Cesarean support circle V (December 12) - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 177 Old 01-03-2004, 10:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by OnTheFence
Your birth plan sounds perfect and very familiar to my own!

Kim
Thanks Kim, I'm glad to hear that! What does anyone else think?

Sarah : , mama to Lucas (8) , Ryan (5) : , Andrew (1yr) , and someone new : due early Dec.
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#62 of 177 Old 01-03-2004, 10:54 PM
 
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Having a birth plan is a good idea and I hope it helps to create a positive birth experience for you.
Just (as you surely know) birth is one of those things that is ultimately not under your control so expect the unexpected.

Happy happy birth vibes to you....soon you'll be holding your little one!
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#63 of 177 Old 01-04-2004, 02:41 AM
 
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A breath of fresh air for a mom looking for support......I labored 22 hrs, mostly in a huge warm tub and "failed to progress". I would learn later it was a good thing as my 5ft 3 body didn't want to (vag) birth a 10lb 6oz chunk of love.

I planned this birth, very educated as an RN. Elected to deliver outside a hospital setting, (my coworkers thought I was crazy) in water, surrounded by participants and support people. After an ambulance ride to the hospital and and epidural....pit....uterine monitor my uterus had given up. We all decide this baby would have to come c/b.

While I know I would not have survived this "years ago" I'm also grieving for what I wanted and didn't get. Now I'm pregnant with my 2nd baby, due 25 March, and needing to decide what I can do, and what's realistic.

Why do I struggle with feeling like a failure when the outcome was the best thing ever???
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#64 of 177 Old 01-04-2004, 02:53 AM
 
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Originally posted by quiltinglance
Why do I struggle with feeling like a failure when the outcome was the best thing ever???
i think we all ask ourselves this question and I'm not sure that we can really ahve an answer. It is jsut how our minds work. We can be completely thrilled with an outcome but we can still be disappointed in how it happened. That doesn't mean that we can wallow in regrets (not ssaying youa re at all...just talking... ) The only thing we can do is decide how we really feel about the next time.

Right now I'm at the point where i do not mourn the birth experience of my son at all. I don't regret my induction. I don't regret the decision to c/b. In fact, I think I'm finally ok with it!

I'm going to vbac this baby. The issues are weird because I "know" I can do it but I have a fear of not doing it. I know that no matter what I'll have a baby in my arms. I try not to think of it as failing. I'm not failing at anything... I'm jstu going about it a different way. I will be disappointed if I have another c/b but I know that in the end it will have been for the best and THAT makes my birth...no matter how it goes...a success!

(I think I'm finally working through all of my feelings on this vbac thing )

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#65 of 177 Old 01-04-2004, 03:03 AM
 
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Thank you for your support. This is my first time on the Mothering Discussion board.......seeking something to quiet my mind. I didn't realize there were so many others out there feeling like I did.

Hopefully I will have a better idea of whats in store for me on the 9th...a meeting with the OB and midwife. A GREAT group of women!

I look forward to your continued support and feel very blessed I have a place to air my concernes. I am aware the outcome is the most important.
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#66 of 177 Old 01-04-2004, 05:39 AM
 
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quiltinglance welcome! and hugs.
If you read this thread and the old Cesarian Support ones which you can dig up if you look, you'll see that all of us on this thread have struggled with very similar feelings. That does not by any means invalidate your own unique feelings, but in my experience it helps a lot to know you're not alone.
How's your pregnancy going? I just had my second child in October by repeat cesarian.
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#67 of 177 Old 01-04-2004, 10:19 AM
 
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Thanks, Hikaru and Patty. It's great to know that I have a place to vent once I am able to. That may be never, that may be later on today. Who knows. But I'm grateful for somewhere I can go to.
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#68 of 177 Old 01-05-2004, 01:02 AM
 
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Thanks Hikaru. Congrat on your 2nd baby! I feel better already, finding this site. It's been a rough weekend anticipating my meeting with the OB on Friday. I've got my questions lined up and have done some reading.

Finding the old threads have helped more than I thought it would. Prior to locating this discussion board I thought I needed a group thearpy session!

My pregnancy is going well, too fast in many ways. I think we're done at two chidren. I'm already 36.

I've started to see the positive side of "scheduling" a c/b. I get MY Dr. MY Midwife (assisting), my anesthesiologist (sp?), my music, etc. I guess I'm seeking control.

Thanks again for your time. I look forward to following everyone on this site.

