So, how long did you wait before you dtd? Anyone wait a really long time? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 12:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel freakish almost.

DS is 5 months old and I still haven't dtd. I have absolutely no desire to at all. Part of the reason might be that I am on zoloft for PPD, but yeah, it's not there.

Am I alone in this? Anyone waited longer?

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#2 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 12:53 AM
 
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#3 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 01:07 AM
 
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You aren't alone. it's been almost 4 months. we've tried a few times but it's still really painful between the pain and bfing doing a number on my hormones, I really don't have much interest. I want to "want" to but it' just not there.
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#4 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 01:09 AM
 
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DD is 9 months old and we've done it 3 times.

DD was 4 months old before we even tried.

Mallory. Happily married to Joe since 6/25/05. Loving my adventure with my girls, Owyn Samantha, born 3/1/09. dust.gif and Greta June, born 11/2/11  babygirl.gif

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#5 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 01:33 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fawnanddoe View Post
I feel freakish almost.

DS is 5 months old and I still haven't dtd. I have absolutely no desire to at all. Part of the reason might be that I am on zoloft for PPD, but yeah, it's not there.

Am I alone in this? Anyone waited longer?
We've done it maybe 3-4x (LO is 6 months).

But I'm really posting to say I just visited your blog and it sounds like you have been going through A LOT in the past 5 months. Like, A LOT. Hugs to you and I don't think your lack of desire sounds 'freakish' at all (many many women experience a big drop in libido after birth and while breastfeeding), but add in PPD, Zoloft and cancer tx and, well, I'd be way more surprised if you *were* feeling up to dtd.

Go easy on yourself mama.

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#6 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 02:36 AM
 
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4 months and counting here. We just don't have the time/energy!

Happily married mom to DS (Aug 09) and two furry troublemakers.

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#7 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 03:30 AM
 
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not alone mama.
things picked up for me in the libido dept after AF returned..

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#8 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 04:05 AM
 
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At least 4 months here, I think. Might have been longer.

ETA: And when we did DTD, it was defo more for DH than me! I probably could have gone longer
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#9 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 05:09 AM
 
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Originally Posted by moonmom08 View Post
At least 4 months here, I think. Might have been longer.

ETA: And when we did DTD, it was defo more for DH than me! I probably could have gone longer
This! To be entirely honest, if we only did it when i was raring to go, it would have been.. once or twice since DS was born in january.
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#10 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 10:50 AM
 
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While we've managed to dtd within six weeks of both births, it's a pretty rare event for us. Before 1mo was born, we hadn't had sex in months and we weren't managing it at much frequency pre-pregnancy either. That's just life with small children, I suppose. Nevertheless, I can say that it gets better in fits and starts. We were almost back to normal when our first child was two, but then various stresses would set us back. Please go easy on yourself, everyone varies so much.

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#11 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 11:14 AM
 
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First time that I remotely felt any desire and we tried was about 15 weeks post-partum. It felt horrible & I called it off, he was very understanding. I got AF back when baby was 6.5mo, and that didn't change a thing about my, err, mojo; I still don't have a lot of drive. However, in the past two months we've dtd three times (baby's 10mo now) and it feels good & comfortable now, not achy & pinchy & painful, so that's good at least!

I'm actually participating in a post-partum study with New World Sex Education - http://newworldsexeducation.com/cale...p?calendarid=4 - you might want to check out their site and some of their resources, and in particular Jaiya's blog. I find that my biggest challenge isn't making time for myself and my husband, it's getting my mind into a place where I'm not JUST mommy, but I'm also a wife and a sexual creature, and for me, reading about sex, intimacy, etc really helps remind me of that side of myself. I don't believe in "fake it til you make it" -- I think sex should be a genuine connection, not something you force yourself to do.

In conclusion though, be understanding and accepting of yourself. *hugs!*
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#12 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 11:29 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mambera View Post
...I just visited your blog and it sounds like you have been going through A LOT in the past 5 months. Like, A LOT. Hugs to you and I don't think your lack of desire sounds 'freakish' at all (many many women experience a big drop in libido after birth and while breastfeeding), but add in PPD, Zoloft and cancer tx and, well, I'd be way more surprised if you *were* feeling up to dtd.
... that is what I wanted to say! With everything you have gone through it is no wonder that you have zero libido

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#13 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 01:26 PM
 
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5 months here... and I'm starting to feel guilty about it. I have no desire to do it but I know DH needs some love.. urgh.

A tired mommy to DD (7/09) and loving wife to DH (08/06)
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#14 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 01:39 PM
 
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I know it is different for everyone... What is the earliest they say it's ok? 6 weeks? Ok so it was the day before that lol I didn't really have pain anymore, but it still didn't feel quite right / all that awesome for a long time, and the first couple of times, I had to put the breaks on because I just wasn't feeling it...

When DS was around 4mo I was starting to get freaked out and really upset that it was going to be like that forever... but DS is 7mo now and I'm just now really starting to really enjoy myself again. But we used to dtd like 3 or 4 x a week and now, with DH working so much and me being completely exhausted... we are lucky if it is once a week.

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#15 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 01:50 PM
 
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dd is 8 months, we've dtd twice. First time was about the 5 month mark. I still have zero libido. Poor DH...

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#16 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 01:59 PM
 
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Asia is 5 months old, we've DTD two times... we waited at least 4 months though. Theres just never an opportunity!!

Happy mama to Asia born 07/15
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#17 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 02:00 PM
 
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Well.. that and I have seriously never felt so UN-sexy in my life. That really kills my libido.

