Post your negative VBAC failure stories here - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 109 Old 10-26-2005, 12:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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(Originally titled "Post your negative VBAC failure stories here", in response to the sticky "positive VBAC success stories." Since it has become more than that over the years (!) I think the title should be changed...)

Okay, not really. No offense and I do understand that people like to surround themselves with positive thoughts especially in preparing for an upcoming birth. Something about this hurts though - that my birth story is negative and not encouraging and, I guess, shouldn't be shared. But it really happened! It happened to me, even after everything I did to make SURE I wouldn't have another c/s!
Any other CBACers who feel like a disappointment - a sour note in the melody - silenced?
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#2 of 109 Old 10-26-2005, 02:48 PM
 
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I'll share. My first was a c/s due to failure to wait - oh I mean failure to progress. I got pregnant 13 months later with my DD. I hired a doula, I interviewed drs and midwives and switched drs at 22 weeks to a practice that was known to be vbac friendly. I sat on my birth ball ALL the time to get dd in the right position (ds had been posterior). I read every book I could about VBAC. I went to a chiropracter to align my pelvis. I cant even remember all the things I did really, but if anyone was going to have a vbac it was going to be me. I waited patiently until 42 weeks - not once complaining because I knew babies come when they are ready (DS had been induced at 38w which is why induction failed - we werent ready). At 42 weeks (with a major hurricane bearing down on us I would like to add - not exactly a stress free time) I went in for a biophysical profile. I had hardly any fluid left and my dd would not move no matter how we pushed or how I jumped or moved, not even after drinking juice and eating some candy. Was she just in a very deep sleep? Maybe. But who really knows? As a mother I had to make a choice. I was only 1 cm and labor was nowhere in sight. I agreed to a c-section.
I am sad that I didnt get to vbac and probably never will. I am grateful that my daughter is here and healthy and safe. It is very easy to look at it from this side and say what if I did this, or what if I waited or whatever, but I just dont know what would have happened. Although her birth was a c/s it was a million times better than my first. I was treated as a MOTHER not a vessel to be cut open. They put up mirrors so I could watch, they were respectful that it was the birth of my child, not an extraction. They gave her to me pretty much right away after they suctioned some of the fluid out, and I held her and kissed her. DH went with her to the nursery for about 20 minutes and then they brought her back to me. She nursed immediately after that and we havent been apart since. I hate to say it, but she and I have a special bond that I dont have with my son. Dont get me wrong, I adore and love my son to no end, but there is something there with my daughter that is unique. I dont know if its because we werent separated at birth like I was with my son, or because she is breastfed, which my son was not. I dont know.


ANyway. Sorry - this got very therapeutic for me!!!! Thanks for reading of you got this far.

And I think people should share their stories - good and bad.
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#3 of 109 Old 10-26-2005, 03:49 PM
 
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Maybe the thread should be called post your CBAC stories? I don't view CBACs as "failures", esp when everything was done to encourage and facilitate VBAC, although many CBACs are a result of the system failing women. I know of women who have pushed for over a day and ended up with a CBAC b/c of a posterior, stuck baby that just wouldn't turn-- I think they are amazing examples of success, ie, of what we are capable of, and how strong our uteri are.
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#4 of 109 Old 10-26-2005, 04:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by aprilushka
Maybe the thread should be called post your CBAC stories? I don't view CBACs as "failures", esp when everything was done to encourage and facilitate VBAC, although many CBACs are a result of the system failing women. I know of women who have pushed for over a day and ended up with a CBAC b/c of a posterior, stuck baby that just wouldn't turn-- I think they are amazing examples of success, ie, of what we are capable of, and how strong our uteri are.
Well said.
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#5 of 109 Old 10-27-2005, 06:11 AM
 
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Briefly--first c-section was due to a footling breech. Planned a VBAC, and was presented with a second daughter who wanted to walk out into the world. Don't know of a single hospital that allows footling breeches to be birthed vaginally, & mine certainly didn't. I'm planning a VBA2C right now, and have been blessed with a head-down baby.

I don't consider my second c-section to be a failure either. It was certainly the only option I had at the time, for all that it's marked down as "elective" in my paperwork.

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#6 of 109 Old 10-27-2005, 04:25 PM
 
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HI Cassidy, well you already know my story, but I thought I'd share it with the others. I am one of those women who had a persistenly posterior baby for my second birth, my first VBAC attempt ,that turned into an HBAC transport rand then into a CBAC after a total of 10 hours of full blown pushing and 2 of pushing while being told not to push(on the way to, and in the hospital) I only wish that in the 5th hour of pushing, my MW's had not performed AROM, (I consented) they feared I was too tired (Which I was) and I think they were getting antsy, and probably wanted to help me get past the pain and expedite the situation. but I'll always wonder if maybe my baby would have turned - though I have a feeling my baby need to turn before even then.