Kim
aka/quiltinglance
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#69 of 177 Old 01-06-2004, 06:51 PM
 
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Meg'sMom- I was wondering how things are going with your recovery, and how the birth itself went, I know you've been a little busy to write a birth story. But, I'd like to hear about the birth itself and your recovery, when you have a little time

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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#70 of 177 Old 01-06-2004, 07:31 PM
 
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hoping to get birth story done tonight or tomorrow - recovery going great!

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#71 of 177 Old 01-06-2004, 11:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by OnTheFence
Witchbaby,

Welcome to our little circle. I read your birth experience and I can so relate to how you feel. Coming to terms with not having the birth you desired can be a really depressing thing. Please feel free to talk about it. Watch for signs of PPD. I had very bad PPD and I contribute part of that of the disappointment and sadness over my birth.
I am glad your baby arrived safely into the world. I found it interesting though that your midwife thought the induction method they used was ok. I would love to hear the thoughts about that.
I am thinking of you and your little one. Stick around. Great moms post on this thread who have been there and done that.

Kim
dh and i have discussed the birth of the monkey a lot and we there was a little more to the induction than we thought. our midwife isn't one for inducing lightly (particularly early), so everyone was shocked when she suggested inducing 5 days before our edd. i'd had several instances of preterm labor starting at 33 weeks and ended up not being able to tolerate the brethine or procardia by 36 weeks (caused some nasty chest pains). i continued having rather hard contractions after that and my cervix just wasn't budging. the last few trips to the hospital (we had 10 total!), the baby flatlined every time and had to be roused to accelerate her heartrate, so we're beginning to think janet was a tough worried and wanted to go ahead and move baby out. she wanted to use the "mellowest" form of induction, since she was afraid pit would cause my already strong contractions to get even stronger.
in retrospect, it's looking like the c-section was a semi-emergency, since we'd had so many instances of flatlining and my body was so confused for so long.
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#72 of 177 Old 01-07-2004, 05:04 AM
 
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just dropping by to ask for good c-birth vibes/ prayers for a friend who is having a c-birth, her second, tomorrow morning. She has a number of medical problems and is an older mum like me, we went to high school together in the 70s

for those who don't know me - I posted way back at the beginning of the support circle - I have had 3 boys all c-births

thanks to anyone who can spare a few moments for my friend
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#73 of 177 Old 01-18-2004, 09:28 PM
 
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I don't know where everyone's at wrt to being pg and giving birth... anyway, I wanted to discuss VBACs with anyone who's currently pg and I started a new thread:

http://205.214.82.233/discussions/sh...hreadid=108841

And I wanted to bump this thread up, too!
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#74 of 177 Old 01-19-2004, 04:21 PM
 
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Is the world is going to end because I had my ds by c/b and I'm ok with it?

No it isn't what I planned or wanted. No, it isn't the "best" way. Yes, I could have done something (not been induced or not had my water broke or demanded the pit be turned off). But I am FINE with my c-birth. I do not feel it was a terrifying horrible experience. My whole problem has been that it isn't what I wanted.

I do NOT believe I am just persuaded by the system to think it is ok. I truly feel that I had a reasonably ok birth experience with my son. I was doped out of my head and recovery was harder but when it comes down to it...I don't care!

I want to vbac but on the other hand I jsut want to repeat. I thought at first I wanted the repeat because baby would come early and I would be pregnant less. But in reality I don't care if they wait till I'm term to do the repeat.

I've done research. I've asked a lot of questions. The funny thing is that I feel more "concerned" with what ppl will think here about just having a repeat than what I think. I feel like I've taken a lot of ppls time asking questions and looking for support when I have started to ask myself "Why do I feel so strongly about vbac." Well, in honesty...I don't feel all that strong about it! Maybe it is because I have the philosophy that says, We don't have to do everything the same as everyone else. If you vbac that is great why should I push a repeat on you. If I vbac why should I push that on you. Why is it any of my business what you do?

I hate to see ppl that are misinfomred and ppl that are duped by their ob and their "excuses". I hate to see women told they have a big baby so the "have to have" a c/b. I've been chatting with one gal that said her ob will NOT attempt to deliver a baby estimated to be over 9 pounds. Now, does that scream "moms should diet and control their weight to insure small babies" or is it me. I thought we moved past that whole mindset years ago.

I don't think that if I choose a repeat this late in the game that I've lost anything. I don't think it makes me a bad parent or "unnatural" at all.

I guess I'm just still working through all of this. I know its getting late to think about it still but I put it off for 8 months! Maybe being finally at peace with my first c/b has brought me further along in the last month.

