Post your negative VBAC failure stories here - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 109 Old 11-26-2007, 03:11 PM
 
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#92 of 109 Old 11-26-2007, 08:59 PM
 
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My daughter jsut celebrated her first birthday. It's taken me about that long to process what I feel about her section.

I am a classic high-risk mom. Some people are unfairly labeled so; I really am. I made my OB very, very nervous. I work with him and picked him in large part because I enjoy him so much as a coworker, and because I figured if I was going to spending a lot of time with him, I might as well enjoy him. In retrospect, I also chose the most conservative of all the OBs in our not-conservative hospital, and that was not a good decision.

I was to be a VBAC if I could go into labor by 41 weeks. I was an insulin-dependent GDM, Kell-sensitized, with a history of HELLP syndrome. I was ootching up to labor at 39+5 when I had an equivocal CST, a fairly unreactive NST, and was sectioned the following day.

I was sectioned in the end not because my body was imperfect, but because our understanding of fetal monitoring is.

I don't blame my OB. In the current climate, it was a completely reasonable clinical judgment to repeat section me, a high-risk mom, with nonreassuring fetal testing. Not to suggest section would not have been legally defensible. But I do wish I had pushed more for a compromise (daily NSTs, another CST, whatever).

mama to Max (2/02) and Sophie (10/06); wife to my fabulous girl
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#93 of 109 Old 08-11-2008, 10:19 PM
 
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I would also like to see this as a sticky up top. Maybe not with the VBAC failure title... but VBAC conversions maybe?

I had DS#1 by c/s after 30 hours of labor. I was "supposed" to have a natural birth at a birth center with a group of fabulous midwives. Labor started at home (39w3d) with contractions about 3 min apart and in my back. I labored all night and went to the birth center about 8am. I was 3cm - and I think that was being nice - and 100% effaced. Not sure if my water had broke, litmus paper said yes, sterile slide said no. Did some fetal monitoring and baby was A-Ok. Gave me some meds and sent me home for a bit to rest. It's hard to sleep through back labor, even with codiene.

Woke up a bit after noon and we called the midwife to check in, she said to head back in for a second look. Still 3 maybe 4 - not a whole lot of progress. She was very calm and confident when she went over my options, possible risks, and complications. Big baby (guessing 10#), first baby, back labor..... maybe we should go to the hospital. So we did, late afternoon... say 4:30.

Then I was put on the L&D conveyor belt and cranked through. Everything was done *to* me and not *for* me. Epidural, IV, foley, fetal monitor, internal contraction monitor, pitocin, broke my water.... the works.

3am and I'm miserable. Can't move or eat - very uncomfortable in every way and I'm a whopping 7cm. I could have a c/s or wait a couple more hours. If someone tells me I'm 7cm in a couple hours - I'll kill them. So c/s it was. I work in heart surgery, I know what emergencies are like - they suck - it's contolled chaos at best. I figured we should do this in an orderly fashion before things got bad.

Not happy about my c/s - very traumatized afterwards. Felt like I had him surgically removed, not birthed. Took me a long time to come to terms with my decision to have a c/s.

Now I am PG with #2 and facing the VBAC or CBAC decision. I want to VBAC so badly, I really do, but I am afraid that despite all my VBAC planning I'm going to end up with a c/s anyway... just like last time.

Reading these stories here has given me something to think about. In the end, I would like this birth to just be better than the last one. And better doesn't mean all-out-natural-VBAC. If I have a c/s I need to find a way to make that my own.

I'm still not sure if I will schedule my c/s or not... I don't think I will. But I will have a low tolerance for interventions and I won't hesitate to have a c/s. However, I'll have a plan for the c/s and simple wants that can be fulfilled, that weren't last time.

I understand all of your stories. To believe in your body so much, to know that birth is natural and not an illness and to not be able to partake in it that way... is crushing.