I am still sick about it, I am still so angry. I don't think I will ever be whole again, I don't think I'll ever heal. But at least, as time passes, it fades in the distance, just a little. I do feel like a failure, but I am starting to realize that that is life, sometimes we can't control what happens no matter how hard we try, You know that better than anyone. It sucks. I hear you.
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#7 of 109 Old 10-27-2005, 04:46 PM
 
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Oh it does hurt to read all the successful VBAC stories.... I also feel like my story is not appropriate because everyone likes to be positive... you ladies were very supportive when I posted my CBAC story though

First was a c/s after a failed induction that my OB scared me into by using the dead baby card at 40wk 3d. 36 hrs of labor with no pain meds, only 3cm, and then OB wanted to section for FTP - said I couldn't have this baby vaginally.

I researched, joined lists, etc. Got pg with #2 and planned a VBAC, then decided on an HBAC. I thought I found the best midwife. Then around 30 wks she started getting jumpy on me. I feel she did sabotage my labor/birth in her own ways, though definitely not like my OB did, but still, why did she have to intervene with AROM at 4.5cm, pulling my cervix forward and stretching it, telling me to push before I was ready... I pushed for two hours at home and another hour in the hospital with my VBAC supportive shadow care OB. Baby didn't move past 0 station and we did a RCS.... He was 10lbs 15oz and all I hear is that he was just too big for me to push out. I really just feel I needed more support and more time and more trust in my body, but no one wants to hear that. It's just easier to say my 11lb baby was too big... I don't know if I want to try for a VB again, if I do it will be UC...otherwise a ERCS - there is no middle ground anymore...

~S~ Mom to W ('04) & D ('05) & in April
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#8 of 109 Old 10-27-2005, 05:46 PM
 
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My first c-section was at 34 weeks, no labour, because I had severe pre-eclampsia and baby needed to come right away. I have no emotional issues tied to it, I know it was necessary, we both almost died and I am thankful I got a healthy baby out of it.

With my second though I really, really wanted a VBAC. I went with the same midwives again and I fought for a homebirth. I did everything I could to acheive that perfect VBAC. I guess I am just a big wimp because after 25 hours of home posterior labour I gave up and transferred to the hospital when I found out I was still only 5. The midwives were useless at any kind of coping techniques, they barely even talked to me. Once at the hospital I got an epidural and then her heart rate dropped. Again the midwives didn't stick up for me at all, they just stepped back and let the doctor tell me she was dying and that they had to do a c-section right away. I was scared, I was tired, I didn't know any better so I agreed. She was born totally healthy. I still regret and am so angry about that birth. The doctor lied to me, bullied me into an unecessary surgery - and for what? To pad his pocket? I DID and DO feel like a failure because I feel I should have fought harder or been more educated about the scare tactics they use. I should have been stronger and not transferred for pain relief. Well hindsight is 20/20.

I am now pregnant with #3 and I am planning a VBA2C but a part of me just wants to plan a c-section. I am planning a hospital, midwife attended birth because that is the only thing available to me and I am so scared of just ending up with another c-section anyways. I really don't know what to do. At least with a scheduled c-section I would know what to expect. I just don't know.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#9 of 109 Old 10-27-2005, 05:53 PM
 
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I agree that CBAC shouldn't be considered a "VBAC Failure." Sometimes you do all you can to facilitate a VBAC and it just doesn't work out, or complications arise that make a surgical birth the safest option for both mother and baby(ies.) I would hate for a woman to feel unsupported at MDC because she was unable to have a vaginal birth.

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#10 of 109 Old 10-27-2005, 05:58 PM
 
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Ruthla - I would like to comment on what you wrote but don't want to hijack the thread so I will start a new one.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#11 of 109 Old 10-27-2005, 06:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You know, I titled the post the way I did as a parallel and a response to "Post your positive VBAC success stories here." I was responding to the way that line made me, who had a CBAC, feel. I don't think I'm a failure and I don't think anyone else is either.
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#12 of 109 Old 10-28-2005, 08:16 AM
 
