the group, they just kept saying you cannot trust anyone else but that one OB. 

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I am so sorry for such a terrible and traumatic experience you went through!!!  :( 

 

The ICAN group local to me has been wonderful women have used a variety of providers and a variety of hospitals.  I have found them to be very respectful.  I'm sorry that you didn't find yours to be the same way.

 

Was this the doctor you had 3 other successful VBACs with?  If not, what made you leave the doctor you had successful VBACs with?  Perhaps I missed part of your story?

 

I am so upset for you but I feel like i have to point out that no one could have made you stay with this OB that you found so terrible. Was there really no one else if you already had 3 VBACs?  Have you had more than 1 c-section?  I am wondering if you are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress.  I hate to blurt that out but I want you to get the help that you need.  Clearly you are in so much pain and no mother should be dealing with that on her own.

 

I'm sorry if I have chosen the wrong words here.  I do not wish to upset you; rather I would love to see you get to the root of your pain so that you might work through it.



 

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#18 of 45 Old 12-06-2011, 10:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I went to inperson meeting too.
 

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I do not want to downplay the issue of Lisa's experience with the ICAN yahoo group.  However, I think that yahoo groups are often very different from actual in person support groups - ICAN or otherwise..  Unfortunately, at times they have a life of their own.  The comments posted are not always from the leaders nor do they necessarily reflect the opinion of the larger organization.  I think it is too common for people to not think about what they are posting in an online community or how it will affect other people.  The varied expereinces mean that each person who reads that message will be filtering it with a different perspective and experiences.  The beauty and the challenge of support groups online or in person is that it is made up of individuals coming from varied backgrounds coming from different places in their healing experience.  It is much easier to reconcile these differences in person than it is online.  I think that is why it is important for moms who seek healing to go beyond the on-line community.  The on-line community is a great place for support.  However, it doesn't take the place of person to person interaction or if needed counseling.

 



 

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#19 of 45 Old 12-07-2011, 05:11 AM
 
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I wish we had ICAN here - I'm in SC and all of our chapters have gone defunct. There is a yahoo group, but it's practicaly inactive too. It's one of those things where everyone suggests asking your local ICAN chapter . . . and well, it doesn't exist! I would start something, but I work full time and just had a baby and just don't really have the time.

 

I will say I plugged into an AWESOME group of women on facebook via my doula. it's hard, but well worth working for finding the right kind of support you need, both online and face-to-face.

 

and I am so sorry about your experience. Nothing as traumatic, of course, but I've had bad experiences with our local Holistic Moms group. It's not that the organization as a whole is bad, but our local chapter . . .leaves a bit to be desired.


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#21 of 45 Old 12-07-2011, 12:57 PM
 
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The people in the group were very against my old doctor and made it clear I would not be able to have a vbac with anyone else but the one favored OB in the group. The OB I had been with agreed to a vba3c so...I thought I was fine. But, within the group, they just kept saying you cannot trust anyone else but that one OB. 



 



So you left the doctor that you already had 3 VBACs with in order to try this new doctor?  :(  I guess I'm not understanding why you would leave the doctor you had a wonderful history of VBACs with in order to use someone that women in the local ICAN group suggested.

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#22 of 45 Old 12-07-2011, 05:29 PM
 
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So you left the doctor that you already had 3 VBACs with in order to try this new doctor?  greensad.gif  I guess I'm not understanding why you would leave the doctor you had a wonderful history of VBACs with in order to use someone that women in the local ICAN group suggested.

A vba3c is a vbac after 3 cesareans, not a third vbac.

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#23 of 45 Old 12-07-2011, 11:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Again I am so sorry for your experiences.  You mentioned in a different post that you were hoping for a VBA4C.  Is it possible that this is why you were directed to one particular OB over another?  live in Illinois and there is probably one OB in the entire state who would consider a VBA3C (much less 4c) even with previous vaginal births.   I haven't heard of many resources even in Chicago.  I am on all of our state's ICAN boards. This will mean that many hoping for VBA3C and higher will end up going to the same provider.  Moms are traveling long distances to do so.  I think the VBAC situation is sad.  I am sorry for your experiences especially since you have had prior VBACS.  I think just as support groups are not going to be the right fit for every person neither are care providers.  Sadly, with the greater number of cesareans the options become that much more limited.  Hopefully you will find the support you need to be able to overcome your traumatic birth experience.  


