painful sex after c-section, twin pregnancy... so sad - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 04-01-2010, 12:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello,

I've done some googling, so I know it's common... but wow am I sad about this.

DH and I have not had real sex in a very long time. During my twin pregnancy, sex was a bit impossible, and felt wrong to me. I'd say the last three months, we maybe did it twice?

So, I'm 9 wks postpartum now, and we gave sex a try. I was SO looking forward to it, since we have not been able to be together like that in a pleasurable way for so long!

I also was naive and thought since I had a c-section, it wouldn't hurt. After my DS 1, it hurt for a year, but I had a very severe episiotomy... and with DS2, which was a natural birth and very small tear, I know it hurt for awhile, but I can't remember how long.

Point is -- I was hoping it would be ok!

Instead, it hurt SO much. I asked him to go very very slow. He kept saying we could just stop, but I was hoping once he got "in" (sorry, so TMI), it might be a little better. It sort of felt like on the way in, he was "opening up" things that are not meant to be opened... like tearing and burning.

Anyway, in the end, we did it, but it killed on the way in, and during the 'action", it didn't feel good. it sucked. a lot.

I'm just really disappointed.

I don't know if we should just give it more time, or if doing it slowly regularly would be better. All I know is I'm sad about it.

Rachel

Rachel & Eli , with DS1 (7/99) and DS2 (11/01) twins DD1 & DS3 (01/10)
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#2 of 22 Old 04-01-2010, 12:19 PM
 
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I think a lot of people assume that everything is totally fine down there after a c/s. But I too find DTD very painful after birth. I think it has more to do with the hormones being wacky. The only thing that has helped is lots of lube, and going slow. After a few times, it gets much better. And regularly is key too, but I know thats hard with a newborn.

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#3 of 22 Old 04-01-2010, 01:00 PM
 
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I had a c-section with DS and sex was very painful for me for a very long time, which really surprised me. I nursed DS exclusively for 8 months (27 months total!) and I’m sure all the crazy hormones didn’t help things in the bedroom at all! I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but it WILL get better! Just take your time, use lots of lube and be patient with yourself.

~Becca
Wife to DH 8/2003; Momma to DS 5/2007ribboncesarean.gif ; DD 5/1/2010 hbac.gifwaterbirth.jpg !
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#4 of 22 Old 04-01-2010, 01:09 PM
 
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and kegels.

We were forced to abstain for the better part of a year due to problems down there for me.

Liz

Wife, and mother to a small fairy, a demolition expert, a special new someone this fall and a small dachshund.
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#5 of 22 Old 04-01-2010, 03:11 PM
 
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Hi are you breastfeeding? The pain is usually not because of the birth, but because of the dryness caused by the hormones when you breastfeed. So use lots and lots of lubricant. Astroglide is a good one. Drink tons of water. You can use lubricant even on a regular basis not just for intercourse. Once you start having your period it gets better even though you continue breastfeeding.
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#6 of 22 Old 04-01-2010, 03:15 PM
 
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Not to scare you but it just started getting better for me a few weeks ago-- about 6 mos pp.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#7 of 22 Old 04-01-2010, 05:16 PM
 
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the same thing happened to me after a c-section. It was horrible. After 3 or 4 months we could manage sex and by the time a year had passed it was better than ever.

Wife to Doug, mom to Hank and Logan !!!
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#8 of 22 Old 04-01-2010, 05:23 PM
 
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I've only had c-sections. DD2 is 9 months old, and it's been painless enough to more-or-less ignore for a few weeks. Before that, it was just excruciating. We used lots of lube, which helped a little bit, but not enough.

The myth about c-sections preserving one's sex life is total garbage. I have pelvic floor issues, too - both from the pregnancies themselves, and from the nerve damage from my third and fifth c-sections (ironically, the two that were the best initial recoveries).

It's hard to say when it will get better, but it almost certainly will. Sometimes, ti's not until you get your period back, and sometimes it's quicker. I haven't had the pain last much past that, though (well, a little with dd1, but I had my period back in only 4 months, and the incision pain itself lasted almost 8).

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
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#9 of 22 Old 04-01-2010, 05:45 PM
 
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I haven't had a c-section, but in regards to painful sex after baby in general:

Lots of lubricant, and lots of foreplay definitely help things to be more comfortable. Take things slow, and don't be afraid to stop when you are miserable.

jamie. crinkly (not quite crunchy) mama to 3 amazing little girls, an awesome little boy, and a baby girl making her debut at the end of this summer.

