Feeling...deflated - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 09-12-2008, 12:00 AM - Thread Starter
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I am part of another message board, and part of the small group of women who are going to have a VBAC. Time and time again these ladies are ending up with c-sections because their caregivers are telling them the baby is too big, or they won't allow them to go overdue, or their pelvis is too tight. Many of them are required to book an elective c-section 'just in case they go overdue' (and I'm taking 40 weeks+4). These care providers instill NO confidence and make it seem like they will allow them to VBAC only if the circumstances are just right.

I want to encourage these women, but I feel like I am coming off as pushy, un-supportive, and condescending.

Any thoughts on how to encourage someone in this situation?
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#2 of 4 Old 09-12-2008, 12:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Mountain_Mama View Post

Any thoughts on how to encourage someone in this situation?
It's so hard because we are taught that doctors know all, but in the end, they are human and can (and often do) make mistakes.

Just offer up these boards for reading material! There is just so much information on here...I've learned so much. I know I can't go back and do my first birth again the way I'd want it, but knowing what I've learned on here, I feel better equipped to have a successful VBAC.

Mama of 2 sweet boys, Miles (Jan 3/07) and Avery (Nov 28/09) My fast and furious HBAC
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#3 of 4 Old 09-12-2008, 12:49 AM
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Speak to their confidence....tell them of their power. Women have so much power and are so strong...we're just so often told we're not.

Let them know it's ok to tell the CP "No" and that it's ok to make the CP mad.

Turn the focus onto them. Ask them what they want. Sometimes, just exploring the personal feelings/wants of the individual can help bring that person to her own conclusion which will make her resolve even stronger.

Some people are going to take that reminder as pushy and condescending but others won't. You can't do much about those who are going to take it wrong....but think of what you might be doing for those who will feel your support and gentle reminder. Don't let the one's who are going to hear you fall through the cracks because of another who won't take it well.

So many times I've second guessed comments that I've made only to have someone come back and thank me. I keep those people in mind when deciding whether or not to speak up.

- Kim
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#4 of 4 Old 09-13-2008, 05:52 AM
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If you can get ahold of ACOGs VBAC statement from the doctor, or AAFP's Statement available on their website, both clearly debunk most of the statements you are talking about: overdue, baby size, etc...AAFP.org and search VBAC and the position paper will be on the list. Every bit of research that is over 12 months old is available to the general public. New stuff is reserved for members only.

All you can do is offer facts that have weight to the listener. These aren't the only resources available, but they are the ones that have served me best, since both ACOG and AAFP are well respected by doctors. By knowing the facts, I was more easily able to contradict the bad advice and anxiety I was given.
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