Cesarean birth support circle #8 - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-29-2004, 12:34 PM
 
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I agree with Patty. It is our "job" to keep the threads that are started with c/b questions answered. Since "we" are the ones with expereince we should be able to offer insight that "others" cannot. You would thin it would give us more creditability and for those facing a c/b I believe we do.

I'm not sure this is "within the user agreement" but I think the concern with the subforum is whether or not it would be more productive than harmful.

Not everyone looks at it like "we are all mothers" and I think that a non-mainstream look at c/b is a very important aspect. Because the rate of c/b is increasing everyone (IMO whether or not you birth in a hospital) is at risk for a c/b. So, why not be prepared?? We all, or most, know what it is like to have that "it'll never happen to me" attitude.

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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Old 03-29-2004, 12:40 PM
 
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It seriously never dawned on me that I might have a c-birth until I scheduled my first one (even though many Dr.s midwives had said I wouldn't likely birth vaginally- I just didn't believe them for a minute), I was planning a natural hospital birth, I planned to avoid all interventions- wait until my water broke to even go to the hospital, etc. I was not at all prepared for my first c-birth, had never read a thing about them, except for how to avoid them. I think most of us here were caught completely off-guard by our first c-births and I hope that we can make others more informed .

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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Old 03-29-2004, 12:57 PM
 
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i personally see it as a lack of *support*, regardless if Mothering (or the majority of mom's here) have a non mainstream oinion of c/b or not. I don't have a mainstream view at all on hospital interventions or c/s but I still would like to be supported in my choices regardless of it.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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Old 03-29-2004, 03:02 PM
 
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I find it disheartening because even in an "ideal" world, 3-5% of women would end up with a c/b. When you look at the thousands of mothering.com members, that's quite a few women. Given the pervading philosophy here, it's natural that even solely among those who've had c/b's there would be a lot of very strong negative emotions to deal with. I don't think it's fair to penalize us for expressing them while we're trying to work through them. Isn't working through strong emotions the whole point of a support board/forum/thread?

In my case, I wasn't a victim of my own unrealistic expectations, or of the medical establishment and I resent the notion that I should somehow necessarily be pitied or "educated" and that I feel I have to justify the circumstances of my daughter's birth to others to head (some) others off at the pass so to speak.
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Old 03-29-2004, 03:36 PM
 
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I am so glad to have found this. I decided to look in a form I usually don't and came accross something I would never have expected on this board.

My son was born by an unexpected c/s on March 10, 2003. I went to a routine OB appt in early labor and expected to have my doc send my home with a "see you tomorrow" goodbye. DH was going to bring my hospital bags, but I said we'll be coming home. Surprise, surprise, my son was breech and since I was in already in labor I was sent to the Hospital. I decided to try a version before agreeing to the C/S. The version failed and DS was born via C/S that evening. I was in complete shock how quickly everything happened when I expected to be at home laboring with about 10 of my family members there.

My problem started 2 days later. The year before I gave birth I had my gall bladder removed, complications ensued and I had to have a second surgery a few days later to correct a bowel obstruction, I had a NG tube was hospitalized for 2 LONG weeks. We learned that my GI tract does not recover well from surgery and/or anesthesia. Well, after DS was born the same thing pretty much happened and I developed a bowel ilias (my bowels collapse). I started vomiting bile my second night and the next day got another NG tube. I was so sick I couldn't even hold DS. I even let him have a bottle in the nursery the one night, which upset me to think I was ruining my chances of nursing (it didn't). Luckily, I have a wonderful gastroenterologist who was finally consulted after one great nurse realized I KNEW who I needed to see and listened to me. Within 2 days my GI had me working again and I felt great.

