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#1 of 41 Old 10-02-2006, 06:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I really need support right now. This pregnancy has been an emotional rollercoaster and I just want to get off!

Physically, this has been a stellar pregnancy--just some morning sickness and those yucky varicose veins to contend with. Emotionally, I am (and have been a wreck).

We moved to VA back in November and by the end of January I found out that I was pregnant. When I started calling around for providers, it was difficult to find someone to work with. I'm a VBAC mom and many docs "don't do that" here. Those who would agree to see me, told me that I would have to be on f/t monitoring, and have all kinds of interventions. One practice went so far as to say that I would have to agree to come in when labor started, stay in bed, epidural AND shave and then they would take me. Ummm, no thank you!

I finally settled on a practice that had 4 m/w's (almost unheard of down here) and a bunch of OB's. Three things I asked for right from day one 1) no men in my birthing space (I'm a survivor of abuse and also have birth trauma caused by men, not good). 2) intermittent monitoring and 3) that people be patient b/c all my babies are posterior and need time to turn and descend. I was told that I could stay under m/w care and that I should meet with one of the OB's at least once during the pregnancy.

There are 20 docs in the practice-about 1/2 are male, so a few months back I met with one of the VBAC-friendly (there are only a few in the entire practice) female OB's who told me that she would cover for my birth in the event that I needed more assistance than the midwives could offer. She told me that she couldn't promise she would be there, but that she would get another female, vbac-friendly OB to cover for her in the event that she could not be there. I was to call her at 35-36 weeks and she would tell me who this person was so that I could set up an appointment to meet her.

Based on my experiences in talking to some of the area practices, I really went deep inside, did some research and started feeling really good about a homebirth. For some reason I didn't trust this practice any more than the others even though they had said all the right things.

So, around 4 months I started seriously looking for a h/b m/w. Dh seemed open to the idea. Very difficult search. The one CNM who does h/b in my area was a little nervous about taking me initially AND her back-up OB is male. She is wonderful, but I can't get my head around the possiblity of having a man in the room. Because she is a CNM and not a CPM, she kinda has to answer to the OB. I decided to pass on her offer b/c the initial practice promised me all females. If I thought for a minute that I could handle a man entering my birthing space, I would have gone with this woman.

So...I kept searching and searching and I found a new m/w in the area and we interviewed her. She's wonderful and has lots of birth experience, but she's only got 3 solo births under her belt and dh felt really uncomfortable about that. She has become a good friend and will be a doula for me.

The search continued and I found another m/w who lives further away. She has 250 births under her belt and was happy to take me on. Dh had lots of questions for her and I thought that all was well. After all, he knew that I was pursuing the h/b option and that I wasn't happy with the practice I was with.

DH decides to google "homebirth horror stories" instead of doing ANY research on homebirth. He tells me in no uncertain terms that we are not having this baby at home based on what he read. I did manage to get him to agree to hire the m/w at least as a monitrice. She is not comfortable delivering me at home without his consent : I'm thinking that an "oops" is in order. He already knows that I'm going to stay home as long as I can. Why make me go to the hospital at that point?

We got into several huge fights over the past couple of months over this. I do not feel comfortable going to any of the area hospitals and he doesn't feel comfortable staying home. It has gotten very ugly--to the point where he has threatened to 1) not let the midwives into the house, 2) call an ambulance (to which my response was that I would tell them that I don't need any assistance) and 3) Call CPS because I'm "putting a child in danger" : I asked him if he really wanted them to take ALL of our children or just the baby---GEEZ. So, as you can see this is a very difficult situation.


Fast forward to two weeks ago--36 1/2 weeks gestation....

Well..the OB calls it a miscommunication, but I call it a bait-and-switch. NOW, the story is that no one ever promised me only females for my birth, that I will have to take whomever is on, that the midwives can only offer labor support, and that there is a good chance that a male would deliver my baby. The intermittent monitoring is now out (hospital policy) and knowing what I do about most of the doctors there, I can guarantee that no one is going to be willing to wait 2 hours from the time I hit 10 cm till I feel like pushing. I have gotten to 10 cm 3 times and was sectioned 2 of those times, so this is kind of important.

