Nurnur, you may have misunderstood the context of that quote from my doula training...it can be hard to convey everything without body language and tone of voice! Let me see if I can explain better...(and apologies for a slight thread departure...)
|but we cannot paint a rosy picture for the mama to remember when that is not TRUTH
A "positive" memory is not necessarily a "rosy" one. For example, the memory of breathing or toning through a labor contraction can be a positive one if the woman remembers her strength in that moment and her amazing power in opening/growing through that contraction. But that same contraction could be a "negative" memory if she remembers only the physical pain that may have accompanied that contration instead of her strength in riding with it.
Does that make sense? A labor contraction isn't a "rosy" memory, but it can be positive or negative one depending on which portion the mama choses to focus on. The idea isn't to create a memory that isn't "true". The idea is to make sure that the mama knows how strong, brave, powerful, capable, amazing, wonderful, lovely and loved she is no matter what happens. She is no less strong, brave, powerful, capable, amazing, wonderful, lovely and loved if she has a c/s. A c/s mama needs to process her experience (not all c/s mamas find it a traumatic experience btw), grieve or not as she needs, and have the support of those around her to heal physically and emotionally.
Helping a mama find her memories of strength and power isn't "hiding the truth" or denying the trauma of a c/s. It's helping the mama find what has been there all along.
The "What will the mama remember" question actually came out of an assignment...find several women who have given birth in the various decades (the 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, etc) and ask what they remember from their births. It's shocking how many remember the doctor yelling at them, or a nurse ignoring them, or the way they were embarassed by the "labor prep" even 50 years later. Yes, these "negative" memories are part of the truth of those birth experiences, but so are the memories of joy at their baby's cry, their suprise at how strong and capable they really were, the discovery of huge resources they never knew existed inside them.
And part of a doula's role is to help people in the birth environment realize that they are creating memories with this mama, and those memories are going to last a lifetime, and they should act with respect and kindness towards that mama no matter what. So that in 50 years the mama I stay with today will remember her amazing strength, her baby's first smile, the way the doctor respected her desire to nurse her little one right away... before she remembers the rude nurse or the fact that she didn't get to use the tub or the million and one horrible "what if I had/hadn't"s that plague every mama who's birth wasn't what they had hoped. Not instead
of those memories, but with
I'm not sure that makes it clearer
but I didn't want you to think that a doula's role is to "lie" to a mama or create some sort of "false memory"! It's not. For me, the role of a doula is to help a mama find and remember her strength. No matter what life throws at her.