Do you have any family members who are not supportive of your plans to vbac? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 26 Old 04-05-2008, 05:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel as if my sister is being especially unsupportive , have you guys experienced this?

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#2 of 26 Old 04-05-2008, 08:38 PM
 
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I think my mil wasn't so much unsupportive but it just seems like she thinks I cannot do it which maybe is indirectly being unsupportive. It really just gave me the motivation and determination to go for it. It does help when family is supportive..it makes it easier, but turn your sisters negative thoughts into the fuel that you need to have a successful VBAC. Besides, she may be just concerned, but you know better. GL

Stay at home, homebirthing after 2C,cloth diapering, breastfeeding forever it seems... mommy of 3 expecting #4 in November. Married to my love for 9 years.
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#3 of 26 Old 04-05-2008, 08:47 PM
 
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My family is not that supportive. Of course they know nothing about it they just always say once a csection always a csection. It took a lot of talking with my mom to get her to change her views. She had natural births and always says "you have no idea how bad it hurts, just no clue" Thhen says a section would be better....But of course she has no idea about sections. I'm really close with my mom so its important that she supports me or else she is not aloud in the delivery room per Ina May. No negative people.

My hubby is just like whatever. He is not a take charge, want to know everything kinda guy. He knows nothing about it but is supportive of my choice and had know how much this means to me.

And everyone else who has made comments I do not care and when they say stuff about rupture I dont even get into with them and dont leave it open for discussion.

 

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#4 of 26 Old 04-05-2008, 09:36 PM
 
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My mother, father, and sister would be extremely unsupportive if they knew I was VBACing. However, we haven't told them. My mother had 4 c-sections and my father works in the obstetrics field and while I was in labor with my first he kept telling me to just have a c-section. *eye roll*
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#5 of 26 Old 04-05-2008, 09:56 PM
 
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This is such a big issue for me right now and this is why no one in my family knows I am even pg yet. With my 1st VBAC attempt they were so so. They knew I wanted it but I did what they all wanted and had planned a hospital birth. When the c/section happend none of them cared it wasn't what I wanted and all were excited to meet baby. With my 2nd attempt I had origanally planned another hospital birth with the same people only to find out during that pregnancy that I was lied to about my DD in my previous pregnancy and that is why I had the repeat was for being over due only to find out I wasn't really overdue yet. Even in telling them the lies they still didn't think it was a good idea to try again, voiced thier concerns and let it be till they got wind from my oldest who can't keep a secret that we were planning on having baby at home my mom came unglued. In the end I lied to her and told her my son was mistakin and that I was only going to labor for as long as needed at home and go to the hospital when I was 8 cm or so. Once I transferred and the big mouth doc said something to my mom about my planned hb she has not let it rest how stupid I was. Now with this one I am planning a hb and she will know nothing of my plans. I am not going to lie to her only tell her its not up for disscussion. I am planning on writing her a letter adressing my concerns and leave it at that. My family is going to think I am due a month later then I really am so I don't have to deal with thier fears/concerns/drama. I have always been very close to my family and I love them to death but I do'nt think I should base my life decitions around what they want or think I should do. It has taken me a long time to stand up to my family but I can't allow them to run my life at almoust 30 years old. Sorry I went a little on about myself but I hope you know your not alone. I think alot of people are scared to do this or that when it is consitered by some to be out of the norm. Kinda funny thing I just thought of. You know our parents (at least mine) always said "if so and so was going to jump off a bridge would you do it just cause everyone else is?" But when it comes to families not agreeing with homebirht there reason??>.... "Everyone else has thier babies at the hospital?" Or in this case " Well everyone else just has another c/section" interesting.

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#6 of 26 Old 04-05-2008, 10:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you ladies so much for sharing your stories with me! Honestly it really does make me feel better to know I'm not alone. I really feel like no one around me realizes how important it is to me to not have a repeat section. It was the worst experience of my life and I have no intention of going through it again.