I did a bunch of networking over the last week and did find a doctor who is willing to work with me and take me on as her exclusive patient, but I haven't built up a repoire with her. She knows that she is now plan "b", and that I can't have any males. I like her. She's really laid-back and knows what kind of birth I am looking for. Most of her patients deliver naturally. Her section rate is 12% and she never does an episiotomy. BUT, I had my hopes set on a home waterbirth and those dreams are out the window b/c of dh. I REALLY don't want to go to a hospital.

I am soooo beside myself. Darned if I do and darned if I don't. If I stay home, I have the stress of wondering when/if dh is going to call someone to haul me off (his words, not mine) and if I go to the hospital I have to play by their rules and deal with all that crap. Dh is very hostile unless I agree to do this his way in the hospital. He told me that he will only support me IF I agree to go to the hospital. I realize that he is motivated by fear and have tried to be sympathetic. I've tried to imagine going to the hospital and everything being o.k., but I can't. I don't want his fear invading my birthing space. I think it's totally wrong for him to threaten me just because he is afraid of the situation. I'm afraid of going to the hospital, doesn't that count for something??? If I concede and go to the hospital, I feel like I'm losing part of myself. Going to the hospital is not going to help our relationship any. In fact, it may serve only to teach him that he can be a bully to get me to do what he wants. OTOH, maybe giving in is what I should do to make it through the birth. I'm already feeling very resentful about the whole thing.

Please know that I'm sympathetic to dh's feelings, but I feel strongly that he needs to defer to me on this one. I'm the one having the baby and I'm convinced that this babe will tell us if there is a need to transfer. I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I feel safest at home and that should count for something.

In addition to all of that, I'm beginning to doubt that I can actually pull off another vaginal delivery. I keep trying to remind myself that I did it last time, but it's really hard. I keep trying to convince myself that I can do this regardless of where I end up. Not knowing if I have dh's support is also hard. Not knowing at this late date where I will deliver is hard. I'm a very flexible person, but leaving this till last minute is stressing me out.

Sigh--thanks for listening. Hope some of this makes sense.
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#2 of 41 Old 10-02-2006, 09:45 AM
 
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wow no answers for you, just couldn't read with giving you some big ((((hugs)))
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#3 of 41 Old 10-02-2006, 10:21 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for all your frustration. My dh is also not supportive of a h/b...he's been scared off by complications at one of his nephews' births. I am lucky to have found a provider and hospital that is supportive of natural childbirth, so I can only imagine how agonizing this must be for you. Can you and your dh write down your feelings about your respective opinions? That may be a way to hear the whole story without being interrupted, cut off, or generally ignored. It's tough and we're thinking of you!
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#4 of 41 Old 10-02-2006, 11:26 AM
 
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Wow, i would be completely pi$$ed off if my husband did that to me. Pregnancy with it's hormones is stressful enough without having the one person you are supposed to be closest to sabotaging your best efforts to create a truly safe and comfortable birthing environment (as opposed to the false sense of security at a hospital). I am so sorry Mama. You are in my thoughts and i am hoping for a beautiful birthing for you.

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ribboncesarean.gif vbac.gifhomebirth.jpg I have given birth a variety of ways and I am thankful for what each one has taught me.

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#5 of 41 Old 10-02-2006, 11:49 AM
 
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What a stressful experience you've had. I am so sorry for that. I cannot understand the mentality of a person acting like your dh is. I agree with your concern that this is not just about one birth, but about control. I also agree with your disgust and distrust of your original ob team and your hesitancy to go to the hospital. As far as how to deal with dh, I think the real battle you have is his stubborn closed-mindedness, rather than actually convincing him that homebirth is safe. My suggestion is to be as nonconfrontational as you can and express to him the feelings that you have about what he is doing. At the same time, give him an opportunity to tell his feelings, not opinions or edicts, feelings about homebirth. Don't argue with him, just listen and expect him to do the same. Compile as much positive information on homebirth as you possibly can as well as information about how dangerous hospitals can be, then ask him to bring you the information that is negative about it, and exchange it. Hopefully, this will lead to a better understanding on his part of how safe homebirth actually is and eventually he will budge. If not, at least you two might be able to come to a better place about all of this. I am outraged that any good life partner could treat their partner this way, but since my dh wouldn't dream of challenging me on what we do for birth considering that my unneccesary surgery profoundly affected him as well, I don't really have the right perspective to comment. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and checking this thread for updates. At least you've found a backup ob who sound pretty good, but I don't think any woman should be denied a homebirth and certainly not by her husband. Good luck.

