"You're lucky you never had to give birth" and other insensitive remarks - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 43 Old 09-13-2006, 04:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kgrfcharlton
Not that this is anyones fault, but it stings when I hear, "when I gave birth." It's funny how that little phrase can stir so many emotions in me, since I don't feel like I "gave birth" - my babies were cut from me.
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Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#32 of 43 Old 09-14-2006, 01:52 PM
 
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I didn't feel like I gave birth when I had my c-section- I felt like it was done to me, and that I was not the one in charge of my birth. With my VBACs, I was thrilled to be dealing with tearing & hemmoroids over a CS recovery. I have heard of women with really easy cs recovery- which amazes me. Mine was incredibly difficult, which was compounded by my emotional state. The physical recovery I had to do after my vbacs was not exacttly a walk in the park, but my endorphins glossed over that for me. I wasn't dealing with tis sense of loss. I was just so psyched I did it and so blissed out with my new babies. After my csection, I was drugged, and sad, and in pain and I had to mourn the loss of the exprience of a natural birth and mourn the loss of my sons first days. It amazes me that people ask me with this disbelief, "you had them vaginal after a C-Section?????" I do try to educate people, as there is so much ignorance surrounding birth.

Mama to 3 kiddles. joy.giffencing.gif Doing my best and trying to stay afloat.vbac.gif

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#33 of 43 Old 09-17-2006, 05:38 PM
 
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I'm reading these comments others have made to you and I'm just so sad.

The only person who seems to say anything to me is my MIL, but the woman just doesn't get me. When we announced this pregnancy, her questions weren't about how I was feeling or how we were preparing Ian or anything positive... but rather "who's your ob? Which hospital? And you'll just schedule, right?" Um, no. She won't know about our homebirth until it is over. She's an RN and thinks antibiotics solve the world's problems.

Amazingly, all my work friends don't assume I'll repeat, but I'm very open about how much I hated my c/s.
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#34 of 43 Old 10-02-2006, 06:53 PM
 
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My MIL said to me, "Well at least you will never have to go through labor again!" I looked at her like she was crazy and said, "You think having a C/S is EASY?? I would much rather go through labor again in a heartbeat, no question." It's is amazing to me that people think that going through major abdominal surgery is easy. My MIL told me that she was very afraid during her labors (wouldn't you know, she easily--in relative terms--no complications--gave birth to two boys). I wasn't truly offended by her comment because I knew where she was coming from, just absolutely dumbfounded. Also when my daughter is called as "C section baby." Da#m it! She's my daughter, not a c section baby!!

Healing Mama to :
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#35 of 43 Old 10-03-2006, 09:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Isamama~ I totally understand. On hearing my VBAC plans my mother in law said: "But aren't you afraid of labor?" As if I was lucky I had the option to have a c/s, and that she could not believe I was choosing a vaginal. I was angry but simply said very forcefully: "I am afraid of being cut open again."
She and most people who have not undergone a c/s (and even some women who have had c/s ) simply do not understand. It angers me so much that so much family does not support or understand my decision. Sometimes it makes me feel hopeless.
I also know what you mean about the label: "C-section baby." I hate that. It says "cesarean" on both of my kids' pediatric charts-right at the top by their name as if it defines them as such forever.:
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#36 of 43 Old 10-03-2006, 09:53 AM
 
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My mother (bless her heart ) told me that I was lucky to not have give birth. To her credit, she still complains of pain at her episiotomy site 31 years later.

We were talking last week, and I was telling her that next time I planned on a VBAC. She was incredulous. After much discussion, I think she understands. Doesn't agree, but understands, and hopefully will not make (many) stupid comments about it anymore.

And, FWIW, I did have a really easy recovery from my c-section. I labored for 25 hours of active labor, with 12 hours early labor before that. I was 9+ cm for over 10 hours. I think that labor was much harder than recovery from a c-section. But, I still would like a vaginal delivery next time.
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#37 of 43 Old 10-12-2006, 09:30 AM
 
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I think my MIL has no clue what a c/s entails. She's said to me:
"You should have a c/s so you don't have to feel any pain." (Hmm...last time I was in pain for weeks...)
On another occassion, I was trying to explain that a vbac would have an easier recovery...With a c/s, I wouldn't be able to lift my DS for weeks. She said, "Hmm...I don't know what I did about lifting (my older son)." I said, "That's because you didn't have a c/s and could lift him!!!!!!"

