Partner at Birth = Ruined Sex Life? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 01:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just curious if anyone's encountered this?

Specifically the spouse/partner getting to do the baby catching. My MIL has some funny ideas about it as my FIL was never at the birthing of DH.

It sounds like a load of hooey to me. As long as the guy is prepared (ex- has taken a class and seen videos) and doesn't have hangups about bodies, I'd think he could get over it—probably faster than we could as he's not the one who's parts are going to be sore for months.

Opinions?

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#2 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 01:50 AM
 
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Birth has made us closer and more intimate. After watching me go through pregnancy and birth, dh thinks I'm hotter than ever.
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#3 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 01:59 AM
 
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In the cases I've been told of, where this occurs, it was clearly because the man was immature and selfish to begin with. I don't think that a healthy, mature man would undergo such a change (from normal sex life to ruined sex life, simply because he saw his partner's vagina during birth).

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#4 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 02:01 AM
 
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Partner at Birth = Ruined Sex Life?
False, in my experience.

BC Mum of four ('05, '07, '11 and 06/14!)     
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#5 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 03:44 AM
 
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Hasn't been a problem here...

-Angela
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#6 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 04:11 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kidspiration View Post
Birth has made us closer and more intimate. After watching me go through pregnancy and birth, dh thinks I'm hotter than ever.
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#7 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 04:36 AM
 
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I'll admit I had unfounded fears about this - but after the delivery. It changed how I view my body so much I had a hard time believing it hadn't done the same for DH.

Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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#8 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 04:55 AM
 
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This was not true for my partner and me.

But then, I find that the more aware of and comfortable with bodies and biology people are in general, the less afraid they are of stuff like that.

Vaginas are for lots of things, and sex is just one of them!

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#9 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 05:15 AM
 
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This wasn't the case for me. My DH watched dd being born and we still have sex. When I asked if he was grossed out by it at all he said no, but he could have done without seeing my placenta plopped into a big bowl
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#10 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 06:37 AM
 
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There are some guys with hang ups about it I imagine. There are guys with "mom" issues who can't have sex with their preg. wives. But I believe they are very rare.
After DD(first child) was born DH was worried about hurting me, so things took a while to get back to normal, but we've had 2 kids since then and might be pg. again, so it didn't cause us any trouble.
How does YOUR DH feel about it? That's the important part.

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#11 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 07:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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There are some guys with hang ups about it I imagine. There are guys with "mom" issues who can't have sex with their preg. wives. But I believe they are very rare.
After DD(first child) was born DH was worried about hurting me, so things took a while to get back to normal, but we've had 2 kids since then and might be pg. again, so it didn't cause us any trouble.
How does YOUR DH feel about it? That's the important part.
Good question. He seems to be nervous about baby-catching, but from what he tells me it sounds like he's more scared of accidentally dropping our daughter than seeing that part of me. As far as coming to the birthing goes, he is *very* excited. Even though his parents are uber traditional (his father never attended his birthing and had a limited parenting role when he was a baby) I wouldn't expect anything less from him.

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#12 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 01:21 PM
 
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Um, I WISH, since I basically have no sex drive postpartum.... DH totally still thinks i'm hot though.

My first birth was a hospital birth and he was watching the whole delivery- midwife caught.

My second was a waterbirth and I caught the baby myself.

No difference whatsoever with DH.
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#13 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 01:33 PM
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Nope, had no problems last time and I don't expect any this go-around.
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#14 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 01:49 PM
 
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My dh watched our first baby's birth and said it was pretty scary/gruesome to see me tear (I can imagine it would be) so he did an over-my-shoulder view with the rest. He's pretty queasy when it comes to blood and such. It didn't do anything to our sex life, though.

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#15 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 02:12 PM
 
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I asked my husband if he was weirded out about seeing the baby come out of there, and he said that it was beautiful and natural. So I guess the answer is no, it doesn't ruin your sex life. Of course, I haven't given birth yet, so we'll see!

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#16 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 02:23 PM
 
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I have heard of this happening, but it didn't happen to me.

I know a woman who claimed that she and her husband got divorced because he watched her give birth and couldn't have sex with her after that. I knew the woman (I grew up with her) but did not know the husband very well. (The few times I met him he seemed kind of like a heavily beer drinking red-neck, but I don't know if I should say that.) :
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#17 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 02:47 PM
 
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DH was there when DDs 1,2, & 3 were born. We are expecting #4 any day now. Definitely no problems here.
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#18 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 04:41 PM
 
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DH caught our last baby (we had a UC at home). He's been with me through 2 births now & it has absolutely made us closer & more intimate.