Jennifer

: Allen James 2/06 : Thomas Foster 12/08 :
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#94 of 109 Old 08-12-2008, 12:01 PM
 
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I'm so happy to have found this thread. I get a twinge of sadness every time that I see a VBAC success story in a subject line. I had to get off the ICAN list because of it, too. My first c-section was completely unnecessary. I was given the "your baby's too big card" at 39 weeks, I hadn't dropped or dialated so the OB reccomended a c-sec. I was very uneducated at the time of course. Second time around I did everything "right". I lost 70 pounds before becoming pregnant again. My pre-preg weight was 136. I walked 2 miles a day throughout the pregnancy. An hour of my life wasted every day. I didn't walk and eat right for my own health. I wanted that VBAC so bad and thought if I was in good shape it would help out. I also had weekly chiro visits, did Bradley classes, drove over an hour to a MW, had sex so many times I could throw up, stuck EPO in my vagina every night, and drank mountains of RRL tea. I got to 41 weeks and was dropped by my MW. I went to the backup OB who let me go to 42 weeks then agreed to break my water but when nothing happened then I had a c-section. I still think about it every day. I'm okay and all...I just wish I could've had a vag birth. I don't know if I am going to even try for a VBA2C at this point. I don't think I could get my hopes up and then fail again. Plus I would have to drive an hour and a half away for appts and I don't know if I will be able to do that again because I have more on my plate now. I do have to say that I was better prepared for this c-section. I had an alternate c-section birth plan and a lot of things ended up going my way. However, I thought that they just cut up the placenta when they remove it but it actually comes out whole. If I would've known that I would've asked to see it.

to all of us. We tried so hard.
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#95 of 109 Old 08-12-2008, 12:35 PM
 
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I don't know how I feel reading these. I am scheduled for a c-section tomorrow and I don't want to do it but don't feel like I have much choice at this point. I had 5 vaginal births then I had a c-section with breech twins. I had a low vertical incision but my ob said he would give me a VBAC but wouldn't allow me to go past 38-39 weeks. He isn't comfortable with the risks at that point. I was sure that wouldn't be a problem. None of my babies except the first were born past 37.5 weeks. Well, I developed severe itching and thought I had cholestasis. I began to freak out. I went in yesterday with my mom (HUGE MISTAKE) and told him I wanted to know if I had cholestasis and if I did I wanted to schedule a c-section for 38 weeks. He told me I could just wait it out another week and see what happens and I should have said ok but I was so worried I had cholestasis. We've been trying to kick start labor and have done EVERYTHING to naturally induce from nipple stimulation to herbs to cervical massage. The dr checked me and I was not even 1cm and still thick so he couldn't sweep my membranes or break my water or anything to try to get labor going. Then he measured my fundus and I was measuring 44 weeks. He sent me to the hospital for the bloodwork for cholestasis and to get an u/s to get an estimated fetal weight. They came in and told me that my bloodwork was all normal and baby looked great on the monitors and then said they had scheduled the c-section for Wednesday. I asked why if everything is normal and they said the baby was measuring really big and dr didn't feel comfortable with letting me wait another week. So basically I either have a c-section in the morning or try to have this baby at home by myself since I have no dr to support me and I live in a very anti-VBAC state. My mother was all about agreeing with everything the doctors said and telling me I'm risking my baby's life and that she won't stay here to help unless I do the section. I'm so upset.
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#96 of 109 Old 08-12-2008, 02:04 PM
 
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mjg013...

I hope this response doesn't get lost in this big long thread...if you are looking for support it may be a good idea to start your own thread. There are lots of mama's here who have gone through what you are going through!

If I were in your position I would try and buy myself more time...ask for a couple days. Use whatever excuse you have to...child care....family member or friend is sick...whatever. You don't even have to tell your mom...tell her they rescheduled. A few days may be all you need to go into labour. It may at least be enough time to relax a bit about it and let your body do what it needs to. I think the problem with trying everything to go into labour is it sends strong stress signals to your body which your body reads as "NOT A GOOD TIME TO GIVE BIRTH".

It may also be that your baby is just REALLY not ready to be born. How many weeks are you now? Are you still only 37.5? That to me is really early to be having a baby and I would have a serious talk with my Dr about that. The whole "measuring big" thing really doesn't sit well with me...its so rarely right.

I've been where you are and I just did as I was told which went against my instincts and I'm sorry I did it. If I end up there again I know that this time I will stand up for myself.

