So I have some major decisions to make... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 37 Old 08-11-2006, 02:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I got an email last night from an RN. The OB's all had a "meeting" and no one will allow me to go into labor. There is one Dr. a few hours away that would more than likely allow me, however, money is very, very, very tight and I don't even know if I could afford the gas to keep up with appointments. I so wish I had the money for a homebirth. : I know I could always show in at the hospital in labor and refuse a c-section, however, I can't afford a doula and I'm afraid I won't have the guts to stand up for myself once they threaten me with a dead baby.
Right now I feel like my only choices are, 1. Go with a c-section, and ask my OB to please allow it to be as "natural" as possible. 2. Make an appointment with the OB 2 hours away and risk our finances. (Rent, bills, food, ect.. ) :
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#2 of 37 Old 08-11-2006, 02:49 PM
 
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oh you poor mama...i have no experience in vbac or anything like that...but it is terrible what they are trying to force you into
Hugs

Aron Mama to 6 homeschoolers -- 12, 10, 8, 5, 3, baby

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#3 of 37 Old 08-11-2006, 02:50 PM
 
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i don't have any advice but just wanted to give you a hug..
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#4 of 37 Old 08-11-2006, 03:04 PM
 
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Have you considered an Unassisted homebirth? It might be worth a look.

Edit: If UC isn't for you then I'd suggest talking with some midwives in your area I know there are many midwives who will work pro-bono in extenuating circumstances...It's definetley worth a try.

Mama to 01/2008 and anxiously awaiting due July 2011
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#5 of 37 Old 08-11-2006, 03:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovinmy2babies+1
The OB's all had a "meeting" and no one will allow me to go into labor.
WOW! Can you say 'god complex'. No one will 'allow' you to go into labor?... Not damn likely they can stop you if that baby wants to be born.

I soooo get that you feel stuck! I am so thankful that for my last pg. I had a very well-respected OB who was quite pro-VBAC. And for this one, I have the benefit of 2 experienced midwives.

I just don't know what I'd do in that position. I'd probably first see if there were any midwives willing to work with me -- even 'under the radar' depending on the laws of your state. Then I'd probably do all the research I needed to about UC...I'm no martyr, nor should my child be, so I'd back down if my child were truly in danger...but that aside, I can't imagine how hard it would be to validate their arrogance and stupidity by acquiescing to their demands.

Whatever you choose, hugs and prayers to you!

Maryhippie.gif

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#6 of 37 Old 08-11-2006, 03:26 PM
 
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First, you can get free doulas. I have one and she is wonderful. Ask on freecycle and on here in your tribal area. I would just say that you are in a massive need of a doula's services, but cannot afford to pay. You might be able to barter services even.

Secondly, they cannot "allow" you to do anything. AT ALL. This is YOUR body, YOUR birth. Take control.

Mom to Dakota (6), Coy, (4), Max, (4), Lily (4), and Auri (June 19th 2010)!
Visit Lily's site at www.caringbridge.org/visit/lilymathis1
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#7 of 37 Old 08-11-2006, 05:20 PM
 
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Oh, I am really feeling for you. Have you spoken directly with your OB yet? Are they just against VBAC or is this the insurance company speaking? Why not at the very least a VBAC under the condition of an epidural if they are so worried about the risk of UR? (Full disclosure - I must add here that I really do not want a epidural myself and have to talk with my own OB on this). Have you shown them recent news articles saying the VBA2C is not any "riskier" than a VBAC?

Hugs, mama.
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#8 of 37 Old 08-11-2006, 05:41 PM
 
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lurking...
A free doula site: www.bellywomen.net

I'm so sorry this is pressing such an issue - I'd be so frustrated!

Can/do you qualify for state insurance? I don't know where you live but most states cover MWs if they are legal (so you could have your homebirth). Maybe look into that if you can?
~Julie

Mama to 4 amazing little people, another little expected 3/6/12!
Avid Unassisted Birth supporter/Mama

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#9 of 37 Old 08-11-2006, 07:30 PM
 
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I'm so sorry that you are in this seemingly position.

