How do you emotionally recover after a failed VBAC? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 34 Old 08-20-2008, 12:10 AM
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I also do not think "failed" is what really happen, but it IS how you feel, and that's OK. You reached for something you wanted desparately with all your might, and didn't get it. I felt the same way after trying harder than I can possibly say to bf my twins, again when they were 2 and I realized exactly HOW many mistakes I made leading up to their birth that cost us a vaginal birth, and nursing, and caused their NICU stay. And again when I could not VBAC my son 17 months ago.
The book "Silent Knife" - and oldie but a goodie - has a chapter on healing that I took to heart and it helped me move through my emotions instead of getting caught on them and drowning.
More (((hugs)))

Christine, mama to Daniel & Abby, 9 and Patrick, 4. Wife to a rockin' train engineer. Gluten and nightshade-free. Multiple kiddie food sensitivities.

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#32 of 34 Old 08-22-2008, 09:05 PM
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You did not fail at VBAC!!! 77 hours has got to be some sort of record! I have never heard of anyone laboring that long, vbac or not! Good for you! I am truly inspired! I am wondering myself how long I will be able to labor- in a hospital no less- before I am desperate to have the baby any mode available. I am angry at your doc, it seems highly unprofessional for him to have withheld pain management. That constitutes coersion, not consent- in my opinion. I do think you needed some sort of help if only to be able to sleep a little and eat something. I admire your courage and your grit! You set such a standard for your babies. They will know for sure that you mean what you say! This is not a vbac failure! I would count this more as c/s success. It will take time for you to mourn and grieve the c/s as you love and adore your new baby. What a trooper he must be to go through all of that with you and not get in distress! I would love to know more about his personality! Truly someone to be looked to and relied upon for shelter from the storm! I have had 2 vbac attempts end in c/s and I gave up and opted for the 4th c/s instead of a 3rd attempt. Well, I am currently expecting any day and will be thinking of you while in labor attempting a vbac for the 3rd time. I am so sorry for your grief and sorrow but I hope as you workk through the pain that you will be encouraged to know that I am inspired by your bravery and determination against all odds. I do hope your heart will be calmed and soothed. I will pray for you often. You did not give up! 77 hours is bragging rights! Give yourself a big hug from me and kiss that precious baby who didn't give up either! Lots of love.
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#33 of 34 Old 08-23-2008, 08:10 PM
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First, congratulations on your sweet Isaac.
I'm sorry about your c/s. I know what you're going through. I was planning a VBAC in January and ended up with a c-section. It's rough.. and I know what it's like to lie awake at night and play the 'what-if' games with yourself. And nothing I can say will make that stop for you.
But please know that you are not alone. And I hope that someday you can experience a thrilling VBA2C, as I am so looking forward to experiencing in a few years.

~e, wife to my sweet T
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#34 of 34 Old 08-23-2008, 08:36 PM
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Oh, mama! Hugs.

Yk, I think that we all have regrets about our births and we all feel failed somewhere along the way - even 'successful' VBACs can leave a mama feeling unsuccessful for having chosen pain relief, know what I mean?

It's okay to mourn, no matter what the circumstance - especially since being hungry and exhausted changes who we are, our briain chemistry, our reactions that when we look back while we are rested and fed, we can feel such regret and confusion and betrayal.

Labour isn't life. It's not who you are, it's a process and a journey just like all the other things we do, and learn. It's adds to our human experience and shapes how we respond in the future, but it doesn't define us. No one experience defines an entire woman, so be gentle with yourself. Be kind and be soft.

Kate: fumbling through the best years with W, L, F & V...newest arrival coming Jan '11
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