Coming to terms with a disappointing birth experience--LONG - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 21 Old 12-23-2003, 07:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
captain optimism's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Good Ship Lollipop
Posts: 7,462
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 19 Post(s)
I have written about this in various threads in bits and pieces, but I think it's time to get some support from you birth extremists since just about nobody else considers this a really disappointing experience.

I had planned a natural childbirth in the hospital. I was doing prenatal care with a nurse midwifery, I took a hypobirthing class, and I was pretty sure I wanted a waterbirth. I was 36 years old.

At work at 5PM on my EDD, my water broke. It was a Thursday. I wasn't really having contractions. I phoned the midwives and my favorite one was on call. She said to eat dinner and go to bed, that I would be in labor in the morning. Well....no I wasn't in labor. So I had a regular midwifery appointment at noon on Friday. The midwife on duty (whom I also liked, but not the same one) said I might have to be induced, but that i should try shiatsu induction and other natural methods. So I went for several hours of shiatsu.

My friends, who had successfull induced several women with shiatsu, pummelled me for about 3 hours. Then we broke for dinner. All the people who had been enlisted to help with shiatsu came to my house. AFter dinner, we went to meet the midwife at the hospital. She hooked me up to a monitor and told me that I was going to need to be induced with cervadil. Then she left the room and went to find the pharmacist. She couldn't find anyone (?) so she sent me home. When she said, "You can go home" I could see on the monitor that my contractions started up!

All Friday night I had contractions. They kept me awake. In the morning I was still having contractions. When I got to the hospital, the midwife on duty was a per diem one whom I didn't like. My contractions shut off totally, like a faucet. She began to pressure me to use pitocin. I got scared that my baby could get an infection. Then I asked her to do an exam, to make sure my cervix had softened, and I was a few centimeters dilated. So we started pitocin. I had a walking IV and telemetry monitoring. The midwife kind of disappeared for most of this.

At seven in the evening Saturday, the midwife we were most comfortable with came on duty. I told her that I was really scared that the baby would get an infection. She said we could have antibiotics and that it was better to get them now than to have them after the baby was born. So I breathed a sigh of relief. She took me off the pitocin and off the monitor and put me in the bathtub. The whirlpool felt dynamite. But my contractions didn't become regular and I had to go back on pitocin.

I had contractions all Saturday night. Our midwife stayed with us (me, my dh and our friend who was along for support.) My contractions hurt, but they weren't very long. In fact they weren't doing much. I wasn't really dilating. Early Sunday afternoon they asked if I would like to try Nubain. I had been pretty determined not to use painkillers, but I thought "maybe I'll dilate." That was kind of a nightmare. I would fall asleep for a few minutes and then wake up screaming and disoriented.

So then they said, "We think you might benefit from an epidural." The midwife was actually freaking out a little because it was taking so long and she was getting worried about the baby. At some point I turn on one side and the heartbeat got a little funky. She went to consult with the doctor on duty. The OB looked at the tapes of the monitoring (from Saturday to Sunday afternoon!) and said this is the only time the baby has had any heartbeat irregularity, I think she can do it vaginally. She suggested that I have double the usual dose of pitocin, and the epidural so I could rest and so it wouldn't completely blow me away when the contractions got fierce.

So I guess by then it was late Saturday afternoon? I had the epidural put in. I went to sleep for a couple of hours, and then they woke me up to say, "you are dilated and can push."

But there was so much anaesthetic in my body that I couldn't even feel anything below the waist. I couldn't move my legs. I couldn't even tell when the contractions were done. My husband, my friend, the midwife and the L and D nurse on duty (who was wonderful) all took turns moving my legs into a squat for me.

After some time had elapsed, they checked with an internal monitor to see what was going on, and decided that my pushing wasn't effective. Hello! I can't feel anything! So they cut back on the epidural. Once I had less medication in my body, I went back to pushing. Of course in the middle of all of this the epidural pump broke. So I did get to do the end of the pushing without the painkillers. Of course I had a ton of pitocin through to the end.