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#10 of 22 Old 04-02-2010, 12:29 AM
 
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i have not had a c-section - but if you are breastfeeding that will cause that pain for sure (and even if you're not, it could be from it being so early) - ask yoru OB, they can prescribe estrogen cream if its really bad and hormone related - i had one friend who's doc told her after examining her that BFing made her vagina look like that of an 80 year old - thin, dry skin etc. mine was bad but loooots of astroglide made all the difference.. it also go much better for me when AF came back, i assume because of hormones..

- Staci, Mommy to Mollie (3/06), Jamie (5/08), Annie (9/10) and Bently (2/13) chicken3.gif
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#11 of 22 Old 04-02-2010, 03:50 PM
 
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I've had 2 c-sections. With the first, I had this pain, and it hurt for around 6 months.

With the second--no pain.

I'm not sure what the difference was, but I do remember feeling so disappointed after my first one. (()) to you!
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#12 of 22 Old 04-02-2010, 04:12 PM
 
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Pregnancy itself changes the vagina. There's lots going on down there to prepare for birth, with the tissues softening, muscles relaxing, and so on. Give yourself some time. Your body just went through twins, with the extra weight of an extra baby, the hormones of extra placenta, the stress of a modern twin pregnancy, plus surgery and now breastfeeding and mothering 4 little people.

On a practical note, I highly recommend female condoms. They sell them at RiteAid or online. They come with a nice lube. They are latex free. They line the vagina completely, so it offers a nice barrier if there are sore spots found during love making. And they are hilarious, and I think laughter improves sex. There's a ridiculous large ring that stays outside the vagina - I practically wanted to make it into a puppet. But the sex was great!
Other practical advice - ky jelly is not really the "good stuff". Astroglide is way better. Or coconut oil if you're not using latex condoms.

If pain continues in a couple months, you might want to see your doctor for a discussion of estrogen cream. Running very low estrogen, like in menopause or breastfeeding twins might do, it can actually promote vaginal atrophy, where the tissues lose their lovely fullness, redness, and, more imporantly, blood flow and become easy to tear and withered. It is completely reversible by adding estrogen to the system or just adding estrogen to the area with a rub on cream.

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#13 of 22 Old 04-02-2010, 04:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apricot View Post
Pregnancy itself changes the vagina. There's lots going on down there to prepare for birth, with the tissues softening, muscles relaxing, and so on. Give yourself some time. Your body just went through twins, with the extra weight of an extra baby, the hormones of extra placenta, the stress of a modern twin pregnancy, plus surgery and now breastfeeding and mothering 4 little people.

On a practical note, I highly recommend female condoms. They sell them at RiteAid or online. They come with a nice lube. They are latex free. They line the vagina completely, so it offers a nice barrier if there are sore spots found during love making. And they are hilarious, and I think laughter improves sex. There's a ridiculous large ring that stays outside the vagina - I practically wanted to make it into a puppet. But the sex was great!
Other practical advice - ky jelly is not really the "good stuff". Astroglide is way better. Or coconut oil if you're not using latex condoms.

If pain continues in a couple months, you might want to see your doctor for a discussion of estrogen cream. Running very low estrogen, like in menopause or breastfeeding twins might do, it can actually promote vaginal atrophy, where the tissues lose their lovely fullness, redness, and, more imporantly, blood flow and become easy to tear and withered. It is completely reversible by adding estrogen to the system or just adding estrogen to the area with a rub on cream.
Thanks for this info, Apricot. I'm in the same boat as you, OP, except without the c/s. I had horrible tearing during delivery and the pain has been awful. DS is 6.5 mo and it still hurts like the devil. We also had very little sex during my pregnancy, so we're both just dying for things to get back to normal.
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#14 of 22 Old 04-02-2010, 04:51 PM
 
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I've had 2 c/s, the first was after an arduous 30 hour labor with full dilation and pushing for 3 hours, honestly we had sex at 3.5 weeks PP and it was sore but fine. I had a pretty hard labor, and ended up with a T-incision on my uterus and thought things should have been worse.