No..sorry. I had my two vbacs elsewhere. When we moved here, I have been with this one OB. I did not plan a vbac in 2006, but due to some circumstances, it happened, stayed with same OB, and she sort of pressured me in to a csect at the end, even though she had agreed to vbac at beginning. That was baby 2009. I had horrible complications from that csect and came close to dying. I did not want another csect again. She actually apologized for pushing me in to the csect, even though it was an indirect push and said I could try a vbac the next time. But, because of how things went the time before, where I got to the end and was sort of pressured to a repeat csect, I was went ahead and went with the other OB, which I had to travel an hour to get to, but right away, by 20 weeks, there were major red flags. There were smaller ones before. But every time I posted about something, I was so badly bullied, that I sort of blamed myself and was scared to move on. In my third trimester though,things went to over the deep end with him, that I was willing to consent to a repeat csect to get away. But by then it was too late. And, when I would just mention any issue, I would get reamed so bad on the group, that I questioned myself. My dh was never comfy with the group because he went with me to an in person meeting and felt they were way out there and over the top about some things. But we did not live here when I had my first two vbacs.
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#24 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 08:47 AM
 
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#25 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 12:59 PM
 
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I just felt like I had to post something here as well. I am a member of the yahoo group that you speak about, and I spent a large amount of my time looking back at the history of posts.

 

You posted to the group saying you were TTC and that you were already with Dr. XYZ. You posted a few times asking about OBs for VBA4C and then about VBAC friendly OBs. One person asked if you would consider a midwife. The responses you got were that Dr. XYZ is probably the only OB in the area who will do a VBA4C.

 

Never once do you mention who your previous OB was.  So how could the group be against this doctor?

 

When people post to the group asking for care provider suggestions, there is no jumping on someone if they don’t choose Dr. XYZ. There are a number of OBs that are VBAC friendly and also many midwives who do VBACs in our area. However, the number of VBAC3C and VBA4C friendly OBs decreases drastically.

 

If you did receive private emails attacking you, then why didn’t you notify the Chapter Leader or Regional Coordinator? Those members should be banned, as that behavior is not acceptable.

 

You make claims that all the group does is push this one doctor and that they are not about VBACS, I am sorry I do not see it. And I read EVERY single post made to the group. The group is very supportive; in fact within the last year support group meetings for c/s moms were started.

 

When you posted concerns to the group, you received replies suggesting that maybe that wasn’t the right care provider for you.  That maybe you should find someone else. No one ever bullied you and pushed you to stay with Dr. XYZ. You were the only one that could make that decision to switch; no one forced you to stay with him.

 

I am so grateful to ICAN, without it I would not have tried or had a VBAC. The meetings were always very educational.  Here is a list of meeting topics over the last 2 years, how are these not supportive?

 

January 2009 – LA D. speaks - Emotional, spiritual, and physical healing after a cesarean through Soul Birth's Holistic Bodywork.

March 2009 – Dr. C speaks – he is both a VBAC and natural birth friendly OB

May 2009 – Sharing of birth stories

July 2009 – Dr. D speaks - She is a licensed psychologist. One of the things she specializes in is dealing with birth trauma.

September 2009 – Dr. T speaks - She is a chiropractor who specializes in pregnancy and pediatrics. She is certified in the Webster Technique.

November 2009 – Dad’s night to share their c/s and/or VBAC experience

January 2010 – J N speaks - speaking on midwifery and out-of-hospital birth for VBAC.

March 2010 – Movie Night: Pregnant in America was shown

May 2010 – Sharing of birth stories

July 2010 – P J speaks - talking about how women can redue internal scar tissue and adhesions before or during a subsequent pregnancy and after a cesarean.

September 2010 – VBAMC stories

November 2010 – Meeting about how to educate the people we run into on a daily basis about the safety and risks of VBACs, c/s, etc.

January 2011 – Meeting on Midwifery (3 midwives spoke & birth center tour)

March 2011 – Sharing of VBAC experiences and pain management

May 2011 – Dr. C  speaks (answered questions about VBACs)

July 2011 – Movie Night: Doula! The Ultimate Birth Companion was shown

September  2011 – Doula night, a few doulas invited to talk about what they do and how they can help laboring moms

November 2011 – Interview questions for care providers

 

I’m sorry that this ICAN group did not meet your needs. I am also very sorry about the birth experience you had. BUT I did find it necessary to make sure other people who read this know that what you are saying is not true about this group.

 

 

 

 

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#26 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 02:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Actually, what I have said is 100% true and you are probably just one of the people who was trashing on me when I said anything at all about Dr. C. And others on the group did point out the bullying too. And if you were at the inperson meetings, you would know the group did say some things about the OB I had seen previously.

 

And I love how you just joined just to make this post. Seriously, your post illustrates all the more how I was treated there.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by JAHerr View Post

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Quote:
Originally Posted by EElady View Post

I just felt like I had to post something here as well. I am a member of the yahoo group that you speak about, and I spent a large amount of my time looking back at the history of posts.