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#7 of 26 Old 04-06-2008, 01:21 AM
 
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Just my mom, she only mentions "oh they'll probably just go ahead and give you another C-section" about every single time I see her.
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#8 of 26 Old 04-06-2008, 01:36 AM
 
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I don't know that my family is or isn't supportive of VBAC. My SIL had a c/s and says she doesn't care if she has to have another one. : Said that right in front of me which I felt was quite unsupportive. We weren't going to tell them about our plan to homebirth. If I carry another baby to term and we decide to homebirth, I won't tell my family. Sometimes it's just not worth it. At least that's what a lot of ppl I've talked to have said.

I'm sorry your sister's not being supportive. Hopefully you have ppl IRL who ARE supportive. I recommend really leaning on them and distancing yourself from people who are unsupportive or ambivalent.

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#9 of 26 Old 04-07-2008, 03:35 AM
 
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I really don't know whether my family members are supportive or not. I think that they wouldn't DARE tell me if they weren't! My DH is 110% on board with VBAC; my mom and MIL know better than to even try to talk me out of it (and, know nothing about the subject) and I doubt my FIL cares at all. That's it for family (DH and I are both only children, my dad and stepdad are both deceased, and all our aunts and uncles live hundreds of miles away).
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#10 of 26 Old 04-07-2008, 10:43 PM
 
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no family members...but my ob keeps saying the c word every time i meet with him.

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#11 of 26 Old 04-07-2008, 11:51 PM
 
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My sister is unsupportive too. Mostly this hurts my feelings because I would love to have her onboard. I think she is basing her thoughts and emotions in fear. Yesterday her 8 yr old told me that her mom said "if the baby moves too much the cord will get wrapped around it's neck and it will die" UGH! ! Hmmm... and I thought an active baby was a good thing! Other than that my mom hasn't said too much, but she is reading the books I give her and doesn't say anything negative. I talk to my supportive friends and the rest of my friends I just let believe whatever they want about how we plan to birth this babe. I wish my sister supported me right now, I could use the love.

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#12 of 26 Old 04-08-2008, 01:21 AM
 
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Like Ironica, I have no idea how my family felt. None of them would dream of mentioning it to me if they didn't like the idea. My DH was totally with me!

L

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#13 of 26 Old 04-08-2008, 10:10 PM
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I had no support from my family, not even my DH. My OB was totally supportive, though. I hired a wonderful doula and went ahead with my plans for a natural birth. I listened to my birth hypnosis CDs, did lots of visualizations and positive affirmations, and practiced yoga. Once I went into labor "spontaneously" (with the help of EPO, RRL tea, lots of exercise & nipple stim and orgasms), DH became very supportive. My preparation really paid off, I had a long labor with a posterior baby.

It's your body and your baby. Plan for the birth you want!

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#14 of 26 Old 04-09-2008, 03:42 PM
 
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My MIL told me last Thanksgiving that if I VBAC next time I will be putting both myself and my baby in danger. She has heard stories (presumeably from friends and family members who are nurses).

Because of this she will be kept in the dark as much as possible if/when we get pregnant.
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#15 of 26 Old 04-09-2008, 08:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by aminasmom View Post
no family members...but my ob keeps saying the c word every time i meet with him.
Sounds like you need a new OB...

"So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world." - Jack Layton
 
 
 
   

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#16 of 26 Old 04-10-2008, 05:14 PM
 
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Most of my family members are not well informed and I don't think they even realized that VBAC is controversial or considered "risky" in some cases. The one family member who truly understands the issues was very supportive and encouraging, fortunately. I did get some lack of support and lots of "encouragement" to schedule a c-section or at least early induction once we started hearing that DD was measuring very big, but I think we would have gotten the same comments about plans of any vaginal delivery. It was more about people thinking I was crazy for wanting to try a vaginal delivery at all with a 10+ lb baby.
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#17 of 26 Old 04-14-2008, 03:11 AM
 
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Ladies,

I really appreciate all your information. My husband thinks I should deliver in the hospital and I'm sure the docs will say I need to have another C-section, but I am planning a HBAC and interviewing the Midwife this week. I am due in October and I am keeping it all quiet. My mom had for natural births in hospitals and my MIL is a nurse as well as my SIL. FIL is a retired pharmesist. However, I have lots of supportive friends and one right here in WA! :-)

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#18 of 26 Old 04-15-2008, 04:01 AM
 
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My brother didn't approve of the HBAC, and found excuses to not see or talk to me throughout my pregnancy. I figured it was his loss.