I'm a little crazy and would possibly consider dipping into the budget for birth. A healthy birth for you and baby IS a necessity IMO. Avoiding unnecessary surgery that may cost even more money in the long run would be close top of my priority list. I understand not everyone is like me though and completely respect that.

How about laboring at home for a loooooongggg time and then laboring in the hospital parking lot until you're close to pushing?? There might not be time for you to refuse a c/s because the baby's delivery is imminent.

Please do take other's suggestions in trying to find a doula. If you can't find one, any woman friend that you think is up to the task can do.

As someone else pointed out, there is always unassisted.

Have you talked to midwives in your area? Perhaps someone could do a payment plan, bartering services or something with you and your family? There are many midwives out there with big hearts that hate to see us VBAC moms in these positions and who are truly willing to help.

Big hugs, I'm sure something will work out.
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#10 of 37 Old 08-11-2006, 08:22 PM
 
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I am so sorry you are going through this. Boy I agree with the others, that is pretty interesting saying they will not allow you to go into labor. I just wanted to reiterate what the others said.
I would start looking for a doula that can do this for free or very little for you. Some need births under their belts, for certification or just want to help someone in need. Are you able to get a 0% credit card? I know it is not ideal but that way you can either use it for a homebirth or for the other midwives, gas, etc to get the birth you want and deserve.

Good luck!!
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#11 of 37 Old 08-12-2006, 12:50 AM
 
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I could cry reading your situation. others have already given most of the advice I would offer (Look for a midwife who will barter/sliding scale, free doula, labor in hosp. parking lot and go in when you are ready to push) also this one is kinda out there..can you continue care wuth your provider for now (assuming they are affordable to you) and bail out at the last minute showing up (prearranged) at the further away hospital,but not making all the prenatal trips or .. at "The Farm" in tennessee?
Hugs to you
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#12 of 37 Old 08-12-2006, 02:27 AM
 
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Have you tried talking to midwives in your area? Might there be one willing to barter or spread payments WAY out for you?

good luck!

-Angela
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#13 of 37 Old 08-12-2006, 11:40 PM
 
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What state do you live in? There has to be another option..

I agree with a pp- they must have a God-complex to "allow or not allow" you to go into labor!:

~e, wife to my sweet T partners.gif, mama to my turtleman (8) , sunshine (6 vbac.gif), and monkey (2)
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#14 of 37 Old 08-12-2006, 11:41 PM
 
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Also, what the heck is up with the e-mail? That's pretty non-confrontational! :

~e, wife to my sweet T partners.gif, mama to my turtleman (8) , sunshine (6 vbac.gif), and monkey (2)
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#15 of 37 Old 08-13-2006, 01:44 AM
 
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Oh, Lisa, I am so sad to hear this! I second what everyone else has said. My midwife let me work out whatever kind of payments I could. I'm paying her only on 5 paycheck months (sending her the 5th) and I'm going to pay her off with tax returns.

I really hope something works out for you!

Dawn, mama to D (3.06) & N (9.07) C (11.09) & Still-in-shock surprise due in Aug!
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#16 of 37 Old 08-13-2006, 11:46 PM
 
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Hmmm......is there anything preventing you from going to your appointments with these jerks (much as it pains me to think of them getting your insurance dollars!) and then going elsewhere to have the baby? One of the very few good decisions I made when DD was born (which ultimately, unfortunately, did end in a c/s) was NOT to go in to the hospital even when the contractions were 2 minutes apart because the biggest jerk in the group was on-call. My doula was the one who suggested getting some sleep first, reminding me that first labors take hours and I'd be more comfortable at home, but even without a doula if you have someone supportive to remind you of this it can be a big help. They really won't know when you go into labor unless you tell them.

