So when can I have post partum sex REALLY? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 53 Old 10-22-2009, 10:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know you always hear that you should wait 6 weeks to have sex after having a baby, but surely not all women magically heal at 6 weeks. What do I really have to look out for - no more bleeding? Just actually feeling like having sex?
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#2 of 53 Old 10-22-2009, 10:40 PM
 
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My mw says it really isn't necessary to wait that long after a non=traumatic birth. She says 12-14 days if ur feeling up to it. That's also what the handout my hospital gives out says. I've never mentioned that to dh... after birth, i'm totally off the hook for at least 6 weeks. lol. But if you're feeling up to it and don't have stitches or anything....
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#3 of 53 Old 10-22-2009, 10:55 PM
 
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If you don't have stitches, wait until you feel comfortable to start again.

If you do have stitches, wait until they come out and things feel healed up again!

Grace - wife to Jeff and mama to Nigella (11/08) and Orrin (01/10)- expecting a new addition (05/12)! Life is a whirlwind, but I'm learning to enjoy the ride!

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#4 of 53 Old 10-22-2009, 11:13 PM
 
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I waited until I wasn't bleeding. And I was actually ready to go for it, and that was about 2 1/2 weeks PP! Every woman is different, and I suspect every postpartum experience is different. Something tells me I might want to take the full 6 weeks with kid #2!

Sabrina loving wife to Nate , frazzled mom to Gabriella (1-23-07) and Robert (2-9-10) My bed and heart are overflowing!
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#5 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 01:27 AM
 
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I was told the typical 6 wk thing, after a csection. My mother and father were telling me at 4 wks that I needed to give my BF sex. WTH? I had a CSECTION! I was just having yellow lochia at that point. We went ahead, when we went to our MILs house, because I didn't feel right doing that with my BF in my parent's house since they usually say to wait until marriage, and we should have been married by then. And, I made him use a condom because my fear of INFECTION. I think it was totally stupid. No one should be pressuring a section momma to do anything that makes her feel worse than she already does! And, to boot, my BF wasn't the one putting the heat on me.

With #2, I had stitches in the other place. I am sure we waited the 6 wks.

With #5, I had a slight PPH that I was able to care for at home. But, then I bled for 9 wks. So, he had to do without for that time. I just figured that if there is enough space for things to be open for bleeding/lochia, then it isn't worth the risk. There are other ways to be intimate.

But, my friend has a higher libido than I do, and she said it wasn't but a week after her csections, and she had 3. So, I would go with how you feel. Kymberli
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#6 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 02:01 AM
 
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My midwife said it was okay after bleeding stopped...if you had stitches then until those heal. I was still bleeding a little when I resumed sex at 2 1/2 weeks postpartum.
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#7 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 10:22 AM
 
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When your bleeding has stopped, trauma has healed, you are mentally ready, and you have addressed family planning/birth control.
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#8 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 10:24 AM
 
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I told my husband the doctor said 6 months lol, but I was good to go after 6 weeks.

Katherine, SAHM to 2 little princes
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#9 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 10:24 AM
 
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i had stitches and bled 4-5 weeks with both kids.. i was not ready before 5 weeks but i've heard of other other women (no stitches) being ready at 2-3 weeks.

- Staci, Mommy to Mollie (3/06), Jamie (5/08), Annie (9/10) and Bently (2/13) chicken3.gif
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#10 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 10:32 AM
 
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with all three of mine we have had sex roughly three weeks after the birth. I have never had any tears or stiches so obviously might have been longer if I had. I have never been told 6 weeks - just whenever I feel ready.

sophie

Mummy to Jessica (5) Jacob (3) and Bethan (9 months) and number 4 due August 2010!!
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#11 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 10:37 AM
 
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sophie, at first I read that as 'you had rough sex' LOLOLOLOL

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#12 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 12:10 PM
 
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I hate to admit this, and it was not an issue of safety/medical advice/prudery/birth trauma or feeling like a mother is sexually "damaged goods" (I HATE that attitude), etc. but just to offer another perspective, I had absolutely no interest in anything sexual until I stopped breastfeeding 7 months later. And low sex drive is NOT typical for me. Thankfully my husband has the patience and understanding of a saint. Literally, he's going straight to heaven.

Which is all just to say that we are all SO different and that is fine!
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#13 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 12:39 PM
 
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When you feel ready, but don't let someone pressure you into it. I can't remember when we resumed after Hunter. I had a 2nd degree tear that still hurt long past 6 weeks, and I had PPD. Hunter also had bad colic. Sex was not on my mind. Luckily DH understood how hard it was for me. Everything is good now though, pregnant with #2 and still keeping up the intimatcy.
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#14 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 12:50 PM
 
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"no more bleeding? Just actually feeling like having sex?"