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I had a planned c-section with my first due to breech presentation (I have a bicornate uterus). Not a good experience. I was very uneducated about everything! Infection while in recovery, breastfeeding problems, ppd, just a really rough time.
Second time I swore I would have a vbac. Found out baby was breech also. Tried everything imaginable to get her to turn. My water broke one night (3.5 weeks earlier than our planned c-section date) and an hour later I was already at 6-7 centimeters with her foot coming down.
I had an emergency c-section and it was a good thing I did because her cord was short and wrapped around her neck. While I was sad that things didn't go as I had planned, I was absolutely elated that I finally got to experience labor and my baby was here safe and sound. This time I actually felt like a woman, does that make sense? Like I earned the title of mother finally.
If we decide to have another baby down the road I will try for a vbac again and hope that I will not have another breech, but most likely I will- there just doesn't seem to be enough room for my kiddos to turn head down. The anethesiologist told me that my uterus looked like a jester's hat so I am really just grateful that I was able to carry my kids full-term/close to full-term.
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#13 of 109 Old 10-28-2005, 02:40 PM
 
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Great, just the thread for my recent story. I wasn't too sure about posting it because I still haven't processed it. I did VBAC this time but I wouldn't call it a success.

First c/s due to OP baby and FTP after 24 hours. Got to 7cm. Had doula, resisted interventions for first 16hours. I thought this was FTW but now I'm not so sure.

Second - I did VBAC 2 weeks ago. But it was at a price. I planned HBAC and after a prolonged 3rd stage transferred to hospital (my choice - exhaustion, I'd been sick the past month, baby was crowning but not coming out). I had a brilliant midwife. I wouldn't have got as far as I did without her.

At hospital more pushing, could see baby's head but couldn't push him out. Choice was forceps or c/sec. I pushed for forceps. Dr. was muttering something about shoulder dystocia but I didn't take it seriously. I knew this baby was small (5-6lb) and he was 36w5d. So forceps delivery ended in shoulder dystocia (I have no bloody risk factors for this!! I'm tall, I don't have diabetes, I have no history of shoulder dystocia, I have a family history of small babies). Worse my cervix clamped on his shoulders (apparently this was really rare especially in a vertex birth and freaked the Dr out). Thankfully Dr. was very experienced with forceps, got his shoulder, cut through my cervix and got him out. I think cord was compressed for a minute and half. First Apgar was 1 or 2. It was very scary. In hindsight, I would have opted for c/s. My baby was in NICU for a week bruised, swollen, initial breathing probs, jaundice, trouble regulating body temp. I don't know if shoulder dystocia would have occurred at home (my prolonged 3rd phase was a risk factor for shoulder dystocia) or whether it was solely due to the use of forceps. But it was forceps or c/sec at the hospital. I think the Dr. proceeded with the forceps because she knew the baby was small also. I'm sure if my baby had been large, it would have been instant c/sec. I'm lucky my baby is fine. And thankfully I have 2 children and am not concerned about not having any more. I probably have a weakened cervix now.

And all the time I was in hospital, I got lectured about the risk of uterine rupture and HBAC!! Wish I'd read up on shoulder dystocia a bit more but I was expecting a 5lb baby at 36w. I'm not sure if I'm the unluckiest woman or the luckiest woman after these 2 pregnancies. I've read too many stories of larger babies dying under the same circumstances (both at home and in hospital).

Anyway I think you make the best choice you can at the time. I think the forceps decision was the right one at the time given the information and history available. Hindsight is a wonderful thing! I'm thinking I really am one of those women with a small or strange pelvis though. I still think the majority of women can VBAC given the right conditions. There's always going to be some exceptions. C/secs are great things when they're really needed.
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#14 of 109 Old 10-28-2005, 03:07 PM
 
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Oh wombat!



Congratulations on your new bundle of joy though and thank goodness that your baby is ok!
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#15 of 109 Old 11-23-2005, 01:51 AM
 
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I'm glad to see this thread!

DD was born in 5-2002 via c/s due to failure to descend after 3 hours of pushing. She was posterior. My water had broken with her before I was in labor, I was induced, had an epidural at 3.5-4 cm (no doula, just me and DH at the hospital). I had an awful doctor stop in while I was pushing who said "if you call that pushing you'll never get the baby out", and an annoying med student. Anyway, DD's heart rate dropped at one point, recovered, I tried another hour of pushing. And then agreed to c/s.

This past June, DS was also born via c/s after an attempted vbac. This time, i went into labor naturally. It gradually became stronger. My doula finally said that it sounded like I was in labor, but that I should still sit in a tub to see if it was for real. The contractions subsided a bit, I got out, laid down in bed, and my water broke about 20 minutes later. Then, I really got to feel labor! I never felt it the first time.