My husband says I was pushing for 8 hours, but I think it was really six hours with a two hour break in the middle while the drugs left my system. All together I was, well, not "in labor" but laboring to get the baby out for 44 hours. At the very end of everything, when I was just not able to get the baby OUT, the CNM did an episiotomy. I was pissed, but at that point I mainly wanted to hold the baby. I have thought since this happened that I might have been weaker for not having eaten for several days, as the hospital didn't let me have any food from the time they put in the IV for the pitocin on Saturday, and no drink by mouth from when they started the epidural.

Now, the hard part for me, the part that keeps bugging me, were the minutes that the nurses were checking out the baby across the room. He didn't latch on at birth. he actually had a lot of trouble with his latch, and then the lactation consultant at the hospital insisted we had to supplement with formula and pumped colostrum. So that makes me feel awful. But we did get nursing going--6 months of exclusive nursing (not counting that very first four days) and still nursing now.

A more beautiful healthy baby than mine you have never seen. But I really wonder what I could have done differently not to have this awful non-labor. Compared to many people here I actually had a pretty good experience, I know. I avoided the dreaded C-section and all. But I really wanted to do it myself, you know?

so if you read through that whole dissertation (my doctoral dissertation was actually shorter :LOL) can you 1) offer me reassurance 2) point out what I could have done differently, but uh, not in an attacking way?

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
captain optimism is offline  
#2 of 21 Old 12-23-2003, 07:26 PM
 
pamamidwife's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Oregon
Posts: 7,644
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
wow, first I want to say congratulations. and, you had an incredible midwifery staff that is really unique. in my area, you would haVe been induced by 12 hours from rupture, and highly pressured for a c-sec by 24 with no progress.

what they did for you was remarkable for a hospital birth.

what could you haVe done differently? only you can answer this. what did you want the most? what do you feel you wanted differently?

with slow labors, I like to giVe moms some herbs, massage or a hot bath to sleep than start things up. EVery Vaginal exam, though, increases the risk of infection, so that would be out until you were actiVely in obVious labor and wanted to know your dilation. Staying at home, too, is safer with ruptured water because of the risk of infection (higher in the hospital).

YOU are the only one that can answer your questions. You did an amazing job with what you had - and your experience would haVe definitely been a cesarean in my local hospital.
pamamidwife is offline  
#3 of 21 Old 12-24-2003, 12:24 PM
 
weesej's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Off to a birth, driving WAY, WAY to
Posts: 458
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Any time your birth did not go as you had hoped there is room for disappointment and grief. You know that there are many things to be thakful for, but allow yourself the room to grieve for the things you feel bad about: drugs, formula etc. You also need to have room to forgive yourself in your heart. As pamamidwife siad ou DID have an exceptional midwifery team and it seems that for the non-progressing labor you had you had about the best hospital experience possible. The only thing would be possibly that the epidural slowed things down even more and took away from you the option of changing position. Things would have been handled differently at home , but who knows a fair # of transports I have seen have been for broken waters with no progress.

Happened to me with baby #2 leaking waters for a week, gushing for 24+ hours then a induction with an incredible amount of pitocin, I did do it without an epi, It was terribly intense but also quick from the levels of pit they used. I had been planning a HB and had to come to terms with how my birth went. Don't make the mistake of expecting any birth will be perfect, they cannot be planned, you don't know what you will get. You need to pick the best birth place and an attendant you truly trust in your heart and what will be will be!
weesej is offline  
#4 of 21 Old 12-24-2003, 12:57 PM
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: LOCATION, LOCATION
Posts: 5,839
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Don't make the mistake of expecting any birth will be perfect, they cannot be planned, you don't know what you will get. You need to pick the best birth place and an attendant you truly trust in your heart and what will be will be!
I think it took awhile for me to believe these words too, after my homebirth didnt go as planned and i was transferred. I didnt go thru quite what you did (I had no drugs,no episiotomy, I did have some pitocin). But what I finally came to realising was that my dd's birth was like my life, things never happen the way I think they will......but everything usually turns out for the best in the end. Im thankful I had a healthy baby......when numerous things could have affected her health. I still grieve some for the ideal homebirth I dreamed about having.....but I think my experience prepared me for motherhood and life.....

