Would you tell your friend she has no chance at the birth she wants? UPDATE! posts 35 & 36 & 41 - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 43 Old 02-12-2010, 07:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Galatea View Post
I asked her, "How important is it to you?" and she said, "Very."
That's a great way to approach it. Alternatively she might have said something like "it would be great if I can do it" and you'll know she's just hoping and not really committed to it. If she says "Very" or something strong like that, then be blunt. If not so committed, just say "I really hope it works out for you" and leave it at that.

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#32 of 43 Old 02-12-2010, 07:40 PM
 
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[QUOTE=myfairbabies;15051031]

Does anyone know a good place I could get BOBB fast? QUOTE]

Did you check the library?

Mama to Ahnna-Bella (Dec 05) dust.gif, Harrison (Oct 08) kid.gif, and Kellan Wilder (Jan '12) baby.gif

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#33 of 43 Old 02-12-2010, 07:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by myfairbabies View Post
I just don't want to see them get hurt, because I had a traumatic birth. What do you think? Shut my mouth?
No. Don't project on them. You didn't use this dr. so you really don't KNOW she won't get the birth she wants. There are so many variables (i.e. baby comes too fast and it's born at home, dr. isn't able to make it and she gets someone else, they travel and baby comes in that area as opposed to home etc.) and I think, if I were your friend, I'd be rather pissed if you told me I wouldn't get the birth I'm planning on just because you had a traumatic birth. Instead, I'd assume she was a mature adult who realized that she may not get the birth she wants and continue to encourage her on staying positive. She's close enough to being done she doesn't need your birth experience influencing her mindset. Talking about and acknolweding the potential changes to her birth plan is one thing but telling her that you KNOW she has NO CHANCE of getting the birth she's planning for is just rude and uncalled for.

HTH!

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#34 of 43 Old 02-12-2010, 08:38 PM
 
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How utterly ridiculous..."won't let you deliver"...okay, as if you can stop that or she needs your permission, dude. Good luck with that!
Unfortunately, there are some doctors (and nurses) who literally will HOLD the baby in.

Happened to a woman I know. They have it on camera. They were damn lucky the baby was unharmed. The doctor wasn't in the room, and the nurse insisted the doctor had to be there, and held the baby in the birth canal until the doctor crossed the threshold. Unfortunately, mom had opted for an epidural, which made it difficult for her to fight.

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.  ~Albert Einstein
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#35 of 43 Old 02-21-2010, 01:15 AM
 
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I think this story needs to be updated...I was the doula to the OP's friend and she was one of the most amazing birthers I have ever seen. She has left me in complete and utter awe. She is strong, amazing, and birthed in a way that was so very raw and real. She was absolutely captivating. I hope the OP will take the time to come back and post because it would only be right to let you all know about the beautiful unmedicated birth her friend experienced. Absolutely beautiful!


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#36 of 43 Old 02-21-2010, 02:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes! I don't have any details (my dd is super sick so we can't visit, and I know they wanted some private time with baby and no one bothering them so I haven't called) but my friend sent me a brief email that said she couldn't have done it without my help, so I am so glad I posted this thread! I never would have found her the doula (please, GreenMamma, fill us in!) which I am sure helped a ton, among a few other resources and ideas I made available to her. I decided not to go the route of telling her that she should switch docs because she said she liked him, just other things she could do to make it happen. She asks lots of questions too, so I didn't feel like I was pushing anything (like I said, I never mentioned it before because I knew she wanted an epidural and I'm not out to push my ideas on people). I can't believe that just a few weeks ago she was planning a medicated birth. I cried when her dh told me that she did it, and after 36 hours! Thanks for all your help! Oh, and she has a beautiful little girl!