I hope you will start a new thread and get some suggestions at least....maybe you will decide going straight to c-section is best for you but it doesn't hurt to at least consider other options.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all this.
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#97 of 109 Old 08-26-2008, 10:22 PM
 
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Thank you all mothers for sharing your stories. For what its worth, I want to add mine. I agree with all who say it is hard reading successful vbac stories when it just didn't work out for us who tried so hard. I have a baby boy due in a few short weeks, our third baby. Since I have struggled with whether or not to give vba2c a chance, I decided to write down my story in hopes to get some sort of closure to my case, and go on with life accepting what it brings.

My first I labored 24 hours with till I got to 5-6 cm dilation, but it didn't progress fast enough after that and our little girl was in distress. As a first time mom you know that once your baby is not doing well, you are quickly convinced to do anything to get her out quickly, at least that's what I agreed to. I was ok with the cesarean after she was born. that is, until I got closer to having my second child, a son.

I thought I knew that having a vbac would be easy, so I didn't expect a repeat c. I went into labor on the due date, labored hard but just stayed at one cm with horribly painful contractions for a few hours. My feeling was that he wouldn't descend, like my daughter. The water broke somewhere in all that labor, but it was very green. I just don't know why he was in distress, other than maybe I really am too small to have children the natural way. they couldn't give me an epidural at one cm, and I knew I could not go on this way, so i consented to another section after about 8 hours of labor, because in no way was I going to let this baby suffer through who knows how many painful hours of labor when I knew he was already in distress. So we had him through another section. He was 8 lbs 4 oz, and my daughter had been 7 lbs 11 oz.

I am a small woman, and everybody thinks my body just can't handle kids that big. I don't like to believe them, but maybe I should. After that birth I was again ok with how things turned out, until a few weeks before my third baby's due date. I thought I would be over it, but I realized afresh how sad I was to never be able to experience birth like God intended. So i did lots of reading online about vbacs and cbacs and hbacs. My doctor already told me I had no chance for TOL this time. It was hard for me to accept, because a part of me wanted so much to try just once more! But I am very scared of failing, again, and instead of going through that all over, I finally decided I wanted to just go to the hospital in good spirits, rested and refreshed with no work of labor behind me, and stay positive during the whole stay. This time I will ask to see baby being born, which I missed both times before. Since both times were unplanned, I didn't know what to ask for, but this time I will be prepared as well as I can.

I feel like having read this whole post will have helped me heal the last raw wound that still needed healing in regards to my cesareans, and I hope other moms feel the same way. We are here for each other! I am now looking forward happily to my third birth, and hope to have one more in a few years. I am very happy that I got to experience labor both times, because I believe it was good for the babies (and for my experience). I will perhaps always be sad that I will never experience a vaginal birth, but then I try to think about all the women out there that can never have babies at all, and I know that things could be worse for me. I am proud to say I tried! Two times! And we produced healthy and strong children, which remind me all the time that they are worth everything I have gone through!

Wishing you all healing to the fullest!
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#98 of 109 Old 08-27-2008, 12:39 AM
 
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Hugs to all you Mamas!!!

Am I the only one who falls asleep at night daydreaming of their next birth? I want a NORMAL birth so bad....to push out my baby, & cuddle him/her without a gaping painful wound on my belly! Just once. To feel once what it is like to be a true woman....

Elaine,

I could of swore I read on the ICAN list you had a VBA2C?? I've been dying to read your story, & I'm so thrilled for you!!!!! :

Hugs & healing to all. These scars cut much more than our flesh.

 

  

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#99 of 109 Old 08-27-2008, 03:41 AM
 
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Jackie75,

Of course, you ARE a true woman, as is the adoptive mother, the mother who gives her baby up for adoption, and the childless woman. Millions of women have their babies via C/S for a variety of reasons. It makes them no less of a woman than those who have their babies vaginally.
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#100 of 109 Old 08-27-2008, 11:19 PM
 
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Hugs to you all. I still feel like things can go wrong for me next time, surgery is a constant thing in my head. But I wanted to share my story or rather that of my Aunt I have an aunt whose daughter was born 6 weeks after my first. She was my inspiration for all things related to natural birth. I must give credit to her now.


