what was it that your birth partner/support person(s) did or said that really helped you through it? or what do you wish they'd done that they didn't? what would you do differently next time? was there one thing in particular that you could not have done without?
I am a mother,and my partner witnessed the birth of his son in August 2002. We are preparing to do it all over again in June!
Karl (dh) may have been somewhat reluctant in the first months of my pregnancy- everything was unknown... his male friends joked about how he didnt 'want to see a baby come out of there' and other crude things. at one point i remember his saying he would be there,but behind me holding my hand and not looking. :LOL
what transformed this man into the one who reached down and caught his son as he came out of me? Time, getting to know his son through the walls of my tummy. We developed confidence. We were around new parents,and saw new babies,and we found a doula who was also confident in us.
Karl was my greatest support in labor. By the time the baby was ready,he knew everything i dreamed of about the birth, and was totally on my side to protect me (we had a hospital birth) he realized i would be in a lot of pain, and i do think that was the hardest part for him, There was a time during transition when all i could say,over and over, was : "Help me, Help me!" and he couldnt help. but he *did* help, he was there with me every moment just being there with me. i hung on his arm in the shower and though he diodnt know it then, he was helping me. by not leaving me alone in the most intense moments of my life.
afterwards,he was the one who repeated the birth story from an outside view. i cherish his memory of it.
i think being there and supporting your woman is key to the bonding you will experience with your child. there is nothing like birth to transform you- mother or father.
listen to her -what does she want in this birth? you can help make it happen. at the same time, you will have your own experience of becoming a father, and i think youll find she will respect that. having a doula was great fvor us, so that even though karl was a huge support for me, he didnt have to feellike the only one there who could help. and he got to reserve some of his energy for his birth as a father. not having the benefits of the amazing endorphins a woman gets during and after the birth, i think karl was more exhausted than i was after wards.
this time we are birthing at home, and there is no question that karl with be a huge part of the birth just as he was a huge part of the conception. and even though we are second time parents,we are having the same doula, too.
karl helped last time for me to attain the birth i wanted,while also bearing witness to it and preserving the tale for me. this time i will be in my own home and dont need protection, but he will still be my best friend witnessing one of the most momentous occaisions of our lives!
birth is intense. it can be painful, physically and emotionally,just like any transformation in life. but remember she didnt break her leg- her body is doing the work it was born to do. help her accept it, not deny it- i think that is the best anyone can do for a mother.
Hi, I'm Tabitha. I'm a homeschooling mother of five: ds (13) dd (11) ds (9) ds (7) and dd (2) Find me at
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