I hope you find some healing from this experience.
rainsmom is offline  
#5 of 21 Old 12-24-2003, 12:58 PM
 
Carrieanders's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: the madhouse
Posts: 58
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
and say hello and I understand. A birth so very different than what youimagined your would be is certainly dissapointing. That your caregivers couldn't help in the way you wanted (not that some of them didn't do their best!) to achive a noraml birth. I can see why there would be grief, and maybe even anger.

I just wanted to add, as another marathon birther: exhaustion is your worst foe, the clock is your second.

How on earth could you feel that you are responsable for your numbness due to the epidural? You didn't want an epidural, you took the advice of those you hired to help you, and they gave the best advice they had. That could happen to any of us, who'd been laboring for 30+ hrs on little food and sleep and were fearful, exhausted and needed support and answers.

I think you did your best, considering everything. It will take time and learning to heal from all of it. Maybe a few more babies too

Carrie, edd #5 4/04
Carrieanders is offline  
#6 of 21 Old 12-24-2003, 01:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
captain optimism's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Good Ship Lollipop
Posts: 7,462
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 19 Post(s)
I do want to add a couple of things. I know we were really fortunate in our hospital and for the most part, in the team of people who helped us. We know that the one midwife who stayed with us from 7PM Saturday until 4:30 AM Monday was the main person who enabled us to have a vaginal birth. We actually bought her some gifts to give her at the six week post-partum appointment.

It's also true that the OB on duty, whom I had never met before, had total confidence in my ability to give birth, even if it took a lot of help from pitocin and other drugs. She was really rooting for me. The L & D nurses were also really on my side about everything.

I also can't say I feel guilty for choosing the epidural. There aren't very many circumstances under which I think it's necessary, but I don't think I would have dilated without the additional pitocin and I don't think i could have handled pushing out the baby without sleep. I do wish they had cut it back as soon as it was time to push, I can't figure out what it accomplished to push in that state, it was just more time on the clock and me feeling awkward. But this wasn't in any way a natural birth--I wasn't getting an urge to push at any time. I was counting on labor carrying me away, like it does for most moms. But instead I didn't have any labor.

It's not that I feel bad about the interventions, because I think they were necessary to have the baby in this case. I just wonder why they were necessary? I wonder why I didn't go into labor by myself? They were willing to cut the pit. as soon as i started having regular contractions on my own! We even tried to do that! But I never did, except for some quite weak sporadic ones.

Was it stress? Could i have mellowed out more and brought on labor? I took hypnobirthing but my dh, who was supposed to help me, didn't want to do any of the exercises and seemed to think it was stupid. Then when I wasn't in labor I didn't do any relaxation exercises because I didn't want to miss a single twinge! duh.

It's not that I blame myself, but I wish i could find something about which to blame myself? Or at least, something I could have done differently to make it go better. It just seems like I was fated to need all these interventions, and I really wanted to experience labor. What if I get pregnant and this happens again?

Also i didn't like the post-birth experience at the hospital. I should have held firm that they not take away the baby to the nursery at all, but I was so tired and I felt pressured. Plus I wanted a shower! They were way crowded on the maternity ward, not enough lactation consultants and I really needed help. I never left my room the entire time i was there, and no one came to tell me that I should walk around. I was just trying to get to eat and sleep between attempts to nurse the baby. When I finally left the room, I commented to the nurse at the station that I hadn't been out of my room for two days and she criticized me for that! I never felt like I got enough rest after I had the baby. (Though I guess that would have happened no matter what! )

It seems okay to talk about this now because my baby is thank God so wonderful. I am really deeply grateful for everything. I just wish I could get pregnant again and have a home birth in a tub!

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
captain optimism is offline  
#7 of 21 Old 12-24-2003, 01:46 PM
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: LOCATION, LOCATION
Posts: 5,839
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Maybe you could benefit from talking to the doctor who assisted your birth? Do the midwives understand what happened? can they give you some information?