However, I think the other issue (and I apologize if I missed this but skimming the previous posts I didn't see this brought up) is that they will probably ensure that you aren't "allowed" to go into labor by scheduling a CS for you at 39 weeks or something. You do not have to show up for this. If you're worried about them billing you or something, once you find out that they've scheduled this, simply call the hospital and tell them that something came up-- I dunno, a funeral or something, it's really none of their business-- and that you'll have to get back to them to reschedule after consulting with your dh or whomever. Then just don't call back and don't return their calls.
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#17 of 37 Old 08-14-2006, 01:06 AM
 
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maybe you can find a doula in training that will be your support for free. Or talk to a local midwife about expenses and work out a reduced price or a barter. Have your dh mow her lawn, build her a deck, etc. You could sew, cook, babysit, garden, etc for her. Whatever your skills are. Keep trying to get the birth you both deserve.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#18 of 37 Old 08-14-2006, 03:40 AM
 
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how many hospitals do you have in your area? i would pick another hosptial and either try to find a good ob there or just show up in labor like a regular pregnant lady. you can try to do a payment plan with a midwife for a homebirth or she could act as a monitrice for you doula/midwife and tell you when to go to the hosptial. but the most important thing for you to do is not give these sOB's what they want. they think they can call you and say you cant have a vbac and you'll be the obedient child and get cut. prove them wrong. say fine i wont deliver with you and send them a photo of your vbac baby crowning
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#19 of 37 Old 08-14-2006, 01:58 PM
 
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UGH. I'm so sorry.

What are their reasons for "not allowing you to go into labor". God, the arrogance
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#20 of 37 Old 08-14-2006, 04:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I emailed back and asked if they were aware of the ACOG guidelines and the newest studies. Her response was that if I needed surgery, no other OB's would back up an OB that allowed me to labor. So in other words, if they let me labor and I had a UR, no other OB would assist them in helping with surgery...
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#21 of 37 Old 08-14-2006, 06:11 PM
 
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Hmmm, I don't know enough about all the different laws but that doesn't seem right to me. If you needed surgery no one would help? I hope others here know more and can give you advice.
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#22 of 37 Old 08-14-2006, 06:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm hoping that's just a scare tactic answer. I would hate to see someone actually have a UR and no OB to help because they didn't come in for a scheduled c-section. The medical community is seriously making me sick right now.
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#23 of 37 Old 08-14-2006, 06:33 PM
 
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This might be a different perspective and help not to hate your OB.

This is not meant to defend the lack of support for VBAC, which I think is grotesque and completely unsupported by research.

This is your pregnancy, and is such extremely important to you. Your OB has many pregnant patients and will have work with his OB colleagues for years after your pregnancy is over and done with. Do i think it's right? No, but these are colleagues he'll need favors from, backup from if he's sued, coverage in emergencies, etc. These are not people he's necessarily willing to piss off in order to get one patient the birth she wants. This doesn't mean you're not important, but that the issue is bigger than any one person.

mama to Max (2/02) and Sophie (10/06); wife to my fabulous girl
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#24 of 37 Old 08-14-2006, 09:48 PM
 
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I really encourage you to talk with your OB directly. This is so outrageous. Isn't it be unethical for other docs to refuse to act as backups?
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#25 of 37 Old 08-15-2006, 12:48 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovinmy2babies+1
I emailed back and asked if they were aware of the ACOG guidelines and the newest studies. Her response was that if I needed surgery, no other OB's would back up an OB that allowed me to labor. So in other words, if they let me labor and I had a UR, no other OB would assist them in helping with surgery...
Ok...first of all EMTLA says they have to treat you - regardless. Secondly, it's your baby, your body, your birth. NO ONE is "allowing" you to do anything. You're "allowing" them to assist you. You are paying them for their service.

Quote:
Originally Posted by maxmama
No, but these are colleagues he'll need favors from, backup from if he's sued, coverage in emergencies, etc. These are not people he's necessarily willing to piss off in order to get one patient the birth she wants
This is absolutely none of your concern. Those are his issues and not yours. Since when did the needs/wants/wishes of the doctor supersede the rights of the patient?

First and foremost before even considering what you should do regarding your cp, you need to become well versed in your LEGAL RIGHTS. There are lots of sites out there that can help you do that. One place you can go is www.ican-online.org. There you can find out information, not only on your legal rights, but also on what to do if you are being denied your right to a VBAC. You can also use ICAN's site to see if there is a local chapter in your area. They may have some suggestions/resources available that you may not be aware of. You may also want to consider signing up for the ICAN email list. It's a FANTASTIC source of informartion - both on your options, on the current research, and on your legal rights.