Anyway, we went to the hospital (different hospital, and different practice--this time, midwives), where it took FOREVER to be checked in, and then once I was in the room (I got one with the tub), the nurse who was going to monitor me and give me my IV for Grp. B strep was nasty about how it was hard for me to be still while going through labor. Ultimately, the having to stay put for so long did in my resolution not to have an epidural. My midwife checked me, and hearing that I was at 5 cm, I asked for the epidural. At that time, I felt like my labor was great, DS appeared to be anterior, and I was tired of feeling like I needed to be a special case since I was a vbac--lots of women get epidurals and don't have c-sections. (And, I know two women with successful vbacs who had had epidurals; the key, I knew, was not having one too soon.) It was quite a while (at least 90 minutes or so, according to DH) before the epidural was in, so we speculate that I was probably closer to 7-8 cm by then. i did attempt moving before the epidural was in, and ended up in modified child's pose on the floor for 20 minutes or longer (cat pose?). The tub, alas, was wasted on me...I did offer to switch rooms, since I did feel guilty!

I was quickly at 10 cm, though a little too tense to push. I rested a bit longer, then began pushing. I could feel pushing, and had an urge to push. I could turn over and push on all fours (when it became clear DS was having some trouble descending), though it affected my heartrate. (This was all very different from three years earlier; then I felt nothing, and had no urge to push at all.) My pushing was very good, yet DS would move toward the pubic bone, and would immediately move back once my pushing stopped. The doctor on call from the practice was great; after checking me, said he was sure all would work out (in fact, DS started moving a little further along). Then, DS was back to square one. The doc was called in again with talk of the vacuum. I agreed to try; he seemed confident. DS's heartrate totally dropped. It came back up quickly, but I said let's do what we need to do. That was it. The doc looked relieved that I spoke first.

Apparently, DS's head was slightly asynclictic (spelling?). And, my ischial spines are extra bony/pointy. All the stars would have to be aligned for a baby's head to negotiate my pubic bone (i.e., perfect positioning). I believe that my doula may have thought that remaining on my feet could have encouraged his head to go the right way. DH firmly believes it wasn't happening--DS was not coming out regardless. And this was the man who told me our baby would come out for sure, and that uterine rupture would never happen...so, a glass is half-full kind of guy! Ultimately, I had the same result for the same reason--it was just a different experience getting there each time.
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#16 of 109 Old 11-30-2005, 10:42 AM
 
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wombat!

s to all you ladies....

I don't know what went wrong in my HBAC - I've been told I just needed more time. At the moment I didn't want any more time. I was exhausted and in excrutiating pain. I was falling asleep or passing out between ctx. Puking from the pain. My midwife was stretching my cervix with each push, trying to get it over the baby's head and I couldn't take it. I pushed for 3+ hours and could not do any more in that moment. Yes, *I* gave up. But I felt it was the best decision to make at the time. We trasnferred after 2 horus of pushing and no decent and my OB at the hospital was wonderful, he really wanted me to push my baby out and never pushed me into a c/s. He asked if I wanted to try pitocin, and I said no because they wouldn't give me any pain relief and I didn't want to up my risk of rupture. So he asked is I just wanted a c/s and I said yes. Hindsight is 20/20, but I've come to the place where I know that if I had it all to do over again, I would have done the same thing. If circumstances or my midwife had been different, maybe things would have turned out differently, but that's the way things were at that time...

~S~ Mom to W ('04) & D ('05) & in April
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#17 of 109 Old 11-30-2005, 11:29 PM
 
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First, to you all.

I am so glad this thread was started. I often lurk the VBAC forum and my eyes get teary, for something I so hoped for.
My dd (2002) was a section 2 days after her due date because of supposed fetal macrosomia. She was estimated to be 10 lbs. Well, I was a new mom, and VERY strong-armed into the section (even though it says "elective" on my chart). My dd was born 8 lbs, 15 oz...long and skinny.
It took me months to register how depressed I was over the *way* I was coerced into the section.
With ds (2005), I WAS NOT going to have another section. I did my homework, switched midwives (couldn't homebirth in NJ because of previous section), and read EVERYTHING. I too, sat on that birth ball for 9 months and had a beautifully positioned baby and effortless pregnancy. At 39 weeks, my midwives started talking about scheduling a section--to appease their crappy back-up MD's. I said no...not yet. At 41 weeks I agreed to schedule one for 41.5 weeks. The night before, in tears, I cancelled it.
After 2 PERFECT biophysicals/nonstress tests, lots of tears over the pressure of the backup docs, being told that I would have to be tested every other day at a hospital with my 2 year old in tow...I just consented.
I had the section at 42 weeks and one day. I think about it every day. I kick myself. What if I waited just 3 more days?
There is a part of me that wants more children very badly...and the big part that never wants to deal with the crap of birth (that our society makes it) ever again.
Thank you mamas. I feel like that was a long time coming.
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#18 of 109 Old 12-01-2005, 12:23 AM
 
