Ugh. Sounds like your gut instinct is right on... I am not so easily convinced that your pelvis is too small for birth. It is another birth myth, IMO. A contracted pelvis does indeed exist, I think in like 2% of the population. Have you had a injury to it in the past? A car accident or something? Have you had rickets? Both of those things do cause problems for birth.
Short of that, there are many factors that contribute to FTP- or sometimes I like to call it Failure to Wait. We all know that doctors are not always as patient and trusting as natural birth progression requires. Lying on your back is not usually conducive to irth. Being hooked up to monitors isn't either- or epidural- or having staff poke and prod and hurry you while you are in labor. Fears can slow a labor. Positioning can stall a labor, while baby tries to find the optimal position to descend. Labor and birth holds so much wisdom, and many mothers take a break at, say, 6 cm fore a while before things pick back up again. None of this has anything to do with inadequate pelvises...
It is the easiest route for a doctor to blame it on your pelvis. THat way, he avoids the responsibility of it the "FTP" being iatrogenic. Much easier to make the woman belive her body has failed, and is broken for any birth in the future.
A few suggestions:
check out Gloria Lemay's "pelvises I've Known and Loved" on birthlove.com http://www.birthlove.com/pages/gloria/pelvises.html
If you are not a member, I urge you to join. If you can't, PM me, and I will forward you a copy.
Also, do you have your medical records from the birth? They can help you to fill in the blanks.
ICAn is a great resourse as you discover the truth about your birth for yourself. If you are not a member, tere may be a chapter near you with monthly support groups, or you can join the online support group which is an invaluable resource. Go to www.ican-online.com
and then to community. There is a link to subscribe. It is very very high volume, but well worth it.
Also, "The Pink Kit" is great- but expensive. It is a thorough look at the pelvis, and helps you to truly understand the mechanics of it, and even to map your own pelvis. You will most likely find yours is like Lemay says: made to fit a pony through". You can buy it on the web. Just search google.
The words our care providers tell us are very powerful. I am so sorry for the damage done to your faith in your body. I know you are made for birth, just like all the women that have gone before you.
Many blessings on your journey- hope I see you at ICAN!