Pressure from OB concerning VBAC, any advice? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 50 Old 03-21-2007, 10:31 AM
 
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Originally Posted by jenmidwife2b View Post
I agree with everyone else, report this guy. I have had this happen to clients as well and it is not right. A doctor has no right to perform SOM without your express informed consent. It carries risks and you have been assaulted. At the very least, report him to his chief of staff and ACOG.
:
Having that done require concent !!! I can not believe he did that without asking !!!:::

I am glad to hear that you dc's estimated weight is less, while i LOVE big babies, it gives you peace of mind.
You will have this child anyday, and I can't wait to hear the birth story.

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#32 of 50 Old 03-21-2007, 10:57 AM
 
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Yeah, I would not allow him to perform any more exams, period. No pelvic checks definitely. Stripping your membranes has very little positive effect (it's quite unlikely it will make you go into labor) and has a lot of risks (such as AROM, the risks of which were already covered).

I don't think I'd report him to the police, they'd laugh and it would make a terrible experience even more humiliating. I would, however, report him to his board or possibly make a complaint with the hospital.

BTW, I'm not surprised in the least he did this. This is standard procedure, and they NEVER tell the woman they are going to do it beforehand.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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#33 of 50 Old 03-21-2007, 03:30 PM
 
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I don't think I'd report him to the police, they'd laugh and it would make a terrible experience even more humiliating. I would, however, report him to his board or possibly make a complaint with the hospital.
They'd better not laugh. If she comes in and says, "I'd like to make a statement about a sexual assault" and they laugh they're in BIG TROUBLE. And it is a sexual assault. Something was done to her sexual organs without her consent, by a person who used their position and authority to convince her that it was okay.

The reason doctors get away with this sh*t is because we let them, we are cowed by them and we believe that nobody will believe us if we tell them how violated and wrong it is. In some countries and cultures, rape of women is a matter of course, and even other women will tell the victim to "get over it" or "not take it so seriously" because it is expected that women will have sex with men.

I have never been assaulted by a doctor and I never will, mostly because I simply don't allow doctors up in my vagina. However that does not mean that women who do allow for a routine pelvic exam deserve to have their membranes stripped or broken without their consent. I believe that it's rape and it's wrong, and as a culture we need to stand up and protest it.

It just makes me so ANGRY. After reading this thread last night I ranted at my husband for half an hour (and, blessing that he is, he listened and supported me) but there is NO EXCUSE for this behavior, none.

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#34 of 50 Old 03-21-2007, 04:35 PM
 
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With my first vbac, I avoided the nst's by stalling and eventually drinking castor oil at almost 42 weeks (which I don't recommend unless you enjoy being miserable). Ds#1 was born at home, that day almost 9lbs. With ds#2 when I went past due, I got a recommendation for a really great acupuncture dr. She was already treating me for anemia. I asked if she could encourage the baby to come and she said she would just let the baby know that it was okay to come now. I had really productive contractions for the rest of the day and my water broke the next morning. Ds was born soon after, also almost 9 lbs.

Also, my sister was told that her dd was almost 9 lbs from an ultrasound and she was born a week later at barely 6 pounds.

HTH!

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#35 of 50 Old 03-22-2007, 01:13 AM
 
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I CANNOT BELIEVE he stripped your membranes without asking you for consent beforehand! Abominable! You're easily the 6th or 7th person I've heard this happened to just in the last 2 weeks! I am so sorry that happened to you -- but please report him to whatever hospital he has privs at, the insurance company, the police, the ACOG. Man, this p*****me off and it didn't even happen to me [this time]. What is with these HCPs just doing whatever they want to do?!

Sorry I will jump off my box now...

Hugs to you, mama -- I'd run from this guy if it were me.
Don't jump off your soap box mama. Your anger is completely understandable.

It makes me so angry too. To the OP, please don't let this go. He had no right to do that to you and your baby :

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#36 of 50 Old 03-22-2007, 08:56 AM
 
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And, one last thing. He stripped my membrane yesterday without asking or telling me: . The only way I knew he did it was after asking him what he just did and he told me. I bled alot and had HORRIBLE contx for 8 hours last night (8mis apt, never got closer). I have had some tonight...I know they'll go away.
I'm so sorry I came to this thread late. Is your water at least still whole?

Don't let him do any more exams! Keep your pants on! Vaginal exams at this point just make infection more likely.
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#37 of 50 Old 03-22-2007, 09:08 AM
 
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I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I hope you have an uneventful VBAC.