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I agree with to you all. I did a lot of reading on MDC and the vbac forum. What came thru to me was to try and listen to my body and nature as far as my birth was concerned. DS #1 was breech but we found out so late that I felt extra robbed since we were figuring at least starting labor at home was a sure thing. Going 42+ weeks on that pregnancy didn't help my psyche waiting on the next one. My midwife's OB mentioned induction every appointment. I finally had sorted out my feelings on it and had decided on refusing that intervention and had accepted mentally that if I didn't go into labor with #2 (even though she was vertex) that I would agree to a repeat after 42 weeks only. Fate seemed to agree with me and the back up OB let my midwife go the week I was due. The new OB back up agreed with me on the no induction plan. We both agreed on letting nature take its course and if it just didn't that we would give her a hand. While I would have been extremely dissapointed at having to go through the surgery, I was prepared to go that route--trusting that nature wasn't putting me into labor for a good reason. (and yes my dates were good, DS was old, peely and stained with a placenta that looked like it had seen better days). The thing I had to give myself peace on was that if it didn't work out I would try not to be to angry with my own body.

I think we need to support VBAC as a birth choice, but not be so pushy as to be blind to our inner voice if it tells us to do something else, and it is not necessarily a goal to meet at all costs. So here is to all of you women who have given up or had vaginal birth taken from you--kudos for the extra work you had to do to heal and care for your new babies!
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#19 of 109 Old 12-01-2005, 12:56 AM
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Originally Posted by IansMommy
First, to you all.

I am so glad this thread was started. I often lurk the VBAC forum and my eyes get teary, for something I so hoped for.

There is a part of me that wants more children very badly...and the big part that never wants to deal with the crap of birth (that our society makes it) ever again.
Thank you mamas. I feel like that was a long time coming.
I know exactly how you feel.
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#20 of 109 Old 12-01-2005, 12:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by GatorNNP
I think we need to support VBAC as a birth choice, but not be so pushy as to be blind to our inner voice if it tells us to do something else, and it is not necessarily a goal to meet at all costs. So here is to all of you women who have given up or had vaginal birth taken from you--kudos for the extra work you had to do to heal and care for your new babies!

Well said, GatorNNP.
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#21 of 109 Old 01-03-2006, 09:13 PM
 
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Well, here's my story. I totally don't feel like a failure at all, infact I feel really great, I have a healthy baby boy and I was able to labor naturally, and make all my own decisions. However my VBAC did not work out. I hope my story can encourage those of you who also have repeat sections.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=389984
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#22 of 109 Old 01-05-2006, 10:26 PM
 
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This thread is a huge sigh of relief.

I made all the "right" choices and still ended up with c-sections!

My dd was a planned homebirth, no blood work no testing ... nothing!
I haad a wonderful healthy pregnancy. I was laboring at home for 24 hours + but dd was posterior annd would not budge, and my midwife could not get her to turn. I was pushing for countless hours and showing signs ofdehydration. My midwife suggested transport which she would not have if not necesary.
They were going to give me an epidural to allow me to relax and the swelling to go down but my white blood cell count was too high. I ended up with a c-section under general anesthesia. I wasn't even there when she was born (sigh!) But still I was so very proud of the labor and what I accomplished at home and it is a source of pride that I have done it!

I found out I was prego in May '05 and was planning HBAC wiiith the same midwife...until twins! My midwife wanted me to birth where she lives (3 hours away) Her backup was not covered under my insurance so I decided to quest for an OB. I found an amzing OB w/ 2 midwives supportive of VBAC with twins, very rare here in the midwest. (I'm from NY and lived in Oregon ffor awhile so this is conservaative birth land!)

Well, everything looked wonderful until they were presenting both breech. The OB would have deliverd baby B breech but not A. And I had signs of early labor 2 months. They were born 6 weeks early and by c-section.
i am OK with my decision because they did have problems when they were born and my midwife would not have delivered both breech either. I just feel like I have the WORST LUCK in the world. After my c-section the OB said I had a significantly thin spot on my uterus and a VBAC for the next was questionable, not impossible though.
Will I ever have my homebirth? Will it be OK to never know what it's like to give birth vaginally,how I was created to? These quesstions are on my mind whenever I think of my births. At least I know I have made decisions and the c-sections were notthe result of other people and there agendas.
I feel when I talk to homebirthers and my births are questioned I feel the judgement of them without them really knowing my story.