Mom of three spunktastic kiddos, supported by super-partner while dabbling in midwifery and organic farming. Biting off more than I can chew since '03.
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#6 of 41 Old 10-02-2006, 12:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Milkydoula--I AM pissed off and I'm afraid it's going to affect my labor. I'm already feeling resentful about that even though it hasn't happened yet. It would be one thing if he actually did some reading about homebirth (other than "homebirth horror stories" : and we could have an intelligent conversation about it. But, he's pulled out the control card instead and that infuriates me!

I'm tired of hearing about how selfish I am and how I'm not thinking of the baby and that I'm only looking for an "experience" . I would argue that I care about this kid at least as much as he does and based on the research I've done, h/b is a SAFER option for the baby. Initially, when I was looking at h/b it was because I really had no other options. Then, I started researching and it really resonated with me as something I wanted to do.

I'm also tired of a couple of well-meaning friends tellling me that I should "submit" to him and that he's just trying to "protect" me. Well, if he was trying to protect me so much, maybe he would keep me out of the place that terrifies me so much. Even when I was with the other practice, even when he found out that men would be allowed, he didn't budge. Doesn't he want to protect me from an unnecessary c-section? He says he does, but then he says things like, "If you end up with another section, you will survive." Clueless, I'm telling you. I think another section will kill me.

The other thing I'm tired of is people telling me (and this started with the OB), that they don't understand why it's such a big deal if a guy just comes in to do a section on me. Maybe only people with abuse in their past can comprehend that, but I'm tired of people minimizing it. It's HUGE!! When I have a c-section, I feel like someone is taking something from me that doesn't belong to them. Kinda like being raped if you think about it.

Ugh. didn't plan for this to be another huge vent.
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#7 of 41 Old 10-02-2006, 12:50 PM
 
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Hmm, I think I can understand where your husband is coming from. Your birth is not low-risk. Though uncommon, you and your baby could be dead in the time it takes to get to the hospital if uterine rupture were to occur. I mean, we all know the risks are low, but still, the risk is still there despite that. I can see where he is coming from.

I am sure he is well aware of your dislike of male doctors and hospitals, but probably can't see how that overrides the risk of you and/or the baby possibly dying as low as that is.

I would say that in the end it is up to you regardless though. Good luck.
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#8 of 41 Old 10-02-2006, 12:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Kathan--I understand what you are saying, but we're at a point where I can't express my feelings about it anymore. I've tried and he is being extremely stubborn. One could argue that I'm being stubborn, too

I *think* what I'm going to do is continue to plan to stay at home and hope that the midwives will convince him to just let me be if things are going o.k. I still don't like having it up in the air till the last minute, but I don't feel that I can agree to a hospital birth right now and I know he won't consent to staying home. Kinda like--let the chips fall where they may. I don't like this at all, but I don't know what other approach is going to help the situation.

He wants me to tell him specifically when we are going to the hospital and I remind him that I haven't agreed to go to the hospital (besides, birth is very nebulous). I had originally told him (when we were planning on going to the hospital) that once I hit 10 cm we would go in. He doesn't even know what 10 cm means!!!! Why? because even though this is our 5th kid, he's not done ANY reading about birth and doesn't want to know.

