Besides being insanely sleep deprived, feeling sooo un-sexy and still being in some pain from the birth (My pelvis KILLS me sometimes-especially the pubic bone)-- One of the biggest reasons is....this was my first vag birth (DS was c-section) and the birth tauamtized me (shoulder dystocia-MW's basically has to TEAR her out of me), I just don't want to even think about that whole area, KWIM? Not to mention I am worried that it will feel "different" down there for DH (and me). I feel so embaressed about this. I feel so beat up down there--I think it looks so nasty and unnattractive now (I looked at it with a mirror). I am afraid to even think about him getting anywhere near me with u-know-what. I also had a 2nd degree tear--I am worried that may hurt too.
Is this normal to feel this way??
edited to add: I have told him how I feel, and he understand--just frustrated. he says he wanst to be with his wife--and its been so long. We never went 2 months without sex...ever. Even after the c/s that traumatized me. I just want to feel normal about my body again and not be so afraid/annoyed/disgusted at it.
When you're ready, and when it's time, just focus on feeling close and connected with DH, not about great sex (or even complete sex). DH & I felt like fumbling teenagers those first few times--which was kind of cute.
And oh yeah--lubrication!
I made my DH wait the full 6 weeks they recommend. He was keeping track and at 6 weeks on the day we DTD only because it would have killed him if I'd said no. I had no desire for it and was frankly terrified, but I felt bad for him.
Ditto to using plenty of lube, and just go slow. Honestly, it hurt for about 6 weeks. DH was pretty turned off by all my wincing and grimacing, but I kept telling him it wasn't his fault, things were just different down there and needed some time to adjust. By about 12 weeks PP, it stopped hurting.
BTW, I don't think he's going to be disgusted by you. If anything, I'm willing to bet he has new-found respect for your body after what he just saw it accomplish! Maybe just DTD in the dark or by candlelight for a while until you start to feel more confident in your body again. Good luck!
Missing Ashlyn 10/18/06 and Brennan 10/18/10
For me, things do feel a little different, but not in a bad way. DH doesn't notice a difference, and was not disgusted at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. Go slow, and do it when you are ready. You'll get there.
This time I felt a little pulling and slight burning around the epis site, but it was actually kinda enjoyable. I went with the idea of "wait till you actually want it". A few rounds with a B.O.B. will help you get more comfortable with the whole idea. Plus, 8 weeks is still early. At that point I was physically revolted by the idea of sex. It will get better. Till then, get DH a nice "new father" father's day present (think lotion).
Sometimes the greener grass is actually AstroTurf, a false promise and nothing more.
I was very worried about DTD and waited 3 weeks. TBH, I would have waited longer but it was our one year anniversary so I made a tentative start...and thus began a very enjoyable practice Looking back I wonder if I could have tried earlier. Who knows?
Now is also the time to add some spice and experiment as change is not always bad. Something about the birthing process helped me to learn more about myself. It's like random physical sensations and locations now make a connection in my brain. Very nice!
Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).
Please don't feel ashamed about this. Pregnancy and birth wreak absolute havoc on the body, and you need to recover. The bottom line is you need to heal. Ask your DH to back off until you're ready. Yes, it's hard for him to go without sex for months at a time. But I promise you that he will survive. Your health is way, way more important.
Loving wife and mama to my sweet little son (Fall 2008) and a beautiful baby girl (Fall 2010)
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. --George Bernard Shaw
Well, okay, if things were perfectly "normal," the birth wouldn't have left you so injured, but given the injury - normal.
I had some awful tearing (vaginal, perineal, labial) with DS, and couldn't bring myself to look at my yoni for months. When I did, it looked as though my most intimate geography had been entirely rearranged. Like a map of an unknown country. The doctor cleared me to have sex after six weeks, and I tried, and it hurt so much we had to stop. It took another few weeks for us to try again.
Give your body time to heal. Make it clear to your husband that any go-ahead you give is tentative and you may have to call a halt at any time. And don't give that go-ahead until you feel a little more whole.