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#38 of 50 Old 03-22-2007, 10:47 AM
 
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They'd better not laugh. If she comes in and says, "I'd like to make a statement about a sexual assault" and they laugh they're in BIG TROUBLE. And it is a sexual assault. Something was done to her sexual organs without her consent, by a person who used their position and authority to convince her that it was okay.
Well, I wasn't thinking they'd laugh at a statement of sexual assault but probably look at her strangely when she explained it was a doctor performing a procedure on her.

I totally hear you, this IS assault. So I'm not at all arguing it isn't. But we live in a culture where the cops are going to go "uh, ok lady" if she goes to them and files an assault charge that involves a so-called medical procedure and not a penis. That's what I think, anyway.

I have only one experience with the cops, it wasn't over anything sexual or assault-related (it was over credit card theft) and they treated me like I was a moron for even bringing it to them (and no it was a credit card THEFT by a professional credit card THIEF not like my sister borrowed it against my wishes or something). So I can't think that the cops would rush to file a charge or complaint against a "medical procedure" that is considered "standard" practice these days.

Besides, I think the medical board is better equipped to deal with such things anyway at this time. But I doubt anything will come of THIS complaint, yet I don't say that to mean that it won't be worthwhile to complain. We should encourage women to make rightful complaints, and I certainly should have complained about the OB who shoved an U/S wand up into my crotch without my consent or even knowledge of what was going to happen.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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#39 of 50 Old 03-29-2007, 02:20 PM
 
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Just curious if there were any updates.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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#40 of 50 Old 03-29-2007, 02:36 PM
 
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I am also scared now because they've told me I have this "big" baby...so I feel like natural labor is going to be sooooo much more painful than it would be if the baby was tiny...
This struck me. And I wanted to encourage you. Contractions and the pain you feel are not affected by the size of your baby. If you have a baby with a *huge* head and it comes out quickly, you might tear, but the actual labor itself isn't affected by how big or small your baby is.

And my personal experience:
#1 I was told he would be huge, and he was small.
#2 they guessed right and he was huge, and labor was quick (4 hours) and very, very manageable.
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#41 of 50 Old 03-29-2007, 03:05 PM
 
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egads. another reason to steer clear of surgeons for your non-surgical birth.

big babies are not harder or more painful to birth. keep in mind that your body is growing a baby that is the perfect size for you to birth - and your baby and your body are working towards the perfect birth day.

I would run screaming from a provider that was trying to coerce me into surgery. If he's pulling this now, imagine what sort of scare tactics he'll pull when you're in labor and more vulnerable.
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#42 of 50 Old 04-03-2007, 01:44 PM
 
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any update?
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#43 of 50 Old 04-03-2007, 04:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Here goes...

I feel like I've been avoiding the forum because it chokes me up to tell my birth story. However, I'm ok now after much praying and rationalization.

I went into labor monday night, the 19th, for 8 hours with contx 5-8 mins apart. They were very painful. The labor stopped once again at 8pm.

Tuesday, 20th, I went into true labor at 6pm. That was the most powerful feeling I've ever felt. I didn't expect for the contractions to never subside...I felt like I was in what you all describe as "transition right away"..it was like wham bam...vomit pain. I had horrible back labor. I felt like my body was on fire. I labored for an hour or so at home, called my doula once I was in tears, and went to the hospital. Since I was already a 5 to begin with I thought certianly due to the pressure I was feeling that I was getting close.

Once I got to the hosptial and they said 6 cm and 100% effaced I knew in my heart something wasn't right. 1-2 hours later after several nurses kept saying "don't you want something for your pain" I gave in to a shot of nubane...that was a big joke. Didn't do a darn thing....just made me want more...I made it to 7 cm eventually and got an epidrual after the doc kept comming in and saying "don't you want an epidural..." This was all against our birth plan. We told them not to mention drugs. Just hearing them say it when I was in such severe, CONSTANT PAIN was too tempting for me. I gave in. Thirty mins after getting the epidural I was at an 8 and STAYED AT 8CM FOR 12 HOURS. My cervix began to swell. I was crying and crying because I knew what was next.

Another c-section.

I will say that this c-section was a lot better than the first. I supposedly had a lot of scar tissue from the first....he said he "did some things differently" this time to help reduce the scar tissue. I kept wondering why he didn't do those things originally.

