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#1 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 02:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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...when I hear about others' birth experiences. I mean the typical hospital ones where mom is rushed from a doctor's appointment to the hospital just because she happened to be dilated to 4 cm, the ones where water broke and there was hysteria about inducing labor, etc. etc. So a relative is currently in labor and of course, rushed off to the hospital at the first pangs of labor. At 1 cm on arrival, admitted, and less than 6 hours into it is already on a pit drip. Of course no one thinks there is anything abnormal about this.

I just can't seem to brush it off, ignore it, not let it bother me. It just does. I have to learn to let go and let live, but somehow I am very sensitive to these things and hearing about these type of births makes me ache, wishing we had a better system.
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#2 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 02:56 PM
 
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It bothers me too. I pretend not to hear, or read about. Luckily my family members' are done having babies, I hope anyway.

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#3 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 04:11 PM
 
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I can totally relate. My SIL's best friend was pregnant right along with me. She had her baby in November, I'm due in a week and a half. She had the typical hospital birth experience. Water broke, went to the hospital within an hour, was put on Pitocin even though she had regular contractions. Baby hadn't dropped quite yet and she was dilating slowly but steadily. She got the epidural at 4 cm. There was already talk of a c-section at this point. She got to 10cm within 14 hours of her water breaking, was pushing for one hour and the doctor tells her she is doing everything right, but the baby just won't come out this way. No sense in trying any longer. So she had an "emergency" c-section. Afterward she was told that she supposedly has a tilted uterus and she will now always have to have c-sections.

Meanwhile I am planning on a homebirth and all I hear about is this story. Don't get me wrong, my family is fairly supportive of our decision. But SIL has already told me that I must just have the right kind of body for pregnancy and birth, because I haven't had any complications yet. So I guess somehow I am special, because everybody else has some kind of problem. People don't seem to understand that birth does not have to be a scary medical event. And if you have an uncomplicated, natural birth they think you were either just lucky or you are some kind of freak of nature. There is so much fear surrounding childbirth in this culture! People just can't accept that women's bodies are not broken.

Hearing about this friend's pregnancy and birth bothered me A LOT. I tried to really be supportive and understanding. I constantly felt like I needed to rescue her, because she seemed to believe all along that somehow she couldn't do this. It is really difficult to step back and let go. I bit my tongue so many times. At this point no one in the family is allowed to bring this friend up in conversations with me. I need to not worry about all this stuff right now. My baby could come any day and I just want to be excited and feel good about my own choices.

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#4 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 04:25 PM
 
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I feel the same way. I get very anxious when I start to hear so and so is in labor, or even just pregnant.

Tired mommy to a 2, 4, and 6 year old!
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#5 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 04:32 PM
 
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I get sad about this, too.
I just can't wrap my brain around how people can hear stories like these and see them as "normal" while natural birth is so feared and reviled.

Like happybunny said, women are made to think there's something "wrong" with them and they "can't" give birth without all of this "assistance".

It leaves you wondering what to say, how to support them as a friend.
You want to be tell them there's nothing wrong with their body, tell them that it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with standard policies- maybe if they were allowed to stand, walk, change positions, eat, or simply allowed to take their time, the chances are ridiculously high that they would never have "needed" invasive medical intervention/surgery.
..but at the same time, trying to offer such support and statistics can be seen as criticizing their choices, or telling them it's their fault for not putting up a fight, even though that's not what you're trying to say at all.

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#6 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 04:55 PM
 
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I hate all these stories, too. It's part of why I am so glad that a place like this forum exists

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#7 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 04:57 PM
 
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..but at the same time, trying to offer such support and statistics can be seen as criticizing their choices, or telling them it's their fault for not putting up a fight, even though that's not what you're trying to say at all.
Exactly.

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#8 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 05:04 PM
 
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I hate all these stories, too. It's part of why I am so glad that a place like this forum exists
I feel the same way. I'm having a home birth, and at BEST, I get an indulgent, condescending, "we'll see" from the people around me. At worst I get reactions about how dangerous something like that is, as if I am attempting open heart surgery alone. I'd go nuts if I didn't have somewhere to come and chat with like minded people and learn from people with more experience and knowledge than me.

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#9 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 05:25 PM
 
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i just start throwing statistics at people. for healthy mamas who have no complications, homebirths are safer. i was actually talking about this the other day with my dad, whose an MD. he basically said that OBs practice unethical medicine. they don't seem to take the whole "above all do no harm" thing very seriously. my father, for the record, is super mainstream about medicine. he doesn't believe in acupuncture or chiropractic or anything like that. he is a strong supporter of homebirth, though, because he knows the risks of going to the hospital when you're in labor. the risks are real! pop culture is very influential in this society. right now it dictates how we birth our babies. most people can't be bothered to actually weigh risk. they just do what everyone else does. it's sad and frustrating. i try to educate women as much as i can about what really goes on.....

