Dumb question - DH looking down there during birth? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: What are your opinions on DH acutally seeing the baby coming out?
Dh looked and it ruined our sex life 4 2.21%
DH looked and it didn't ruin our sex life 156 86.19%
DH never looked and I like it that way 11 6.08%
We never discussed it. 10 5.52%
Voters: 181. You may not vote on this poll

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#61 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 02:26 PM
 
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I love the idea of homebirth and waterbirth b/c the whole set-up of mom laying on her back with legs spread for the whole room of strangers to see just feels so unnatural to me. I can see a father seeing that *medical* model of knives and gloves and sterile drapes and all to be pretty hard to deal with. As a doula, I still find that set-up to be so much harder to integrate emotionally.

In a waterbirth/homebirth you just have more privacy under the water, and you can have just your hands and your partner's hands touching the baby as he comes out. Yes, we haven't done it together yet (but are hopefully days away!) but my partner is SO excited for our HB and for getting to see what it looks like to have his son emerge under water into our hands. In my blog below he made a video and wrote up some stuff about why he's so excited for the HB. (click on the "why homebirth?" link)

I think the intimacy of a HB can really improve your bonding and your sex life.

Please know that I know not ALL hospital births are like this, it's just that the sad state of birth in our culture leads many, many births to be.
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#62 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 02:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by barefootpoetry View Post
This subject bothers me also. Heaven forbid that a man realize that a vagina has other uses than pleasing him.

I can get that some men just might be totally freaked out at the sight of a huge ol' head bursting through their wife's girly bits, and that it might take them a while to shake that memory whenever they look at it from then on. I can see how that might be a buzzkill - gettin' busy in the bedroom, and then WHAM! The mental image of a big bloody head cruising on out. Yikes.

But in all seriousness, if that man is REALLY a man, he can get past that and recognize his wife for who she is: an amazing woman capable not only of being a foxy sex kitten, but a giver and sustainer of life. The two are not exclusive, and in fact, I think they can complement and enhance each other!
You put it perfectly barefootpoetry!!!

Oh and for the stats part my dh has watched all and caught #4 so no biggie for him. He's usually way more ready than I am a few weeks pp.
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#63 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 02:57 PM
 
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DH looked, and caught, and it improved our sex life. Where's the option for that?
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#64 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 03:18 PM
 
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so the only men who I have talked with who have found this to be a problem for them are OBs-- it started with my first birth and he had a personal problem with watching his own wife give birth and felt it important to share that info with my husband to protect him from impotence(DH thought he was crazy)- and when I talked to some other OBs about the subject several have said that it would bother them or has bothered them-- so there may be more than one reason OB's wives are amoung the women with the highest c-section rates--
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#65 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 03:47 PM
 
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so the only men who I have talked with who have found this to be a problem for them are OBs-- it started with my first birth and he had a personal problem with watching his own wife give birth and felt it important to share that info with my husband to protect him from impotence(DH thought he was crazy)- and when I talked to some other OBs about the subject several have said that it would bother them or has bothered them-- so there may be more than one reason OB's wives are amoung the women with the highest c-section rates--
Wow, that's really interesting. I never would've thought this would be the case. I also wasn't aware the OB wives have a high CS rate. How odd and annoying.
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#66 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 05:34 PM
 
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This whole concept kinda ticks me off - I think it's just one more example of how messed up our society is with regards to birth, sexuality, BFing, etc. I think if Americans were raised to view birth as normal & natural, this issue wouldn't even come up.
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This subject bothers me also. Heaven forbid that a man realize that a vagina has other uses than pleasing him.
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. The notion that a man would be turned off by watching his child be born makes me want to puke. That is not a man I'd be happy to be partnered with.
I agree with these. I don't know if I could be partnered with a man who would not want to have sex with me after watching me birth his child.

Newly single, chronically sleep deprived mama to my little wild thang wild.gif, born 11/17/12 

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#67 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 05:41 PM
 
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DH just said, "huh? Wha? No, that's not what ruined our sex life."

