so depressed about upcoming birth - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 06-20-2007, 09:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm planning a hospital vbac but i wish i could have a homebirth but my home is a studio apt and i need more privacy and space for my son in case the birth is stressful for him.

No freestanding birth centers here will allow a vbac birth. I feel so depressed about my last birth and so conflicted about it. I don't think i advocated as well for myself as i should have but i also think was really lucky and blessed to be at great hospital which was incredibly tolerant of my wishes.

i am so confused and sad. i just wish i could go back in time and have the birth i wanted at birth center NOT a c-section.
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#2 of 10 Old 06-20-2007, 09:19 PM
 
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Is there a family member or friend your son could stay with when you go into labor? You are going to remember this birth forever -- your son will probably not remember a night he stayed away from you. Do what it takes to get the birth you want!

I'm sorry you're feeling stressed.
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#3 of 10 Old 06-20-2007, 09:19 PM
 
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Can you find a midwife that would do a hb in your area?

Circ doesn't work! Stop the violence of circumcison. Had another UP/UC/HB in August!
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#4 of 10 Old 06-20-2007, 09:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My mom is completely unsupportive of me having a homebirth vbac. She said i was oblivious to the fact that i was risking my life and my baby's life. I also don't want her anywhere NEAR my birth. She was so inconsiderate at my last birth. She wouldn't stop chatting and kept inviting people i hardly knew into the room. But technically she could watch my son at my grandmother's house during the birth. I just feel really angry with her right now.

And i know of 1 or 2 midwives in my area who do homebirth vbacs.

my last birth labor stalled at 9 centimeters because ds was OP. My midwife said it must be because of anxiety about having a baby. after the birth i went to her office for postpartum visit and read an article about malpositon and how labor is affected. It stated that there is a premature urge to push (which i had), contractions that doubled up on each other (which i had) and labor stalling during transition (which i had.)

My midwife suggested i use pitocin to get things going. I did mainly because i felt so downtrodden by the suggestion that psychological problems had stalled my labor. My midwife suggested i get an epidural so i could sleep. I resisted at first but the pitocin made my 6 minute long contractions so painful that i finally consented.

anyway now i am planning this birth with the same midwife and i just feel so defeated already. I think i will call other midwives but i feel afraid they won't take me and i feel like i need support from dh who wants me to just go with our old midwife.
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#5 of 10 Old 06-20-2007, 10:31 PM
 
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karre, you've got to be 100% positive and 100% focused on your vbac if a vbac is what you want. There absolutely is no room for any negatives, feelings if disempowerment, unsupportiveness etc... You need to be completely 100% strong for you and your baby.

Find someone irl to talk to about all that's making you feel depressed so you can get passed it and start focusing on the positive vbac your internal self knows you can have.

The stigma of fear that surrounds a woman having a vbac is appalling and it's not what you need to get you through labour.

Make a decision which way you are birthing your baby and only focus on the positives. You've know doubt already been told about the negatives of a vbac and though they are still very minor compared to the negatives of a caesarean, they are still important to note. But... you don't need to be told every single day!!!

Tell someone a negative everyday and watch their spirit fall. Tell someone a positive everyday and watch their spirit soar. Basically you can put that to a pregnant lady. Tell her the negatives everyday so that's what she focuses on and her birthing experience will be fear led and fear based. Tell a pregnant lady everyday that she can have the best most empowered birthing experience and more thena likely she will.

karre, if you want a vbac then go and have it regardless if it's at home or at the hospital. If it makes it any easier, start reading all the positive articles and stories from other women who have achieved their vbac and take from their stories what they did to get them through. Be strong in your choice because the memory of birthing your baby will stay with you even when you are an elderly lady and you want to remember with great triumph and not great sorrow.

Good luck karre, and Let Your Birthing Goddess Roar.
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#6 of 10 Old 06-20-2007, 10:32 PM
 
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Sounds like you are fearing the people attending your birth and your reaction to their meddling, rather than the actual birth itself? That sounds awful that people were just coming and going, I feel that birth should be a private experience, not a sideshow in a circus.

We don't have any MW's that would travel here (I checked), plus we have no money to pay for it, so unless something goes wrong, I'm going to do my first birth UC HB WB with my DH....wish me luck...

Would your dh be ok with a UC at home?

Circ doesn't work! Stop the violence of circumcison. Had another UP/UC/HB in August!
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#7 of 10 Old 06-20-2007, 11:12 PM
 
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I was thinking along the same lines as the other ladies here. Is there a friend or family member that will let you labor at his/her place? Maybe you could try a hotel (I know, not the best scenario).

I want you to know that I think your consideration for your son is VERY admirable. I know there is some way to work around the problem though
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#8 of 10 Old 06-20-2007, 11:24 PM
 
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It will work out. We didn't have any childcare for my son for my first VBAC. I told the doc and the hospital he was going to be there. He slept in the fold out bed during the entire birth! Woke up 30 minutes later. I was worried, too, about how to care for him but it worked out in the end.

If you really want the homebirth, you mom does not have to know until after the baby is born. Ask a friend to be at your home for the birth for your son if he needs help. Or if you decide to stick with the hospital, your mother does not have to know until after the baby is born. Have someone else help with your son, if you can.
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#9 of 10 Old 06-21-2007, 01:05 AM
 
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We didn't have childcare for our VBAC. My two sons were there, and just ignored the whole thing. They wanted to know why I was depriving them of their brother for so long, and wished I'd get a move on. I thought they'd be traumatized by the whole thing but they totally weren't. My eldest has Asperger's, and especially back then, can have really strong reactions to things. The birth just seemed normal to them, but boring. They pretty much just went about their business. Nobody was there except them, their dad, me and the new baby. Worked out great!

Kiley
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#10 of 10 Old 06-21-2007, 02:52 AM
 
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Hang in there mama, but you need an attitude switch!

I really think you need to talk to a mama in person about all your fears and just lay them out on the table -and then tackle them! One by one. YOu need to think/know/believe 100% that you can do it!

Your body can, your baby can. You can speak for yourself, you can advocate, you can do it!

Hugs!

Kate: fumbling through the best years with W, L, F & V...newest arrival coming Jan '11
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