Why is this so hard?

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#75 of 177 Old 01-19-2004, 04:39 PM
 
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IOF- BIG HUGE for you.

You and I have been on part of this road together, and I know I have had it so much easier (we have the same due date for all others reading). I have known all along I will have a c-birth, and I know I have no choice, that is a whole lot easier (though I am still not feeling good about it, but I'll address that in my own thread later), than wondering if I am doing the right thing, and trying to know whether I am doing things to please others, myself, etc.

I know this has been a struggle for you all along, feeling a push to VBAC that you are not sure if it is coming from inside yourself, or from being part of a natural community such as this.

My belief is that if YOU truly want to VBAC, you can wait for labor to start naturally (water breaking and all) and give it a shot. However, you are really stressing about this, and I am not sure that VBAC means that much to you(and it doesn't have to, it is not for everyone). It is so hard to know if you are just scared that it won't happen, or if you feel pressure to try nature out again. I wish you could know what is really in your heart, you are clearly so stressed and confused about it all. I wish I could give you the magical answer- I really do. Maybe if you and dh take some serious prayer time together- you will both come to an answer on what is right for you.

You are right that if you have a c-birth it has nothing to do with what kind of mother you are, we all have different paths to take, and I won't let anyone tell me that someone who chooses to repeat instead of VBAC is doing themselves or their child a disservice- you will do what is right for you and your baby in the end, you really will

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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#76 of 177 Old 01-19-2004, 06:26 PM
 
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Thanks jess

I cannot believe I am struggling this much with all of this. Part of my want for a vbac is ego. I know that. I know I am afraid of "failure". In my mind I just cannot come to a happy medium!

Dh is like "whatever". I think he feels the same that I do. We jsut want this baby here. We both know that then we can "get on with life" right now we feel like we are in a holding pattern. I think deep down dh thinks I'll jsut have a repeat for similar reasons to ds. Which i can't get out of my mind either.

Sheesh...I should have figured this out 8 months ago!

Jess--when is your c/b??

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#77 of 177 Old 01-19-2004, 07:41 PM
 
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My c-birth is scheduled for Friday, and I am trying to be all ok with that, I am very excited to meet my son, and I know I NEED a c-birth to get there, I am just a very nervous person, and have some real anxiety about the surgery itself.

My parents and dh are nervous too, although they don't discuss it with me at all, but I just know we are all really scared. I guess you don't hear enough great c-birth stories, and all the paperwork (Ie- sign here so I can give you a blood transfusion if I need to) etc. makes me think about the scarier posibilities.

The first time I was not very nervous (in comparison to last time and now), the OB made it clear it was the safest thing for the baby (and this is still true), and I was naive, I guess, or maybe just smarter then- I shouldn't worry about what I cannot control. I guess it is that I have 2 kids at home now, and my OWN life seems more valuable. You hear about infection risks, women hemmoraging, etc. But, I am delivering at a major hospital, so all should be ok, right?

Ah, my mind goes and goes, I won't be sleeping much these next few days, even though I am very tired right now.

I need more faith at the moment, maybe I should focus on that and get off of MDC

You know what else IOF- I never changed my sig line to show I am planning a c-birth (can anyone guess why?) but I am going to go do that now- I refused to be ashamed of doing what I must to have this baby come out healthy

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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#78 of 177 Old 01-19-2004, 09:21 PM
 
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Hey iof, I couldn't tell if you were reacting to my VBAC thread post or not (I've been following what you've been going through, and I'm really sorry it's been so tough)... not assuming you were, but in case you were, I just wanted to let you know that I'm on your side, and I've been here on the C support circle thread complaining with everyone else ...

I identify with a lot of what you said (although I definitely want a VBAC, if only to keep my mil from descending upon me and "taking care" of me while I recover from surgery ). It's a really hard place to be... having had one C and knowing what it's like, not always getting support from our care providers, and then having other people who have no idea what we're going through question our decisions. (At this point, I'm getting questions on both sides... y'know, the people who think you *can't* VBAC, and then the people who think you're endangering your baby's life by attempting a VBAC... nice, isn't it?)

I also remember how *emotional* the end of pg was for me last time... ug, so much to think about. I don't want to have to think *more* about my last birth and implications for this birth *then*, but I'll have to. Hang in there...