For a while I've been feeling like a failure because I gave in to the offering of pain meds....I've been feeling like a failure because my body doesn't go into labor easily and I just don't progress very fast (obviously not fast enough for the medical model....). I've been regreting not going to the midwives in Ardmore....

I will also say, I had a 10lb 22inch baby boy, my daughter was 7 lb 11oz and I couldn't get her out. So of course the doc just said I would have never had him. I don't believe that in my heart. I wonder if maybe the epidural stopped my labor....or maybe, just maybe I can't have babies vaginally. I can't understand why not.

Anyway, I'm doing ok. I just wish I could have done it. I'm over feeling like a failure. I am a strong person, a good mother, and have a beautiful baby boy. I am so thankful for those things. And, also, I have to remember God is in control, his will will be, even if it isn't necessairly what "I want". That is what I've taken from it all. At least I tried. If I'd have agreed to a planned c-section I would have never known.

Kbrinkley
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#44 of 50 Old 04-03-2007, 05:03 PM
 
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We're all glad to hear from you!

Please, I hope for your sake that you don't ever feel like you would need to defend yourself from any of us here at MDC... So many mamas here have been in your shoes, and I think we all know how seriously tough it can be making decisions like that about birth, especially WHILE in that kind of pain.

Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby boy!

I am glad to hear that you have worked through your feelings pretty much already. I wish that things had gone the way you wanted, but I'm glad you ultimately have taken good things from this.

I don't know why your labor stalled, and I can't guess... but I know that in your situation I would have taken the drugs too. Even though you've come to terms with this, I'm so sincerely sorry that you weren't given the support you deserved for the birth. Even if you chose the pain relief on your own, that would have been your call, but they disregarded your wishes to not have them offered, and they also undermined your trust in the process.

However, that responsibility lays on their shoulders and not yours.

Enjoy your precious new baby

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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#45 of 50 Old 04-03-2007, 09:13 PM
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His main concern is the size. He told me if the baby gets to 4500 grams which is 10lbs that ACOG suggests NO INDUCTION. He wanted me to be induced today. When I say "induced" I mean, he wanted to break my water. That's all he'll do at this point (he said maybe light pitocin).
Actually I think he is misquoting that. There is something about GD and 4000 grams and non-GD and 4500 grams being a reason to DISCUSS a scheduled caesarean. ACOG actually does not recommend induction for big baby as there is little evidence that it improves outcomes. I'm sorry I don't have the exact info but maybe if you can google it and discuss it with him. Best wishes.
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#46 of 50 Old 04-04-2007, 05:27 AM
 
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Kbrinkley, I first wanted to say congratulations on your little boy, and send a big hug your way. YOU did your best. Your doctor did a HUGE disservice to you by undermining you and your wishes for your birth. I wish you lots of healing and support.

Mama to my spirited J, and L, my homebirth: baby especially DTaP, MMR (family vax injuries)
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#47 of 50 Old 04-04-2007, 09:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I forgot to tell you all this....

Monday at my appt with my OB, he stripped my membranes without asking. I figured it out because I asked him after he checked my cervix. He told me "I just stripped your membranes". I am glad I clarified because there was tons of blood when I got home and the labor that night was not so fun.

Can you believe those guys?

It really ticks me off. He was so supportive at first then did a whopping 360 and changed everything he originally said.

I will say he did a good job on my c-section. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to do it. But, I think OB's in general are just too scared of the "natural" process of labor/birth.
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#48 of 50 Old 04-04-2007, 12:43 PM
 
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((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

Congratulations on your new baby! I am sorry you didnt have more support in the hospital...I think anyone would have gotten pain medication at that point.
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#49 of 50 Old 04-04-2007, 12:49 PM
 
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Oh sweetie I'm so sorry you didn't have better support from your OB and the hospital staff. Please know that birth-loss is real, it's going to take you a while to process it, and that just because people keep saying "focus on your new baby" doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. For me, birthing and new baby are separate experiences and the latter, wonderful and magical though it is, doesn't fix the former. Give yourself freedom to cry and process and heal.

Sending you lots of speedy-healing vibes, & lots of love & support.

xo robin
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#50 of 50 Old 04-04-2007, 01:21 PM
 
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I'm taking my post out because I had missed that you'd given birth already.

Congratulations on your new baby!

I encourage you to please, please visit the ICAN site and find someone in your area who can help you process your experience. www.ican-online.com, they might have a group in your area.


Kristina in Kitsap County, WA
Doula, Student Midwife, Mama, Wife & More
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