Non-natural birth & immediate bonding - Page 6 - Mothering Forums

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#151 of 154 Old 03-19-2010, 04:17 PM
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Originally Posted by CherryBomb View Post
My hospital vba2c was great. She placed on my chest immediately, they cleaned her off some on my chest and then I held her for over an hour (and she nursed for 45 minutes of that) before I told the nurse to go ahead and take her for the weighing, etc (they did it right next to my bed while I ate a turkey sandwich, I was starving!) They actually didn't even have a nursery for awhile because they really wanted moms to room in, but they found that that wasn't meeting the needs of the moms (especially c/s moms who were coming out of anesthesia) and so they brought it back, but really urged you to keep your baby with you as much as possible. No one ever tried to "take her away" from me. Everything was always done in my room with me right there. I had a birth plan, too, and all the nurses took the time to read it when they came in and did their best to honor our wishes. Everyone was really great and supportive.
The hospital where I delivered also had no nursery. The nurses offered to take DS to the nurses' station for a few hours so I could sleep (and I usually refused), but that was it. It was totally up to me.

The entire staff read my birth plan, too. They never pushed me to get an epidural. They never even mentioned it, because it was in my birth plan.
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#152 of 154 Old 03-20-2010, 12:18 PM
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I havent read the whole thread, but I need to comment.

My situation was weird. With my son, my pregnancy and labor were hard, long, and uncomfortable. My bladder was injured. We had problems breastfeeding. He had jaundice and had to have is blood checked every day. He was an awful baby too. Never slept, didn't nap well. I was a walking zombie. I would definitely say that we had bonding problems.
With my daughter, my 12 hour labor ended in a csection. She almost died; her Apgars were 1 and 2. She was sent to the NICU and hour away and I didn't hold her until she was almost 48 hours old. I stayed in the hospital with her I lived on a 3 hour schedule because thats how often she nursed. We bonded so well. Words cannot explain how I feel about my daughter. I missed her during her nap time. She was a good sleeper too. She co-slept with us most of the night.

I think so much more goes into the bonding than we think.
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#153 of 154 Old 03-20-2010, 03:17 PM
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Could it possibly be one of the many factors influencing bonding? Sure, so can a million other things. What about a mom who births at home in a very natural setting but suddenly comes down with a bad case of the flu right after or during the birth, that would probably influence the bonding process too, right?

I was induced with Cytotec,had an epidural, given stadol (I think some kind of pain killer that made me loopy), had a c-section, did not even get to touch my baby for hours after the birth, did not get to breastfeed for over 24 hours.

I also had not prior done any research on natural birth, parenting, I didn't even know what attachment parenting was. In fact I read someones UC birth story a few days before my daughter was born and I was mystified that someone would *choose* to not go to a hospital to give birth.

I felt bonded with my child the minute she was born, before she was born I felt bonded with her. I am a great mother I love her fiercely.My birth experience and my lack of prior knowledge in no way made me a less "loving" or "natural" parent. She breastfed for 3 1/2 years and self weaned. She co slept and still comes into our bed every night.

Do I think my birth experience made all this *physically* harder? Yes it did no doubt about that. Have I had some emotional difficulty with the c-section? Sure, I had some issues to work through about it. Did it make it harder to love my child? Harder to be a mother? No way.

Natural childbirth does not give you good mom or love your baby points that no one else can ever get. The reasons that people make the parenting choices that they do exist independently of birth.

That study you linked is a little deceptive. Sure 17% of the mothers in the c-section group had a self esteem loss. Why? Because of the epidural? Or because so many people believe that if you have had a c-section you have not given birth, or that you will be a lesser mother, or not have as good of a bond with your baby. The people who go into birth with those beliefs and end up with a c-section anyway have it the worst because they come out of the experience feeling like failures, and that they have lost something they can never ever regain. Having that reaffirmed by the beliefs of others does nothing to help their self esteem.
Birth is one day, not even a day, a moment. Guess what? Even babies who come out through surgical incisions are born. The mothers who gestated them are the ones birthing them. They may not be pushing the baby out but their body is being ravaged in order to give life to their child. Taking that away from them by minimizing c-section birth is so unfair.

Moms with "unnatural births" should not get lumped into "at risk to be a bad mother" by default. We should not have to prove that we have pulled away from the "norm" and are good mothers, we should get the same courtesy extended to any other mother and have it be *assumed* that we will be good mothers.
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#154 of 154 Old 03-20-2010, 06:34 PM
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Originally Posted by loveneverfails View Post
I'm going to agree wholeheartedly with CherryBomb. I think the issue isn't any certain kind of birth, although obviously *trauma* is going to create a factor that can impact bonding for better or for worse, sometimes both. Natural does not mean untraumatic. Medicalized does not mean traumatic.
This. My mom had two unnatural births, and is one of the most attached mothers I've ever met in my entire life. My sister and I co-slept past toddlerhood, we were never left to CIO, etc. Her sister had totally unmedicated births and left her three oldest children to be raised by their father, so there obviously wasn't some sort of awesome AP-style bonding going on. My SIL had two totally unmedicated, natural births and she is a proponent of early weaning, CIO and doesn't co-sleep.

As it is, I don't worry about what type of birth I'll have. I will home birth unless I transfer or get risked out. If I require a medically necessary c-section or induction, I will be nothing but grateful for those medical interventions, because I absolutely think they have their place. Knowing my personality and myself, I can't imagine that I'll be disappointed or a bad mother over it. To me, AP isn't an all-or-nothing. If I had to have a c-section, it wouldn't stop me from nursing/cloth diapering/co-sleeping/baby-wearing/etc. I think it would be silly to say that method of birth doesn't play into bonding at all, but I also think that is largely because so many women feel totally out of control when they experience the cascade of interventions. There are obviously women here who have had inductions, epidurals and c-sections. I would venture to guess that the reason so many are just fine with their outcome is BECAUSE they were informed, and felt in control.

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