I wish I could see an acceptable answer somewhere.
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#9 of 41 Old 10-02-2006, 01:15 PM
 
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is there anyway you can get hin to google "hospital birth horror stories"? I acctually don't know if that would work, but if you check it out before hand maybe it will at least help give him another point of view?
I am SO sorry you are going through all of this! I really don't have any good advice other than when it comes right down to it YOU need to follow YOUR gut and heart and intution. You ARE a strong woman and CAN do it!
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#10 of 41 Old 10-02-2006, 03:37 PM
 
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Well first of all, you could google "horror stories _____" Fill in the blank with anything you want. You will always find horror stories about everything especially on the internet. He needs to do real research. If after doing research he still feels the same way, well then that is fair. He is entitled to his feelings and opinions but they ought to be based in reality not in fear.


Personally I would tell him he cant be there if he is going to force you into a hospital birth. Yeah that is kind of nasty but I think your own DH threatening to call CPS is way out of line. Again, I understand he is fearful but he is not going about this very well at all. If my husband were dead set against hb and came to me AFTER doing his own research and honestly told me he was against it, then I wouldnt do it. But to threaten like that is not the way to go about it.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
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#11 of 41 Old 10-02-2006, 03:43 PM
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I really feel for you. DH and Nebraska are my main reasons for planning a hospital VBAC. But my DH did not go as far as yours. He really crossed the line IMO just when you need support the most.

Fight for what you want and need. Stay strong. No one should have to go through what you are right now. If you end up giving in at some stage just try to make the best of it. You deserve the birth you want but don't let that add to the pain if you don't get it, IYKWIM.

s:
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#12 of 41 Old 10-02-2006, 04:05 PM
 
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Hugs, mama. I am SO sorry you're going through this when you should be GIP.. I don't have any answers for you, but just don't lose the faith. you CAN do this. It WILL work itsself out, and you'll birth your baby. Don't lose faith. it will work out, somehow, some way.
PS... you know you can walk into the hospital near pushing and not deal with the junky stuff..I didn't really think it was possible to have such a swift labor, but you can. think positive thoughts... praying your labor will be swift and uneventful so that you can do just that.
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#13 of 41 Old 10-02-2006, 05:42 PM
 
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I agree that googling for "homebirth horror stories" is no way to get an accurate representation of home birth. Seeing as he was so impacted by those stories do you think it might be helpful if he spoke with some other families who have had successful homebirths? How about some families who have had successful hbacs?

Is he aware that no one has the right to force treatment on you - not even him. If you don't want to receive a particular medical treatment you have the right to refuse it, plain and simple. That includes heading into the hospital. I have a feeling that your probably aware of your legal rights as a pregnant woman, but is he? I don't normall subscribe to the "NVNV" mindset, but in this case I think I would be exercising that fact and tell him "no vagina, no vote buddy!" I know that's no way to work in a marriage, but when it comes to me laboring the way that I feel comfortable and making the choices that I feel are safest for me and my baby when push comes to shove I'm afraid that's the choice I'd have to make.

That being said - you can always go in pushing. Having hired a montrice is certainly got you on the road to more successful chances at VBAC. A montrice can monitor fetal heart tones so can help you be more successful at putting off transfer to the hospital until well into your labor. If you do choose to continue on the hospital birth route, I would agree that the ob #2 is likely your best bet.

I wish this were easier - I truly do! This is no way for a woman to go through her pregnancy and go through labor!!

mama!
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#14 of 41 Old 10-02-2006, 08:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hugs, mama. I am SO sorry you're going through this when you should be GIP.. I don't have any answers for you, but just don't lose the faith. you CAN do this. It WILL work itsself out, and you'll birth your baby. Don't lose faith. it will work out, somehow, some way.
PS... you know you can walk into the hospital near pushing and not deal with the junky stuff..I didn't really think it was possible to have such a swift labor, but you can. think positive thoughts... praying your labor will be swift and uneventful so that you can do just that.
I know I could walk into the hospital pushing and tha was the original plan, but that's not the point. One has to be flexible about birth and I understand that more than anyone, but I do have a dream to have a home waterbirth and I can't do that at the hospital. I'm already grieving what an unhindered birth would be like for me.

The bigger issue is how dh has been treating me. We've never had a great relationship, but this is really putting things on the rocks. I feel like I can't trust him, that he's abandoned me when I need the most support and that the only way I can get his support is to do what he says.