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#10 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 05:35 PM
 
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most people can't be bothered to actually weigh risk. they just do what everyone else does. it's sad and frustrating.
Esp when it's something stupid, like a c-section for a first-time mom because her baby is going to be "huge" and when it's born it's only 7 or 8 lbs.... those really bother me.

I feel like I can't say anything to any of my mainstream friends about how they plan to birth because
I will be seen as being judgemental or just plain nuts.

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#11 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 05:38 PM
 
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About educating women.....some really don't care! I mean, they care about their babies, but think that Dr.'s "know what's best" and will do anything & everything they say, without a single thought about it. They'd rather be decorating the nursery, buying expensive needless junk, or coordinating their baby's wardrobe. Sad but true.

How could someone NOT care how their baby enters the world, and where? And don't get me started on the vain mothers who have a C/S just to get a tummy tuck at the same time, or because it might ruin their sex lives to have a vaginal birth. To put your sex life ahead of your baby's well-being is very selfish!

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#12 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 05:54 PM
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Don't be too rose tinted spectacle-ish about the other side though. Just read my birth story to see how blase the midwives in the UK are now. (See Birth Stories forum, posted not that long ago.)
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#13 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 06:02 PM
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Huh? Is someone deleting my posts? I just put something up that disappeared... Odd. Anyway, I was saying, going totally the other way, where midwives practice the norm, leaves a lot of people in the UK beyond the help of the hospital system. We aren't even allowed to remain at hospital until we're 4cms dilated, and neither will a midwfie stay with you - this is my story, and it's normal... The grass is not always greener.

Ah ok it came back! Sorry.
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#14 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 06:09 PM
 
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of course, it is GOOD to be thinking critically of the system, but difficult for me to leave that "at the door" when i'm hearing about/thinking about the experiences of friends and family.

i don't judge them as women i know and love, but i can't not feel sad or sorry for their experiences, or even questioning (which i keep to myself - like, REALLY, your pelvis is too narrow to birth vaginally? maybe the pit/epidural cocktail and you lying on your back with IVs for hours had something to do with that stalled labor?) and this makes me feel guilty and judgmental in turn.

i'm most concerned other women i know will be afraid i'm judging their experiences by choosing to step out of the system they trust, when i really just want what's best for me!

it's a hard balance...

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#15 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 08:40 PM
 
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It's hard for me, too... I never understand how women can't see that they're being subjected to truly inhumane treatment in some of the stories I hear.
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#16 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 09:18 PM
 
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It's hard for me, too... I never understand how women can't see that they're being subjected to truly inhumane treatment in some of the stories I hear.
Yes, especially the rough pelvic exams & the bullying into unnecessary interventions. I shudder & cry inside for them.

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#17 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 09:26 PM
 
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It bugs me too... we had to have our birth at the hospital because of insurance issues, but I was defiantly the one telling all of the nurses to PLEASE leave me alone! There are parts of my sons birth that totally bugged me...and it was completely and totally intervention free! It was just the looks I got from the nurses... I vomited during transition (completely, totally, 100% normal) and the look on her face was like "GREAT now I'm going to have to clean that up!" I KNOW, KNOW,KNOW our next one will be born at home.

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#18 of 71 Old 12-08-2009, 11:19 PM
 
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Yep, it bothers me tremendously too. I wish people just took a little time to ask more questions. I feel lucky I was raised that way, and just seem to have the personality for it. But, many do not, or do not feel any reason to question their doctor or the hospital.

And then after the fact, it's even more difficult to have conversations about it, because then you are treading on very sensitive ground - questioning a person's choices or decisions - which isn't the intention, but it's a sensitive subject, and can come off that way. I have a wonderful cousin who is as strong as a horse - whose doctor told her she'd never have babies natrually because her pelvis was just too small and her babies were too big after she had a c-section for an 8 pound baby. This is a woman who's bigger boned than I am and is a healthy marathon runner. After I had a 6 pound baby she said I just 'got lucky' having a small one! I didn't mention that my smaller-boned sister just gave birth to her first - a ten pounder - and no problems witih her apparently small pelvis (she is actually quite narrow).

Doctors stink sometimes! My dad is one, and is in fact, wonderful and can't believe what's happened to the birthing world.