Jess, if I knew I was going to meet my baby on Friday, I'd wet my pants with excitement! Despite the surgery and everything, it's so exciting to know you're going to see him so soon!
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#79 of 177 Old 01-19-2004, 10:50 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by KKmama


Jess, if I knew I was going to meet my baby on Friday, I'd wet my pants with excitement! Despite the surgery and everything, it's so exciting to know you're going to see him so soon!
:LOL Thanks for the laugh, I do wet my pants on occasion, I wish it was just from excitement And I am very excited to meet my new little man

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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#80 of 177 Old 01-20-2004, 02:48 AM
 
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Jess, I've been thinking of you and am sending lots of positive, protective energy for you and your son-have a beautiful, beautiful birth!
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#81 of 177 Old 01-20-2004, 04:00 AM
 
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KKmama--Do not worry! My post had nothing to do with yours. I try not to react to what other ppl write (if it bothered me that much i would jsut pm you ) Thank you for your support!

jess-I'm very excited about your birth coming up! I wish mine was that clsoe...maybe it is and I don't know it!! I've been contracting every 5-8 minutes since 3 this afternoon (earlier too but I had a break in there) and they are def more intense now just not getting any closer together

My friend had her first c/b today It was planned...she tore so bad with her first 2 they said if she tore again she would have to have reconstructive surgery to repair her rectum...she needs it anyway but is putting it off. Anyway, it went great! She feels pretty good. Baby was 7lbs 5oz 19.5 inches long. He is sooo tiny!! He was only 7oz under ds but I thought ds was a big baby. Of course my ds was 2 inches longer which really makes no sense.... Anyway, she is being released on thursday morning!

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#82 of 177 Old 01-20-2004, 09:06 AM
 
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I'm up with my middle of the night pg woman snack (after getting ds back to sleep... he's having his first runny nose--at 2 1/2!)...

Iof, I had BH contrax (unfortunately, not the real thing, but still annoying, and occasionally painful) for ~a week to 10 days before I finally had my C... It was really hard for me to focus with all that... is there anything you can do to get some serious distraction and/or rest if you think it's going to be a while before they speed up? (Like renting terrible comedies or having lunch with very, very nice people?--worked for me). I feel for you... All I can say is that I'm glad that the "parenting" phase lasts a lot longer than the "pg and birth" phase, because I like parenting a lot more (and I seem to be better at it ).
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#83 of 177 Old 01-20-2004, 07:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am still here. Just hanging out and been busy with my work. IOF I am thinking of you and Jess we want details as soon as your baby gets here!

Kim
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#84 of 177 Old 01-21-2004, 05:12 PM
 
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I came here to whine...

We interviewed a doula last night, and it was pretty bad. Fortunately, she agreed that yes, my C had been necessary (I get so mad when people try to tell me that it wasn't, especially if they don't know what happened)... But she basically told me I should do a homebirth instead of a hospital birth and that I should switch practices if I wanted to be successful. I'm very clear on what I want--I *like* my ob practice, I think we've come to a very good understanding on how things will go, and I'm fine with everything. And I *don't* want a homebirth... and I don't want a doula who's going to 2nd guess my decisions (I want a doula who's going to rub my back ).

I feel like people like this woman set themselves up as "experts" who know all the answers, and then if something doesn't go perfectly, she can just blame me...

I've been thinking about my VBAC and what I'm willing to do to get it. *As long as the baby is okay*, I'll do just about anything. But I'm not willing to do anything that distracts me and gets me worried that I'm risking his/her health...
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#85 of 177 Old 01-21-2004, 05:56 PM
 
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I went to the ob today. I'm 1cm and 50%. BUT baby is no longer in my pelvis. He is free floating all over the place. She said even if they wanted me to come in tonight to have my water broken to get things moving (I wouldn't do it anyway) they wouldn't be able to. The baby is too high for her to even attempt it safely. So, I once again have mal positioning problems. Baby at least stayed head down!

The good news...I only gained .5 of a pound!

So, now the new game plan....If baby has not arrived by January 29th I'm having a repeat c/b that morning. Which I am totally fine with! I gave her my c/b birth plan. I wrote one brand new just for that and she loved it! She was very excited that I want to be out of bed and active as soon as possible and that I have no intention of being uninvolved and letting someone else make all the decisions (I really like this lady).

thats it on my end!

KKmama--I understand your frustration! I had the same "issues" with my mws!

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#86 of 177 Old 01-22-2004, 09:12 AM
 
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Ow Ow Ow- OK, I am having a sharp pain on my side, down low, where I assume my inner incision is on the uterus- I really think it is the baby's position -he seems to have flipped his little self (not head to toe, but from limbs on my left to limbs on my right), and it seems that a limb is pushing there. Has anyone else has this pain in a subsequent pregnancy? I know it could be a whole slew of other things, but before I panic and call the OB, I am trying to convince him to move around a bit and hopefully it will go away.