The reason I say this is bc my dd was posterior, hence the reason she didnt decend....hence my long labor and transfer to the hospital. My first birth (in a hospital 26years ago) my water broke and my contractions never started on their own. Turned out my ds had the cord wrapped around his neck three times.

Maybe there was a reason your labor didnt progress and in getting information it would certainly help you understand and move on. The doctor could look at your records and certainly be able to give you some reasons why there intervened the way they did. I think it could help.

I think going thru this kind of experience will help you understand what you need from people during labor (midwives, your dh) and make your next birth a better experience.

rainsmom is offline  
#8 of 21 Old 12-24-2003, 03:55 PM
 
Greaseball's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Eugene, OR
Posts: 8,764
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
The standards for when infection sets in following rupture of membranes are always changing. Some people say 48 hours, some say 12 hours, and some even say 4 hours. That tells me it's not really about the baby, but about getting the birth over with quickly.

I think about what I would do in these situations and I think if my water broke with no labor, I would wait the 48 hours before doing anything, and no sex or vaginal exams. The number of centimeters is not that important anyway; when it's time to start pushing a woman will know! Midwives can also figure out how dilated a woman is just by watching her.

If I became concerned about infection I would still avoid pharmacological methods of induction. If contractions slowed, I would try walking. You mentioned they slowed when you were around the midwife you did not like - everyone should have a choice of who their birth attendant will be, and the right to dismiss any attendant they do not want. Babies don't want to come out when fear is present. Also, some labors are just meant to take longer than others. I read a story from a VBAC mother who was in transition labor for a week at home, and she said she just knew that's how it was supposed to be.

The difficulty in latching was probably due to the drugs, and did not mean anything was wrong with you or the baby. The baby reacted to the drugs in a normal way, and good for you - you found a way to make it work out anyway!

They say no birth experience is perfect (though my mother disagrees with that!) but I don't think that's any excuse for "suggesting" interventions to a woman in a vulnerable position. I think they should have reassured you that your labor was just fine, even if it was a variation of "normal." They also could have done more to create a relaxing atmosphere, which probably would have helped more than anything else.
Greaseball is offline  
#9 of 21 Old 12-25-2003, 01:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
captain optimism's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Good Ship Lollipop
Posts: 7,462
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 19 Post(s)
I want to say how much I appreciate all these responses and how people are helping me think about this.

Quote:
Originally posted by Greaseball

I think about what I would do in these situations and I think if my water broke with no labor, I would wait the 48 hours before doing anything, and no sex or vaginal exams. The number of centimeters is not that important anyway; when it's time to start pushing a woman will know! Midwives can also figure out how dilated a woman is just by watching her.
I counted it out. My water broke 5PM Thursday. I agreed to pit. at 1PM on Saturday. So not quite 48 hours, but 44 hours from the time my water broke, I agreed to pharmacological induction. I feel okay about that. The sad part was that their normal dose of pit. wasn't making me dilate.

The anaesthetic I agreed to was about 24 hours after that.

Quote:
If I became concerned about infection I would still avoid pharmacological methods of induction. If contractions slowed, I would try walking. You mentioned they slowed when you were around the midwife you did not like - everyone should have a choice of who their birth attendant will be, and the right to dismiss any attendant they do not want. Babies don't want to come out when fear is present.


Well, I think you are right that there was a psychological element to this. But the contractions didn't just slow, they totally stopped! It was pretty dramatic. I think some of it was just being in the hospital. I guess if I had known that the doctors at that hospital were so great, I might have chosen one instead of the midwife from my practice.

I certainly wasn't going home at that point! You think "Ah, women should trust their bodies." But frankly, what if I had trusted my body and my baby had gotten an infection? It was all really scary. If I had planned a home birth and this had happened, I probably would have been transported.

Quote:
Also, some labors are just meant to take longer than others. I read a story from a VBAC mother who was in transition labor for a week at home, and she said she just knew that's how it was supposed to be.


Would you call what I experienced "labor" even though I wasn't having regular contractions? The midwives did not call it labor.