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#19 of 71 Old 12-09-2009, 12:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree, it is sensitive to talk about. First of all, they think we're freaking fools for doing what we do, so they are naturally going to judge anything we say. I have to learn to keep my mouth shut. I will sometimes bring up stuff beforehand, but you can't possibly educate someone yourself on all these issues. It has to come from within. And if the doctor is telling them something, it becomes a matter of "well who the hell are you to tell me otherwise?"

Ugh...I really have to process by focusing on my own awesome births, writing about them, etc. for me to get over this stuff. Esp. now, since I'm so close to the person I'm getting a blow-by-blow account of the hospital ineptitude in action. I've been wanting to scream all day. I just hope a c/s for "failure to progress" is not the outcome.
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#20 of 71 Old 12-09-2009, 12:41 AM
 
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Ugh...I really have to process by focusing on my own awesome births, writing about them, etc. for me to get over this stuff. Esp. now, since I'm so close to the person I'm getting a blow-by-blow account of the hospital ineptitude in action. I've been wanting to scream all day. I just hope a c/s for "failure to progress" is not the outcome.
This is exactly what happened to me. I was updated as things progressed and I could just see where it was going.

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#21 of 71 Old 12-09-2009, 12:35 PM
 
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i heard one of the worst "conventional" birth stories the other day. a woman i know had a planned repeat c-section. they cut too far and sliced her babies eyelid. they told her it was because her uterus was so thin from the last section scar, and if she hadn't had a section she surely would have ruptured. luckily her baby's eye is fine. could you imagine if they had pressed a little hard with the scalpel? her baby could have lost an eye! the most shocking thing about the story was that she was glad she choose the repeat section, because she would have ruptured. umm yeah....

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#22 of 71 Old 12-09-2009, 01:48 PM
 
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I find a lot of stories sad and frustrating. "Birth shows" make me

I see and hear women suffering, and it bugs me. I watch those women writhing and gritting their teeth on Pit contractions, on their back in bed, and it makes me so angry at the doctors. Let her up! Let her take a shower or climb in the tub! Let her try different positions for pushing! Stop being condescending and pitying! For heaven's sake, give her a chance before telling her she's got an inadequate uterus and performing major surgery on her!

Yet, I can't say anything to someone personally, because it's viewed as me trying to be "superior" or me being "pie in the sky" about birth.
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#23 of 71 Old 12-09-2009, 04:41 PM
 
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I spent from 28 weeks on ( when I was diagnosed with PIH) reading these boards and freaking out about how bad my hospital experience was going to be...how awful the nurses would be, about how I'd probably wind up with a section, etc.

And, while I won't argue that our system is greatly flawed, because it truly is- but I had a great experience that I'm thankful for every single day. There are practitioners out there who while they mostly ascribe to the medical model, do really try to help moms have the birth experience they want. My CNM was fantastic, and warned me of all of the possible complications ( which I knew anyway, as soon as I got the diagnosis I was all over the internet researching)..but she knew I'd originally been hoping for a water birth. Many obs would have induced with how my pressure was running but we waited it out and I went in 2, sometimes 3x a week at the end..many times she'd say lets just wait another day or two, see what happens. It ended up my membranes started to rupture and I went into labor on my own!

So, yes, I had an internal monitor, and yes I had pit. It sucked. But my beautiful daughter was born without complication after 5 pushes, with the help of a great midwife and several Labor nurses who worked very hard to help her descend after she got stuck, all to avoid a c-section. My pressure ( thankfully) didn't spike higher, I was up and moving and feeling fantastic mere hours later. Thankfully I can say that not all L/D nurses and ob practitioners are racing to schedule births, and rush to sections at the first sign of anything abnormal.

Sometimes our ' system' works, when used correctly..as 'intervention only if needed'.
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#24 of 71 Old 12-09-2009, 05:18 PM
 
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I get soooo when I read facebook status updates like, "ooooh the doctor might induce me at 37 weeks! I want this baby out of me already!" ummm... you are still 3 weeks EARLY! or the ones where women say "Just hooked up my epidural, now it's time to have a BABY!" ugh. I don't care... All the ones that are about natural child birth automatically has people spouting about how the women is crazy for wanting that and how ridiculous she is putting her down for her decision. It just makes me scratch my head that natural is now the alternative to Childbirth.

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#25 of 71 Old 12-09-2009, 06:31 PM
 
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All the ones that are about natural child birth automatically has people spouting about how the women is crazy for wanting that and how ridiculous she is putting her down for her decision.
But it goes both ways. If natural works for you, then that's great. But natural doesn't work for everyone. And some women don't want, or can't have, natural. Using pain relief doesn't automatically make you an uneducated, natural birth hating, fool.