There are reasons for c-sections!!! And it is not always our FAULT!

Sorrry for the venting but I can't very well have these conversaations with my homebirth friends. This has really helped thank you for all your stories!

namaste
DAna
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#23 of 109 Old 01-07-2006, 07:23 PM
 
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You know, I titled the post the way I did as a parallel and a response to "Post your positive VBAC success stories here." I was responding to the way that line made me, who had a CBAC, feel. I don't think I'm a failure and I don't think anyone else is either.

I totally got that & I agree- I was looking for a place to post my CBAC story & the "positive VBAC" thread was obviously not the right place. Although I agree that all CBAC stories are NOT failures, I think many of us feel that ours are simply because we wanted VBAC sooo badly & a lot of us feel that we SHOULD have been able to achieve it but we didn't for various reasons. I think this is a very therapeutic thread & I thank you for starting it.

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#24 of 109 Old 01-07-2006, 09:16 PM
 
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Thank you so much for this thread. I think it is so important for us to be able to share our stories with others who understand where we're coming from. It is really healing, and I think we who have had such traumatic births (and face it, even if you PLANNED a C-section, it's still pretty traumatic) especially need this kind of support to process our birth experiences and to fully accept them for what they are- good or bad. So, here's my story.

My first son, Alex, was born C-section because of FTP after 40 hours of labor- 9 of it pitocin-induced & all of it other-drug free. He passed away at 17 hours old due to complications following an infection present before labor began and undetected until after his birth . While I had major issues about the c-section & his birth/death (of course), I was able to deal with them pretty effectively & we planned for a VBAC with our second son.
I began reading about VBACs a few months after Alex was born, and by the time my husband & I decided it was time to try again, almost 7 years later, I had read and researched and written college papers about natural childbirth and VBACs. I found the only hospital in the area with midwives who would take a VBAC (DH was totally opposed to home-birth, and I was scared, too). I took Hypnobabies classes to prepare for natural childbirth, and had a totally supportive family system (well, mostly). I hardly even considered the possibility of a second C-section. To me, that was the second most aweful thing that could happen (obviously, I had experienced the worst). Then, at 40 weeks & 2 days I went into labor. It was unlike the first labor- I wasn't sick, and while it was difficult, it was definately bearable. After 19 hours laboring at home, with contractions still erratic, but coming every 3-6 minutes, my midwife wanted me to come in. After the initial assessment, she told us that she was concerned about rupture (which really didn't scare me too bad- I've read the studies), and then she started talking about the possibility of an infection, and a repeat of the first outcome. The options we had were: stay at the hospital & labor it out- see what happened & risk a rupture or an infection. If I did that she said the doc wanted me to have an epidural so that if I ruptured & they had to do an emergency C-section I wouldn't be under general anesthesia. The thought of an epidural made me sick to my stomach. The other option was to go ahead and have the c-section, guaranteeing (well, upping the odds, anyway) of a healthy baby & mamma. Of course, signing myself out against doc's orders was also an option. I was ready to tell them to go to you-know-where, that I was going to have this baby without their stupid help. But DH, bless his heart, was extremely concerned. We talked about it alone for a while- and he told me that he was going home with both me and the baby this time no matter what it took. In the end, I guess they scared me/us into it. I don't know if the surgery was necessary or not- the doc said that everything looked great in there - so I probably would not have ruptured, and there was no infection, so that wasn't really a concern. I feel kinda duped. I guess I should have read more and had my resources on hand at the hospital to quote the stats or something. Even after all the planning I thought I'd done I still feel that I was kinda caught unprepared. What really did it, of course, was the threat of going home empty handed again. I know I could never have lived with myself if that had happened- especially when I could have prevented it. Oddly, they made me feel like wanting to avoid another c-section was the selfish thing to do, and not the safest thing for my baby. I don't know what I'll do next time. I'd still really like to know what it feels like to actually give birth. But after two times- failure to progress both times, I don't know if I will have enough confidence in my body to do what it was supposed to do to have my babies.

Anyway, although the experience was really terrible, the outcome was much happier this time. Nathan Macalister was born 7lbs., 6oz. and 20" on Christmas Eve. Although I still feel like I did not really "birth" him, he's mine and he's absolutely perfect.

If anybody actually got through all that, thanks for reading. This was very helpful to me to be able to share this experience with others who know. Love and hugs to all .

