"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" ~~ MLK
We tried at 12 weeks and it was pain hell. It Was ok at 4 months pp, but not nice. I'd say about 6 months pp the pain was gone. Real interest from my side didn't kick in until 9-10 months pp, when DS started to eat some crackers and some yogurt and my milk supply went down a little.
And I think - though somebody please correct me if I'm wrong - that there's some chance that the first few weeks after a birth are a particularly high-fertility time because pregnancy hormones drop and breastfeeding hormones haven't totally kicked in yet. I know I have a cousin whose twins were followed ten months later by a surprise sibling, and I suspect that was why!
We waited two weeks after DD3 was born. She was in the NICU, I was staying near the hospital with her, was an hour from DH for tose two weeks (and the two weeks following until she came home) and desperately needed "normal."
And 39wks later, her brother was born.
So from February 14 to April 20 every year, my youngest two are the same age. It makes for some interesting conversations.
I don't recommend having them that close together, BTW.
And YES about the high fertility time! My Mom was EBF my younger sister and got pregnant with TWINS!! She was shocked and thought she couldn't get pg while breastfeeding. There are 2 weeks out of the year where all 3 of my sisters are the same age.
Candace, Married to dh , Mom to ds (8) , Gavin (9/30/10 - 12/19/10) and cautiously expecting our 4-29-12
With that said, I have been told that 6weeks is a good guideline even if you didn't tear and your lochia is done because it takes that long for your cervix to completely close again and in the meantime your risk of infection is still increased
Personally, I'll go for bleeding done, no stitches, and not feeling sore down there...I imagine it'll be at least 3wks. I will stick with 6wks as an official guideline, but if I'm feeling ok I may initiate something sooner (in spite of my uber-non-libido), because that would totally rock DH's world
~Jenni, rural frugal Alaskan, eternally married to Dragon
loving my wild things DS Wolf (12), 3 angels, DS Bear (6) & DS Eagle (3)
This time I've been reading up about it because I'd like to get back to "normal" a little sooner. And I think it would make it easier to live with dh if things happened sooner! However, I don't plan to fill him in on my research until I feel ready I'm really hoping I don't have any tears this time. I had an episiotomy the first time and I'm NOT getting one this time unless there is an emergency.
I'm glad I read about the heightened fertility possibility... guess I'll be buying condoms soon. I just went through 3-4 yrs of secondary infertility and swore I wouldn't prevent this time. Well, I've changed my mind. Pregnancy was hard this time! I'm so not ready to do it again and I haven't birthed yet!!
Speaking strictly healing-wise, with the tear and the stitches, I think it was 8 to 10 weeks before everything was healed enough to consider sex, but everyone heals at a different rate.
WAHSM to Ani (7) and Juddah (18mo.)
Dh says it's "good medicine". I just like having that closeness back as soon as possible.
Now w/ DS, I had no tearing (except for a very minor internal one that was not stitched), but he's a month old today and I'm still spotting in spurts. I thought I'd stopped after 9 days this time, but it started back up again, then stopped, then started, then stopped, lol. All just spotty spotting. Anyway my MW said that after my bleeding's been stopped for 3 days, I can "be with" DH again.
Andrea , child of God, wife of Tim , mama of L, B, J, J, G
I'm on a healthy mission.
Breastfeeding seems to kill my libido, which seems to be pretty common. It also makes sex a lot less comfortable.
Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) , Emma (5/03) , Evan (7/05) , & Jenna (6/09)
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing Aaron Ambrose (11/07)
obstruct livery vehicles
wife of 8 years to DH , mama to DD (2006) & DS (2011) (Dec. 2012) due Nov. 2013
But then again it still hurts more than a year later. But that's partly due to BFing.
I am including my miscarriages here as my experience with a more physically traumatic birth.
After my first late miscarriage/D&C for hemorrhage, there was no instruction given, and my midwife had dropped me like a hot potato when I miscarried, so I just followed how I felt...In retrospect I probably should have waited at least 10 days or so. I wound up with pelvic inflammatory problems, may have been the D&C, or may have been the way early sex, no real way of knowing. After my second late miscarriage/d&C for hemorrhage we waited 1 week and then used a non-spermicidal condom till about 4 weeks, and I had no problems.
DH&Me Christ follower, homeschooler, gardener, (insert lots of additional crunchiness here) chicken mama, & occasionally blogger. Mama of boys 9,7,3.5,&11months....& SURPRISE expecting a BOY in November! 7 sweet-babes gone too soon.
Leila, mama to Eleanor (10/08) and Emmett (4/10)
Visit my blog! www.rookblog.com
With my second birth, I didn't tear, so I felt ready much sooner - we asked our mw when we could have sex again and she said it was fine to do it whenever we felt comfortable. So we did it that night - 2 days pp. And it actually felt totally normal.
I would have hated waiting six weeks. Right after giving birth is a time when I feel joyous, and loving, and extra-close to my dh - sex is a good way of expressing that.
I'll also add that using lubricant can really help, especially if you are bfing, which makes some women dryer than usual.