North Idaho rural living  mama to: 23 yo DD, 16 yo DS, 8 yo DS, 6 yo DS, 4 yr old DS, 2 yo DD, and 1 yo DS. And someone new coming this Christmas!
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#19 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 04:44 PM
 
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We are closer and more intimate. The honeymoon feelings are a drop in the bucket compared to how we feel for each other now. DH can't hug me w/o getting teary eyed. :

And, well, the bedroom life is simply fantastic. I don't know if it's a physical or mental result of birth, or both, plus DH's love, but man! Our baby needs to sleep more often!

Mama to expecting Babe 2
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#20 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 04:45 PM
 
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Haven't had a problem with it after three kids.
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#21 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 04:50 PM
 
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dh caught dd and we are closer and more intimate than ever. we're expecting #2 in june
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#22 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 04:51 PM
 
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Isn't that sort of like saying that watching someone eat and chew would ruin oral sex? Seriously, body parts can have more than one function. My hands change diapers, clean things, knit, drive the car, yet still manage to perform sexually. Same could be said of my breasts or any other body part that is used during sex.

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#23 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 07:59 PM
 
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3 kids, no problems.

But...dh also did an OB rotation as a nurse, and has a very definately NON-western view of sex and feminine beauty, so I wasn't worried to begin with. :
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#24 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 10:40 PM
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4 babies later and sex life is hotter than ever. I think watching me birth his babies has made me seem like a warrior to him! And he has watched and caught the babies!

when I am pregnant, he definitely loses interest for a while! He has that illogical...I am man and my huge... will surely bump my baby on the head mentality!

But he gets over it fairly quickly!

wbg...constantly amazed by Z , cherishing I , inspired by P , adoring K and still getting butterflies when I wake up with B !
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#25 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 10:52 PM
 
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Well, I don't think sex was on his mind while I was giving birth. But afterwards, there was no problem. The whole 'men get sexual hangups due to childbirth' thing strikes me as something which is vastly overreported--it may be true for a tiny percentage of men, but everyone seems to be 'warned' about it.

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#26 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 10:54 PM
 
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OK, well 4 homebirths here, the last one a bit over a week ago was accidentally UC and he caught the babe. He's seen loads of fluids and poop released LOL...and hey he even caught the last one. And, it's been 10 days and we already dtd post partum. And, he is all over me. Go figure.

And, I agree with the other person here who said the UC actually helped increase the sense of intimacy. I asked him about that one and he totally agrees as well. Though it wasn't planned, the way it wound up actually I think was a good thing.

Perpetually breastfeeding or pregnant ENFP mom to a lot of kids...wife to a midwestern nice guy...living in tropical paradise...pink cats and homebirths rock!

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#27 of 59 Old 12-27-2008, 11:45 PM
 
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Heck no. DH was ready to jump me within 24 hours after having both babies

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#28 of 59 Old 12-28-2008, 12:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay, I just talked to DH. He does want to catch the baby, but is afraid of hurting her and hurting me. It has nothing to do about his reservations with my body (he says doesn't have any ). I'm not surprised by this. He's been to all my prenatal appointments—including ones that involve vaginal and breast exams. I think his mom just totally misread his hesitation. Like I said, his folks are very traditional...his father was at the hospital, but wasn't even in the room when he was born.

I think it's really helped we've been watching Youtube videos and birthing DVDs in our birthing class.

His main concern is whether or not how he is supposed to guide the baby out. On Youtube it looks like people just catch them. On one of the DVDs we saw, the nurse pulled the baby out (it was a hospital birth). We're going through a birthing center so I think the awesome midwives will help advise him if he catches her.

It's funny. There is so much focus on first-time moms and their confidence as parents that I think birthing partners sometimes get left on the sidelines.

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#29 of 59 Old 12-28-2008, 12:23 AM
 
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DH is a complete wimp about anything medical or bloody. The day of my second birth, which was a scheduled c-section, he passed out at the hospital hours before the procedure, just from thinking about it. Anyway, my first birth involved lots of tearing and quarts of blood. He said the birth was the scariest, bloodiest, grossest thing he'd ever seen.

Witnessing that birth has done nothing to diminish my sex appeal in his eyes. For him, sex and childbirth are only vaguely connected, and that one horrifying moment was easily erased by all of the good times to be had.
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#30 of 59 Old 12-28-2008, 01:05 AM
 
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Dh has witnessed every birth and obviously if we are on #8 it has not hurt our sex lives.

Expecting #9.  Always busy hsing.
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