|Originally posted by honey
Was the feeling of out of body just from the waist down?
I guess it just felt like my body was longer or bigger or farther away from my head, somehow.
Like, with my first birth, I do feel like it was my body from which I pulled my nweborn baby, but if I demonstrate the 'pull out baby maneuver' physically, it seems like I'm doing it inaccurately, because in my mind's eye, I was pulling her out from across the room.
With my bellybutton surgery, I was within my body, but as I'm sitting here, my PANTS are lower on my belly than my belly button, and my pants seem closer than the surgeons do in my memory.
I didn't feel like I was completely out of body, or watching a movie of myself. It's more like, when I imagine the scenario NOW, in my memory, I don't remember the action being as close to my head as it technically must've been, as my head is attached to my body.
I guess when I think about, if I
heard myself telling these experiences, I'd have to offer the trauma/dissociation reasoning also...
...it is quite interesting to me that this is the diagnosis, even though technically I wouldn't say that I was technically traumatized by the events, but heck...I guess I was.
Perhaps because I've learned so much about birth and the unpleasant, dignity-robbing practices that go on in L&D, my experiences are indeed happy sunshine fresh...but I guess for me, compared to my own experiences, they weren't that happy, esp. compared with my homebirth.
I think there's something to the fact that I'm in a hosptial in both scenarios, & supine....and like you said, honey, both were attended by male authority figures, though by the time I made it to my hernia operation, 4 months post-partum, I viewed my surgeon not as know-all godlike, but like a decent-enough mechanic (not even as an awesome mechanic.) (But just because I had an attitude, doesn't change the fact that I'm the one who was flat on my back on the operating table, and he and Student Surgeon were the ones standing and wearing shoes, so I still had no authority.)
I guess I had a thought that a lot more MDC mamas would be in this boat with me, who also felt this way somehow during their hosptial births, and we'd all be holding our oars, angrily, yelling, "that's why a hosptial is no place for a normal birth!" in a united sisterly fashion.