I'm 11 weeks pregnant with #2 and am seriously considering having a planned c-section. I know I need to have my GI consulted, which is really my only hesitation.
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Old 03-29-2004, 04:06 PM
 
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i have had to bite my tongue several times this morning...

not having a c/b forum doesn't make a political statement - and certainly not a broad one...but rather, it makes a very personal statement...and it is directed squarely at ME (and you and you and you)

it says that i, as a mothering reader for nearly 15 years, is now of little value to the community...it says that those who have had c/bs are summarily dismissed...that our voices are worthless...or rather, not worthy

the argument that there are c/b boards elsewhere doesn't fly - there are NOT c/b boards elsewhere that are filled with homebirth transfers, with breastfeeding c/b moms, with babywearing c/b moms, with cloth diapering c/b moms, VBAC moms...moms that think for themselves...

moms like myself - ones that take serious offense when those who haven't experienced the pain, heartache, and other such stuff that is a c/b - have the audacity to try and shut us up or tuck us away...aware moms that feel all of this perhaps a bit more than a mainstream c/b mom...

pointing fingers at women will NOT change the way babies are birthed in this country...it will only stratify...
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Old 03-29-2004, 04:59 PM
 
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I agree with you all. I'm not saying it will be a harmful thing to have here. I think it would a wonderful thing to have here. We have every right to be heard and I have no problem posting my questions about c/b all over the place. Which helps ppl see we are out ehre and we will be heard.

We don't have to "hide" behind our c/bs. There are women out there that are ashamed that they "failed" and had a c/b when it isn't about failure it is about giving birth and who gives a rats how it happens. Spme ppl just have to have time to deal with it and some never will be abe to accept the fact that they had a c/b.

I was a victim to my own bad decisions. I think it was partly my fault but I've dealt with it. i can't change the past. I have to live for the future. I feel that I'm a better person for having gone through what I've gone through. It made me realize that nopt everything is perfect and yes It can happen to you!

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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Old 03-29-2004, 05:05 PM
 
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sparklemum

I am sorry you are feeling so hurt, I did at first too, then I realized that feeling hurt was a waste of my time on this, the people who are deciding this do not *know* me personally and may have their own prejudices about c-birth, and I am sorry for that. Still, I am going to do what I can (as you and all others posting here will) to reach out to other mamas going through this and help them along their path.

I'm just get sick of feeling angry/hurt, I've been there long enough.

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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Old 03-29-2004, 05:31 PM
 
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jess - thanks for your kind words...but i'm not hurt, so much as peeved...i have no use for prejudice, for judgment, for self-righteousness (i used to be *just like that* prior to my c/b about c/b moms - i thought - sheesh! no one should have to have a c-section - now, i am so blessed to have empathy for those that have had a c/b)

and yes, you are right - keep posting, keep sharing...keep answering those questions...

like this one (that has nagged me for awhile!)

did any of my fellow c/b mamas find a sling that worked for you - early on? i struggled to find one that would work - but they were so uncomfortable...

curious curious
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Old 03-29-2004, 05:40 PM
 
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I understand being peeved too

I love my Kangaroo Korner Adjustable Fleece Pouch, I used it that first week while I sat on the toilet for an hour or so at a time (constipated- sorry for TMI- but I think most of us remember that part as fondly as I do: ), and he's now 9 weeks and 16 pounds and I am still loving it

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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Old 03-29-2004, 06:05 PM
 
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I agree. There is no reason C/B mom's have to hide away and can only come out of the closet when we talk about how we so desperately want to have a VBAC.

After my son was born one "friend" called and the only thing I remember her asking me was if I was upset that I had a c-section and that I could have a VBAC the next time. I had a beautiful, healthy son and she could only focus on the birth, like I should have been ashamed or disappointed. I was neither, and would never let myself be.
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Old 03-29-2004, 08:46 PM
 
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I share similar feelings with sparklemom about the lack of support here. I just read on a thread where mothers who consider inductions, interventions, planned csections, etc are referred to as morons.

It frightens me that there are women, supposed advocates, see no place for medicine or medical intervention during birth -- yet there are times it is needed, whether that be for physical or emotional reasons.

There is no place for the natural/attachment parenting momma to discuss c/b like we do on this thread. I wish I had the time and resources right now to dedicated time to creating that.

I definitely have never read a mainstream thread that addressed laundry after a csection. If you were cloth diapering, those little diapers can get weighty with pee and you have to dunk you have to bend over or squat with an incision.

I've never been on a thread where there was a discussion about doing yoga after a csection either. Or baby wearing.

I could on.

Well I just stopped in to say "Hi". I am very busy with work right now and my three kids. Fighting a cold as well.

Know that I am thinking of all of you and I read the thread often.