This time I had a planned c/s due to my internal T, had sex often in pregnancy(last time we had sex a couple times) until it felt like there was no longer any room, I carried way lower this time and I am pretty sure I had a mild case SPD(I actually had my pelvis pop, OUCH). Since then we can have sex at 6months PP, BUT it really depends on positioning, I've changed inside(TMI, but so true). I thought it wouldn't matter since last time I had full labor then a c/s, but honestly I have a bump now that sometimes catches, and while it doesn't hurt it definitely is not a good feeling, in fact it feels just wrong. That is only in one position though and honestly IDK if it will ever change.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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#15 of 22 Old 04-03-2010, 02:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for all the feedback! It sucks, but it feels better to not be alone with it.

Re: estrogen cream, wouldn't that possibly interfer with breastfeeding? The added estrogen? I wouldn't want to do anything that would mess with my already touchy supply.

Rachel & Eli , with DS1 (7/99) and DS2 (11/01) twins DD1 & DS3 (01/10)
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#16 of 22 Old 04-03-2010, 06:08 PM
 
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Just curious about anyone's experiences on a good note about having sex after c sections? Sorry to hijak the thread but it is a close question.
I am about 17 days past my first c section, first baby, and still in so much abdominal pain. Yet I am attracted to and wanting to have sex with my husband, and he certainly wants to! But my body is still so swollen and sore I can't even consider actual sex yet. The doctor said wait 6 weeks from surgery.

What are people's experiences of how soon after your c section that you had sex and it WASN'T painful?
Healing from a c section sucks! I must say.
I am gonna start a thread for this question since it is different some than the original one.
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#17 of 22 Old 04-03-2010, 10:56 PM
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Originally Posted by thefreckledmama View Post
I haven't had a c-section, but in regards to painful sex after baby in general:

Lots of lubricant, and lots of foreplay definitely help things to be more comfortable. Take things slow, and don't be afraid to stop when you are miserable.
What she said! Hugs mama!

wbg...constantly amazed by Z , cherishing I , inspired by P , adoring K and still getting butterflies when I wake up with B !
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#18 of 22 Old 04-03-2010, 11:10 PM
 
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After my c/s (scheduled, no labor), my genitals swelled up incredibly! I was also super horny, lol! I asked the mw at my 2 wk appt when it was okay to dtd & she said after I stopped bleeding b/c by then my cervix would be nice & closed. She said orgasms were okay for the incision, but not full on sex. That was okay w/ dh, he does not like to dtd when I am bleeding anyway. At any rate, I was surprised to find that sex did hurt even though no baby had come out of my vagina. It did hurt a lot at first but I know it was less every time & definitely was gone after a couple of months (less than six). I honestly cannot remember much more than that, we were back to normal pretty quickly. It has always hurt briefly for me when dh first enters, though, even before babies.

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#19 of 22 Old 04-07-2010, 05:01 PM
 
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A note on lubes - DH & I are fans of KY "Liquid." & we agree that KY Jelly is crap!
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#20 of 22 Old 04-07-2010, 09:24 PM
 
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I had a c/s and experienced the same thing. I talked to my mw about it and she did an exam and said that it was due to atrophic vaginitis. apparently when you are breastfeeding, the tissues can become starved of estrogen. the tissues are very thin and not as stretchy as they should be. she said I could try estrogen cream, but that it could (she said rarely) effect my milk supply so I haven't tried it.
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#21 of 22 Old 04-07-2010, 11:35 PM
 
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Re: estrogen cream, wouldn't that possibly interfere with breastfeeding? The added estrogen? I wouldn't want to do anything that would mess with my already touchy supply.
It might. It is supposed to be only in the general area, to avoid any side effects, but it is a very small possibility.

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#22 of 22 Old 04-08-2010, 08:11 PM
 
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After I had DD (a vaginal delivery) DTD hurt like the devil! It was seriously like being a virgin agian because it felt like something tearing each time he did entered. You would have thought the baby streached everything out, but I think the hormones from breastfeeding and the dry spell after delivery are actually to blame.

What worked for us was using a lot of lube combined slow streaching of the vagina (w/fingers) (sorry if TMI) before actual sex. That helped make it less painful, although I still found it not super enjoyable until my DD started solids at around 8 months of age. We tried a ton of different lubes because most of them get sticky really fast. We were not using condoms, so we didn't have to worry about that. The one that we found that actually worked was pjur original bodyglide. I think we had to go to an "adult" store to buy it as none of the ones from the grocery/drugstore were doing the trick.

Sorry, I know it really sucks.

CD'ing, homebirthing, milk making school teacher. Supporting my family on my income and trying to get out of debt in 2013!
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