Quote:
The difficulty in latching was probably due to the drugs, and did not mean anything was wrong with you or the baby. The baby reacted to the drugs in a normal way, and good for you - you found a way to make it work out anyway!


Yeah, I think this is true.

Quote:
They say no birth experience is perfect (though my mother disagrees with that!) but I don't think that's any excuse for "suggesting" interventions to a woman in a vulnerable position. I think they should have reassured you that your labor was just fine, even if it was a variation of "normal." They also could have done more to create a relaxing atmosphere, which probably would have helped more than anything else.
I think you are right about the relaxing atmosphere, which is something I can plan for the next time. But I don't agree with the premise that my labor was a variation on normal. My labor wasn't just fine!

I got up after I typed that and thought about it. The first midwife, our favorite, the one on duty when I phoned when my water broke, told me not to worry that i wasn't having contractions, that it was normal, and that it might take some time. The next day, when I saw midwife #2 (twice) she said it was something to be concerned about--and I resented midwife #1 for not telling me to worry! Midwife #3, the one that I didn't trust at all, acted like I was being a baby because I didn't want pitocin, since it was obvious to her that I needed it. It was hardly a suggestion! Midwife #4 started her very long stint with us by taking me off the pitocin and trying to change the vibe.

Okay that was way too long. But what I'm thinking is: my labor really wasn't normal, but it would have been helpful to have the positive vibe about it all the way through.

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
captain optimism is offline  
#10 of 21 Old 12-30-2003, 11:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
captain optimism's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Good Ship Lollipop
Posts: 7,462
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 19 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by Cyneburh

I planned a homebirth and transferred to the hospital at 9 cm because of meconium and elevated fetal heart tones. The midwife said she'd have been comfortable with either alone but not with both together. I know this wasn't your experience but a few things you said rang a bell with me.


wow, that must have been quite scary. I'm sorry!


Quote:
My contrations totally stopped when my in-laws showed up (over enthusiastic dh called them and told them to come because baby was on it's way). I hadn't even wanted them in the house while I was in labor and where do the pictures show them? In the same room with me. Of course labor totally stopped!
Oh my God, I can't believe your husband did that.

We were in a similar situation with my parents. My folks live in another state, but my mom really really wanted to come to the hospital for the birth. I had to put my foot down many times, and say no in many different, loving and polite, ways.

In the last weeks before my due date, my mother phoned me EVERY DAY. So when we went to the hospital, even though I made a point of NOT telling her, she figured it out. They phoned the hospital (we told them which one) several times and once the hospital switchboard put my father's call through to my L&D room. I'm moaning and groaning and the phone rings and it's my dad! My mom was really mad that we hadn't called them already so they could make their travel plans, so she had him phone again.

It was kind of like, they didn't even consider that I might still be in the process of giving birth!

But the hospital people had to know I was, because the L&D rooms (which were birthing-center style, sort of like hotel rooms with hospital equipment stashed away in the corners, bathtubs with jacuzzi jets and stereos--very comfy) were only for laboring moms. Once you gave birth, they put you in another room.

Now that I think about it, this might have contributed to my general lack of relaxation, even before my water broke.

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
captain optimism is offline  
#11 of 21 Old 12-30-2003, 12:49 PM
 
saintmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 1,154
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You asked what you could do diffrently next time? Take food!Take tea.cuponoodles,Indian dishes with rice you can nuke,soymilk,cereal....I'm always ravenous in early labor and post-partum.I don't know if it will make a difference in your labor or not but I beleive it's easier to give birth if your well hydrated and nourished.As for your labor shutting down when the midwife you didn't like was around it happened to me with my third.The ob on call was a man(gasp)!So my contractions just shut down and I got sent home,twice!Also about the food thing ,Only once in three hospital births did a nurse ever bring me anything to eatand it was a disgusting sandwich on stale white bread ugh!
saintmom is offline  
#12 of 21 Old 12-30-2003, 01:23 PM
 
kofduke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: PA
Posts: 3,887
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I really, really sympathize with your confusion. I have been having similar feelings to yours regarding my hospital birth. Immediately after my birth, I felt as though it was the best birth possible for me at that time, but now I've been wondering if I could have done something differently.