Mama to my little social butterfly 6/13/09

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#37 of 43 Old 02-21-2010, 03:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Marlet View Post
No. Don't project on them. You didn't use this dr. so you really don't KNOW she won't get the birth she wants. There are so many variables (i.e. baby comes too fast and it's born at home, dr. isn't able to make it and she gets someone else, they travel and baby comes in that area as opposed to home etc.) and I think, if I were your friend, I'd be rather pissed if you told me I wouldn't get the birth I'm planning on just because you had a traumatic birth. Instead, I'd assume she was a mature adult who realized that she may not get the birth she wants and continue to encourage her on staying positive. She's close enough to being done she doesn't need your birth experience influencing her mindset. Talking about and acknolweding the potential changes to her birth plan is one thing but telling her that you KNOW she has NO CHANCE of getting the birth she's planning for is just rude and uncalled for.

HTH!
I guess I shouldn't have put it like that, I was just pretty upset by that epi comment from her OB and started imagining everything else he must think based on all the horror stories I've heard from people (nothing about my situation would have applied to her in any way, and so I never brought it up). I would never actually say that to someone, and I hope my intentions came across in everything else I said in this thread.

Mama to my little social butterfly 6/13/09

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#38 of 43 Old 02-21-2010, 12:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
She lucked out big time. OB was on a vacation and she got a natural nurse who advised against an epidural.

So pray that her OB is on vacation I guess...
This happened to me. I was in your friends shoes. At the end of my first pregnancy I realized that I wasn't going to get the birth I wanted from the OB that I hired. At 37 weeks he wanted me to schedule an induction at 39+6 because he would be on vacation the week before my due date and my due date fell on a three day weekend. I passed on that and left the office vowing that next time would be different But I wasn't comfortable transfering at the time. I had my baby at 38+4 while my doctor was out of town. It was the best thing that could have happend to me. I got super nurses and the on call OB didn't interfere too much.

My next baby was born at home. I didn't want to push my luck a second time.

Heather Mike Married 8/1/99 Mom to Charlotte Aug 04, Nov 06, and Katherine Oct 07
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#39 of 43 Old 02-22-2010, 12:14 AM
 
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Awesome! I'm glad she had a great birth experience. Congrats to her for her new daughter.

Heather Mike Married 8/1/99 Mom to Charlotte Aug 04, Nov 06, and Katherine Oct 07
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#40 of 43 Old 02-22-2010, 12:24 AM
 
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I'm subbing b/c I really want to hear this birth story!!

><> I'm a Christian, knitting, sewing, cooking SAHM to the fearless adventurer Jack born 11/08, and  a  USCG wife
And we are joyfully awaiting a new addition in April 2011! <><
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#41 of 43 Old 02-22-2010, 04:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I still don't have the whole thing, but I did get a chance to talk to her dh tonight. He said that watching the bobb really solidified their decision, water therapy was a huge help (I told them how much I loved my birth pool) and they said they couldn't have done it without the doula! They thanked me for the support, no one in their families really understood why they wanted to do this (so thanks goes to this thread for some of the great ideas). The labor was 36 hours long, there was mec in the water and apparently the baby aspirated some, but she's healthy and has no problems from it. The dh broke down and cried when the baby was finally born, he said the whole experience was so intense and amazing. He said that transition was really hard on both of them, and that at one point my friend just about ripped his hair out, lol! They're home from the hospital, nursing is going great, and they are loving their sweet, beautiful, tiny girl. I have one very sick baby, so unfortunately I won't get to visit any time soon, but if I get more details I will update if anyone is interested!

Mama to my little social butterfly 6/13/09

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#42 of 43 Old 02-22-2010, 04:21 AM
 
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What an incredible story. Hope your DD gets better soon, and not just so we can get updates.

Happy wife to DH superhero.gifand mama to DS signcirc1.gif11/05 and DD energy.gif8/07.
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#43 of 43 Old 02-22-2010, 07:55 PM
 
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bump! I'd love to read the birth story!!

High-tech Hippie Mama to Dd1 (9/22/06), Dd2 (2/25/10) and Ds (05/27/2013). I eat Clean, cloth diaper, and spend way too much time online.

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