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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#87 of 177 Old 01-22-2004, 01:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by its_our_family
The baby is too high for her to even attempt it safely. So, I once again have mal positioning problems. Baby at least stayed head down!

So, now the new game plan....If baby has not arrived by January 29th I'm having a repeat c/b that morning. Which I am totally fine with! I gave her my c/b birth plan. I wrote one brand new just for that and she loved it! She was very excited that I want to be out of bed and active as soon as possible and that I have no intention of being uninvolved and letting someone else make all the decisions (I really like this lady).

Just came to take a peek and keep the thread active.
I find it interesting that your baby is doing this at the end of the road. I know a lot of people who think that all babies are meant to be born vaginally but sometimes when I read about you IOF I think, that baby is decided on an alternative exit. I am not sure I would attempt a VBAC in your situation if I did go into labor if the baby wasnt in position. I am glad you are okay and planning with a repeat next Thursday if things dont happen. I hope you do not see yourself as a failure or let people badger you with all the ifs and whats either. If this is what youare comfortable with, and you feel this is the best way to go, then know you are making the right decision and that this pregnantcy and birth were a success!

Kim
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#88 of 177 Old 01-22-2004, 01:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally posted by KKmama
I came here to whine...

We interviewed a doula last night, and it was pretty bad. Fortunately, she agreed that yes, my C had been necessary (I get so mad when people try to tell me that it wasn't, especially if they don't know what happened)... But she basically told me I should do a homebirth instead of a hospital birth and that I should switch practices if I wanted to be successful. I'm very clear on what I want--I *like* my ob practice, I think we've come to a very good understanding on how things will go, and I'm fine with everything. And I *don't* want a homebirth... and I don't want a doula who's going to 2nd guess my decisions (I want a doula who's going to rub my back ).

I feel like people like this woman set themselves up as "experts" who know all the answers, and then if something doesn't go perfectly, she can just blame me...

So sad but I know people like this that I am actually friends with. Find someone else. If I ever decided to do a VBAC it would be in a hospital and I could very well be another csection so any doula I hired would have to realize that and be supportive either way. Like you I would want a doula to take care of me, rub my feet, back, help with positioning, etc. Not someone who is going to judge me because the VBAC didnt work out or I got an epidural or something.
Goodluck and you are welcome to vent anytime
Kim
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#89 of 177 Old 01-22-2004, 01:59 PM
 
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Originally posted by OnTheFence
Just came to take a peek and keep the thread active.
I find it interesting that your baby is doing this at the end of the road. I know a lot of people who think that all babies are meant to be born vaginally but sometimes when I read about you IOF I think, that baby is decided on an alternative exit. I am not sure I would attempt a VBAC in your situation if I did go into labor if the baby wasnt in position. I am glad you are okay and planning with a repeat next Thursday if things dont happen. I hope you do not see yourself as a failure or let people badger you with all the ifs and whats either. If this is what youare comfortable with, and you feel this is the best way to go, then know you are making the right decision and that this pregnantcy and birth were a success!

Kim
THANK YOU!!! This post made me feel much better! I agreee. I think this kid has decided how wants to come out and vaginally ain't it.

I do not feel like a fialure becuse I know I have done what I can. I see a chiro 3x a week. I've had webster done 2x to try and persuade him to drop. I've done what I can but he has no interest in it!

I'm just ready to get him out!!!

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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#90 of 177 Old 01-22-2004, 02:20 PM
 
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I cannot express enough how much finding this forum has helped with my own issues surrounding c/b. Each of you is so courageous, and seem so clear minded when it comes down to what actually needs to be done. Maybe that is maturity, the number of kids you have, the "venting" that is allowed to happen here or just a process of all of the above.

I know, reflecting back, my c/b was the only way Lance was coming out. He was posterior (lots of back labor) and never fully engaged in my pelvis. I tried for >24 hrs, 8cm and found my uterus had given up. What a graceful way of saying, "mom, I need another exit".

This new baby is due 3/25 and I'm going to try for a vbac but we've also come to the conclusion that if my birth progresses like Lance's, posterior etc. We would forgo the marithon and head to the surgery suite. I feel great about the plan and so thankful this site had helped me process all those feelings I couldn't quite express to those around me.
Kim, Mom to Lance 2yr, Wife to Michal, VBAC/C/B? 3/25
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