I also was induced with pitocin because after my water broke, my blood pressure soared off the charts and they found high levels of protein in my urine. They started magnesium sulfate first, and then the pitocin. Once the mag sulfate was started, I was confined to bed so I couldn't walk. After about 12 hours of pitocin, when I wasn't progressing, I agreed to an epidural, which helped me progress so I could push. I also feel lucky that the OB on call at the time was very supportive of my desire to birth naturally (really!), as were the OB nurses on duty.

When I started having these feelings, I called my doula. I'm planning on having another meeting with her in the next few weeks, once the holiday craziness is past. She told me that moms often need time, and then want to process their experience again, so I guess it's pretty normal.

I've also been thinking that when it comes time to do this again, I might choose to use a freestanding birth center. There are 2 within a half hour of my home.
kofduke is offline  
#13 of 21 Old 12-30-2003, 02:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
captain optimism's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Good Ship Lollipop
Posts: 7,462
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 19 Post(s)
My dh was really great about helping me keep my parents out of my hair, and even agreed not to have his mom come down right away. But we did have friends in the house after my water broke, friends in the hospital right after we had the baby while I was stressing out about nursing, etc. It's true that our friends were a lot better about things than our parents were, but it was too many people. I never thought I would say that!

I have another thing to add. My midwives actually asked me to process the experience with them, twice. Once in the hospital after the birth, and once at the 6 week mark. Even though they asked me to tell them my concerns, they totally dismissed my concerns! One of the midwives was defensive of her colleague who had totally gone missing while she was supposed to be attending me (the one I said I didn't trust.) She also said that the amount of pitocin that they gave me at the hospital wouldn't have been considered a high dose at another hospital (even though the place I chose has a policy of signing a release form before bringing the dose up that high. Glad I chose that hospital!)

"My" midwife, the one who stuck with us through thick and thin, was not great at the 6 week postpartum appointment. (The one where we brought her presents.) She poo-pooed my difficulties with nursing and gave me advice so blatantly stupid that I just ignored it. When I weighed in, I was pleased to see that I had lost 25 of the 35 pounds I had gained--she said, "You know, you can eat less now." (This is of course, not really true, you still have to eat a little more when you nurse. It was also a good way to make a 6 week pp mom feel FAT.) She was very concerned that we have a plan for contraception. Okay, fine, but I'm 36 years old, sexually active since age 18, and this the first time I've been pregnant, what do you think I did before I met you? I agreed to be fitted for a diaphragm. When she fitted me for a diaphragm I bled at the episiotomy point because it hadn't totally healed. She said, "Oh, that's okay, it will heal in a month or so."

(Now ask me if I followed up with another doctor or midwife to make sure if it healed. I didn't. I was too busy getting breastfeeding going, and then I went back to work. )

I would like to have another baby, but who knows if I will. Right now I'm thinking I would like to try to have a homebirth. So far, I'm thinking I would try to line up an accupuncturist in case my water broke and I didn't have any contractions, or my contractions were, uh, not very regular or respectable. I'd also try to limit the number of visitors during the birth and right afterward. And maybe never tell my mom that I was pregnant?

:LOL

That might work.

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
captain optimism is offline  
#14 of 21 Old 12-30-2003, 04:36 PM
 
doulamomvicki's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: in a pile of dirty socks
Posts: 917
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I did not notice but did you try nipple stim prior to use of the pitocin? I like to get my ladies sitting upright, their legs open - to open up the pelvic basin and have them stimulate their nipples. The nipple stim encourages the natural production of oxytocin.
doulamomvicki is offline  
#15 of 21 Old 12-30-2003, 05:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
captain optimism's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Good Ship Lollipop
Posts: 7,462
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 19 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by doulamomvicki
I did not notice but did you try nipple stim prior to use of the pitocin? I like to get my ladies sitting upright, their legs open - to open up the pelvic basin and have them stimulate their nipples. The nipple stim encourages the natural production of oxytocin.
My dh and I tried that, a little, but we didn't have any supervision from our midwives or any other knowledgeable person. I followed directions I got from a midwifery journal online.