Thanks for the prayers--I need them.
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#15 of 41 Old 10-02-2006, 08:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree that googling for "homebirth horror stories" is no way to get an accurate representation of home birth. Seeing as he was so impacted by those stories do you think it might be helpful if he spoke with some other families who have had successful homebirths? How about some families who have had successful hbacs?

Is he aware that no one has the right to force treatment on you - not even him. If you don't want to receive a particular medical treatment you have the right to refuse it, plain and simple. That includes heading into the hospital. I have a feeling that your probably aware of your legal rights as a pregnant woman, but is he? I don't normall subscribe to the "NVNV" mindset, but in this case I think I would be exercising that fact and tell him "no vagina, no vote buddy!" I know that's no way to work in a marriage, but when it comes to me laboring the way that I feel comfortable and making the choices that I feel are safest for me and my baby when push comes to shove I'm afraid that's the choice I'd have to make.

That being said - you can always go in pushing. Having hired a montrice is certainly got you on the road to more successful chances at VBAC. A montrice can monitor fetal heart tones so can help you be more successful at putting off transfer to the hospital until well into your labor. If you do choose to continue on the hospital birth route, I would agree that the ob #2 is likely your best bet.

I wish this were easier - I truly do! This is no way for a woman to go through her pregnancy and go through labor!!

mama!

Thanks! You know I'm fully aware of my rights and he is too. I've declined plenty of interventions in the past. In fact, when he mentioned the ambulance I just told him that I would tell them that I didn't need any assistance. They can't take me away if I don't consent.

I hate that this has become so hostile, but I don't know what to do. Right now I need to concentrate on getting this baby out. I'm agree with you about I should have the most say in this and should labor and deliver where I feel safest. I'm beginning to think that will be at a local hotel!
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#16 of 41 Old 10-02-2006, 11:08 PM
 
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Have you thought about trying to find a therapist ASAP who would see you as a couple? (Obviously, I'd only go to a HB-friendly one, if I were you--maybe ask the mw allies you have for recs?) This really seems to me to be more of a relationship problem--dealing with power and control (him trying to seize control over the birth), poor communication, etc--than a medical/birth kind of problem.

I'm really sorry he's doing this. It's absolutely preposterous. His "method" of doing research on HB is ridiculous. He's revealing his fears, and really, knowledge is power--he should open up to learning some real, unbiased info about it. It's sad that he can't see what this is doing to *you*, the mother of his children.

Also, FWIW, my 2nd VBAC was a snap (and my first was 40 loooong hours and some really strenuous pushing). Please allow yourself to feel good about this birth. Your body learned something from that birth, and this one will be easier.
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#17 of 41 Old 10-03-2006, 04:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Have you thought about trying to find a therapist ASAP who would see you as a couple? (Obviously, I'd only go to a HB-friendly one, if I were you--maybe ask the mw allies you have for recs?) This really seems to me to be more of a relationship problem--dealing with power and control (him trying to seize control over the birth), poor communication, etc--than a medical/birth kind of problem.

I'm really sorry he's doing this. It's absolutely preposterous. His "method" of doing research on HB is ridiculous. He's revealing his fears, and really, knowledge is power--he should open up to learning some real, unbiased info about it. It's sad that he can't see what this is doing to *you*, the mother of his children.

Also, FWIW, my 2nd VBAC was a snap (and my first was 40 loooong hours and some really strenuous pushing). Please allow yourself to feel good about this birth. Your body learned something from that birth, and this one will be easier.

Thanks, KK. Yes, I've thought of finding a therapist, but right now I don't have the energy/reserves to initiate anything. Our relationship is complex and I doubt that we can resolve anything in the short time I have left before the baby comes (I'm 39w 2d). He told me that there is nothing that is going to change him mind about the subject. Why waste precious time and energy on something that is futile right now? If he plans on staying married after the birth, however, he will have to agree to go to counseling. For now, I'm having periodic phone chats with my counselor from MA for support.