But I agree that inducing at 37 weeks for 'tired of being pregnant' alone is ridiculous.
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#26 of 71 Old 12-09-2009, 07:15 PM
 
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I get soooo when I read facebook status updates like, "ooooh the doctor might induce me at 37 weeks! I want this baby out of me already!" ummm... you are still 3 weeks EARLY!
Yes. I've seen a lot of these this year. "The doctor isn't going to let me go past 37 weeks because he says the baby's too big already!" and the like. I have to sit on my hands.

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#27 of 71 Old 12-10-2009, 01:14 AM
 
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I'm totally with you ladies. It's hard to bite your tongue when you want to say something . . . a fine line to walk between letting women find their own way and being an advocate for women and babies.

One of my best friends recently had a baby in Wyoming, where she was pressured to induce at 37 weeks--the baby had not yet turned. She wanted a natural birth; they basically forced her into taking the spinal tap, saying "you won't be able to do it without this", then the doc used FORCEPS to pull her poor little breech boy out. I was sooooo mad. But all I could say was, "I'm glad you're both healthy and recovering well". I felt like if she had been here with me through the pregnancy and I could've been a birth advocate for her, things would've gone differently. But she didn't have anyone there to fight for her, and didn't even know that anything else was a possibility.

And it's so hard to try and stand up for what you want when you're in the hospital, esp as a first time mom, in frickin contractions, and having to FIGHT the staff from the IV, the epi, the fetal monitors, being forced to lay on your back---this was my experience, and I was only at the hospital 30 mins! I did have my natural birth, and I did refuse the monitors/laying on my back. But having to scream NOOO! to these nurses who were looking down their noses at me was REALLY hard. I can only imagine that had I gone in when I first started contractions, how much harder it would've been and how they would have degraded and pressured me the whole time . . .

It's very sad. That is why I am TERRIFIED (I'll admit it, I'm scared) of having to go to the hospital with this one. I just want them to leave me the eff alone!!! I seriously would rather have my baby in our bathtub at home than have to stress out about fighting the docs and nurses at the hosp. I have the feeling that whether we find a hb midwife or not, I'll be staying home as long as possible, meaning that I'd UC before I would choose to go to the hospital for a mainstream birth.

I am praying, just let this go well. Let us be healthy and able to birth at home. Let us pass by all of these horrible, unnecessary complications. Let us reclaim our births.

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#28 of 71 Old 12-10-2009, 01:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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But it goes both ways. If natural works for you, then that's great. But natural doesn't work for everyone. And some women don't want, or can't have, natural. Using pain relief doesn't automatically make you an uneducated, natural birth hating, fool.

But I agree that inducing at 37 weeks for 'tired of being pregnant' alone is ridiculous.
My main point of the OP was in regards to women being pushed around in childbirth, not pain relief. That's a whole 'nother issue, I know moms who had the birth tubs, had all the support, moving, counterpressure, etc., and still got an epi at some point. Point is that they were not pushed into interventions.

Our own family birth just turned out great, luckily there was a super LDN nurse who believed in the mama and helped turn her OP baby (don't OB's give a crap about trying to do that?) so that she could actually finish dilating and then push the baby out. Otherwise the OR was prepped and ready. If someone in a hospital with a bad OB is lucky to have good LDN nurses, it can be a complete game-changer.
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#29 of 71 Old 12-10-2009, 01:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am praying, just let this go well. Let us be healthy and able to birth at home. Let us pass by all of these horrible, unnecessary complications. Let us reclaim our births.
WORD.

I'm so sorry that you feel stretched and stuck having to worry about a bad hospital experience--I really hope that you are able to make some arrangement in advance for a birth in a place and with a provider you feel comfortable with. No mama should have to fight with anyone during one of the most sacred moments of her life.
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#30 of 71 Old 12-10-2009, 01:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by poetesss View Post
My main point of the OP was in regards to women being pushed around in childbirth, not pain relief. That's a whole 'nother issue, I know moms who had the birth tubs, had all the support, moving, counterpressure, etc., and still got an epi at some point. Point is that they were not pushed into interventions..
oh this reminds me of a friend who was told at 8 weeks that her baby had died and she had a missed miscarriage after the tech could not find the heart beat on the ultrasound. Her doctor did not even LOOK at the u/s and adviced a D and C. Well... turns out the tech did not know where to look and the woman had a tipped uterus. She declined the D/C and begged the doc for another u/s bc she swore she was still pregnant. Turns out she was and baby was hiding. THEN she let the same hospital talk her into an induced c-section at 38 weeks because her baby was going to be "too big" at 9 lbs 4 oz and low and behold baby comes out about 7 lbs something... right.

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