Wife to since '98; Homeschooling, working on my doctorate & becoming crunchier by the day; Mom to DSs: 06/10,12/05, & 1/99 & 1 on the way (3/15)
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#25 of 109 Old 01-08-2006, 11:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm glad the thread has gone the way it has and grateful to everyone who has shared their stories.
Mine is kind of long so you can read it here in the Birth Stories forum.
There is a CBAC support list that I have found really helpful, http://www.yahoogroups.com/group/CBACSupport
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#26 of 109 Old 01-09-2006, 10:32 PM
 
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Thank you so much for sharing your stories. The range of feelings about CBAC experiences has been really helpful to me.

I'm really processing what happened in mine and thinking about whether I have any options at all if we decide to have a third.

Can I ask if any CBAC'ers feel that they would find a way to try for a VBA2C??


My story in brief: C with the first after 24 hours of labor, 3 hours of pushing he didn't move past 0 station. He just wasn't budging -- I tried every position under the sun and was exhausted. He was posterior and slightly transverse. Very bad C experience, after the spinal numbed me from the waist up I stopped breathing and had to be ventilated and put under general. Didn't get my baby until 9 hours after his birth (after they bottle fed him and bathed him while I was waking up and begging for him, but was apparently not allowed to be on the same floor with him until I could move my legs and they could do some paperwork, etc...).

Determined to VBAC with the second. Went to best midwifery practice around, she has an incredible VBAC rate. Tried hypnosis to deal with last birth experience. Hired a great doula. Had a birth pool. Etc... Went post-dates by almost 2 weeks. Natural 16 hour labor, then got epidural because contractions were doubling up and they wouldn't let me back in the birth pool (I guess I was still around 4 at this point). After epi, my waters broke and there was a ton of meconium. As far as I know no stress on the baby, but I was progressing slowly and my midwife felt there was too much meconium (she said something never seening so much) and was afraid baby could inhale it. She told me I needed another C-section. I had never heard of meconium as a reason, but she said it was too much and I was progressing too slowly. Since her VBAC success rate is so high, I felt I should trust her judgement, she doesn't section easily. The C was much easier, I had an epi and they added drugs very slowly to bring the numbness up without hitting my lungs this time. He had to be ventilated a ton, but I got him 3 hours after birth and got to nurse him.

Now what? I've heard of a midwife who does homebirth here and will take a mom with multiple past sections. But I'm afraid I'll need another section and won't have a good setup for a backup physician (because it would have to be under the radar, technically you're not supposed to do VBA2C's). It's not even that I desperately want a vaginal birth, what I want is to know that if we do have another baby, that I can go into labor naturally and see how it goes -- I dont' want to schedule a C-section because I want the beneficial aspects of labor for the baby. But from talking to different OB's and midwifery practices, that looks unlikely.

Astoria
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#27 of 109 Old 01-10-2006, 06:04 PM
 
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#28 of 109 Old 01-10-2006, 06:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Astoria

Can I ask if any CBAC'ers feel that they would find a way to try for a VBA2C??


what I want is to know that if we do have another baby, that I can go into labor naturally and see how it goes -- I dont' want to schedule a C-section because I want the beneficial aspects of labor for the baby. But from talking to different OB's and midwifery practices, that looks unlikely.

Astoria

Thanks for your story. I'm so sorry you had such a hard time, but glad you had two healthy babies. To answer your question, I definately still want to try for a VBA2C!! My husband isn't so sure, but I feel the same way you do about at least trying so the baby has the benefit of some labor. Basically, it comes down to: they can't FORCE you to have surgery! That sounds easy to say now- but all of us who have been "forced" into sections know that when they're in front of you threatening you with the life of your child it's much more difficult. But, I guess the best thing to do is research and plan as much as you can, and be ready for any eventuality. & good luck!

Wife to since '98; Homeschooling, working on my doctorate & becoming crunchier by the day; Mom to DSs: 06/10,12/05, & 1/99 & 1 on the way (3/15)
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#29 of 109 Old 01-14-2006, 03:25 AM
 
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My 1st c-section took place April 2002 after an unmedicated labor and 4 hrs of pushing. He never decended past +1. Duncan came into this world weighing 9lbs 13 oz. I was very tramatized by the whole experience but didn't realize it till later. i was angry at myself for not adcovating for myself when I had "prepared" and educated myself prior to his birth and at the on call ob whom I felt did not really talk with us about our options (later I saw my chart and there was some quetionable and inaccurate documentation in there which may have resulted in him pushing the csection).