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#18 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 03:36 PM
 
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We waited 3 weeks. I also don't have any sex drive, but I enjoy the closeness and it makes my husband feel needed and connected. We probably dtd about 4 times a week. I really feel strange if we go too long without it, even if I don't have the "desire". I suppose it's mostly for my husbands well-being though, he's really emotionally sensitive and feels let out easily. I don't want him to have to feel second to the baby. He goes to a job everyday that is doesn't like to support our family and allow me to be home. It's the least I can do really. Also, we have a very mellow baby that sleeps a lot, which makes it easier because I'm not sleep deprived.

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#19 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 05:16 PM
 
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We waited almost 6 months. It's hard being a new mommy and although he didn't want to admit it, he was nervous from witnessing the birth and b/c he didn't want to pressure or hurt me. Once we got past it and made it a priority, we got back into the swing of things ok. Don't get me wrong, we are nothing like we were in our newlywed days, but we still remember to take time to connect, which is important!

Good luck!!
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#20 of 42 Old 12-12-2009, 07:34 PM
 
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Hey girl! Lucas will be 4 months on Thurs. and we still haven't. I had trouble healing from my tear so at my 6 week check up I got a big fat "NO WAY" from the midwife lol, but have been (I think) okay for a couple weeks now. Between DH work schedule (14 hr days away from home) it's very hard and so we just haven't yet!

Success after Infertility (PCOS) with Traditional Chinese Medicine. Mom to Lucas (8/17/09) our intact, non vaccinated , cloth diapered, natural birth, attachment parented son.
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#21 of 42 Old 12-13-2009, 04:32 AM
 
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It was about 9 weeks for us I think. My (healed) tear still feels a little uncomfy in some uh, situations, but not outright painful or anything. I did want to say that I also have almost no desire, until we get going. It takes a little more than it used to, but after that I enjoy myself just fine. So, for those of you who haven't done it because of a lack of desire, maybe just give it a try (with a dh who understands you may not want to finish) and see if you kick back into gear. It is weird to start something when you feel so ho-hum about it, but I never regret it afterward

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#22 of 42 Old 12-13-2009, 02:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by texaspeach View Post
You aren't alone. it's been almost 4 months. we've tried a few times but it's still really painful between the pain and bfing doing a number on my hormones, I really don't have much interest. I want to "want" to but it' just not there.
Same here....I'm sorta glad to see I'm not alone. I've been wondering if I'll ever be able to get over the pain of it enough to actually enjoy it. Maybe I just need to down a couple of martinis beforehand....but of course, not while dd is so young and nursing. Sigh. I just feel bad for my poor hubby.....he's about ready to climb the walls....

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#23 of 42 Old 12-14-2009, 09:43 AM
 
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We "cheated" and dtd way before the six week mark. We are definitely not up to the same frequency we were before the baby, though.

A supportive military wife and mama to my busy boy and sweet girl.
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#24 of 42 Old 12-14-2009, 11:48 AM
 
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We dtd at 4 weeks... but I didn't tear or even have a skidmark. My desire is not where it was before, but when DH wants it, I dtd and end up enjoying it. Of course, I haven't had the trauma fawnanddoe has had lately, nor did I have any tearing. I consider myself very lucky since it seems I am in the minority... I certainly think I am more of a "freak" in this regard than anyone who isn't dtd at all!

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#25 of 42 Old 12-14-2009, 03:19 PM
 
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With DD, it was forever before we were successful. It was horribly painful FOREVER, and I had pain until my period returned when DD was 20 mo. We were also having marriage problems, DD was colicky, we moved to a new state, and DH Started a new job, so we had a lot going on that really made things difficult. I also had some healing problems.

The second time around, I decided that we'd go very slow (i.e. do other things for a few months before trying actual intercourse), and that approach is working much better. DS will be 5 months next week, and we've been trying to do something intimate every week (however, we've been sick the past two months, so it has been less often than that.) I don't really have much desire but I do it for DH since it is important to him (and he's a better husband when he gets some on occasion.) It can be hard to find the time with two kids though.

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#26 of 42 Old 12-14-2009, 04:20 PM
 
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It's been 4+ months...I had a tear that wasn't repaired well so I have to go back in February to get it fixed. So it's looking like not until the spring. Thank goodness I have the most understanding husband in the world. I feel guilty sometimes but DS takes so much attention that I don't know if we'd DTD even if I was physically able. Sigh.

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#27 of 42 Old 12-14-2009, 10:49 PM
 
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DD is almost 5 months and we haven't dtd yet, either. I have some pretty bad PPD issues as well as body image troubles. And, truth be told, I have not been handling the transition from one child to two very well. Every day is a struggle.
You have been through so much... give yourself a break.

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#28 of 42 Old 12-14-2009, 11:55 PM
 
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We did on DH birthday, so that was 8 weeks. It hurt so bad I cried. I still hurts every time. DS is almost 6 months and we've DTD less than 10 times I'm sure.
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#29 of 42 Old 12-15-2009, 02:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I am glad there are other mamas out there, but to anyone who is going through stuff.

DTD has been the last thing on my mind. DH hasn't really brought it up at all, so I think he's pretty understanding. I try to hug him every day but that is really the only physical affection I can muster up. My PPD is definitely better, and I think zoloft is helping immensely, so I don't want to stop taking it, even though that definitely is part of the problem.
And I'm just tired, and it's kind of hard to feel sexy or in the mood when I am nursing around the clock. Any free time I get I want to spend alone resting!

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#30 of 42 Old 12-15-2009, 03:02 AM
 
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DTD is so not going to happen unleast for a couple of weeks. DS is month old today It's 12:53 am of the 15th.



Anyway, DH gives me the look at times. I know him very very well, even though he hasn't mention it I know he wants it. But heck it's so unfair when he's the only one that's enjoying it. With DD we waited 5 weeks, it was painful. But putting that aside I feel ugly

Ugh

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