How to get Husband's support for VBAC? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 06-23-2008, 10:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am really mourning the c-section that was done to me with my first daughter, 15 months ago. My husband and I are disucssing having a second child, but we can't agree on HOW and WHERE to birth. He is from a traditional medical model and beleives that doctors always know best, etc. I am looking for suggestions on how to get my husband to see that doctors do not always know best and that VBACs (esp at home) are safe. He refuses to read anything, but MIGHT watch a movie. I bought "Business of Being Born" for him to watch, but I'm really desperate for any other suggestions.

Thank you,

Kristine

Mama to babygirl.gif 3/2007, vbac.gifbabygirl.gif 10/2009,  angel.gif 3/2012, vbac.gifbabygirl.gif 2/2013

 

 

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#2 of 12 Old 06-23-2008, 02:32 PM
 
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I'm in the same boat. I want a HBAC and my husband is really weary of HB. I want him to watch BOBB but other than that I have no ideas. I'm hoping that the movie will open him up. He will not read articles either.
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#3 of 12 Old 06-23-2008, 03:25 PM
 
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BOBB will be great for him to watch! My DH was a little wary at first, but once he was informed of the greater risks a repeat c/s involves, he was on board. This birth will be an HBA2C for me

Is a birth center an option for you in your state? It would be a compromise in a way - midwives, but not at home, but may feel closer to home than a hospital?

Another beneficial resource would be ICAN. Join the main list, or find your local chapter. There are tons of mamas who have BTDT and will have some great advice. Good luck to you!!!

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#4 of 12 Old 06-23-2008, 04:59 PM
 
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The BOBB really swayed my dh... also taking a hypnobirthing class got him to see the importance of vaginal delivery.
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#5 of 12 Old 06-27-2008, 12:24 PM
 
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I am living proof doctors do not always know best. My first my born c-section due to famiure to progress, in my opinion it was more like the timeclock had run out. Then the same doc wanted to sceduale me for a repeat when I was only 8weeks preggers out came the scedualing book. Luckily I found a very supportive doc that was willing to give my 2nd labor a trial run and see what happens.....I am currently expecting #4 which will be my 1st HBAC yet my 3rd VBAC. Do LOTS of research and reading as to the pros and cons of a repeat and also of a VBAC. If he is willing to read there are tons of pro VBAC books out there. BOBB is an awesome video to watch as well. Like PP said he needs to be educated on why lots of hospitals are once a c-section always a c-section. The hospital gets more $$ for them, Malpractice insurance loves em, they are more convienant. Go to ICAN.com and they have some very valuable info on VABC's and why you should at leats give it a go...good luck momma!

   Wife for 11 amazing yrs, Mom to a son REPlaySkateboard04HL.gif(10), and three daughters loveeyes.gif (7),  love.gif(4),   energy.gif(3) hbac.gif, ..lost  angel.gif,(5) angel babies to early miscarriage....realizing we were not "finished" so we are expecting a lil BOY 1sttri.gif July 2012

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#6 of 12 Old 06-27-2008, 01:08 PM
 
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One night I sat down with him and told him the entire story of my c-section and exactly how I felt about it (for me it was the worst day of my life) we were both in tears. At the end of it, he told me that we would do everything we could to keep that from happening again, even if it meant hbac. Be honest about your feelings, look up studies on vbacs and c-sections and show him the evidence that is out there.

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#7 of 12 Old 06-27-2008, 03:45 PM
 
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Would he read "Pushed?" I know you said he won't read articles...but it's a book, with cited evidence. Not super long, but REALLY powerful.

Otherwise, if you can find the movie, "Born in the USA" it might be a good thing to watch. Call the Childbirth Educators in your area and see if they'd be willing to let you borrow it (it is REAALLY expensive to buy!). It shows birth in the hospital, in a birth center, and in the home, with statistics, and doctor's comments that are really eye opening for a lot of people.

Mama to two awesome kids. Wife to a wonderful, attached, loving husband. I love my job-- I'm a Midwife, Doula and Childbirth Educator, Classes forming now!

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#8 of 12 Old 06-27-2008, 05:09 PM
 
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You know what? It's only expensive if you are paying for rights to play to the public. Otherwise, it's thirty bucks! Here's the link to their page, with a sample of the video (there is so SO much more in it, though!):

http://www.patchworksfilms.net/films/born_usa.html


and here's the "to order" page:

http://www.patchworksfilms.net/order_home.html

Mama to two awesome kids. Wife to a wonderful, attached, loving husband. I love my job-- I'm a Midwife, Doula and Childbirth Educator, Classes forming now!

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#9 of 12 Old 06-27-2008, 08:57 PM
 
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BTDT! I told my husband that was the way it was going to be and that's that... If he read a little of the stuff that's out there, he would be on board. I literally had to shove the info down dh's throat. He is half deaf anyway,so I had my work cut out for me. I am glad I started before I got pregnant, cause man 9 months hardly seems enough time.

I did enough research about vbac for about ten women, so my husband knew I was making an educated decision. I had planned for the what ifs. And I know what I am capable of.

I don't know how many kids you want, but if you want more than 2, that's enought reason to steer clear of hospitals all together. Just placing foot in a hospital makes it even more likely you'll have a repeat. I agree to telling your husband exactly how your cesarean made you feel, and why you feel the need to birth at home. Make your case and stick to your guns. After all, it is your body, and you ultimately have the last word.

And besides, they say to stay home for as long as possible(to avoid interventions and not waste their time). Don't you think it would be more responsible to have a skilled midwife there keeping watch, in case the what ifs came up instead?

Good luck I know what a battle it can be, but I know that the facts add up in our favor . Just keep reading and there is no way you would be able to change your mind.
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#10 of 12 Old 06-29-2008, 11:40 AM
 
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Most of what I would say has already been said. We are pregnant with our second after 5 years. DH came around to HBAC (our only option without traveling for 3 hours) after BOBB, and DD has also watched it twice (and is asking for a third viewing!) DH loves it when I read to him (all of the Harry Potter books, etc.) so I read him portions of the articles. I told him more of how I felt during the recovery from my C/S and he was no longer reluctant to interview a mw. He knows how I respond to drugs-- opposite reaction to Nyquil-- up all night; and then imagined the impact of me on all of those powerful anaesthesias, narcotics for pain control, etc. When he envisioned me lying on the gurney for 45 minutes alone in a storage closet convulsing in cold without my baby or my dh and nothing to do, it was a powerful persuader, and started to change his mind. I told him that if the hospital could guarantee me a recovery room right away (which they can't) I'd go through with another C, but I didn't want the pain and fear again!
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#11 of 12 Old 06-30-2008, 03:41 PM
 
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We took a class. We hired a Doula. We still used a dr that was VERY liberal (let me go 42 wks 4 days by LMC). I was strong and firm and showed him numbers... research... He accepted it and we had a beautiful VBAC in a hospital. If I ever get the chance to give birth again it'll be at home.
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#12 of 12 Old 07-03-2008, 01:30 AM
 
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My husband was the same way. Turns out, he was very afraid of my dying in childbirth. That fear of UR is huge when the DR explains it in a pretty gruesome way!

I know you say he won't read anything, but this really helped us. My husband is dyslexic and hates to read, so I read this to him. I just told him that if he wouldn't put in the time to understand the facts, it was hard to hear his opinion on the issue. It is very short and fact based. It helps put some things in perspective! Also, they have several other pamplets that you might find supportive for your own research!

Good luck!

http://www.childbirthconnection.org/...kletinsert.pdf
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