Yes, and yes. Actually, the first one is not set in stone -- the idea is that if you're done bleeding you're likely internally healed so that there is less risk of infection in introducing an object (and that goes for any object) into your vagina. But in reality presence or absence of discharge and desire for sex don't always match up, and the risk does seem to be pretty low. My midwife says that in her practice she hasn't seen a correlation with intercourse begun when there was still lochia. And anecdotally, I know a *lot* of people who have resumed having intercourse while still bleeding (including myself) and had no problem.
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#15 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 12:53 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gentle~Mommy :) View Post
I told my husband the doctor said 6 months lol, but I was good to go after 6 weeks.
I wish they said 6 months! Vaginal dryness due to breastfeeding/ going from mommy to sex kitten not working really set me back for a while. We found our stride soon enough and now I preg again!
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#16 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 01:17 PM
 
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After my C/S I was good to go two weeks later.
After a few tears and stiches with my second birth, it was closer to 4 weeks because the stitches didn't heal very quickly.

DH and I - totally winging life with our four children, DS1 (6.5yrs), DS2 (5yrs), DD (3yrs) and DS3 (1)!

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#17 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 01:35 PM
 
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It took me about six months before I felt like I could ( I only had a 2nd degree tear, but it seemed to take forever to heal), but I still didn't really want to because bfing drained all my hormones (at least that's how it felt). But that's just me. You have to find your own stride.
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#18 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 01:52 PM
 
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All my doctor said was "If you have sex before your six week check use a condom". I think we waited almost two months though.

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#19 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 04:07 PM
 
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We've always waited until there was little or no lochia, which for me is about 2 weeks. Each time I felt around down there a little before we did anything, to make sure it wasn't going to start hurting when we did.

jamie. crinkly (not quite crunchy) mama to 3 amazing little girls, an awesome little boy, and a baby girl making her debut at the end of this summer.

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#20 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 08:16 PM
 
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With Dd#1 we waited until six weeks. It was horrible. I had stitches and it hurt for more than a year to have sex.

After Dd2's birth, I had an intact perineum. I stopped bleeding after two weeks and we had sex after three. It didn't hurt at all. I was pleasantly surprised.

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#21 of 53 Old 10-23-2009, 09:02 PM
 
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I'm so impressed with all of you! And a bit jealous

Between so many other kids and nursing a newborn, I just had absolutely NO interest for months I wanted to have interest, but after nursing a baby round the clock, I really didn't want anyone else near me!
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#22 of 53 Old 10-24-2009, 02:58 AM
 
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With #1 it was a few months I believe before I felt ready, physically and mentally. I just had a small tear, but I was nervous- and exhausted! With #2- no tears at all and I was honestly ready at 1 week, but I cannot remember when we got around to it and life of course was chaotic. However, I do remember when we did have sex the first time it was great and wonderful and no probalem at all.

Happily Married to my : 11 yrs- Mama to wild-eyed monkey boy 7-04, fiery little girl 4-07, and the happy smiley baby that sleeps 11-09!
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#23 of 53 Old 10-24-2009, 05:00 AM
 
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I go with MOM's comfort level - I have had friends and some clients who have had sex within hours or days of giving birth it was their desire for that type of contact on the other hand I had other friends and clients who could just as well been happy to not have had any sex for 6 months or more...

if you have any stitches - that would be a concern that you don't do something that would break them down before the tissues have had a chance to heal together
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#24 of 53 Old 10-24-2009, 07:07 AM
 
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Huge mediolateral episiotomy, 8 weeks of bleeding (!) - it took three months to even begin to consider it... and it hurt the first few times.
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#25 of 53 Old 10-24-2009, 09:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gentle~Mommy :) View Post
sophie, at first I read that as 'you had rough sex' LOLOLOLOL
I thought the same thing.

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#26 of 53 Old 10-24-2009, 09:26 PM
 
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Okay I have issues with the whole "use a condom" thing.
Personally I figure my body is used to DH's ph and cooties, a condom does not strike me as being "sterile" and honestly, I think there's probably more change of infection from introducing something foreign like a condom...but that's just what I think

DH and I - totally winging life with our four children, DS1 (6.5yrs), DS2 (5yrs), DD (3yrs) and DS3 (1)!

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#27 of 53 Old 10-25-2009, 01:31 AM
 
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Oooookaayyy......3rd degree tear here, plus all the bfing/hormones/adjusting to being a new mom. Try A YEAR. Poor DH.

That said, if there's a second time around, I would look into solutions a lot sooner.
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#28 of 53 Old 10-26-2009, 03:01 PM
 
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My OB said to wait 4 weeks. My MW said to wait 2 weeks to be sure that my cervix was closed. I think we split the difference and waited 3 weeks. DH was much more concerned about it than I was; I think he was nervous about hurting me. He probably would have waited longer if it was up to him, but I was a bit... um... insistent. I was ready about 5 days PP... but I think that was just all my hormones going out of control!

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#29 of 53 Old 10-26-2009, 03:21 PM
 
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We had to wait 10 months the first birth, and 3.5 the second. I was too damaged porior to then. It took about 18-22 months to actually WANT to do it though, which orughly corresponded with weaning or semi-weaning both times.

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#30 of 53 Old 10-26-2009, 05:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Tizzy View Post
Okay I have issues with the whole "use a condom" thing.
Personally I figure my body is used to DH's ph and cooties, a condom does not strike me as being "sterile" and honestly, I think there's probably more change of infection from introducing something foreign like a condom...but that's just what I think
I recommend it for birth control, not cootie control. Even a BF mom can get pregnant, but most of my moms are FF.
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