I tried the "feelings" talk with him yesterday and he refuses to see that there is a problem with his threatening me. He reiterated that he is a man of integrity (which he actually is) and that he will do what he has to in this situation. According to him, he's just telling me what will happen if I don't go to the hospital--and I believe him. He doesn't see it as threatening and told me that I should look at it that he cares about me. Thus, nothing is resolved.

He SHOULD do some reading about h/b (after all, I'm probably having one ). I've even offered to spoon feed it to him, but he's not interested. He thinks that all I read is propaganda (like googling homebirth horror stories isn't : ).

Thanks for your encouragement about your second VBAC being easier. It's encouraging to hear of your success. Right now, I'm doubting a lot of things. I've put a lot into place to help me--like seeing the chiro for Webster technique, having two support people (both midwives), etc, but am feeling totally unprepared for this birth. Most of my energy has been spent putting out fires with dh. I really wonder how this birth can go well whichever way it plays out. All of my muscles are tense--I'm even feeling it in my hands and feet and nothing seems to help. That may hinder my birth because I can't seem to relax at all.
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#18 of 41 Old 10-03-2006, 05:28 AM
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Probably won't help at all, but someone posted this link again recently and it made me smile.... you need a smile too!

http://cuteoverload.com/
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#19 of 41 Old 10-03-2006, 11:23 AM
 
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Good morning, hope you are doing ok!

Thoughts and prayers, we are here if you need to talk!

Midwifery Student and Mama to 2 daughters and 3 sons.     
ribboncesarean.gif vbac.gifhomebirth.jpg I have given birth a variety of ways and I am thankful for what each one has taught me.

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#20 of 41 Old 10-03-2006, 11:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Probably won't help at all, but someone posted this link again recently and it made me smile.... you need a smile too!

http://cuteoverload.com/

Awww! Thanks for sharing.
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#21 of 41 Old 10-03-2006, 11:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by milkydoula View Post
Good morning, hope you are doing ok!

Thoughts and prayers, we are here if you need to talk!

Thanks, I'm doing o.k. right now. Feeling a bit spent, but it really helps to know that you are praying and thinking of me. I feel completely alone.
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#22 of 41 Old 10-03-2006, 03:39 PM
 
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oh, Cristina... i've been thinking of you a lot lately and wanting to write but as you can see by my sig, i've been a little busy around here with the new one...

please know that i'm thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful, healthy, safe and beautiful birth. know that i'm believing in you and your body in those moments when you are not so sure about it yourself...

with love,
claudia
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#23 of 41 Old 10-03-2006, 11:40 PM
 
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I hate that this has become so hostile, but I don't know what to do. Right now I need to concentrate on getting this baby out. I'm agree with you about I should have the most say in this and should labor and deliver where I feel safest. I'm beginning to think that will be at a local hotel!
That's not such a bad idea!!

Seriously...praying for you and hoping that you will take every opportunity to just breathe and enjoy those last fleeting moments of pregnancy - so precious and worth every moment. That we get to experience the very beginnings of life in a way that no one else can and before anyone else can - priceless!
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#24 of 41 Old 10-04-2006, 01:26 AM
 
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I hate that this has become so hostile, but I don't know what to do. Right now I need to concentrate on getting this baby out. I'm agree with you about I should have the most say in this and should labor and deliver where I feel safest. I'm beginning to think that will be at a local hotel!
Yeah, that's what my friend said when I told her about your situations! Well, actually she sugested going to a trusted female friend's house to birth and not telling DH where you're going, but it's the same idea.
I say do whatever you have to do to be comfortable for this birth!
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#25 of 41 Old 10-04-2006, 10:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks ladies! don"t know what I'd do without you! I'm still feeling pretty good right now knowing that I have support and prayers and happy thoughts coming my way. I've decided that I can't do anything to change him or what he's going to do, but I have to focus on the baby now and getting her out safely and securely.

As of right now, I think my plan is to simply stay home unless I feel the need to go or if my midwives tell me that there is a problem. If he calls an ambulance, I know what to do (tell them I don't need any assistance). If he calls CPS, I'll deal with it when the time comes. Most likely they are not going to come out when the birth is in progress. If they do, I guess I will have to tell them they can't come in without a search warrant and that homebirth is legal in VA. If things get ugly with dh, I know that one of the m/w's would bring me to a safe place.