Kim
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Old 03-29-2004, 10:25 PM
 
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kim...thanks for posting - i *love* this thread - it has so much to offer cause us ap mommas with c/bs are so easily isolated...and it just doesn't have to be that way...

i'll continue to read and post and maybe we can keep it on the front page for those new mommas
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Old 03-29-2004, 10:49 PM
 
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The holier than thou attitude w/in much of the "natural" community drives me crazy. I was educated about avoiding a c/b, but due to a lot of circumstances outside of my control (and some w/in my control, admittedly), it happened. What I don't need is people pointing fingers at me and saying how awful I am for "letting" it happen. And that's what happens in many places other than this "safe" thread. I hate how people feel they have a right to tell me what I should've done when they haven't walked in my shoes. I have the same attitude towards childless people who think they have the right to tell me how to parent.

What really gets me, though, is that, for the most part, AP parents respect their children and their children's feelings -- isn't that respect at the heart of being AP? So why can't those same parents show the same respect for other parents whose birth experiences might be different? Why is it different mama to mama? I just don't get it.

Ok ... stepping off of my soap box ...

BTW -- thanks for all of your kind words of support. DS is teething (I think) so I haven't had a lot of time online of late ...
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Old 03-29-2004, 11:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Henry's_Mamma
The holier than thou attitude w/in much of the "natural" community drives me crazy. I was educated about avoiding a c/b, but due to a lot of circumstances outside of my control (and some w/in my control, admittedly), it happened. What I don't need is people pointing fingers at me and saying how awful I am for "letting" it happen.
i've read these threads--and now avoid them for these reasons. the thing is, the same people get frustrated with us too.

anti c/b posts generally start off with a strong "some c/b's are medically necessary and we aren't attacking any moms for those." however they then claim that such and such can be done to avoid a c/b for eclampsia, previa, abruption, etc. i don't think they perceive this as accusatory. those of us with "medically necessary" c/b's do. they want to educate us. we want to educate them. we are a very educated group us mothering.com posters :P

but, you know, i don't give out the reason for my c/b because i KNOW that there is some woman somewhere at some time who gave birth to a healthy baby under similar circumstances and i will surely hear about it.

i prefer to share my story in another forum. that forum is incredibly supportive. why? because we understand the ultra sensitivity of women whose babies didn't make it. (and trust me the 2nd and 3rd time around these women were educated) And of women whose babies suffered, some very seriously, because of the trauma. many of the them are suing their doctor/health care providers, because a c/b wasn't done soon enough. many because a c/b wasn't done at all.

i don't feel apologetic about my c/b. never have. hell, if i had know the seriousness of what was going on, i would have cut my own self open.

my daughter survived and there is not a second i am not grateful to have her in my life. i even cry now when i think of how close i was to losing her. sometimes when i hear diatribes for "natural" birth i think that maybe these people really dont "get it". (it is very natural for babes and mums to die during birth) and the fact that that is probably what they think of me doesn't really bother me. i'm just happy to have my daughter in my life.

su
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Old 03-30-2004, 12:13 AM
 
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It's hard to represent peoples fears. Women have had to fight to so hard to have a natural childbirth that anything feels like something is being taken from them. 10 weeks ago, I was one of those women. But fate hands down some pretty cruel jokes...I thought I was ready to breath through any thing. And now I'm on the other side having had a totally medical experience.. The problem it's an emotional issue that every thinks they have a rational aswear to. If only we could all walk a mile in eachothers contrations
I live in Seattle and the cover story this week of our local indie paper is about a home birth that went wrong. I read it hoping it wouldn't be centsationalized, but it was (http://www.seattleweekly.com/feature..._midwifery.php)
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Old 03-30-2004, 12:38 AM
 
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The thing I don't understand is how the concept of a 'natural birth' is seems, by critics, to be limited to the purely physical component of the experience.

I've now had 2 c-sections. Both experences had an emotional component in addition to the physical component. There was a community of people - some who I knew well, some who I had just met - but all of whom were focused on delivering healthy babies and keepig me healthy. I felt like I was a participant in the most important aspects of my daughter's and my son's birth. I felt taxed, frightened, comforted, empowered... all the emotions I imagine a woman who has a vaginal delivery experiences.

