I hope things are progressing for you Lellian
A bit about my births:
For my first baby, I was under the care of a certified nurse midwife. I was not all that "crunchy" at that point, but I was starting my journey of becoming more naturally minded. But by the end of my pregnancy, I was at the point of wanting to let my body do what I knew it could do. I was 1cm from about 36 weeks up until 40 weeks. At my 40 week appointment, it was "standard procedure" to schedule an induction, just so you would have a spot at the hospital. I'll be honest, for my first baby, it was not hard to talk me into the induction. I had measured 3 weeks ahead from the middle of my pg and the ultrasound showed the baby to be "big." The CNM really had me convinced that I could be delivering a gigantic baby and that we really should go ahead with the induction. I was excited to meet my baby and hugely uncomfortable, so we scheduled the induction for 41 weeks. By then, I had still not progressed. We were actually eating dinner at a restaurant right before our appointment at the hospital, when we were called and told there was no room at the hospital. Frustration. All that excitement had built up and then deflated. But it was just a few hours later, about 9pm and they called and said I could come in or wait until morning. I knew that they were going to give me the Cervadil to ripen my cervix, so I figured I would go in that night, get the cervadil and then sleep until my morning. That's what we did. Only, I couldn't sleep for all the excitement! They gave me an ambien, which I was greatful for so I could get a small amount of sleep before they would come to wake me at 7...because that's what they do. So at 7 they woke me up and I got ready for the day and by 9am my midwife was there and we were ready to start. She started the pitocin and off we went. At that point, I was open to either going natural or getting an epidural. I really didn't feel like I could make that call without ever having experienced the pain of labor. My husband and I played cards for hours while I sat on a ball and rocked through the contractions. The contractions were incredibly strong after only about 3 hours but I had only progressed to 3cm. So, my cnm broke my water. Then, we watched tv, talked and played more cards. After my water was broken, I found the contractions to be unbearable. I am not sure if I am just a wimp or if the pitocin really makes the contractions stronger. I really wanted to try to go natural if I could, but when I was in agony and they told me I was 4cm, I just didn't think I could do it. Looking back, I think this is where I wish I had a doula. Someone to convince you that you CAN do this. But back then, it was not a priority for me to achieve that end. So that was when I got the epidural. Well, a couple hours after that because it takes a long time for them to get around to you if there are other births happening at the same time! After the epidural I felt some relief and was able to regain composure. It was another 12 hours before my son was born, the epidural was still working, but lightly, so I could move freely and push well. It was about 15 minutes of pushing and then he was here. He is now 4 1/2 years old, happy, healthy, bright and energetic!
Birth #2, exactly the same except that I actually went into labor on my own at 5 days late. But the labor did not progress so they started pitocin. Everything else the same including, epidural at the end, short amount of pushing, and a beautiful, bright baby boy!
By birth #2, I really did long for that natural birth experience. We used some natural induction techniques that may or may not have caused me to actually start contracting on my own. I still didn't make it without the epidural, but I don't count that as a failure. I did what I did so that I could have the best birth experience for me and my little one.
I know it's hard when things don't go just as you planned and imagined. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers for a peaceful birth and healthy baby.