I wish I had an episiotomy!! - Mothering Forums
Birth and Beyond > I wish I had an episiotomy!!
onegr8mom03's Avatar onegr8mom03 01:13 AM 12-01-2003
I wish I had an episiotomy. I know that’s a horrible thing to say. But could I have been one of the few people that it might have been a good thing for? I tore bad, real bad, in two places! One tear took over 8 weeks (or longer) to heal and the other still gives me problems. The scar tissue seems to be thick and just recently seems to have torn or stretched or hurt somehow. At least if I had an episiotomy I’d only have one scar to worry about. Maybe I’m not wishing for one, but that my dr (who on all other accounts was GREAT) had directed me to slow my pushes down, instead of me thinking I had to push so hard. (I pushed him out in less than 20 minutes.) But now that the damage has been done is there anything I can do. It makes sex really uncomfortable (sometimes) .I’m thinking of going to my on/gyn. This seems extreme, but is there laser surgery for something like this? It’s been over six months and I was hoping this problem would have gone away…



Ligmom's Avatar Ligmom 01:32 AM 12-01-2003
So sorry to hear about your painful recovery I don't really have any advise, I just wanted to say that having an episiotomy doesn't mean that you won't necessarily tear. My SIL had an episiotomy with her second child and also tore in the opposite direction, so an episiotomy doesn't prevent tearing. In fact some studies indicate that women who get episiotomies tear more frequently, b/c once the skin is cut it rips easily (like fabric). Also, in my experience, recovery from a tear is easier than recovery from an episiotomy (although my tear was just a skidmark so that may be why). Just a thought. I hope you have some relief soon
pamamidwife's Avatar pamamidwife 01:34 AM 12-01-2003
First off, an episiotomy cuts through layers of tissue, including deep into the pelvic floor muscles. It bruises as the cut is being made, and oftentimes you will tear beyond the cut simply because the skin is weakened there.

I have seen many more women suffer horrible trauma (myself included) because of a "small cut" than tears. You may be in the category of the very rare women that suffered some trauma from tears.

I had a "small cut" made and tore deep into my rectum. I had a pelvic floor reconstruction when my daughter was a year due to fecal incontinence. It's not something I would wish for - ever.

However, I would never say that an episiotomy is EVER better than a tear. Your body will protect itself better - and I don't believe scissors should ever come near any of our genitals - male or female.

How old is your baby?
onegr8mom03's Avatar onegr8mom03 01:43 AM 12-01-2003
Yes, my (great!!) Dr. said the same thing about episiotomies will tear even more, like fabric. (She was really great about that) She doesn't do them at all, I'm pretty sure.
So that's good to know that it wouldn't have been the answer. *whew* That does make me feel better. I'd like to think that my body will keep healing itself but after i felt really sore the other night, it seems like anything too rough will hurt me again. Even if i sit on something wrong sometimes it hurts. I read something the other week about massage that could help with the scar tissue....anyone heard of this?

pamamidwife, maybe i should count my blessings and be happy i didn't tear like you! I'm so sorry for that.

my ds just turned 6 months today! (well really on the 31st.... ha ha)
pamamidwife's Avatar pamamidwife 02:49 AM 12-01-2003
Kegeling might help some. It will get the blood flowin' nicely down there and encourage some healing.

I could offer some more suggestions - how much information is too personal for you?

Where does it hurt? - if you were to view your vaginal opening as a clock, where is it more painful (7:00, 9:00, etc.?)?

When does it hurt most? You said when sitting, and I'm assuming with intercourse, too. Is any position with intercourse less painful? Are you using lots of lube?

Does it hurt on the outside, or deep inside? Is it burning pain upon entry with intercourse? Does it feel like sharp stabbing when you're sitting?
katt's Avatar katt 03:55 AM 12-01-2003
massage will help with scar tissue.
Just be consistant.
cottonwood's Avatar cottonwood 08:58 PM 12-01-2003
Your doctor was right about the episiotomy but definitely wrong about the pushing.
mamaduck's Avatar mamaduck 09:08 PM 12-01-2003
I had a routine episiotomy and it was a solid year before sex didn't hurt.

I'm sorry you are in pain -- truly -- but there is no reason to think you would be in less pain at this point if you were recovering from an episiotomy.
Panserbjorne's Avatar Panserbjorne 01:27 AM 12-02-2003
I had a minor tear after my son's birth. I only required about eight stitches. It was very painful, and I asked the MW several times to check it. She didn't. At my six week check she finally looked at it and was like, "uh oh." It had healed wrong-whatever the hell that means. I guess the skin didn't knit properly and on one side it hadn't been sewn all the way. I had pain for months with intercourse and very thick scar tissue. They scheduled surgery to re-cut and repair the damage. Out of some kind of luck I complained to my homeopath the week before I was to go in. She told me I could repair it myself, easily and painlessly. For a month I put calendula oil on my perineum over the scar tissue. I can't tell you how it happened, but I healed. There is no longer skin sticking out, and the scar tissue is almost nonexistent. I have no more pain, and never needed the surgery. I really hope that this helps. It was a miracle for me.
Tanibani's Avatar Tanibani 02:06 PM 12-02-2003
Walking may help you heal. Read my post on this thread.