So they came through my belly instead of my vagina, so what? They and I are alive to get to know one another.
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Old 03-30-2004, 01:06 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by rebasea
It's hard to represent peoples fears. Women have had to fight to so hard to have a natural childbirth that anything feels like something is being taken from them. 10 weeks ago, I was one of those women. But fate hands down some pretty cruel jokes...I thought I was ready to breath through any thing. And now I'm on the other side having had a totally medical experience.. The problem it's an emotional issue that every thinks they have a rational aswear to. If only we could all walk a mile in eachothers contrations
I live in Seattle and the cover story this week of our local indie paper is about a home birth that went wrong. I read it hoping it wouldn't be centsationalized, but it was (http://www.seattleweekly.com/feature..._midwifery.php)
I read the article. Too much to comment on, but I will say that I think the midwife was wrong in the instance of the first woman mentioned in the article.
It is hard to be that woman who wanted to have that specific type of birth, to be forced into a reality of intervention and then a csection. As you said about, fate hands down some cruel jokes -- but how about lessons? I was given a lesson -- a lesson on judgement. I would never think a woman who chose to have an epidural or an induction at 42 weeks a moron or fool. I also had my ego brought down a few notches with my CB. And it needed to be.

Kim
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Old 03-30-2004, 02:20 AM
 
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Originally posted by jess7396
I was always told "don't lift anything heavier than the baby for at least 2 weeks".
I was told not to lift anything heavier than Meg (25 pounds)! I did lift Meg like four days after the surgery!!!

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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Old 03-30-2004, 06:50 PM
 
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I just started visiting this forum yesterday and now that I've been skimming some of the posts, I must admit I've become very disheartened but what I'm reading. My beautiful son was delivered c-section because of a breech presentaion. Reading posts about "good outcomes... ie, not c/s" and posts about when c/s is acceptable really have left me a little angry. I have no regrets about my c/s and hate being made to feel like I was uneducated about my choices or should be ashamed because I had a c/s when other moms didn't.

I really hope we can keep this thread alive so other mom's don't visit here and get discouraged that they might not "fit in."
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Old 03-31-2004, 12:23 AM
 
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Originally posted by Megs Mom
I was told not to lift anything heavier than Meg (25 pounds)! I did lift Meg like four days after the surgery!!!

My doctor told me to try and not lift Isobel for 8 wks (he then amended this and said it's difficult/impossible to deny a toddler, so to use my judgement).
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Old 03-31-2004, 04:14 PM
 
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I'm just impressed that any one is excersicing. My patner has started calling me Santa. I'm eatting cheese cakes and just doing light exercise. At 10 weeks out, I still don't feel like I have abdominal mussles. I can't sit up, I have to do that role to the side move...so savy.
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Old 03-31-2004, 06:22 PM
 
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Wow, long thread. I can't read through all of these posts, at least, not now, but I wanted to join the circle, so to speak, as I just found out I will need a c-section soon.

I posted about this in the pregnancy forum but basically, I am expecting my 4th baby and was planning another homebirth (all my other three were born at home) but I had placenta previa at 20 weeks, and a follow-up u/s on Monday (at 28 weeks) confirmed something I wasn't expecting--the previa is now compounded by a vasa previa, and the only option is a scheduled c-section before I begin to dilate. At this point, the surgery could be scheduled in mid-May or as late as early June (depending on which due date makes the most "sense"--I have two now--June 29th and June 17th).

It's completely scary to think about all of this. I can handle the c-section idea for myself, it's my baby I am worried about. I worry he'll be a preemie, that I'll start bleeding before the section and his life wil be in jeopardy, that our bonding will be hampered, that he'll need lots of high level care, and on and on. Of course, recovery for me is also an unknown! So, I have a lot to learn here. I'd love to get to know some of you and hear what worked/didn't work for you.

Thanks so much!
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Old 03-31-2004, 07:15 PM
 
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Hi AnaNicole--

I read your VP thread on I'm Pregnant, and I'm so sorry that you're facing this! But I think it's so great that it has been diagnosed ahead of time.

Having a cesarean is no fun, but I think it's also a good thing that you have so much time to try to plan it out and try to get your dr. and support people to help you have the birth you want to have.