 

You posted to the group saying you were TTC and that you were already with Dr. XYZ. You posted a few times asking about OBs for VBA4C and then about VBAC friendly OBs. One person asked if you would consider a midwife. The responses you got were that Dr. XYZ is probably the only OB in the area who will do a VBA4C.

 

Never once do you mention who your previous OB was.  So how could the group be against this doctor?

 

 

 



 

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#27 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 03:52 PM
 
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Actually I attended 10 of those 18 meetings. I guess I missed the one(s) you are referring to. I can honestly care less who one chooses as a care provider. Each person has to decide for themselves. I had a VBAC with an area OB and I have never heard her name mentioned on ICAN and I never felt pressured from ICAN to change care providers.

 

I think it is very unfortunate that you had a bad experience, but that doesn't mean everyone does or will. That goes for care providers in any field. Not all people will like the same doctor or have the same type of experience. This is why it is so important to find the right fit for you & your family. 

 

That said, ICAN can be a great resource for women seeking birthing options & education. 

 

I joined 2 months ago, but I'm a working mom with several kids so my time is limited. I have just spent my time reading posts & not posting. But I couldn't not provide my two cents here. 

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#28 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 04:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So which is it...you have limited time..or you spent hours and hours searching through months of posts to confirm that there were no bullying posts and be an expert? No, you come off like someone who joined just to continue the bullying here.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by EElady View Post

Actually I attended 10 of those 18 meetings. I guess I missed the one(s) you are referring to. I can honestly care less who one chooses as a care provider. Each person has to decide for themselves. I had a VBAC with an area OB and I have never heard her name mentioned on ICAN and I never felt pressured from ICAN to change care providers.

 

I think it is very unfortunate that you had a bad experience, but that doesn't mean everyone does or will. That goes for care providers in any field. Not all people will like the same doctor or have the same type of experience. This is why it is so important to find the right fit for you & your family. 

 

That said, ICAN can be a great resource for women seeking birthing options & education. 

 

I joined 2 months ago, but I'm a working mom with several kids so my time is limited. I have just spent my time reading posts & not posting. But I couldn't not provide my two cents here. 



 

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#29 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 07:16 PM
 
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No one at ICAN did anything differently than these ladies here.  We all offered you suggestions when things were not working out for you.  I have been reading your posts here since you started writing them and have had to bite my tongue to keep from saying anything this whole time.  I thought that you would vent your feelings, get some validation from people who don't know all the details and heal so that you could move on.

First, let me state, that I feel terrible for you.  I tried to reach out to you right after you gave birth and you and I emailed back and forth several times.  I have always felt terrible about the whole situation.  As much as I wish that this OB could help everyone, I know that he can't. 

 

You expressed your dislike of him, his staff, the hospital, the hospital staff, the drive over there and many other things for most of your pregnancy.  The truth is, it wasn't ICAN that backed you into a corner, It's the fact that you were trying to have a VBA4C.  The next closest doctor who would have accepted you with open arms is just about 800 miles away.  Your options (if you wanted a VBAC with an OB) were very, very limited.

 

And In your posts here, you stated that you'd switched doctors anyway....and this was only 8 days before you had your babyhttp://www.mothering.com/community/t/1329871/39w1d-pregnant-and-have-to-find-a-new-ob-seriously  "For the record, I did switch OBs over the weekend. I cannot believe I managed to. But, now I have to figure out how to cancel with the OB that I have had until now, without too much stress on me"  "So, I need to call and at least cancel the next appointment, which is Monday. I am thinking of just cancelling and saying I will call back to reschedule. But then never calling back. And hoping they don't call me."


If you had posted this on the ICAN board, we would have been thrilled not only that you found an OB that you like, but that there is another OB in the area willing to take on a VBA4C.  That would have given much hope to other mamas in the same situation. Did you actually switch doctors? 

 

Through all of these posts about abandonment, you have left the distinct impression that this OB was gone somewhere when you had your baby.  Over and over again you have negleted to mention the fact that he was already at the hospital with another VBAC mama.  You kept calling, asking to speak with him on the phone and the on-call doc and the nurses wouldn't put you on with him.  Hospital policy says you have to go IN to the hospital in order to be evaluated.  If you had chosen to go in, he absolutely without doubt, would have seen you.  I don't know what occured during those phone calls.  But I do know that ICAN did everything they could to support you and offer you alternatives to make you happy.  It just seems like nothing we ever said or did helped.  It seems we were never a good fit either.  I will assure everyone else that we do have some wonderful OBs and midwives in our area who love VBACs (and we share the names of all of them)...just not many who will do a VBAMC.

