my friend wants me to be her birth attendant.... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 12-24-2003, 11:59 AM - Thread Starter
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#2 of 5 Old 12-24-2003, 01:02 PM
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Yeah, read books! Birthing from Within is good. I have not read the new Ina May Gaskin book, but that would be good. A slightly more mainstream book is Sheila Kitzinger's Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth. None of the pregnancy and birth books is perfect, they all contain some things that will make you mad. But, they also are good starting points for conversations with your friend.

Ask your friend what she wants from you. You can tell her that you aren't into being doped up for the birth, and ask her if that's what she's planning. She doesn't have to have drugs to give birth in the hospital, and you can help her with that.

One thing that is very helpful is to have someone there to confirm your impressions of how things are going. My dh brought a friend of ours with him to my birth, and she supported both of us really well. She did things like bringing my dh food and me drinks.

Probably the most important thing was that she was with me after my dh took the baby to the nursery. There was a gap when I was actually alone after the birth for a few minutes, which felt so weird and not good because really I didn't want them to take the baby away. My friend came and said, "Is it okay for me to stay with you?" Oh, I so appreciated that!

Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.
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#3 of 5 Old 12-24-2003, 07:43 PM
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I agree with captain that it is so important to have someone to support the mom at all times, even after the birth. That happened to me with my second ds. It was the middle of the night when he was born, everyone took a quick peek at him and then went home to sleep and there I was alone. Dh had gone with the babe to the nursery because he had to be observed for a period of time (against my wishes) due to shoulder dystocia (he was fine and his ped acted like she thought they over reacted when she checked him out). Anyway, I was alone for well over an hour and it really sucked. I wish I had asked a friend to be there with me.
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#4 of 5 Old 12-24-2003, 10:00 PM
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I also really liked, "The Birth Partner" by Penny Simkin.
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#5 of 5 Old 12-26-2003, 01:50 PM
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I can relate! I would be totally miserable watching someone have a typical passive hospital birth. If it were me I would be honest about my feelings. The trick is how to do that without making her feel like you're juding her, yk?

So why won't she do Lamaze? I won't have anything to do with it either, but perhaps our reasons are different. Have you suggested other birthing classes to her, like Birthing From Within?
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