FIGHT Mama!! You can do this and you can birth your baby!
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#26 of 37 Old 08-15-2006, 01:01 AM
 
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Can you go to another practice or deliver in another hospital? If you look on Feb DDC there is a doula that has posted saying that she may be able to help hook people up with a free doula. Don't give up! My midwife took payments and we were very financially stressed at the time but somehow we managed. Some might also barter with you? Good luck!

~Lanie mom to Layne, Liam, Maren, Meridian, and Melora
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#27 of 37 Old 08-15-2006, 02:39 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pamered_mom
This is absolutely none of your concern. Those are his issues and not yours. Since when did the needs/wants/wishes of the doctor supersede the rights of the patient?
When seeking health care, then you have to recognize that it's also just a business, and like any business, has its own culture and its own needs. In an ideal world, sure, doctors would be concerned only with the patient, yada yada yada, but this is the real world, and you will always get further in a compromise by recognizing that the other side also has needs they're trying to meet.

mama to Max (2/02) and Sophie (10/06); wife to my fabulous girl
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#28 of 37 Old 08-15-2006, 12:03 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maxmama
Your OB ... will have work with his OB colleagues for years after your pregnancy is over and done with. Do i think it's right? No, but these are colleagues he'll need favors from, backup from if he's sued, coverage in emergencies, etc. These are not people he's necessarily willing to piss off in order to get one patient the birth she wants.
What I am not getting here is why and OB supporting a mother's choice to go into labor should "piss off" any other OBs???? That's a difference of professional opinion, not a reason for negative personal emotions between colleagues.

aran .......... Mr. aran .......... DS1 .......... DS2
BIL Oct. 1961 - Jun. 2009 taken by cancer
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#29 of 37 Old 08-15-2006, 12:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by aran
What I am not getting here is why and OB supporting a mother's choice to go into labor should "piss off" any other OBs???? That's a difference of professional opinion, not a reason for negative personal emotions between colleagues.
It's how docs are. I don't know if it's because that's how they're trained or more about the kind of people who become docs. Most OBs would see their partner/colleague as putting them and their livelihood at risk by doing so, and their way to "punish" him would be to be unavailable should he need them in the future.

mama to Max (2/02) and Sophie (10/06); wife to my fabulous girl
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#30 of 37 Old 08-15-2006, 12:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maxmama
When seeking health care, then you have to recognize that it's also just a business, and like any business, has its own culture and its own needs. In an ideal world, sure, doctors would be concerned only with the patient, yada yada yada, but this is the real world, and you will always get further in a compromise by recognizing that the other side also has needs they're trying to meet.
Your right...it is a business and they do have their own personal interests in mind. That's the point! It'd be nice if they all stopped acting like they were some unbiased benevolent servant. It'd be nice once and awhile if they stopped hiding behind bogus statements and actually admit "I don't want to attend your VBAC because I'm afraid that my malpractice insurance rates will go up" or "I don't want to attend your VBAC because it will be detrimental to my future practice". Instead they try and scare you into complying or coerce you into complying often times by presenting only the information they think you need in order to make the decision they think you should make. That's not informed consent.

Just for once I'd like the "birth professionals" to admit that when they make decisions it's often less about the mother, her baby, or the body of research and more about their own personal needs and wants.

You can't diminsh the fact either, that in a business transaction there are two parties involved. It's not just the doctors that can make all the demands and expect that the patient will blindly and willingly follow. It's not the pregnant mother's job to make the jobs of the doctors, nurses, or hospitals easier - plain and simple. If the doctor doesn't want to attend VBACS or doesn't want to deal with the uncertainty involved in obstetrical practice, don't become an obstetrician.

As pregnant and laboring women we have already made far too many concessions and compromises - it's what got us to this astronomical c/s rate and difficulties in VBACs. I think we'd do much better if the other side started making more compromises and concessions and stop acting like they alone made decisions on who will and will not go into labor and how long or how short that labor will be. We'd all be served better by our medical communities if we stopped elevating them to the level of deity and all that implies.
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