Her first chld was born after her water broke with mec, and she failed to progress further ending in a cesarean. Zoom forward three years later and she was planning a vbac at a hospital. Due date came and went, tried natural inductions. Nothing. Until one day her water broke and she was 1cm dilated and little progress from there. She went to the hospital where they gave her pitocin unmonitored for 12 hours and antibiotics. After much time and little progress she went ahead with surgery. She had heart failure on the or table and was revived. Now this is the part where I believe in the haste to get baby out and mother safe they knicked her bowels. Unbeknownst to them. She went to the ICU to recover only for things to get worse. When they went to listen for bowel sounds later on, they didn't hear anything. She became septic and she consented to exploratory surgery to resolve the issue. They found her intestines were grey because of no blood flow. There was nothing they could do. She passed away on August 28 200 I post this almost two years later to the day and she is constantly in my mind. I may be leaving out details or saying them in the wrong order, but the result is the same. A healthy child and no mother. I wanted to share her story and mine because I wouldn't have been the same without her.

ETA That I don't consider this a vbac failure, I consider this a failure of the system and the doctors whom she trusted.
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#101 of 109 Old 08-28-2008, 03:32 PM
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I agree - this is an important and amazing thread. I, too, like to surround myself in positive thoughts, but it's also important to recognize our difficulties and sadness, esp. when we all share similar feelings... and it's so encouraging - and healing - to find a support thread dedicated to the issues we are all feeling. It's healing also to read each other's stories and know that we're not alone.

Could this be a sticky if it has an appropriate title?

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#102 of 109 Old 08-28-2008, 11:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jackie75 View Post
I don't like the term cesarean birth at all. They were not births to me. I know some do use it, & some don't...& that's OK.

VBAC failure is fine for me. We are not describing ourselves as failures, just the attempt of a vaginal birth was a failure.
what if you don't even attempt it, because you can't? is that a failure, too?

my next birth, if there is one, will be surgical. it's just the only acceptable option in my situation, and i know it.

i refuse to call that a failure of any kind, and i refuse to think that because of this i will never have a "birth." i've already had one. she came out of my body. i birthed her. if a baby is born, it's a birth. period.

dissertating wife of Boo, mama of one "mookie" lovin' 2 year old girl! intactlact:: CTA until 7/10 FF 1501dc
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#103 of 109 Old 09-01-2008, 01:54 AM
 
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I think a sticky would be fine but this kind of title is a slap in the face to me, as someone who did not have the vbac I wanted despite trying my best. I did NOT "fail" - if someone chooses to use that termt od escribe how their child was born is up to them, but to assign it to everyone who has a CBAC is hurtful.

Christine, mama to Daniel & Abby, 9 and Patrick, 4. Wife to a rockin' train engineer. Gluten and nightshade-free. Multiple kiddie food sensitivities.

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#104 of 109 Old 09-01-2008, 01:55 AM
 
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Originally Posted by readytobedone View Post
what if you don't even attempt it, because you can't? is that a failure, too?

my next birth, if there is one, will be surgical. it's just the only acceptable option in my situation, and i know it.

i refuse to call that a failure of any kind, and i refuse to think that because of this i will never have a "birth." i've already had one. she came out of my body. i birthed her. if a baby is born, it's a birth. period.
Exactly. I birthed all three of my children. I needed surgical help to do it, but I did it. I can never and will never think of those moments as failures.

Christine, mama to Daniel & Abby, 9 and Patrick, 4. Wife to a rockin' train engineer. Gluten and nightshade-free. Multiple kiddie food sensitivities.

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#105 of 109 Old 09-01-2008, 10:21 AM
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I think a sticky would be fine but this kind of title is a slap in the face to me, as someone who did not have the vbac I wanted despite trying my best. I did NOT "fail" - if someone chooses to use that termt od escribe how their child was born is up to them, but to assign it to everyone who has a CBAC is hurtful.
What if the thread were called "post your CBAC stories" - that way it could include everything from sadness to happiness. It would be great if it had a nice preference at the top of the thread that was inclusive to all kinds of cbac scenarios...

twins 7.02 ⢠DS 10.06 ⢠OMG #4 1.08 ⢠ebf + tandem nursing!
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#106 of 109 Old 09-03-2008, 11:18 PM
 
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My first c/s was because baby b of my twins was breech. Where we were then living, every doctor who saw the orientation of the babies said "c-section". There were so many things I had wanted with that pregnancy, but when it was known to be twins and became complicated, I had to let it go.
So the boys were born at 38 weeks with a scheduled c-section.