I just can't spend any more time worrying about what someone else is going to do because of my choice. Maybe we can work on the relationship after the baby comes, but I need all my energy for birthing right now. It's horrible that we couldn't come to an agreement about this, but I feel so strongly that I can't back down on my conviction.

He keeps trying to nail me down as to WHEN we are going to the hospital (after all, he can't support me if the plan is to stay home : ). I just keep reiterating that I don't know if I can do what he's asking. First, I don't want to go at all and second, picking a "time" to go is pretty nebulous if you ask me. Birth can be unpredictable. I think that I will tell him next time he asks that I will go if and WHEN the baby's heartrate shows signs of distress.

I've tried to remain open to the possibility that this baby does need to be born in a hospital, but I don't feel that is the case right now. I'm sure that she will tell us if that is necessary and in plenty of time.

I'm done being angry right now and am trying to move forward to the task ahead. Been having some contractions this morning, so we'll see. I'll let you know if anything comes of them.
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#26 of 41 Old 10-04-2006, 12:39 PM
 
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Well it sounds like you have a good plan.

Good luck and let us know how everything goes!
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#27 of 41 Old 10-04-2006, 12:50 PM
 
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Please do keep us updated! I'm just seeing this thread now. ((HUGS)) to you and prayers for a safe, happy delivery for you!
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#28 of 41 Old 10-04-2006, 12:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by TurboClaudia View Post
oh, Cristina... i've been thinking of you a lot lately and wanting to write but as you can see by my sig, i've been a little busy around here with the new one...

please know that i'm thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful, healthy, safe and beautiful birth. know that i'm believing in you and your body in those moments when you are not so sure about it yourself...

with love,
claudia
You have been there for me from day 1---THANK YOU! OMG--your little guy is soooooo adorable---inspiration for birthing for sure.

Did you post your birth story anywhere?

C
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#29 of 41 Old 10-04-2006, 02:22 PM
 
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Christi,

I hate to be the only one to suggest this, but why don't you "take a vacation" (don't call it seperation of course!) and go to another state where your choices will be more accepted, and your husband can't find you?

I did this once to protect my kids from my ex. I wasn't pregnant, however.

DHS is a very scary thing. I can't even imagine how you will be able to get this baby out with all your fears about your dh. You have to leave/go on vacation, and temporarily get free from the stress of this relationship.

What about going to THE FARM just outside of Nashville, TN? This is where Ina May Gaskin lives, and all of her midwives too. Many mothers go there to stay in her cabins and then move over to the birthing center after contractions get strong.

Just a thought. Please don't stay. Get support of your family. Document your husbands outrageous behaviour with video, cassette tape or whatever.

If you does call DHS, they should know how affraid you have been, and how you feel that he is trying to make your personal decisions.

I was married to a man like this...tried to force me into all things he wanted. For a while I accepted it because I couldn't imagine divorcing him. But I am a human being and I couldn't live like that any longer.

Best wishes on your decisions. I am so so sorry you are having to deal with this at a time like this.

Sending healthy <vaginal> birthing vibes!

Vegetarian Hindu, mother to L,P and R. 
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#30 of 41 Old 10-04-2006, 03:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Sonnenwende View Post
Hmm, I think I can understand where your husband is coming from. Your birth is not low-risk. Though uncommon, you and your baby could be dead in the time it takes to get to the hospital if uterine rupture were to occur. I mean, we all know the risks are low, but still, the risk is still there despite that. I can see where he is coming from.

I am sure he is well aware of your dislike of male doctors and hospitals, but probably can't see how that overrides the risk of you and/or the baby possibly dying as low as that is.

I would say that in the end it is up to you regardless though. Good luck.

How rude.
Do some research will ya or get off the VBAC thread
VBAC u/r rate is 0.7%
which is virtually the same as any other type of pregnancy and delivery u/r rate
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