I also took some herbs. I'm not sure why I can't remember which ones! I looked them up online and also phoned my friend who is an herbalist to ask her about dosages.

And the shiatsu.

I was not having any contractions, really, from when my water broke Thursday until Friday night. The nipple stimulation produced not one contraction.

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
captain optimism is offline  
#16 of 21 Old 12-30-2003, 05:21 PM
 
Greaseball's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Eugene, OR
Posts: 8,764
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Wouldn't walking and squatting help more than sitting in the Lamaze position?
Greaseball is offline  
#17 of 21 Old 12-30-2003, 08:55 PM
 
cottonwood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 7,383
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hey, I would have been disappointed too. I'm sorry it happened that way.

You didn't mention whether you were continually leaking amniotic fluid all this time? Sometimes the bag will reseal. Or sometimes it isn't even amniotic fluid. In my case, I had a huge gush several days before I actually gave birth, but because I did not continue to leak my midwife thought it might have been what she called the "forewaters", a separate bag of fluid.

But if my membranes had fully ruptured and I hadn't started contracting yet, I would have declined all vaginal exams (and anything else up my vagina.) This may be naive, but I'm wondering how infection can occur if nothing is put up there? The fluid is pushing outward, can tiny disease-causing microbes go against the flow like that? Sooo, I guess personally I wouldn't have had that VE and therefore wouldn't have considered myself "on the clock", though I understand that not everyone feels that way. If you're working from the premise that you simply were going to be on the clock because of worry of infection, the only thing I can think of that you might have done differently would have been to find a less stressful, pressuring environment to labor in, in the hopes that your body would have relaxed enough to dilate on its own.
cottonwood is offline  
#18 of 21 Old 12-30-2003, 08:59 PM
 
cottonwood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 7,383
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Also, you know how they always recommend sex for jump-starting labor, well, I know that you can't have intercourse once your waters have broken, but how about masturbation? Orgasm stimulates uterine contractions.
cottonwood is offline  
#19 of 21 Old 12-30-2003, 09:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
captain optimism's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Good Ship Lollipop
Posts: 7,462
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 19 Post(s)
Yes, I was leaking the whole time. They thought it might be the "forewaters" but it wasn't. I was very soggy.

I can't remember if I masturbated or not. I did a lot during pregnancy, so maybe? TMI, sorry!

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
captain optimism is offline  
#20 of 21 Old 12-30-2003, 09:34 PM
 
asherah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Swimming in the cauldron of rebirth
Posts: 2,848
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I had a very similar experience. And I too am still grieving and coming to terms with my anger at my midwife.
It is particularly painful because I know I will not be having another.

I won't put all the details in this thread.. but I think if I had it to do all over again I would have a Doula. I really trusted my midwife and she really let me down. I was too out of it to remember what I had read, practiced and planned, and my DH was too worried about me to be an effective advocate. All my knowledge and plans just flew out the window, and there was no one to say.. "wait a minute, let's try this..."

My mother was there and she keeps talking about how WONDERFUL it was compared to HERS. And I suppose it was a lot better than the norm in 1962...

But that doesn't make me feel much better.
asherah is offline  
#21 of 21 Old 01-02-2004, 05:39 AM
 
vwmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 346
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yep I can relate... I am so dissappointed as well, I actually chose a c-sect instead of even trying an epidural for pain relief from pit, how sad is that. I hadn't slept in over 40 hours and had been in hard labor for 18 hours I couldn't even think at that point and figured the epidural would just lead to a c-sect anyhow so I should just do it. If only I had tried the epidural first, things might have gone better. Dh is going to get a vasectomy tommorrow morning --against my wishes..... But we do have 3 beautiful children, Thank God. I think many births are not what people plan because there is no way to control them 100%, you can only do your best and try not to beat yourself up. I am still trying to forgive myself as well.
vwmama is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off