Other people have said just about everything rude thing possible to me....But it bother me because she is someone who saw me suffer afterwards! I'm starting to think that one of the worst things about having a c/s is having everyone tell you what to do next time around! (And my DH & I make a point of not discussing it in public & we still get these comments!)
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#38 of 43 Old 10-12-2006, 02:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just do not understand why some people fear the pain of labor and birth worse than being cut open 6 inches (or more!) across your abdomen and then into uterus. I described it to my mom as "being cut to the core- physically and emotionally."
Not to mention your flesh being clamped back and held open, and your uterus taken out and placed outside your body. They also have to move your bladder out of the way as well, and it can be very easily damaged as well.
Not to mention the anesthesia they have to administer- which is also risky. With my first c/s, my spinal wore off halfway through the procedure and I was so doped up with other stuff after that, I was barely there and actually hallucinating. They could not stop the bleeding for a while, and I was so out of it, the words "I am going to die" went through my head, only I did not care.
They also had to test me for a while afterward for heart damage, since the anesthesia caused my heart to do things during the c/s that it wasn't supposed to be doing. They feared I would have permanent heart damage.
My daughter was born with too much fluid in her, since she didn't go through the birth canal as she should've- they had to aggressively suction her- which to this day I believe is why she had food/eating aversions for her first 5 years of life, and nursing problems for her first 3 weeks of life.
They had my due date wrong and she was born 3.5 weeks early- and I believe she was not ready.
I was in such unbelievable pain afterward, that I didn't even get to change my own first baby's diaper for a whole week.
My nephew has a large scar on his ankle where his leg was cut while he was born (c/s). What if that had been on a much more delicate vulnerable part of his body?
I know that pain is scary, and that even with vaginal births there can be permanent damage that happens to a mama's body. I also know that some women's vaginal births are more difficult with more difficult recovery than a
c/s.
But I just know that is the passage the baby is meant to go through: not extracted through a large incision in your body.
Sorry for the sob story, but to me having a c/s is a nightmare- which I lived and do have actual nightmares about.
I guess to women who have not had to go through a c/s, or has had an "easy one" they just can't understand. But these are some of my reasons why I am determined to have my VBAC.
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#39 of 43 Old 10-12-2006, 04:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kgrfcharlton View Post
The 1st thing to come to mind was after my failed VBAC, I was just taken to my room meeting my new nurse & she made the coment that it's a shame to go through all that labor (52 hours) just to end up w/a c-sec.
One thing I'm very proud of and happy about is that I labored at home with my last 3 until 'the last moment' even though they were planned c-sections. I came in all 3 times fully dilated and, with my 5 yr. old, already pushing. I'm glad that my babies got to choose their birthdays and that I experienced part of a natural labor, and would never consider it 'a shame' to go through any part of it. It's terrible the kind of things people will say regarding any woman's birth -- usually out of ignorance. Because I can't have a vbac, I used to be really emotional when people called me 'lucky' but anymore I just let it roll off me.
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#40 of 43 Old 10-12-2006, 05:04 PM
 
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#41 of 43 Old 10-12-2006, 06:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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pamered_mom~ thanks, I needed that.
desultory~ I am glad you got to labor with your babies too, and be an active part of their births. And you are right, people can say terrible things about any woman's birth. We need to support one another.
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#42 of 43 Old 10-14-2006, 03:52 AM
 
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I remember the first thing the nurse in recovery said to me was, "just think, next time you can just schedule when to have your baby." That was before I knew better, and I said, "I have to do this again?" And she said, " well, you don't HAVE to, but good luck finding a doctor that will do it any other way." Don't challenge me lady.

I told my sister after my c/s that I didn't give birth, I had a baby surgically removed from my abdomen. And there is a BIG difference, physically and emotionally. And there are a lot of c/s people that don't mind the difference, but to me, it meant so much.

When my closest friend found out that I was going for a VBAC, she said, "Are you sure? Natural birth is not all that great."
Well, even with tearing, hemhroids, and all, PUSHING that baby out WAS all that great!
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#43 of 43 Old 10-14-2006, 09:21 AM
 
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I'll take hemmoroids & tears over a C/S recovery anyday!

Mama to 3 kiddles. joy.giffencing.gif Doing my best and trying to stay afloat.vbac.gif

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