I'm sure your baby will be okay. You seem to be very in touch with what is going on inside your body--that is such a tremendous help.
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Old 03-31-2004, 09:50 PM
 
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hi ananicole...here are my off the cuff recommendations...

my c/b was emergency and i was all set for a homebirth - so having time to plan will be nice (as nice as planning a c/b can be

you will want to be sure to have some way to move baby around and keep baby close and at waist level - if that makes sense - something that will keep you from lifting a bunch...we have a bassinet/stroller that my husband set up and i was able to wheel ruby around - this made a huge difference because i wasn't able to carry her everywhere or use a sling the first few weeks...but i could put the bassinet/stroller thingy right next to me on the couch and get very close - we also spent a lot of time in bed, but it was awkward enough getting myself out of bed with the little rolly action - getting ruby was a challenge as well...

all births mean less time in the kitchen, but a c/b even more so - really stock up and arrange as much household help as you possibly can...i deeply regret not planning for a postpartum doula...

my boppy was fabulous for breastfeeding - really alleviated the tug on my incision...

i wasn't able to do laundry for several weeks - if you are using cloth you might try a service the first few weeks, or again, plan for household help...

most of all, rest, rest, rest...walk, walk, walk...

you might also check out the hospital and let them know how you feel about breastfeeding and pain management...i had great midwives with me at the transfer and they really ran interferance and took heat for me - they knew i didn't want the morphine drip and insisted that be the case...they knew i was adament about breastfeeding and let the nurses know - so we had a good experience, even with the emergency...you might try to find a good doula or even midwife to be with you at the hospital to keep staff in line, if needed...

good luck - it isn't the worse thing ever, but at times it can surely feel like it - particularly, i think, for those that have had such successful previous un-medicated births...take good care of yourself and i wish you the very best
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Old 03-31-2004, 09:53 PM
 
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greymama - this is lovely and so well put...i will do my best to keep an eye on this thread and keep it going...with the others out there i think we can keep it lively



Quote:
Originally posted by greymama
I just started visiting this forum yesterday and now that I've been skimming some of the posts, I must admit I've become very disheartened but what I'm reading. My beautiful son was delivered c-section because of a breech presentaion. Reading posts about "good outcomes... ie, not c/s" and posts about when c/s is acceptable really have left me a little angry. I have no regrets about my c/s and hate being made to feel like I was uneducated about my choices or should be ashamed because I had a c/s when other moms didn't.

I really hope we can keep this thread alive so other mom's don't visit here and get discouraged that they might not "fit in."
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Old 03-31-2004, 11:39 PM
 
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Ana,

Welcome to our group. I am sorry you are facing this but glad you will get some support here.
I have a csection birth plan that you may want to utilize, especially since I had many of the concerns that you did about bonding and the baby.
I have high risk pregnancies so I know how that can be rough in and of itself.
I sense your csection will be scheduled. If so, I think that is great -- because that gives you time to prepare, make decisions about pain control, your baby's care, and to make this the best experience it can be.
Please ask any and all questions! One of us is sure to help or help you find an answer.

Kim
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Old 04-01-2004, 03:01 AM
 
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Yup, OTF has a great birth plan. I have on too if you'd be interested.

Planning a c/b is totally different than an unplanned one. I've had both and it is so much easier planned. Recovery is faster and easier. I had no problems getting around after my planned c/b. With my unplanned one I couldn't move at all hardly for weeks. This time around I was up and about in the first 15 hours! ( as soon as the epidural wore off and I had to have it for 10 hours minimum...which was fine by me )

Lots of great info around here!!

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
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Old 04-01-2004, 03:23 AM
 
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ananicole,

already at 28 weeks your little one has a lot going for him/her. i echo others with saying that a planned c/b is the way to go. one of the things they can do is give the baby a shot of surfectant (sp?) a day before the section to help in lung development if you end up with an early due date. it may not be needed but it's definately not somehting that can be done in an emergency.

to be prepared for the event that baby needs to be in the NICU, either have a breast pump ready (you'll need a good one if you plan to pump 24/7) or make sure that the hospital provides one. you might want to make a visit to the NICU and become familiar with their feeding and visiting rules. some are more regimented than others.

and remember, just because your baby is born early--even at 30 weeks--doesn't necessary mean problems and the NICU. many "late" preemies are perfectly healthy and just need a couple days of observation if anything.
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Old 04-01-2004, 03:39 AM
 
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Thanks for all the support and ideas! Yes, I would love to read any and all birth plans. I need to start drafting mine soon!

I am becoming more at ease with the facts of this situation. I am still worried that I might suddenly start bleeing though.
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