Danell - Craft Savvy mama to Evan (3/31/06) and Andre (8/29/07)
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#19 of 26 Old 04-15-2008, 06:12 AM
 
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My brother didn't approve of the HBAC, and found excuses to not see or talk to me throughout my pregnancy. I figured it was his loss.
Did you ask your brother what his objections were? Was he just fearful for you and your baby?
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#20 of 26 Old 04-15-2008, 06:59 PM
 
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Did you ask your brother what his objections were? Was he just fearful for you and your baby?
He wouldn't talk to me about it, and I was far too fed up with the situation to try to pry information from him. According to another family member, he said that I was "stupid" and he didn't want to deal with me.

I felt that I had more important things to do than to try to work through his feelings, since he wouldn't talk to me anyway.

Before I was pregnant, there'd never been any issues.

Danell - Craft Savvy mama to Evan (3/31/06) and Andre (8/29/07)
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#21 of 26 Old 04-16-2008, 01:53 PM
 
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I'm so sorry to see what little support some of us get

I would say that DH's family is supportive of me having a HBA2C, and I know they certainly don't think I need another c-section. I'm surprised at the reaction of some family, some think I'm nuts and others say how it makes sense and they know it will be awesome.

My mother is against it and said the other day she said was so glad I was finally okay with having another section. And shame on me, but I didn't even say a word to her to start the argument. It's just not worth the negativity. She has the medical mindset from her 35 years of being in it.

I know that I don't make an uninformed choice, and I would certainly never put my little man in harm's way. And besides this is what my body was designed for

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#22 of 26 Old 04-17-2008, 07:39 PM
 
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My MIL, a doctor, wasn't too supportive. She showed me articles that said VBACs weren't safe, etc. After I had a successful VBAC she told some relatives that I was " supposed to have a repeat C section" but I did what I wanted to do instead! : Well......duh?
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#23 of 26 Old 04-20-2008, 11:39 PM
 
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My mother told me that she hoped DH had a life insurance policy on me so my surviving two children would be properly cared for.. when she learned of our hba2c plans..

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#24 of 26 Old 04-21-2008, 12:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My mother told me that she hoped DH had a life insurance policy on me so my surviving two children would be properly cared for.. when she learned of our hba2c plans..


Wow I can't believe you own mother said that!

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#25 of 26 Old 04-22-2008, 12:00 PM
 
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My sisters basically just told me I was crazy and when the due date came closer the told me not to call them until after I had the baby. They really were just worried and afraid but I wish they could have been more supportive too. But much of that was more because of the fact that I was having a hbac and not going to a hospital where I would be safe
Dh wasn't thrilled with the plan either but I told him he needed to up his suport to make up for my family's lack And I found a lot of love from friends who agreed with me and who had successful hbacs, vbacs, and HB. In fact my midwife and a few others i my area started a monthly support group for vbacing women, we're called Ring of Fire

I'm now getting ready for my second hbac and everyone has just assumed I'm having another

Anita
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#26 of 26 Old 04-23-2008, 10:05 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aminasmom View Post
no family members...but my ob keeps saying the c word every time i meet with him.
Sounds familiar, which is why I am in the process of interviewing new obgyns.

As for family, most are supportive. They were unaware of the risks associated with c-sections and other myths.

Support from friends is about 50-50. The negative 50 %refuse to read any of the literature I sent them that supports my decision. If they do read it, they declare it as being false.
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