And he walked away chuckling.

Chasing DS since April 2007 and pumping for DD March 2013.

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#68 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 06:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mwherbs View Post
so the only men who I have talked with who have found this to be a problem for them are OBs-- it started with my first birth and he had a personal problem with watching his own wife give birth and felt it important to share that info with my husband to protect him from impotence(DH thought he was crazy)- and when I talked to some other OBs about the subject several have said that it would bother them or has bothered them-- so there may be more than one reason OB's wives are amoung the women with the highest c-section rates--
Wow, way to blame a woman for his penis not functioning correctly. :

Those stats are crazy, I am lucky that the wife of my the OB that my midwife works with, birthed at HOME.

Mama to a sweet baby boy (01/18/08), wife to a sweet and loving husband, blogger:, swimmer:, reader of all things and future IBCLC. Waiting zenfully for my spirit baby to return!
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#69 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 06:07 PM
 
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My dh watched both children be born, and with ds he was right there holding a mirror for me and then caught him. Didn't hurt our sex life one bit.

BC Mum of four ('05, '07, '11 and 06/14!)     
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#70 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 06:09 PM
 
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My dh looked all three times and it caused no problems.

But then, he wasn't raised in America and brainwashed with the view that only perfect, virgin, tight "bits" are sexy.

I love him! :
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#71 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 07:23 PM
 
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I didn't vote in the poll because this babe will be dp's first. I'm not too worried about it 'ruining' our sex life, I can't see myself marrying someone who would be affected in such a manner. We sat around and watched birth movies while eating Indian food the other night. Doesn't seem to faze him. Right now, it's more that he's having to deal with the fact that I may want to catch the baby when the time comes, and not promising him the honor.

In conclusion, I think that everyone should go out and listen to 'Woman and Child' on Sheila Chandra's 'The Zen Kiss' album.
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#72 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 07:25 PM
 
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DH said he would not look, but he looked the entire time He thought it was amazing!

Blessed with two BEAUTIFUL little girls: Kylie (09/06) and Maggie (4/09) :
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#73 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 08:06 PM
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Originally Posted by MegBoz View Post
This whole concept kinda ticks me off - I think it's just one more example of how messed up our society is with regards to birth, sexuality, BFing, etc. I think if Americans were raised to view birth as normal & natural, this issue wouldn't even come up.
:

I could seriously not be married to a man with this kind of hang up. I even hate it when men can't utter the word period. Real men buy tampons when you need them to!
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#74 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 08:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mwherbs View Post
so the only men who I have talked with who have found this to be a problem for them are OBs-- it started with my first birth and he had a personal problem with watching his own wife give birth and felt it important to share that info with my husband to protect him from impotence(DH thought he was crazy)- and when I talked to some other OBs about the subject several have said that it would bother them or has bothered them-- so there may be more than one reason OB's wives are amoung the women with the highest c-section rates--
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Wow, that's really interesting. I never would've thought this would be the case. I also wasn't aware the OB wives have a high CS rate. How odd and annoying.
This doesn't really surprise me. There seem to be a fair percentage of OBs who find the idea of a woman's body doing what it's made to do really disgusting. The only way it's a miracle is if they're running the show.

Also, the OB who did my 2nd and 3rd c-sections told me that if I were his wife, he'd do a c-section...not that he'd advise her to have a section, but that he would do one. (I don't think meant that he'd necessarily do the surgery, but he very definitely stated it in such a way that it was his decision, not hers.) OB's have a nasty habit of thinking of their "patient's" vaginas as being their turf. :Puke

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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#75 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 10:14 PM
 
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My DH and my dad watched! DH and I have a great, if not as frequent as we would like, sex life; and as for my dad... he still treats me the same as before so I guess it didn't affect him either. This time we are planning a homebirth with a pool, but I don't have any specific place I plan on delivering so I don't know what he'll see. I know that we are planning on having him catch the baby, so he'll have to at least be in the general area!

