Cesarean birth support circle #8 - Page 6 - Mothering Forums

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#151 of 159 Old 04-01-2004, 04:41 AM
 
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I dont think Ive posted on one of these threads before. But I need some extra support today so am coming looking for it

Tomorrow is my DD 1st birthday and so today is the anniversary day the whole natural birth train derailed. I was sad yesterday when it was the anniversary of the day my waters broke (no labour, and I had gbs) and was ok today until I read an email from a friend who was basically patting me on the head, alls well that ends well. I hate it when people assume 2 things - 1) that you are unrealistic about birth and too stupid to realise you can't make it go to plan or 2) that you weren't educated enough to avoid it.

I have come to grips with lots of the circumstances of her birth. I see where the whole system is screwed, I see where I made decisions I could have made better, but I also think I made good decisions given circumstances and my understandings at the time. But I also remember ob's trying to scare me and being nasty, a nurse slamming a door on me, the pain of having an internal fetal monitor placed (what a horrible thing to do to an unborn baby) and the pain of having the epidural before the csection. Afterwards, I had BP issues and we both were treated for infection and I was ill. The post partum period was really tough, and I did a bloody fantastic job against a lot of odds. Can someone please share my outrage with me at a crappy old time without qualifying it in anyway? I bet you guys can I don't want to write about how much I love my daughter or that it was worth it I just wanna acknowledge what happened. Because most of the time I am ok with it.

I really feel uncomfortable with dwelling, I guess partly because of people's reactions. It feels very self-indulgent. So along with feelings of sadness I feel very self conscious. This is my second vent online today.
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#152 of 159 Old 04-01-2004, 10:34 AM
 
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Leah,

Can I just say BTDT have the T-shirt.
After my first csection I felt like a train wreck for a good year.
Also on my daughters birthday, I remember, yes it was her birthday, but I also vivdly remember the trauma and crap I went through to bring her into the world.

Can I just say it takes time. Time is all we have. And no matter how you have your next baby, but if you have another baby, sometimes their coming into the world does a lot of healing for us.

I think its good it recognize what choices we made that put us in that position but at the same time also keep in mind that some things are just out of our control. Yes you choose to get on the train that day, but you had no idea it was going off the tracks.

Sometimes its just good to BITCH.
Sometimes you just need a {hug}

I think working it through, and enjoying your baby is the only way things will get better. Time will heal you in many ways.

Welcome to our little place on Mothering -- keep stopping by!

Kim
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#153 of 159 Old 04-01-2004, 02:37 PM
 
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Dear Ana-
After my c-sec I spent 5 days with my baby on the NICU ( he was full term but they suspected, wrongly, spinal menigitas). Here are some of our survival stratigies:
Make friends with the social worker - I boarded for free in the hospital. Make friends with the lactation consultant - with all the stress I thought it would never work - but with their help I was pumping enough so he only needed forula for one meal, and when we got home it took about weeks to get my milk supply up so I do all the feedings. Go to rounds - it's your right and it's really informative. Get people to come visit you - it's really isolating and lonely on the NICU - but you get to have visitors and it made a huge differance, infact my favorite early photo of us as a family is 6 visitors in hospital gowns and us. People say we look like a chior. Because it was a short stay we choose to fight to have a family member with him 24/7 - long story.
Best of luck,
Rebecca
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#154 of 159 Old 04-01-2004, 04:20 PM
 
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Wow, how could I have missed this before . I haven't read everything, but maybe I'll catch up sometime!

I had a c-section for my son (an emergency, things were going really bad) and it looks like I'll have to have another one this time around. I don't mind, it went really well for me. I had an excellent recovery from the first. I had him at night and I was walking around the next morning, I didn't have much pain (unless I got up the wrong way, ouch!!), I was discharged after 2 days, I was back to most my activities in no time, ect...

I agree with Susu who said she doesn't give out the reasons. While I know for a fact he would of been born dead if I'd of pushed to go natural, I hate the condescending tone when I say I'm probalby having another section. There are legit reasons why. I would love a VBAC, but I'm not risking my life to have one. It's not like I'm ignorant about the issue. I've done my research and I'm comfortable with whatever result I end up with. I'm still a woman and a mother either way.

In a way, I hope it's all planned. I look forward to knowing what's going to happen, that way I can plan things for my family, my son, have things ready to go and ready when I come home. I know unexpected things can come up, but I can handle that too.
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#155 of 159 Old 04-01-2004, 09:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by azyre
. Can someone please share my outrage with me at a crappy old time without qualifying it in anyway? .
yep, can do, it was cr@ppy - the system, the doorslamming nurse, the lying ob, the fetal monitor (oww ), the infections, the hard start at bfing, the minimising of your cr@ppy experience

OTF said some good stuff

come back and say more whenever you need to leah, I keep integrating bits of my experiences all the time with various perspectives popping up at different times, it's not surprising that there should be a big stew of feelings around dd's birthday
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#156 of 159 Old 04-02-2004, 12:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, we can and will validate all of those feelings.

Welcome to all the newcomers!

Hi emmaline!
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#157 of 159 Old 04-02-2004, 05:55 AM
 
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lee how are you?
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#158 of 159 Old 04-02-2004, 10:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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OT-I'm good overall, E-but lately I could use a break from the girls. DH has been pulling weekends and late nights, and soon will go away on business for three weeks. When I'm by myself the energy gets depleted faster-things like exercising fall to the side which I don't like. But again, overall I'm good! How about you??
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#159 of 159 Old 04-02-2004, 12:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ooops-I see a new thread has been started-c'mon over emmaline!

New thread:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hreadid=130092
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