My biggest regret is consenting to my son's circumcision. I see his scarred penis everyday and it makes me so sad and the feelings of guilt and sadness resurface. I was really torn up for months and cried practically every day. I had to force myself to STOP torturing myself. But it still comes up now and then.... for some weird reason, it has lately. I don't know the sex yet. Everyone is convinced it's a girl. DH and DS want a girl. I would love either... part of me feels happy that any future son will remain intact and whole, but the other part feels sad that DS will see the difference and feel bad about it.
Anyway, I was reading something in a Tarot deck type set Magical Spell Cards
and one day I pulled a card for Letting Go
|Many of us have faced difficult times in our lives and sometimes the impact of a negative experience is so profound that it leaves us with residue for a long time after the actual event. When we're still vibrating energetically at the level of a negative experience, it's difficult to create positive experience in our lives. This is why letting go is an important lesson to learn and relearn. It doesn't mean forgetting -- life experiences are lessons -- but it does mean living in the present, and retaining the lesson, not the pain, of the past.
I hope that helps you, because it helps me.
You know, LLL has a wonderful magazine called "New Beginnings." Why? Because every baby IS a new beginning. Every baby is different from the last and there may be a whole new set of different challenges.
You had a major challenge and learned a lot. Perhaps you can focus on using your experience to help educate other mothers.
Yes, BFing is wonderful, but I personally think that the level of love and devotion you show to your DD is equally important. If you are both bonded strongly to each other, that is AWESOME! That's love. Don't discount that. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Look at the reality. She's growing, healthy and thriving. Focus on that, not the "mistakes."
Kimber - what an awful story.
I am so sorry you had to go through that.