Erin, mom to Amelia Rose:, 6/15/06 and Lily Grace, 6/7/09; wife to Phil since 10/9/04
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#76 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 10:30 PM
 
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This doesn't really surprise me. There seem to be a fair percentage of OBs who find the idea of a woman's body doing what it's made to do really disgusting. The only way it's a miracle is if they're running the show.

Also, the OB who did my 2nd and 3rd c-sections told me that if I were his wife, he'd do a c-section...not that he'd advise her to have a section, but that he would do one. (I don't think meant that he'd necessarily do the surgery, but he very definitely stated it in such a way that it was his decision, not hers.) OB's have a nasty habit of thinking of their "patient's" vaginas as being their turf. :Puke
I've been thinking about this all day and I have to say I am getting more and more disgusted. Why in the world would a man become a OB if he couldn't stand the reality of the vagina. I mean, come on, get over it. It's just part of a woman's body. It's not like there's any sort of evil vagina plot to take over the world or something. It's just so ridiculous to me that there are seemingly rational men who think this way.

Telling a future father not to look because he might become impotent. God forbid you look too long or you might realize that a woman's vagina is multifunctional. Yep, it's not just for sex anymore. Oh the horrors. Make sure that you don't so much as glance because you want to stay a strong viral man who isn't sexually ruined because he's seen a vagina in a nonsexual context. Disgusting.

I really try not to be sexist when it comes to things like this but it can be really hard.
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#77 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 10:37 PM
 
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It's not like there's any sort of evil vagina plot to take over the world or something.
Ummmm . . . . you didn't get the memo? Someone send her the plan, quick!

:

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#78 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 10:51 PM
 
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Why in the world would a man become a OB if he couldn't stand the reality of the vagina.
Because he's a misogynist & hates women... and being an OB is a way he can rule over them, control them, and punish them. I know it's a sickening thought, but I'm sure such OBs exist. Dr. Marsden Wagner wrote it in his book "Born in the USA" (Said he saw docs yelling at women in labor when they didnt' know he, a fellow doc, was looking.)
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#79 of 82 Old 03-06-2009, 11:21 PM
 
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Ummmm . . . . you didn't get the memo? Someone send her the plan, quick!

:
Well, sign me up.

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Because he's a misogynist & hates women... and being an OB is a way he can rule over them, control them, and punish them. I know it's a sickening thought, but I'm sure such OBs exist. Dr. Marsden Wagner wrote it in his book "Born in the USA" (Said he saw docs yelling at women in labor when they didnt' know he, a fellow doc, was looking.)
:Puke That is really sad. I'm going to have to read that book.
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#80 of 82 Old 03-07-2009, 10:32 AM
 
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I my suspect hearing that sentiment from dh would mess up our sex life more than dh watching a baby come out of my vagina ever could. If he's feeling betrayed by my vagina doing something I've wanted it to do since I was 18, our marriage is in big trouble.
:

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#81 of 82 Old 03-07-2009, 11:58 AM
 
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My vagina has been part of the evil plot of world domination for a while. I guess I am why the obs are so paranoid. Sorry guys.

Shelley, mom to dd 5/19/01, ds 9/06/02, and ds 4/01/07.  Lost babe 4/09

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#82 of 82 Old 03-07-2009, 12:02 PM
 
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Because he's a misogynist & hates women... and being an OB is a way he can rule over them, control them, and punish them. I know it's a sickening thought, but I'm sure such OBs exist. Dr. Marsden Wagner wrote it in his book "Born in the USA" (Said he saw docs yelling at women in labor when they didnt' know he, a fellow doc, was looking.)
Sadly I suspect this to be more true than we might even think. I have met a male ob who was wonderful and very compassionate but I have met many who I wondered why they were ob's if it wasn't filling some sort of need (not necessarily sexual although I know there are a few of those) to control and dominate us idiot women.

Sorry that was kinda off topic but it really gets my goat.
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