About two years after that birth I found myself pregnant again, although we were living in a different state. I expressed my wishes for a vbac, for a multitude of reasons, and was met with conditional support. Lots of "as long as the baby doesn't get too big". I took natural childbirth classes (something I'd wanted the first time around, but had to let go), and hired a doula. I planned on staying home as long as possible.

When my "labor day" arrived, I stayed home for about 12 hours. We did everything I knew to do-- lots of walking, eating, drinking as I wished. When I vomited, we decided to go to the hospital. Contractions were at that time about 2 minutes apart.

24 hours later, my labor was regressing. My contractions were spacing out, despite much walking, birth ball, and a shower. Contractions were intense, but not going anywhere. My water had been broken at one point, thinking it would move things along, but that too did not intensify the contractions or make them more frequent.

At some point, I was offered a few options. Continue as is, for a few more hours. Start pitocin, with all the hook-ups and monitoring that comes with that. Or sign for the c-section. So I asked to think about it. After much thinking, I signed for the c-section. I didn't want an induction, at all. And I didn't think we were going to get there under my steam, as I felt completely done in. I couldn't keep anything, down, not even water, and was just spent.

So I had a second c-section, and I'm ok with it. I feel like I gave my body a full chance, and had a good go. I'm very glad I got to experience labor. I actually felt better after that c-section than I did after my twin section.
My baby was nearly 9 pounds, so I'm not sure if that contributed to my difficulties, but she was not engaged at all.

I think my doctors were pretty good about the situation. I always had a say, they were very respectful of my wishes. We were left alone for a long time to do this our way, with monitoring from the nurses.

If I have another child, I'll probably plan a c-section this time, although let baby pick the day.

Twin boys (2/05) and little sister (10/07)
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#107 of 109 Old 09-05-2008, 10:02 AM
 
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Can't the OP just change the title in the advanced edit option?


to all mamas and all your birth stories. We birth our babies the best we can, with the all that we know how to do, in different places, in different ways, we BIRTH our babies.
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#108 of 109 Old 09-05-2008, 05:21 PM
 
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I haven't attempted my VBAC yet, but it is nice to see a thread on CBAC stories as well as the "positive VBAC stories" -- it makes me feel more informed on all the possible situations that can occur. Thanks for posting your stories, mamas!
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#109 of 109 Old 09-07-2008, 12:07 PM
 
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what if you don't even attempt it, because you can't? is that a failure, too?
The way I look at it, I was reaching for a goal. My goal was to birth my baby through my vagina, but, I didn't reach that goal, so the attempt was a failure. If the goal was a scheduled cesarean, & you had an oops birth, that would be a cesarean failure. Hope I'm making sense. I'm using the wording objectively.

I'm not saying I'm a failure, or anyone else is. Just my goal was.

There have been some pretty heated discussions on the ICAN list of the term "birth". Some women feel their c/s was birthing, that they gave birth. Some didn't. One thing I won't do is call someone else's a birth or not. That is not for me to say. I feel like I didn't birth. I respect both sides to this issue.

My children had a birthday, but I did nothing to bring them into the world. I came close, & worked hard....I labored but the end result was me lying on an operating table having my children removed.

Again, this is how I feel about my births. Woman are free to call what they experienced what they want....but I feel it is insensitive for others to tell me what I did or call my experiences something I feel it wasn't.

Hugs to all. Whatever our stories & choices are, we need & deserve support. I'm sure we all heard the same ol' line from people that all that matters is a healthy baby...& how that hurts us as women. The mothers count too.

In case someone here hasn't read this article, it is a must read!

You should be grateful

May our future births be healing & wonderful....regardless if they are CBAC or VBAC.

 

  

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