Here is Iain's birth story:

On Sunday Dec 14, 2003 I awoke around 2:30am suspecting that my water broke. Although I had no real leaking I had sufficient to belief that I had sprung a leak (hehehehe). I awoke DH and told him and then we both tried to go back to sleep. Shortly thereafter the contractions began. They were pretty steady at 7-8 minutes apart for several hrs. Around 4:30-5am, after not falling back to sleep, we decided to get up and shower as it was clear that out little guy was on his way. While in the shower my contractions became more intense and closer together, 5-6 minutes apart. Both DH and I got ready and started to get things organized to leave for the hospital. I called my midwives and doula at 5:45am, at which point my contractions were 3 minutes apart. We quickly got DS up and DH took him over to the neighbor’s house and we headed to the hospital. At this point I was having contractions every 2 minutes and they were very intense..nothing like the one’s I had with DS. We arrived at the hospital at 7am only to find out I was 5 cm, 80% effaced and at 0 station.. .I was sure I was going to give birth in the elevator on the way to the L/D floor. I was quite the fun passenger in the car also…a 30 minute car ride with contractions 2 minutes apart is not my idea of fun..

By 8am only a small rim of my cervix was left which my midwife pushed away. At 8:10am I was officially pushing and continued to do so until 9:30am. I was flopping all over in various positions but the contractions were so intense. I tried to use my hypnotherapy tapes but they just seemed to distract me. So instead I tried to use that I had learned from hypnotherapy without actually listening to my tapes. At 9:30am the on call OB came in and we talked about what the next step was. Given this was a VBAC attempt I was limited in how long they would let me push. No matter how strong my pushing was he never got past +1 really. He would get to +2 and then pop back up. I was so exhausted and in major pain so I consented to the c-section. The OB/midwife were willing to give me a bit longer to push but something internally just told me to stop.


DH and my doula accompanied me to the OR for the deliver of our little guy. Ok..maybe not so little. As the OB was getting ready to lift him out I hear “Oh my..we have a toddler here”. Iain Crawford was born at 10:18am weighing 11lbs 13oz and 22 inches long. He was estimated to weigh only 8.5 lbs at my last midwife appt a few days before.

Although I had hoped for a VBAC, I truly am a peace with my C-section. I am very proud that I labored naturally (which was impt to me) and that I trusted my body and baby in the birth process. Something was telling me to stop pushing and I trusted that inner voice. The OB said she truly felt it was the right decision b/c when she went in my uterus area near the scar from the previous C-section was very thin and although there is no sure way to know if it would have ruptured it did not look good. (who knows who accurate that is but I really felt like I trusted my body in this situation)

I was able to get a few things that very impt to me as part of Iain’s birth experience (that I did not get with Duncan’s). DH got to cut the cord, they held Iain up above the curtain for me to see immediately after delivery and my midwife and doula were able to snap a couple of pics while the OB delivered Iain and pulled him up and out. Also I am very proud of how well my labor team (nurse, midwife, doula, husband and ob) worked together, communicated and respected my wishes…something which was very impt to me after a negative exp with Duncan’s birth (ob related mostly).


-----

this time I will be having another csection as they do not do vba2c...

with iain's birth I had little to no emotional pain from having to have the c-section. I felt like things were much better then with Duncan's and I am at peace with that csection. I think too I have worked through my issues with Duncan's csection..did alot of work in therapy/hypnotherapy prior to Iain's birth so that the trauma of the 1st c-s would not carry over.

Going into this birth I am at peace with knowing I have to have a csection. I am however sad..and a part of me grieves, that I will never experience delivering a child into this world vaginally.
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#30 of 109 Old 01-22-2006, 10:59 PM
 
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I have posted my story on another board but I feel the need to tell some of it again I still grieve and am so angry. My bladder was cut in half during my last failed VBAC, it was severed by a Resident during the C-section. I am grateful to be alive and have prayed to be healthy enough to chase after a toddler, that hasnt happened. I was also silenced before I even hit the OR table for asking too many questions, they put me under general anesthesia, I dont remember the first few days.I had a detailed VBAC birth plan it was ignored and laughed at. I would have loved to have another chance at birth but I am petrified and still grieving. I sought out a doula, accessed wholistic practitioners, wholistic birth classes, positioning, yoga, accupressure etc. My babies were posterior and never seem to decend beyond 0 station. My bladder injury was not a tear it was a laceration from a blade. A violation, negligence. I suffer from post traumatic stress and have cognitive problems from the blood loss. Thanks for allowing me to verbalize, there are no support groups that I can find for victims of medical mistakes. I choose to tell my story here because of the support of mommas who feel they have failed, or grieve the birth that they so wanted and envisioned.
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