If this were my thread, my title would be "I wish I had a homebirth with a midwife!!" because OBs are prone to either A) let the mom tear (and it could be badly) or B) give her an episiotomy. I don't "regret" tearing, I regret going to a hospital to give birth, attended by an OB.

I'm going to have a homebirth this time, and the midwife I will be using RARELY has clients who tear. Hmmmmm... that's because she knows how to support a woman during birth - and the OB does not.
Arduinna's Avatar Arduinna 08:52 PM 12-03-2003
Pam, thank you for post that!!
onegr8mom03's Avatar onegr8mom03 09:38 PM 12-04-2003
If this were my thread, my title would be "I wish I had a homebirth with a midwife!!"
You might be right, but the title got you all's attention!! I am really glad i didn't have an episiotomy, really.
Tanibani I read the other thread and thanks for the hugs.

I'm sure half my problem might be "laziness". I didn't do kegals when i was pg (i never thought i was doing them right!), and i didn't walk until i was trying to induce labor *sigh* I really REALLY need to do better! and definately get walking!

elisabeth, i'm definately going to check into the calendula oil, do they carry it at drug stores? sorry to hear about your tear as well!

mamaduck you are right.

pamamidwife, i'm sure kegeling could help, but i really am not sure how to do it. i always feel like i'm doing it the "opposite" of how you are surposed to...i dunno. i'm a kegal dunce.
it hurts at 6:00 (there is scar tissure there) and at somewhere between 1 and 2 o'clock. It doesn't hurt deep, just on the surface like i'm stretching it again or tearing it some. We still use lube (most of the time) and it mainly hurts in the beginning. I've never noticed if one position hurts more than others. I'll try to think about that some more. It only hurts when i'm sitting, when i'm sitting on something thin, like the edge of the tub that has a little lip on it that seems to touch the scar tissue. Hope this helps, i'm looking forward to moving on from this!
Thanks all!!

mountain's Avatar mountain 04:40 PM 12-08-2003
I'm gonna second that midwife thing, or at least a doctor that knew what he was doing. I gave birth to a ten pound baby--my first baby--and had no tears at all, just a couple of skidmarks that healed w/in 2 months.
Home birth may have had something to do with it: freedom to be in the bathtub (which I was forever) that allows perenium to become more pliable---comfrey tea compresses to stimulate circulation in the skin.
My midwife talked to me about what was going to happen & I was fully prepared. She provided me with perenial massage and supported the baby's head as he emerged & on. The births I've witnessed-this helps alot--I've never seen any stitches so far.

You're right Sheryl the episiotomy thing did get my attention--I've also been to a couple of hospital births & can't imagine anyone volunteering for one of those!!! It sounds like next time you could find a practictioner that practices perenial massage & knows how to handle crowning or talk to the present one more about that!
((((Hugs))))to you for having to go through this...

P.S. I'm not saying ALL tears are due to lack of support but I believe more could be prevented through massage, compresses, stretching, YKWIM?
USAmma's Avatar USAmma 03:15 AM 12-10-2003
I'm so sorry you had such a rough time, and are continuing to have pain.

I just wanted to tell you about my episiotomy to make you feel just a little better about your tear. When I was having my dd I was taking the pushing nice and slow and was told I probably woudn't tear. Doctor was doing the massage thing with oil and hot washclothes. Then dd's hb fell into the 60's and stayed there for over 4 min, then started falling into the 50's. When it was obvious she was in some distress and wasn't recovering, he apologized and gave me a 2nd degree episiotomy. She was born with the next push and was perfectly fine.

The healing process was awful. Long and painful. I swelled so badly the first week that it pulled on my stitches and I was in constant pain. I had to take painkiller around the clock. We tried to have sex again around 10 weeks postpartum and it hurt so bad. It continued to hurt for months afterwards even with lots of KY and dh being gentle.

I got my period back at 5 mos. postpartum and at 6 mos. tried to use my new Keeper. It hurt so bad. I wrote the Keeper people and they said give it another 6 mos. of healing before I use it again. 6 mos. later it finally did feel okay to use.

To this day I can feel the scar tissue, as well as see it in the mirror. When I do my per. massage in preparation for this birth, and I apply pressure to that scar it still hurts. I am so afraid that it's going to tear with the next birth because it just doesn't seem that flexible compared to the tissue around it.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you about my experience because often the grass is greener on the other side. Either way I'm really sorry you are experiencing this and I would encourage you to see your doctor or midwife about it to get some relief. My friend had a neuroma with her episiotomy. Basically some nerve damage that made sex painful. She got a shot to kill that nerve and now she can enjoy sex again.