 

 

 

 


VBA3C mama!  vbac.giflactivist.gifintactivist.giffambedsingle1.gifribboncesarean.gifsupermod.gifchicken3.gif  grouphug.gif       

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#30 of 45 Old 12-08-2011, 07:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So you did just happen to join after my baby was born, and happen to be so busy with your career and children that you do not have the time to read but have the time to read every single one of my posts, and you admit to being one of the ones who emailed me. You also just happen to know which ICAN group I was on and you seem to be stalking my posts and emails. 

 

Yes, I found a doctor when I found out Dr. Cummings was out of town to take me because he took off and left no one on call. but that doctor informed me within days that I would not be having a vbac with her. So I went right back and continued with Dr. Cummings, who then took off yet again after lying to my face and saying he would be there. Also, Dr. Cummings has been sued several times and lost. He has a history of this behavior. When the going gets tough, he runs.

 

But it is zealots like you that keep his practice going. Telling women they do not want vbacs if they go elsewhere. They will not have a vbac if they go elsewhere. But in the end, when things were not going so well, he ran. My baby would have died if I had not gone elsewhere. Fact is, you are nothing but a bully zealot who is stalking me and my posts. And you post here under another name and registered for a new name for the purpose of trying to post here anonymously against me. I have not been posting where I live, but you knew right off, supposedly, who I am. You even admit in this post that you have been watching my posts for a while. But in your original post, you act like you just saw this and just had to respond. But fact is, you have been stalking me awhile. THIS is why I warn against a group like that ican group. Because of stalker zealots like you who attack me because Dr. Cummings abandoned me while I was in labor and you don't want his image tarnished. But if you get online, you can see he has been sued and has lost and has been disciplined by the state board, which is rare to have happen. So he is not this perfect man that you have tried to tell me he is.

 

You have been stalking me for so long that you know the exact day my baby was born, even though I never posted it. Interesting. Scarey actually. Are you planning to show up at my house next? You are completely an example why a group like this can become dangerous. Because of zealot stalkers like you. 

 

And he was not at the hospital with another vbac mom. The other vbac mom delivered 2 days after me...not that day. Maybe you should try stalking her closer so you can compare better. Seriously..you are scary with the level you have gone to stalk me. 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by neveraim View Post

No one at ICAN did anything differently than these ladies here.  We all offered you suggestions when things were not working out for you.  I have been reading your posts here since you started writing them and have had to bite my tongue to keep from saying anything this whole time.  I thought that you would vent your feelings, get some validation from people who don't know all the details and heal so that you could move on.

First, let me state, that I feel terrible for you.  I tried to reach out to you right after you gave birth and you and I emailed back and forth several times.  I have always felt terrible about the whole situation.  As much as I wish that this OB could help everyone, I know that he can't. 

 

You expressed your dislike of him, his staff, the hospital, the hospital staff, the drive over there and many other things for most of your pregnancy.  The truth is, it wasn't ICAN that backed you into a corner, It's the fact that you were trying to have a VBA4C.  The next closest doctor who would have accepted you with open arms is just about 800 miles away.  Your options (if you wanted a VBAC with an OB) were very, very limited.

 

And In your posts here, you stated that you'd switched doctors anyway....and this was only 8 days before you had your babyhttp://www.mothering.com/community/t/1329871/39w1d-pregnant-and-have-to-find-a-new-ob-seriously  "For the record, I did switch OBs over the weekend. I cannot believe I managed to. But, now I have to figure out how to cancel with the OB that I have had until now, without too much stress on me"  "So, I need to call and at least cancel the next appointment, which is Monday. I am thinking of just cancelling and saying I will call back to reschedule. But then never calling back. And hoping they don't call me."


If you had posted this on the ICAN board, we would have been thrilled not only that you found an OB that you like, but that there is another OB in the area willing to take on a VBA4C.  That would have given much hope to other mamas in the same situation. Did you actually switch doctors? 

 

Through all of these posts about abandonment, you have left the distinct impression that this OB was gone somewhere when you had your baby.  Over and over again you have negleted to mention the fact that he was already at the hospital with another VBAC mama.  You kept calling, asking to speak with him on the phone and the on-call doc and the nurses wouldn't put you on with him.  Hospital policy says you have to go IN to the hospital in order to be evaluated.  If you had chosen to go in, he absolutely without doubt, would have seen you.  I don't know what occured during those phone calls.  But I do know that ICAN did everything they could to support you and offer you alternatives to make you happy.  It just seems like nothing we ever said or did helped.  It seems we were never a good fit either.  I will assure everyone else that we do have some wonderful OBs and midwives in our area who love VBACs (and we share the names of all of them)...just not many who will do a VBAMC.

 

 

 

 



 

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